Let’s make them both lies

So I signed up for Vonage back in November because they're a "better phone service for less."

Both lies.

They're not better. They're not cheaper.

In fact, in reading deeper ... I come to find they offer no guarantees of anything for your $30 a month after taxes & fees are added:

2.12 Service Distinctions. The Service is not a telecommunications service and we provide it on a best efforts basis. Things beyond our control may affect the Service, such as power outages, fluctuations in the internet, your underlying ISP or broadband service. Other things may affect Service, such as maintenance.

They also offer no guarantee of 911 service, for many reasons, and are not responsible if it works, or not.

1.4 Service Outages ... (paraphrased) Vonage is not responsible for you having no 911 service during power outages or disruptions; service outage on your ISP; disconnection of your account; your ISP blocking ports or "for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to, those reasons described elsewhere in this Agreement" including their own network congestion, your network congestion, or general internet congestion.

1.6 Disclaimer of Liability and Indemnification. We do not have any control over whether, or the manner in which, calls using our 911 Dialing service are answered or addressed by any local emergency response center. We disclaim all responsibility for the conduct of local emergency response centers and the national emergency calling center. We rely on third parties to assist us in routing 911 Dialing calls to local emergency response centers and to a national emergency calling center. We disclaim any and all liability or responsibility in the event such third party data used to route calls is incorrect or yields an erroneous result. Neither Vonage nor its officers or employees may be held liable for any claim, damage, or loss, and you hereby waive any and all such claims or causes of action, arising from or relating to our 911 Dialing service unless such claims or causes of action arose from our gross negligence, recklessness or willful misconduct.

And ... if you DO happen to have all of the above working, and you still can't get through, it's still not their fault. Despite the fact they charge you the federally mandated E911 Cost Recovery Fee - that means they're allowed to charge you for their costs of becoming 911 compliant - they don't guarantee you'll ever get to the 911 Center in your local area.

Emergency 911 Cost Recovery Fee applies to each line of service. This fee is used to recover costs directly associated with developing, implementing and maintaining a nationwide E911 in compliance with FCC regulations, Vonage 911 dialing and the Vonage national 911 emergency call center.

That's genius boys. And as an IT guy, I know how the system works. I know why they have to have all of those disclaimers. But still, choose carefully if you choose to do business with these bastards. Cause they make it tough to quit them - and expensive:

3.6 Disconnection Fee (Does Not Apply to Business Plus Customers). You will be charged a disconnection fee of $39.99 per voice line if your Service is disconnected, subject to applicable state and local laws. However, if your Service was activated on or after February 1, 2007 and is disconnected after two (2) years following your activation date, the disconnection fee is waived. If your Service was activated on or before January 31, 2007, the disconnection fee is waived if your Service is disconnected one (1) year following your activation date.

So after they bill me for that, they send me an email with this:

We appreciate your business and it has been our pleasure to serve you. If you wish to sing up for our service in the future, please visit our website.

I'm going to combine quotes from a friend and a movie: Remember the first Major League - specifically, what Jake Taylor said when Lynn's fiance Tom asked him to stay away from her:

"Suck my dick."

and I'm adding a Dave Johnson piece of genius to that:

"You cock-sucking monkey fuckers."

I'll use two soup cans and a string first.