Stephen Colbert endorses Obama!

Stephen Colbert is the funniest guy on the planet. And, I've been a Colbert Nation fan from the beginning. Here's exactly why:

Here's hoping Obama gets the Colbert Bump and takes this election.

(And BTW, for reference, I loved Colbert from Season 1, Episode 2, which was on my 37th birthday, where he made a joke concerning the new prince of Denmark that led to a rather interesting argument with someone I was dating at the time.)


This shit is rockin'

Just because it just came up on my iPod this morning (and fuck did I get all nostalgic for some classic Swig Tooth), I give you 19 minutes of the best band you'll never see again: Swig Tooth - Four on Five

My whole take: This is a legendary Swig Tooth show that was supposed to be a tune-up for Comfest 2006, but due to 'scheduling issues' at the club, ten bands were there to play during a four hour window. Each band, with the exception of the 'headliner' ... some shit-ass band with a label and a rider that said they got their full hour, agreed to play 20 minutes. Of the 40-odd people there that night, 30 were there to see Swig Tooth. Here is their complete 19 minute performance. As bassist Mark Nye said of the evening, "A little hate goes a long way."

Filmed in a dark bar with my Olympus point-and-shoot 5-megapixel digital camera ... complete with condenser mono microphone. Not bad, eh?


Dear Patti LaBelle

1. Just sing the fucking National Anthem as Sir Francis Scott Key had it written.

2. Learn the fucking words.

3. Learn the fucking notes.

4. Go away.


Well, that was a fun party

So Friday was the official party to celebrate me surviving 40 years on this rock. The actual event was October 18, but I wanted to party with a kick-ass band that would make it a fun night, so I waited a week.

And it was worth it. And it was fun.

I was a little confused when I contacted the venue about reserving a space or maybe some drink or cover charge specials back in September ... I never heard back from them. Two emails, one phone call, nothing. Which is unusual, because places like to know if you're bringing in a dozen or so people so the logistics can be worked out.

Then, it turns out there was already a birthday party there that night. They had the top corner away from everyone else. Which was fine with me. Why? Well, in the words of Bruce Springsteen, "I wanna be where the bands are."

And we were. Right down in front of the stage. Getting rocked by The Filthy HabitS ... the best power-pop cover band in all the land.

And I was a dancing fool, too. With a very tall, thin, young, cute woman who wouldn't tell me her name, but kept kissing me because it was my birthday. And I was okay with that. Cause I was drunk.

Oh, and wow, my knee is killing me today from all the dancing. But it was fun. I had lots of friends there, I got balloons, and a ruler (inside joke) and a quite a few refreshing adult beverages purchased for me, so it was quite the fun night. Sorry you missed it.


UFC 90: My picks

As always, I'll be at BW3's in Worthington (Crosswoods area) for the Ultimate Fighting Championships presentation of UFC 90. Granted, due to the Ohio State Buckeyes taking on Penn State that night, UFC is relegated to the small screens, and sound will be on the game ... but my connections tell me when the OSU game is over, the big screens will go to UFC as will the sound.

So with that in mind ... here are my picks and predictions for UFC 90:

Anderson Silva (22-4-0) vs. Patrick Cote (14-4-0)
Almost all MMA practitioners have one preferred style they've mastered. The great ones are masters of multiple styles. Anderson Silva may be the greatest of them all. He has so many ways to beat you: Lightning quick hands full of knockout power (ask James Irvin or Chris Leban); knees of death (ask Rich Franklin, twice, and then look at his rearranged nose); quick and sick submissions (ask Dan Henderson, if his larynx wasn't too crushed by that choke). Silva's at the top of every pound-for-pound best fighter ever, and will hold both the 185-pound and 205-pound titles in 2009. Cote is a tough fighter who once took all Tito Ortiz could give (back when Tito was a force, before his back injury) at UFC 50, knocking Ortiz down, but coming up short on the scorecards. Cote has a chance, stranger things have happened, but nobody's on Anderson Silva's level right now.
My Pick: Silva, knockout. Round One.

Josh Koscheck (13-2-0) vs. Thiago Alves (21-4-0)
I don't like Josh Koscheck. I don't know why. He's always entertaining, always brings everything he has and always fights a hell of a fight. Thiago Alves is better in everything but wrestling. I don't like Josh Koscheck. Nobody comes better prepared. Ask Diego Sanchez. But Alves is a strong striker and has excellent ground skills. This is more of a tossup fight, but sometimes you just gotta go with your heart. I don't like Josh Koscheck. But I respect him. And I'm picking him here. There's no quit in that cat.
My Pick: Koscheck, decision.

Rich Clementi (40-12-1) vs. Gray Maynard (6-0-1)
Gray Maynard will win this if it stays standing, or if he can stay on top of Clementi on the ground. Maynard's not good off his back, Clementi is. But Maynard has given Frankie Edgar his only loss; and was a huge underdog in doing so.
My Pick: Maynard, decision.

Fabricio Werdum (11-3-1) vs. Junior Dos Santos (6-1-0)
Werdum is the fifth man in the four-man heavyweight tournament and will face, eventually, the heavyweight title holder in 2009. (Lesner v Couture 11/15; Nog v Mir 12/27, winners to meet in March 2009, maybe in Columbus!). Both Werdum and dos Santos are blackbelts at BJJ, but Werdum is a better wrestler, "Cigano" dos Santos is a knockout artist, and Brazil's current kickboxing heavyweight champ. Werdum's never been knocked out ... all three of Werdum's losses were by decision, including going the distance with Andrei Arlovski, Big Nog, and hard hitting Sergei Kharitonov, one of my favorite PRIDE fighters.
My Pick: Werdum, decision.

Sean Sherk (36-3-1) vs. Tyson Griffin (12-1-0)
Perhaps the hardest fight on the card to pick, because Sherk is a cardio freak; Griffin is a powerhouse. Griffin is used to going the distance and against tough guys (Clay Guida, Frankie Edgar, Thiago Tavares, Gleison Tibau, Marcus Aurelio), winning a ll but the Edgar fight. Sherk is back after a drug suspension he denies, followed by a beat-down by BJ Penn.
My Pick: Griffin, Knockout. Round 2.

* Thales Leites (13-1-0) vs. Drew McFedries (7-4-0)
Leites is a submission artist who has a decent standup game, but prefers the triangle choke and armbar. McFedries is one of those guys who has sick power and skill but sometimes leaves it in the locker room. He looked outclassed on the ground by Mike Massenzio and Martin Kampmann in submission losses, yet holds great knockouts of Jordan Radev (33 seconds) and Marvin Eastman (64 seconds). If Leites can avoid the big punch and take this to the ground, it's his fight to lose.
My Pick: Leites, submission. Round 1.

* Spencer Fisher (22-4-0) vs. Shannon Gugerty (11-2-0)
Spencer Fisher will not quit. Ever. Melvin "Cocaine" Guillard won't quit ... drugs. I was looking forward to seeing Fisher stand and trade with Guillard, but Guillard's probation violation prevented that. Instead we get Gugerty, who will get beaten like he stole Melvin's stash. Expect a lot of dirty boxing from Fisher and attempted submissions from Gugerty, if he can keep Fisher down.
My Pick: Fisher, knockout. Round 1.

* Dan Miller (9-1-1) vs. Matt Horwich (24-9-1)
Miller has better technical jui-jitsu and is a better striker. Horwich is very unpredictable and does some weird stuff on the ground. This one will be on the ground and probably draw some boo-birds out, but will be entertaining on the ground.
My Pick: Miller, Submission. Round 2.

* Hermes Franca (19-7-0) vs. Marcus Aurelio (16-6-0)
I hope to hell this fight gets on the broadcast. This is a classic student versus teacher matchup with Franca needing a win and his former instructor Aurelio in the path. Franca's a crazy striker with a legit BJJ Blackbelt, so he's dangerous standing or on the ground. Aurelio made Takanori Gomi look like he'd never fought before as he dominated and choked him out at PRIDE - Bushido 10 in under five minutes. Sadly, that may have been his finest hour. He has lost four of his last six, with wins of Ryan Roberts and Luke Caudillo. Roberts hasn't fought since, Caudillo lost the three he's had, so the quality of competition isn't there. Franca has lost his last two, but to Sean Sherk and Frankie Edgar, and has wins over Spencer Fisher (TKO) and Nate Diaz (armbar).
My Pick: Franca, knockout. Round 2.

* Josh Burkman (20-6-0) vs. Pete Sell (7-4-0)
After starting out 5-0; "Drago" Sell has lost four of his last five. Then again, Burkman has lost three of four. I expect this to be the worst fight of the night, and unlike Franca/Aurelio, I hope this doesn't make it to the broadcast, unless it's some insane Burkman knockout (like the Sam Morgan slam on TUF2 Finale) that puts Pete back on Long Island.
My Pick: Burkman, knockout. Round 3.

* May Not Be Broadcast


Enough of the 'Real' America

I'm so tired of the "Real" America talk. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them, or their part of the country, any less real than yours.

Isn't it time to stop trying to divide America? Oh, wait, that's right, you support the Alaskans for Independence. Never mind. So much for "pals around with terrorists, eh?"

If there was a "Real" America, odds are good it's not found in a $150,000 shopping spree with funds from campaign contributions used to make you and your family look pretty, eh Sarah?

I'll take hypocrisy for $1,000, Alex.

And I'll hope the rest of the non-real America sends her back to stare lovingly across the Bearing Sea at Vladdy.


Great moments in Advertising

There are few commercials that just amaze me.

The FATE spot with LT and Troy Polamalu is just amazing.

Watch and enjoy. This is some serious genius.


Guest Blog from my Mom :D

A few years ago you wrote me a wonderful article of the strange things you remember growing up. Now it is my turn.


I remember your sister calling you Thumper before you were born because every time she tried to sit on my lap you kicked her.

Your Dad telling me the car would not restart if he sat in the room much longer waiting for you to be born since the weather was turning cold and sleeting damn car never was any good except for running it on the drag strip

I remember peanut butter sandwiches at 4 AM when you were supposed to be in bed.

I remember for years your sister told you the freckles on your face were because we found you on the side or the road and you were so dirty when we scrubbed you up we could not get those out oh how you hated that one.

The mangy dog you found in Cortland.

The pictures of you in your Boy Scout uniform on top of the trailer.

The 2 years in a row you wore the same shirt for school pictures

You and Colin collecting for Jerry Lewis for many years at the Lawson store in Cortland still not sure how much of that money made it there seems like some of it went for snacks.

The first time Jean and I realized that a mesh play pen cannot hold 2 ambitious boys who want to escape and ate a hole in it one of the many things you and David got into

The cookies Mimi and Dawn made for you boys with play doh in them and made you eat.

Remember the science lessons the raindrops with the GL go to the Great Lakes and the one with the M on them go to the Mississippi River. Wonder why they ever took that sign away from the turnpike the one that said Divide between the Great Lakes and the Mississippi River Watershed.

And don't forget the giants walking the earth in the form of electric towers

Stop a head Jean still tells everyone that story

Finding you and Maura in your room at 13 and then you ending up with her for a while

Swimming lessons all over Trumbull County hey kid get that stuff out of the car and bring it here I know you belong to someone here, fine way to meet Pam.

Learning how to change your clothes in the car and never let the girls see what you were doing of course they all tried to hide from you also kind of tough when driving down the road

You and Audrey and Tauna see one see all three of you for years.

St Thomas beach bum bartender and getting chased by that crazy person who was going to kill you wonder what ever happened to her?

The summers I never had to worry about where you were when we lived in the ghetto, from morning till evening we could find you at Packard Park keeping score for softball games getting picked up in Lindsay’s ‘vette or coming home with your bike in the back of Dave’s truck

The summers you were a life guard and got such a dark tan with your white blonde hair what our friendly neighbor Marilyn called you and how people stared when she did gotta love the ghetto life once in a while sure taught you a lot of things

How they called from the school to tell me you were breaking windows when you didn't even go there and (lived with your Dad) just because your friend did they figured you were part of it also

The wonderful fights you kids had in Cortland while I was working and the scars you all have to prove it

Coming home from work to furniture moved around to see if I would trip over it.

Finding the yardstick that I beat you with ( good thing you could hit your kids then) cut into 36 pieces each one a perfect inch in length

Thinking you broke something when the tornado went thru the area because the stove quit and your poor cake never did get baked

Some of the wonderful friends you made and still have especially Kerry and Kaitlyn and all the fun we had with them

You leaving for the Air Force and spending your 18th birthday in basic training and how all the beautiful blond hair grew back brown after they shaved your head.

Sending you and your buddies the little cars that when the body was turned went in all kind of directions so you would have something to do on Christmas liking racing them down the dorm hallway I still have one of those if you want another one

What is that slogan, join the services see the world? Gee you sure saw a lot from Texas to Indiana then back to Ohio Oh wait u did get to see planes refuel over Russia and do have the pictures to prove it and you did get to meet a famous author who did put you in his book Way To Go

Your years writing for the local paper and all the awards you won while in the Air Force I still have that letter, yes I know you wrote it and your Commanding Officer signed it but still it was nice, Also the years doing broadcast radio and political reporting especially when the then congressman really liked your stories (Big Jim T)

The years of hockey news, teaching your mom how to work a computer and after all this time still teaching her

The wonderful year that Camille was born and how we were all there to witness that wonderful event even if Adam got to hold her first.

The times in PA with all the kids running around and you and Patti just sitting back letting Stephanie and me say the” Jesus to Jesus and” Jesus Mary and Joseph and all the other little Saints” and you laughing at us

What a wonderful father you have turned out to be not only to Cammi but to Adam, Jessie and Gage might as well add Mandy and Alec to that list also

The Christmas Eve’s you went with me to Jean’s not by choice but because you didn't want me to be alone for those I thank you forever

Fishing at Mimi and Ron’s with all the kids in April in a snowstorm how they loved that and the picnic in the living room afterwards

Juli, Jimmy and the kids helping you move from Niles to Columbus falling down the steps with the TV and for the kids going to Cici’s afterward

The year you went to the birthday party under protest with your leg so bad and so doped up you don't even remember being there but you had promised the little kid you would be there and you were

Jean says add all the work you have done for her over the years she does have a printer that needs looked at LOL

The times you brought Cammi over to see Grandpa and how he loved that and her who didn't like anyone at that time just cuddled up to him and was so happy to have a great grandpa The corn roast she came to not knowing it was his last one and the great picture we have from it to remember

Or how about the message come get your mother she is cluttering up the driveway

Most of all for bringing joy into my life and being such a wonderful son

Happy Birthday

I love you



Dumbasses in the News

OH, before we start ... I'll have a special guest blogger on Saturday ... none other than my mother.

So be nice to her. Or I'll cut ya.

Now, on to Dumbasses in the News, Part 1:

Dateline Vacaville, California: South Park Imitates Real Life

"A music teacher at Foxboro Elementary School in Vacaville, Calif., was previously a woman, according to KCRA.com. But she returned as a man at the beginning of the new school year in September.

Some parents were outraged, saying they felt it was their right to know."

Um, hello? So a transgendered woman had sexual reassignment surgery and is now a man.

Hell, outside of ditching Mr. Slave cause he's a fag and now that she's a woman she wants a man, not a fag, Mrs. Garrison didn't change much else.

But that scared 15 families enough to pull their 23 kids out of music into physical education classes?

Good. Let them build muscle. The world needs ditch diggers ... one can only hope that's higher in the brain pool than their parents.

Just cause they change the package (wait, that's probably a bad choice of words) ... the outside ... the gifted, concerned, talented music teacher is still there.

Dumbasses in the News, Part 2:

Dateline Nebraska ... Your Elected assholes Officials At Work

Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers, a Dumbacrat Democrat, is considering appealing a law suit that was dismissed when he sued God for threatening him and the people of Nebraska and for inflicting "widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants.

The suit was dismissed by a judge with prejudice, meaning it cannot be refiled, because there was no known, verifiable address for God to serve the legal papers to him.

Chambers claims since God is omniscient, and knows everything, God is aware of the lawsuit and would appear if a trail date was set.

Dumbasses in the News, Part 3:

Vice King President Dick Cheney was treated for an irregular heartbeat, again. Really, I think it was firmware upgrade to the Cheney-bot, because he can't possibly have a heart.

Dumbasses in the News, Part 4:

From the PETA Files (People Eat Tasty Animals) ... Jennifer Thornburg is now known as CutoutDissection.com ... legally ... to protest the dissection of animals in classrooms.

BTW, she's interning for PETA.

BTW, her father supports her in the name change.

BTW, stupid people surround us, daily.


Dumbasses in the News, Part 5:

Apparently, there are no greater issues in England right now than someone being offended by a photo of the soon-to-be-divorced Madonna that's part of a display at an art gallery. So once again, I look forward to when the United Federation of Planets implements the Prime Directive so the Needs of the Many outweigh the Whines of The View (yeah, I took some poetic license with my interpretation). Police are investigating the photo of is posing on a cross with a halo of thorns on.

All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again ... "Last year police launched a similar investigation after the gallery displayed a bronze statue of Buddha next to an arrangement of a banana and two eggs. Gallery staff agreed to turn the statue inwards so that the banana and eggs could not be seen by passers-by."

Way to go England!

Dumbasses in the News, Part 6:

The operators of the local liquor store store in Payson, Arizona

And no, that's not a photochop: The Town of Payson is located approximately ninety minutes North of Phoenix, AZ, in the heart of Arizona's Rim Country. And it's listed in the Yellow Pages.


Song of the Day Redux

I'm sure I've done this before ... but feel the need to do it again.

"Something I Can Feel"
Leah Androene

If you steal my heart
Hold it to the flame
I will keep that fair
Burn it in your name
Don't let me pull away
Let me feel the pain
And maybe you think that its crazy

But I've been stoned
And I've been stung
And I'm still someone
I don't want to hear about angels in my life

All I want is something real
Something I can feel
I want you so much
And I need to be loved to be healed
Something I can feel

If I find a way
To let you in
If I make a place
Underneath my skin
If it hurt before
Will it hurt again
I'll maybe surrender my
Save me

But I've been tossed
And I've been torn
And I've been reborn
And I don't need any miracles
In my life

All I want is something real
Something I can feel
I want you so much
And I need to be loved to be healed
Something I can feel

Let me feel you
Let me touch you
Let me hold you
Let me know you
Let me show you

All I want is something real
Something I can feel
I want you so much
And I need to be loved to be healed
Something I can feel

Let me feel you
Let me hold you
Something I can feel

Something I can feel


Something Good about Youngstown...

I know I bash Youngstown a lot.

There are some good things. Jones For Revival is one. Great band. Another is Kelly Pavlik, a tremendous fighter.

ESPN The Magazine has a great article about him, his love for Youngstown, and Youngstown's love for him.

It's a great read. Click here ... the best line, to me: When told by his friends to talk smack to build up a fight he says this: "Anytime a fighter talks crap, he's worried." That's so Youngstown. Do it, don't tell me about it.

Tim Keown's a hell of a writer.


Dear John McCain ...

Senator McCain,

As a fan of fighter pilots everywhere, and with much respect for you and your fellow prisoners of war, I write this to you, today, older, wiser and more disgusted than I was when, as a bright-eyed enlisted man in the U.S. Air Force, I admired you in your darkest hours as a junior senator ... during the Keating 5 affair, where you got off with just a bad judgment spank on the wrist for watching as the Savings and Loan fiasco happened. I was paying attention because there by your side in the wrist-slapping line was my home-state senator, John Glenn.

When you re-emerged in the late 1990's dipping your toes in the presidential race, I was again a fan of yours. For your service, surviving the torture, and your ability to come back from the Keating 5, and for another decade of superb service in the U.S. Senate.

And you had my primary vote because you were noble. You were honorable. You were respectful. And you were qualified.

And we all know what happened: You got Roved.

When you returned to presidential politics in 2007, I was again, happy. In March 2008, well before the Democrats had picked their candidate, you told the Associated Press, "I will not take the low road to the highest office in this land."

In April, you again told the AP, "In all my travels here, Americans want a respectful campaign, they do, they want it. Now people say negative ads move numbers, they may, but do we have to go to the lowest common denominator? I don't think so."

Today, the country's economy is in ruin; global markets going down the drain; millions of Americans are without health care, hope, or jobs. Our clout in the world has fallen to unheard of levels, we're involved in two wars and there are our elected leaders are pushing towards Iran and threatening Russia; we're no closer to getting Bin Laden than we were prior to 9/11 AND the lame dead duck administration has no solid plans on how to fix any of the clusterfucks they've created before the end of an error on January 20, 2009 ... all you can talk about is William Ayres?


Are you so desperate to have switched campaign tactics and are now doing what you said you would not do having been through it yourself?

Please. Go back to your respectful, honorable persona. Talk about your plans to fix this great country. And if you lose ... do it with class.

Stop the attack dogs. Don't go down in history as bitter. Leave your legacy as the man of honor you were, or want to be; not the sad, nasty, Rovarian you've become.