The Seventh Seal is Cracked.

Patrick Swayze Working With Rap
By Nolan Strong

Date: 12/27/2005 11:19 am

After years of being indirectly involved with Hip-Hop music, actor/pop singer Patrick Swayze is finally experimenting with rap music. Swayze recently said he was experimenting with “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.”

The 53-year-old Swayze had a massive hit with the song “She’s Like The Wind” from the soundtrack to the film "Dirty Dancing" in 1987. The song is one of the most played songs in the history of radio and helped the Dirty Dancing soundtrack sell over 11 million records.

Hip-Hop fans are familiar with Swayze, who has starred in such classic movies as “Red Dawn,” “Roadhouse,” “The Outsiders” and “Ghost.” Swayze’s last name has been used as Hip-Hop slang since the early 1990’s, when EPMD popularized the term on various albums. In U.S. rap vernacular, the term "Swayze" means to “leave” or “disappear,” cleverly derived from the title of his 1990 hit film “Ghost.”

Swayze resurfaced in the rap world again in 2002, when he starred as an aggressive FBI agent named “Detective Fitzgerald” in Ja Rule’s video “Reign,” taken from Ja’s The Last Temptation album. The controversial video came during an actual federal investigation of The Inc.’s Irv and Chris Lorenzo for money laundering, charges the brothers were eventually acquitted of.

Swayze, who has a role in the new flick “Keeping Mum,” did not peg a release date on his new material. Swazye is currently filming “Fox and The Hound II.”

Stolen from http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=5193 for you doubting Thomases


I was attacked by a Croc

Or maybe it was an alligator.

I don't know the difference (duh, it's right here ... thanks Google!)

Okay, so I looked there and still don't know whether it was an alligator or crocodile. Based on the fact it was in the mid-30's last night in Columbus (That's Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005) for those who read this in the future), and the fact that most alligators are afraid of humans, and don't really live in the midwest well, I'm going with a crocodile.

And it was pretty big, so I'm gonna say, in my best Steve Irwin voice, that beauty must be one of those African Nile crocodiles based on the size o' that jaw.

My favorite part of the article linked above ...


The answer is yes. Alligators are actually NOT known for being aggressive toward man unless nesting or unexpectedly disturbed, but crocodiles do and have killed humans if they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Crocodilians are territorial, and males will defend their territory from intruders, be it man or beast. The Nile crocodiles are known for the large number of human fatalities they cause every year.

It’s best never to approach one, even for a good “shot” with a camera. They can be very fast, even on land, and if you are in crocodile or alligator territory, it’s advisable never to linger on a bank or decide to go for a swim. They are the masters of disguise, and usually are never seen until it’s too late.

Someone should have told this guy that before he decided to pose for the picture. Hindsight ... as always ... 20/20.

(HA! Gotcha)

Yeah, Kara & I went to the Columbus Zoo last night for the Christmas lights. Lauren was supposed to join us but is still kinda sick

Here are some other pictures ...

Kara With RedeyeKara With Redeye Fixed (so her beautiful baby blues shine through)Kara at the Aquarium
Kara with Redeye • Kara with Redeye Fixed • Kara at the Aquarium

Eric & a SnowmanKara loves (fake) GiraffesOlympus Night Mode Rawks
Eric & A Snowman • Kara loves (fake) Giraffes) • Olympus Night Mode is Cool

Tonight it's X-Rated Cowboys at the Treehouse for the Eve of New Year's Eve party ... and tomorrow ... at Oldfield's ... Kara & I are rocking in 2006 with the boys from Watershed.

Hope you all have a great weekend ... and ring in the new year in style!


The Genius of Harry Chapin

Remember When the Music
by Harry Chapin

Remember when the music
Came from wooden boxes strung with silver wire
And as we sang the words, it would set our minds on fire,
For we believed in things, and so we'd sing.

Remember when the music
Brought us all together to stand inside the rain
And as we'd join our hands, we'd meet in the refrain,
For we had dreams to live, we had hopes to give.

Remember when the music
Was the best of what we dreamed of for our children's time
And as we sang we worked, for time was just a line,
It was a gift we saved, a gift the future gave.

Remember when the music
Was a rock that we could cling to so we'd not despair,
And as we sang we knew we'd hear an echo fill the air
We'd be smiling then, we would smile again.

Oh all the times I've listened, and all the times I've heard
All the melodies I'm missing, and all the magic words,
And all those potent voices, and the choices we had then,
How I'd love to find we had that kind of choice again.

Remember when the music
Was a glow on the horizon of every newborn day
And as we sang, the sun came up to chase the dark away,
And life was good, for we knew we could.

Remember when the music
Brought the night across the valley as the day went down
And as we'd hum the melody, we'd be safe inside the sound,
And so we'd sleep, we had dreams to keep.

And I feel that something's coming, and it's not just in the wind.
It's more than just tomorrow, it's more than where we've been,
It offers me a promise, it's telling me "Begin",
I know we're needing something worth believing in.

Remember when the music
Came from wooden boxes strung with silver wire
And as we sang the words, it would set our minds on fire,
For we believed in things, and so we'd sing.

Tangled Up Puppet
by Harry Chapin

I'm a tangled up puppet,
Spinning round in knots,
And the more I see what I used to be,
The less of you I've got.

There was a time that you curled up in my lap; like a child
You'd cling to me smiling, yours eyes wide and wild
Now you slip through my arms, wave a passing hello
Twist away and toss a kiss, laughing as you go

You used to say "Read me a story and sing me songs of love"
For you were Princess Paradise like your wings of a dove
Now I chase you and tease you trying to remake you my own
But you just turn away and say "please leave me alone."

And I'm a tangled up puppet
All hanging in your strings
I'm a butterfly in a spider's web
Fluttering my wings

And the more that I keep dancing
And spinning round in knots
The more I see what I used to be
And the less of you I've got

You are a drawer full of makeup and rinses and things
You keep changing your moods like your earrings and rings
But tonight while we played tag for five minutes in the yard
Just for a moment I caught you off guard
But now you write your secret poems
In a room just for your dreams
You don't find time to talk to me
About the things you mean
And what I mean is--

I have watched you take shape from a jumble of parts
And find the grace and form of a fine work of art
Hey, you, my brand new woman, newly come into your own
Don't you know that you don't need to grow up all alone

and the following are just snippets of the lyrical genius that was Harry Chapin

Now sometimes words can serve me well
Sometimes words can go to hell
For all that they do.
And for every dream that took me high
There's been a dream that's passed me by.
I know it's so true

"Story of a Life"

So you settle down and the children come
And you find a place that you come from.
Your wandering is done.
And all your dreams of open spaces
You find in your children's faces
One by one.

"Story of a Life"

Hey, kid you know you can hear your footsteps as you're kicking up the dust
And the rustling in the shadows tells you secrets you can trust
The capturing of whispers is the way to write a song
It's when you get to microphones the music can go wrong

You can't see the audience with spotlights in your eyes
Your feet can't feel the highway from where the Lear jet flies
When you glide in silent splendor in your padded limousines
Only you are crying there behind the silver screen
Now you battle dragons -- but they'll all turn into frogs
When you grab the wheel of fortune -- you get caught up in the cog

First your art turns into craft -- then the yahoos start to laugh
Then you'll hear the jackals howl 'cause they love to watch the fall
They're the lost ones out there feeding on the wounded and the bleeding
They always are the first to see the cracks upon the walls

"There Only Was One Choice"

Good dreams don't come cheap
You've got to pay for them
If you just dream when you're asleep
There is no way for them
to come alive
to survive

It's not enough to listen -- it's not enough to see
When the hurricane is coming on it's not enough to flee
It's not enough to be in love -- we hide behind that word
It's not enough to be alive when your future's been deferred

What I've run through my body, what I've run through my mind
My breath's the only rhythm -- and the tempo is my time
My enemy is hopelessness -- my ally honest doubt
The answer is a question that I never will find out

Is music propaganda -- should I boogie, Rock and Roll
Or just an early warning system hitched up to my soul
Am I observer or participant or huckster of belief
Making too much of a life so mercifully brief?

So I stride down sunny streets and the band plays back my song
They're applauding at my shadow long after I am gone
Should I hold this wistful notion that the journey is worthwhile
Or tiptoe cross the chasm with a song and a smile

Well I got up this morning -- I don't need to know no more
It evaporated nightmares that had boiled the night before
With every new day's dawning my kid climbs in my bed
And tells the cynics of the board room your language is dead

And as I wander with my music through the jungles of despair
My kid will learn guitar and find his street corner somewhere
There he'll make the silence listen to the dream behind the voice
And show his minstrel Hamlet daddy that there only was one choice

"There Only Was One Choice"


Random Thoughts #1

  • There is no I in team, but there is a ME

  • There are three I’s in Multiple Personality Disorder.

  • Miscellaneous has all five common vowels.

  • Ultrarevolutionaries contains all five common vowels, twice.

  • The Colbert Report with Stephen Colbert. The Word is the single-funniest segment on television. Period. Word.

  • The trailer for “The Ringer” that shows Johnny Knoxville’s character training … especially the character who says, “I can count to Potato.”

  • The fact that Black-Eyed Peas changed “Let’s Get Retarted” to “Let’s Get It Started” to make money. Sellouts.

  • That ESPN bowed to the money and prestige by dumping PlayMakers because the NFL though it put them in a bad light. Um, yeah, because we all know that NFL jocks are frickin’ choir boys. (This from a league that mandates daily injury reports so the bookies can make the lines right for the games this weekend).

  • ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown can show hits on Jacked Up where the player got up and walked away, but not one where he was injured. This ain't the ballet.

  • The fact the FCC won’t all advertisers to show toilet paper next to the toilet in ads for toilet paper. But you can rub it on your face to show how soft it is.

  • The fact that you can say SHIT without getting beeped when referring to stuff, but not to, well, poop (which is a funny word, always). Kinda like in the South Park "It" episode where they said shit 137 times, but were beeped twice. And how Mr. Garrison said he could say FAG without getting beeped because he's gay, but Ned got beeped because he wasn't gay and said FAG.)

  • The fact that 1.5 seconds of Janet Jackson’s boob caused a conservative backlash that forced Howard Stern to satellite radio (and I’m not a Stern fan by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t need to hear anybody talk about themselves that much). The fact it wasn’t even totally exposed yet caused the above. Let’s be real? Ever seen European television? Yeah, boobs & butts are routine. Sexuality isn’t hidden, like it is in America. Oh, yeah, that’s right, we were founded by puritans. Well, that was 400 years ago. We’ve evolved. Breasts are beautiful things and should be shown on my television. Often.

  • The fact that yesterday, on Air America Radio, some liberal guy was complaining about how the media is biased against liberal candidates.

  • The fact that yesterday, on Rush Limbaugh, Rush was complaining about how the media is biased against conservative candidates.

  • The fact that Blockbuster has for rental the first season of that groundbreaking urban comedy '227'. Does anyone, anywhere, need to see Jackee at her peak, in the stunning clarity that DVD brings?

  • The Dispatch, in today’s People in the News (by people they mean Celebrity people) has an article about how Jack Black brags about being drunk and on Ecstasy and going on a crazy rampage while filming King Kong, and then two briefs later, talks about the death of Mitch Hedberg from an overdose of heroin and cocaine. Um, ah, drugs are bad, kids, M-kay? Unless they make you funnier. Then they're good.


How will we live without him?

Okay, so I'll admit I've not read one page of one book, but I have seen the movies. And if you know me, you know I'm much more into the book than the movie because the book gives so much more depth to the character.

And no, I'm not gonna make the "kids book" comment because good writing is good writing, and if you sell the number of books she's sold, it has to be good writing.

And I'm glad she pulled herself out of poverty to be a very wealthy woman. Good for her.

I just don't have the desire to read them ... and don't get the hype, either. But that's me ... I'm very much anti-hype.

So all that being said ... here's the news ... and my question of how will the world survive ... it's rhetorical, and sarcastic ... but flame away if you so desire.

Rowling Preparing for Final Harry Potter Book Source: J.K. Rowling December 27, 2005 "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling has updated her official website with a note saying that she's getting ready to write the seventh and final book in the popular series. "For 2006 will be the year when I write the final book in the Harry Potter series," she says. "I contemplate the task with mingled feelings of excitement and dread, because I can't wait to get started, to tell the final part of the story and, at last, to answer all the questions (will I ever answer all of the questions? Let's aim for most of the questions); and yet it will all be over at last and I can't quite imagine life without Harry." Rowling adds that she's been working hard on preparing for the big project. "I have been fine-tuning the fine-tuned plan of seven during the past few weeks so that I can really set to work in January. Reading through the plan is like contemplating the map of an unknown country in which I will soon find myself. Sometimes, even at this stage, you can see trouble looming; nearly all of the six published books have had Chapters of Doom. The quintessential, never, I hope, to be beaten Chapter That Nearly Broke My Will To Go On was chapter nine, 'Goblet of Fire' (appropriately enough, 'The Dark Mark'.)"

Eric's Top Albums for 2005

  1. Swig Tooth "The Smile & The Nod"
  2. Kathleen Edwards "Back To Me"
  3. Green Day "American Idiot"
  4. Ben Lee "Awake Is The New Sleep"
  5. Saving Jane "Girl Next Door"
  6. Janine Stoll "This Is Where We Bury It"
  7. Watershed "The 5th of July"
  8. X-Rated Cowboys "X-Rated Cowboys"
  9. Semi Precious Weapons "Semi-Precious Weapons"
  10. Leah Carla Gordone "Dancing on the Dragon"


Song of the Day

As Far As I Know
Paul Westerberg

I'm in love with someone that doesn't exist
Keep looking for them everywhere I go
I'm in love with something that doesn't get kissed
It doesn't exist
As far as I know

I'm in love with a face that I've never seen
Once upon a place long time ago
I'm in love with a time that never took place
That's easy to trace
As far as I know
And I know everything that I need to sing
I know everything

I'm in love with the sound that I never hear
As long as I watch your TV show
I'm in love with that girl that doesn't resist
That doesn't exist
As far as I know

As far as I know, the stars in the sky are dull
As far as I know, compared to your eyes only
As far as I know

I know everything I need to sing
I know everything
I erase the drums, that won't hurt me none
I'm in love with a dream I had as a kid
I wait up the street until you show
That dream it came true, but you never do
No you never did
As far as I know


Christmas Jokes

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.

Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it " soots " him!

Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.

Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.

Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.

Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.


Look For Me ... On TV

Heading up to Cleveland Browns Stadium for the Browns / Steelers game today ... doubt you'll see me, though ... I'm way off in the distance, upper deck ... but hey, I'm in the building.

It's one of the Christmas presents for my ex-wife's oldest son ... he wanted to go to a Steelers game ... and to be honest, I have no desire to go to Pittsburgh to see a game with 45,000 drunken idiots who have been wanting - no, expecting - no, demanding "one for the thumb" since 1981 ... um, yeah, the Steelers were super during the 70's ... unfortunately, the average sports fan in Pittsburgh has yet to realize that was 25 years ago.

So I did the next best thing ... decided to go to Browns Stadium ... besides, the place is easier to get to, has better parking, and odds are he'll get to see his team win because the Browns pretty much suck this year.

Hope your Christmas Eve is fun!


Merry Christmas, You're Fired

So a couple of months ago I had a couple of great postings about the director of corporate learning and constantly changing training sessions that had me working way harder than should have to. To sum it up quickly (and yes, I can be brief [deadpan stare]) ... Training was set to begin on a Wednesday, she moved it up to 1 p.m. Tuesday ... and let me know at 5:46 p.m. on a Monday, after I had left the office, by sending me an email. The only reason the training was good to go was I couldn't sleep Monday night so I was at work early Tuesday and saw the email. I wasn't planning on coming to work that day until noon because I had to stay late & setup for training. So she got lucky.

Then she bitched to me and my boss about how bad the machines were, how things didn't work and how users weren't really well trained. Basically, the machines weren't properly loaded because I had planned on reloading them before the training started. Her moving the training without notifying me meant no re-load on the machines because of the time crunch.

Well ... she got axed.

The company I work at (not for, at, one of the joys of being an "outsourced service on a 10-year-contract" is the ability to realize you're glad you don't work for the company you work at, and walk away) has a history of giving pink slips for Christmas. In 2001 they axed 13 people two weeks before Christmas, on a Friday, and then had a corporate Christmas party the following night.

Yeah, that went over well.

So the next year, they axed another 10 or so, again, in early December. And it brought back all the bitching about cost cutting people while keeping holiday parties grief that reigned the year before. So they canceled the Christmas party. Unfortunately, they canceled after the allowable date, so they ended up paying for the party, but not having it.

In 2003 ... no party.

In 2004 ... they decided on a family picnic at the end of summer. The only problem? They booked it too late, and the only only available date was September 11, which hit some people the wrong way.

This year the picnic was in August ... so they're learning.

But there were still a couple of Christmas pink slips ... one to the director of corporate learning ... who had been with the company 20 years, but she should have seen it coming.

Oh well ... looks like next time there's training I'll be teaching them to play solitaire. (Yes, she did that ... and yes, it's actually legit. Wanna know why Solitaire has been part of every Windows build since the GUI was introduced in 3.0? To teach you how to use a mouse. Now today's blog has been educational, too.)


Eric's Top 25 Songs of 2005

  1. X-Rated Cowboys - $100 Guitar - X-Rated Cowboys

  2. Gaylenne Goodwill - Second-Hand Love Songs - Voices of Eve

  3. Kathleen Edwards - Pink Emerson Radio - Back To Me

  4. Saving Jane - Ordinary - Girl Next Door

  5. Alanis Morissette - Your House (Hidden Track) - Jagged Little Pill (Acoustic)

  6. Billie Myers - Kiss The Rain (Acoustic)

  7. Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home (Bonus Track) - What If It All Means Something

  8. Leah Andreone - Something I Can Feel

  9. Watershed - Obvious - The Fifth of July

  10. Watershed - New Depression - The Fifth of July

  11. X-Rated Cowboys - Passenger Window - X-Rated Cowboys

  12. Watershed - The Best Is Yet To Come - The Fifth of July

  13. Evanescence - Heart Shaped Box (Acoustic) - Fallen (British Retail Bonus Disc)

  14. Janine Stoll - Decide Not To Decide - Everything You Gave Me

  15. Shawn Colvin - You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Cover Girl

  16. Bad Religion - Los Angeles Is Burning - The Empire Strikes First

  17. Julie Roberts - Wake Up Older - Julie Roberts

  18. The Cowboy Junkies - 200 More Miles - The Trinity Sessions

  19. Mary Chapin Carpenter - Why Walk When You Can Fly - Stones In The Road

  20. Simple Plan - Crazy

  21. Billy Pilgrim - Try - Billy Pilgrim

  22. The Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die - Hooray For Boobies

  23. Bob Mould - Compositions For The Young and Old - Workbook

  24. Jann Arden - You Don't Know Me - Soundtrack - My Best Friend's Wedding

  25. K's Choice - Something's Wrong (Live Acoustic)


Liberals Amuse Me, Volume 1

So the good people at Air America Radio are all out doing their happy little pygmy dances because they're all convinced that they have what they need to impeach President Bush.

And the fine folks who call into Air America, when they're not referring to the duly-elected head of our nation as "The ass in the oval office" or other such praiseful words, are all ecstatic that after five years of trying they've finally found what they think is enough to get GWB out of the White House.

But they're missing the big picture, as usual.

Besides the new rants about the domestic spying, both sets of individuals (those on the air and those who call) are still trying to convince people that both elections that put GWB into the White House were rife with fraud. In fact, last night, the announcer said that he's not expecting much to come out of this latest attempt (but giving it his firm backing, straddling the fence as liberal often do) because the last two candidates the Democrats fielded were, in his words, spineless whiners who cut and run rather than standing and fighting. He said that the entire world knows Al Gore won Florida, and thereby, the 2000 election; and John Kerry rightfully won Ohio in 2004, and thereby, the election, equating popular vote with winning the presidency.

Um, newsflash ... popular vote is not how the President of the United States is elected. Despite what you've heard, we are NOT a democracy. We are a representative republic. Read the Constitution, it's all spelled out there. We the people elect the people who choose the people who pick the president in the Electoral College. That's basic Civics class, like 9th grade ... remember? I do, despite the fact I spent most of my time staring at the amazing well-developed Mary, I still picked up what the man was putting down.

Say what you will about voter fraud and hanging chad ... doesn't matter anymore. Had your guy(s) won either election, we'd be much worse off than we currently are. Would Al Gore have stopped the attacks of September 11th? Would John Kerry have stopped Hurricane Katrina and saved all the black people that GWB hates? I think both of those are a resounding NO.

But regardless, since those defeats, the blowhards on the liberal left, their friends in Hollywood and the media have tried everything they could think of to remove GWB from office, but have yet to have a single one of their side in the House of Rpresentatives initiate an Article of Impeachment (okay, back to Civic class ... [and Mary ... yummy ...] sorry ... in order to impeach a president, a member of the House of Representatives must introduce an Article of Impeachment detailing the violations of law that are considered impeachable offences. Lying under oath, or perjury, which they used against Bill Clinton, is one such offense. The House is currently comprised of 232 Republicans, 202 Democrats and one Independent. So there are 202 potential political enemies who could introduce an Article of Impeachment against GWB, but haven't.)

My take on the whole issue: Politics in America is so ugly, so divided, that this is now the norm. The politics of personal destruction is what runs Washington. No need to see how someone votes, or use their voting record against them. Dig up some dirt, feed it to the talking points, talk radio and television's talking heads and you, too, can ruin anyone and get them out of office, except Ted Kennedy ... but you'll have to ask Mary Jo Kopechne. Oh, wait, she's dead. Never mind.

And until we, as Americans, stop voting red, blue, liberal, conservative, label this, label that ... and start voting American, what's best for the country, it won't change.

But the big picture those looking to impeach President Bush are missing is this ... and a perfect example of Pittsburgh radio legend Jim Quinn's First Law: Liberalism always generates the exact opposite of its stated intent.

Let's imagine that someone in the House does get the nads to introduce an Article of Impeachment. And it passes the House, and the Senate initiates Impeachment actions against President Bush. And the left wins. And GWB is removed from office.

First of all, they're gonna party like Bill Clinton at Spring Break.

Then, they're gonna wake up the next afternoon, hung over, with underage girls scattered about, or, in Ted Kennedy's case, underwater in the back seat of his father's car, but I digress, and reach for the remote to turn on the Communist News Network (CNN) to see how their "victory" is being reported.

Which is when they'll promptly shit the bed when they hear the following:

Wolf Blitzer: Here was the scene today in Washington:

"I, Richard Cheney, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of the President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me Halliburton."

And the cameras would zoom back to see those same drunken hungover liberals doing one of two things: Putting the gun to their head and pulling the trigger or sitting, stoic, in a catatonic state.

Because the only person the left hates more than GWB?




That's all you hear when his name is mentioned. Like he's the first guy in history to profit off a war. Please. He's just the latest.

And you're jealous because you didn't buy stock.

But what you're not seeing is the fact that by impeaching GWB and removing him from office, you'd be handing the keys to the kingdom to the Dick Cheney.

And Halliburton.

And that, my friends, is how irony is funny.

"Sometimes I wish your nose was longer
So you'd have an excuse not too see past it."

~Kathleen Edwards


Yes, I have issues.

After being in my apartment for seven weeks now, I decided I to see what this big beige box in my kitchen was for. I've been using it as a candle holder and propping both Christmas cards I've received on it (thanks Kara & Kerry!). The big beige box I'm referring to looks something like this

but it's beige, and newer, and not found on a webserver down under.

Yes, I'll freely admit to being absolutely helpless and hopeless in the kitchen. I make great instant oatmeal, toast, and am the master of scrambled eggs and omelets in a microwave.

That's about as far as it goes.

Oh, and I'm make a mean bowl of cereal, too. And yeah, I took a home-ec cooking class in 8th grade. Our greatest accomplishment was making lasagna soup ... we forgot to put a noodle on the bottom ... if you've ever done that, you soon realize what a vital piece of the pasta puzzle that bottom noodle is.

So other than taking out the trash and doing the dishes, microwave omelets and other breakfast foods are about the extent of my kitchen wizardry.

So I pull out the frying pan, pull out the sauce pan, pull out a couple of other things I wanna use, and get the food out I'm trying to heat up. For the record: Ham and pirogies ... just had a taste for both of them. So I put the water in the pan, turned on the burner and figured I'll give this whole cooking in something other than the microwave thing a try. So I waited for the water to boil to put the pirogies in.

Yes, I know, a watched pot never boils.

But so does an unheated one.

Yeah, after about 15 minutes of glancing over at the pan from the living room and wondering why it's not boiling yet, I finally get up and walk over to the stove. Hmmm, burner's not hot (electric stove). Maybe it's not working.

So I try another. No heat.

And another. No heat.

Fourth and final attempt ... no heat.


Turns out the damn thing wasn't plugged in.

And it only took me seven weeks to figure that out.

Yeah ... perhaps rather than Statistics and Ethics next quarter, I should look into something practical ... like Cooking for Morons.

For the record, I did take the Christmas cards off the stove before I started cooking ... and after I got the stove plugged in, the ham and pirogies were pretty tasty!


Proud to be a wrestling fan

Tonight is one of the few nights that can take pride in being a wrestling fan. If you missed it, World Wrestling Entertainment (yeah, used to be the World Wrestling Federation, but they lost a lawsuit to the World Wildlife Fund over using WWF initials so they changed their name) did a tour of Afghanistan, visiting the troops, shaking hands, taking pictures with soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines (and yes, Marines is always capitalized). And a bonus - the WWE superstars got to shoot big guns and blow shit up.

But as I sat here watching, realizing what an amazing experience that had to be for the troops, I started to think back to when I was in the military and wondered how I’d have felt to be that far away from home, in a war zone, being that age … like 18 to 25.

I tell ya, I would have been a fanboy too if they'd have showed up. My only celebrity bonus I ever got for being military was to meet Triumph in 1986 in Indianapolis. And that shit was cool because they were a kick-ass rock and roll band.

I can't imagine someone larger than life like a WWE superstar - or a whole transport of them.

And I have to say I once again applaud Vince McMahon, the brains behind WWE, for taking the risk to his life (he went on the trip) and his business (he took the best of the business over there. Wait, lemme rephrase that – the trip was voluntary. The best of the best went on their own) by going into an active war zone and a country that has approximately 16 million land mines.

And this is the third year McMahon and his wrestlers, and the T&A Divas, have made the trip to visit US troops overseas at Christmas. Each of the previous two years were visits to Iraq.

And watching the wrestlers interact with the troops, and watching these wrestlers realize what a sacrifice these brave men and women in uniform are making, was amazing. One of the newer WWE guys, who was there on his first visit, said the wrestlers feel like they should be getting autographs from the troops. Not the other way around. Other comments from wrestlers are here.

Hearing guys who make millions by entertain millions; who could have been sitting at home enjoying one of the two weeks a year they’re not on the road, be humbled and moved made me proud to say, at least today, that “Yeah, I’m a wrestling fan.”

They slept with the troops, they ate with the troops, rode with them in armored cars, Humvees, helicopters and transport buses. And they visited the wounded on their way through Germany;and they do countless other military support visits back in the states, and allover the world, that don't get any media support.

And they gladly went, on their dime, and walked around, shaking hands, smiling for about a billion pictures, brought a piece of home to a bunch of brave young men and women a fucking long way away from home.

It's a 25-hour flight from NYC to Afghanistan. It's 33 hours back. And we're not talking first class. We're talking an Air Force cargo plane where the seats are modular. They're not comfortable. I've been in the C-17 ... it's slightly more comfortable than riding in the back of a pickup truck on a bumpy road. And these are guys used to first class, chartered jets and comfortable hotel rooms.

Now you might be sitting there saying, "Man, wrestling's so fake," ... but what's real on TV? Friends? Raymond? Survivor? Please. Everything on TV's scripted; your reality shows are manipulated for shock value. At least WWE admits it's entertainment. And it's dangerous entertainment, too. They do hit the floor hard, they do hit each other hard; bones are broken sometimes, they're amazing athletes who are not only perfectionists in their sport but amazing entertainers, too.

And by taking the risk to put themselves into an active war zone, voluntarily, when they should be home resting and recovering from 50 weeks of travel, to me, is worth noting. I think I'll leave it to Vince to sum it up:

“We’re here to say thank you. And we’re here to tell you America damn well supports you.”

Vincent K. McMahon. WWE Chairman
Bagram Air Force Base, Afghanistan.


The Perils of Internet Dating


Friday December 9, 2005

By Grace Green

MARSEILLES, France -- Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!

"I walked out on that dark beach thinking I was going to hook up with the girl of my dreams," the rattled bachelor later admitted. "And there she was, wearing white shorts and a pink tank top, just like she'd said she would.

"But when I got close, she turned around -- and we both got the shock of our lives. I mean, I didn't know what to say. All I could think was, 'Oh my God! it's Mama!' "

But the worst was yet to come. Just as the mortified mother and son realized the error of their ways, a patrolman passed by and cited them for visiting a restricted beach after dark.

"Danny and I were so flustered, we blurted out the whole story to the cop," recalled matronly mom Nicole, 52. "The policeman wrote a report, a local TV station got hold of it -- and the next thing we knew, our picture and our story was all over the 6 o'clock news. "People started pointing and laughing at us on the street -- and they haven't stopped laughing since."

The girl-crazy X-ray technician said he began flirting with normally straitlaced Nicole -- who lives six miles away in a Marseilles suburb -- while scouring the Internet for young ladies to put a little pizzazz in his life.

"Mom called herself Sweet Juliette and I called myself The Prince of Pleasure, and unfortunately, neither one of us had any idea who the other was," said flabbergasted Daniel.

"The conversations even got a little racy a couple of times.

"But I really started to fall for her, because there seemed to be a sensitive side that you don't see in many girls.

"She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic.

"The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I'd never seen before. I'm grateful for that."

When starry-eyed Daniel asked Sweet Juliette to send him a picture, Nicole e-mailed him a photo of a curvy, half-clad cutie she'd scanned from a men's magazine.

"The girl in the picture was so beautiful, I begged Juliette to meet me on the beach -- and Mom said yes," he recalled. "Mom says she was falling for me, too, and she just wanted to meet me, even though she knew I'd be disappointed when I saw her.

"As for me, I figured I was going to find the girl of my dreams.

"I guess that's about as wrong as I've ever been."

Daniel admits he and his mother could do little but stammer and stutter around each other for days after their cyberspace exploits came to light. And his father Paul -- Nicole's husband of 27 years -- wasn't too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes.

"Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again," said embarrassed Daniel.



Eric's Movie Minute, Episode 1

So I went to see a movie last night ... by a director who's work I'd never seen before.

And I was impressed.

Good story, good acting, interesting direction, good plot, good action, overall, a well done movie.

There were a couple of times where the special effects were a bit clunky ... you could see where the overlays or cuts were done. Hey, it happens to the best of them ... look at the scene in Episode III where they're battling Darth Sideous on Separatists ship in the beginning ... when the loft falls on Obi-Wan ... that's lame. George Lucas is better than that.

But I did enjoy the movie. And, as I so often do, I stayed to watch the credits to find out who the director was, because as a fan of movies, if I see a well-directed film, I want to see what else the director's done.

Because in doing so I've discovered some amazing films:

Swimming Pool, for instance. I saw Sitcom and liked it, so I looked up Francois Ozon, grabbed Swimming Pool next time I was in a weird movie mood, and BAM - great flick. One of those where when it's over you sound like Booker T (the wrestler, not the inventor) because you say, "Tell me I didn't just see that."

Memento. Christopher Nolan. Saw it in the theater. Then when I saw he was directing Insomnia - saw it in the theater. Then he fucked it all up and did Batman Begins (well, the cynic in me says that ... haven't actually seen it yet, but I'm not a fan of Batman movies. I've seen the previous ones, but only when I had nothing else to watch kinda thing.)

Larry Clark & Edward Lachman ... yeah, the guys who brought us
and Bully. Wait until you see Ken Park. (And no, not yet available on DVD where you shop ... and might not be available in the country you live in. And yes, I have it, and yes, it's been banned in a few countries, and yes, I can see why, even though I'm not a fan of censorship in any form. Let it out, let people decide for themselves. Encourage free thought. But do yourself a favor and borrow my copy, or buy a DVDr on eBay because you'll never, ever, see this one at Blockbuster.)

Kevin Smith ... 'nuff said. Nothing funnier than recurring characters who are funny, crude, and make fun of themselves and their industry as much as anything else.

So anyway, I come home, sit down, go to the Internet Movie Database (IMDB.com if you're not aware of this ... yeah, all your movie database belong to us) and type in the name of this director to see what else he's done that I might be interested in watching.

By the way, the movie I saw tonight was
King Kong, directed by Peter Jackson. Apparently he did some Lord of the Rings trilogy thing ... anybody see any of them?

Are they any good?

I remember reading the books in high school and enjoying them, never saw the movies though. (And yes, I'm serious. I have all three on DVD - purchased, thank you very much, because I do plan on watching them, I just haven't had two days with nothing to do to get through them in order, and I never have enough food or beverage in the house to last that long, either. So I need to shop, stock up, plan a couple of days off and watch them. And while I'm at it ... I'll toss out a couple of other things I've never seen ... Footloose. Forrest Gump. A single episode of Friends or Sex And The City. Or Desperate Housewives.)

And while I'm asking bizarre questions ... and since her song's on my profile, and it's a great song and it's very fitting of my life right now ... WTF ever happened to Paula Cole?

Since we now know the cowboys have all gone to Brokeback Mountain where they're having homosexual love fests ... did they take her with them? Or did they send her out for pudding so they can make the film festival rounds?

Anyway ... back to Paula ... it's been FIVE YEARS since she put out an album, and like ten years since I saw her with Jeffrey Gaines.

Did Paul Simon marry her, too? I'm liking Art Garfunkel a whole lot more these days.

If Paul Simon starts looking towards Canada ... me & Julio gonna hafta take his Rhymi'n Simon ass down to the schoolyard and Richard Cory him.

(And could I put any more obscure references in this entry? Slap me and call me Dennis Miller.)


Idiots with keyboards - Part 1

I used to be on a mailing list for Springsteen bootlegs ... we'd swap them via MP3 downloads or CD/DVD trades. My email signature at the time was:

"Think of how dumb the average American is, and then remember that half the country is dumber than that."

I received the following question:

"Hey. I have a question. That line at the bottom of your email that says think of how dumb the average American is and remember that half the population is dumber than that. How is it possible that half of us are dumber than average?"

My curt response: "Do the math." Never heard back from him.


I soon changed email signatures to this:

"If someone tells you you're on in a million, there are a thousand people just like you in India."

I received the following response:

"If I'm one in a million, how can there be a thousand people like me anywhere?"

My curt response: "Do the math." Never heard back from her.


Most of the rest of my responses had to do with personal ads. I've posted my favorites before, mostly from foreign women who have trouble with English, or obviously use bad translation software. One of the best:

I put desire into parameter and machine give me you.

That's the headline I'm gonna use if I ever post another ad.

But my absolute favorite was an email exchange I had with someone on Match.com ... Mind you, this was the FIRST impression I got of her because she did not have a picture to view ... and I'm always wary of those. So here's how not to impress me:

"its be two yrs i only dated one guy before that i been married 12 yrs.....i like to date someone is not in to drugs and crazy party life at weekend all the time....i like a man that take's care of him self and care about his family and love kids ..being layed back and vary loveing ,funny,care about people and life it self.......i do like to cuddle hold hands and maybe kiss if i like you .. i enjoy being with family and friends i like to be silly and make people happy and being with my boys thay 1# in my life now and to dance and clean my home with radio on . i like to dance the night away at a clean friendy club and take rides in the car anywhere and talk about anything some day i like to travel ..and have fun indoor and out side..i love to draw and paint , play games with my kids i love save money and go to walmart and anywhere to save a buck i love music such as old rock,hair medle,hiphop,love song, old country 70 ,80, some todays and even 50.. "

So I write back and ask her if English is her second language because her message was difficult to follow and if she lives in America, because I don't really want to date a women who's in another country ... it makes a quick evening out logistically a nightmare. So her reply was:

"Get this I was born in florda but never seen it. I live here? never minds, I don't wanna date with you. I like a man that got comminsence and respect to women and others!!!!my mother alway told me to give recpect you get respect"

Apparently, I'm guessing I disrespected her. Or dissed, as the kids say. Of course, she probably told her friends I dished her. "What is a saucer or a full dinner plate?" I was going to write back and ask if her name was Nell but didn't really want to have to explain that Jodie Foster movie to her.


I got the greatest email from someone on MySpace that made me realize that there are so many stupid people who just don't understand how truly stupid they really are.

Basically, she said she loved my profile, thought I was clever, cute and sounded interesting, enjoyed the fact I can write in complete sentences, and she wanted to share that feedback with me.

So far, so good.

She then added she has no desire to meet me, or talk further about anything, because she doesn't get along with people in my age group.

Oh, so despite the fact she says I'm clever, cute and sound interesting, I'm already off her list because of the simple fact I'm 37 and being judged by other people in my age bracket? Um, she's 29 ... that's not the same street, but hell, same neighborhood. And besides, we're still within the 8 year range the Chinese recommend.

But what kills me is the fact she wrote me to tell me this? Well, thanks for nothing.

So my answer was:

"OMFG, I never knew I was so old. Thanks for pointing that out to me.

"Where's my walker? Those darn kids are always hiding my walker.

"And for the record, I don't find you cute, clever or interesting in return. I don't know if you were fishing for a compliment here, trying to get me to chase you or just playing some dumb-ass game, but you get none of the above.

"Have a nice life."


Again, I ask, wtf is wrong with people? And why do idiots always manage to find me?


Old Blog Eaten by Monsters

The page has been eaten by monsters

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable.

The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or it may be under attack by tentacled abominations from another plane of reality.

Please try the following:
  • Refresh button for a refreshing amaretto sour recipe.
  • If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly, because the last thing we need on the Internet is more people who can't spell.
Your connection might not be working. To check your network connection:
  • Click the Tools menu, and then click Eaten By Monsters Options.
  • On the Weapons tab, click VWOMMMMgish. The weapons class should match those provided by your local mysterious old loony in a desert or small greenish swamp dweller.
If your Network Administrator has enabled it, Microsoft Windows can examine the Internet and automatically discover a site which makes sense and is run by a literate adult who will not say "Dude!" at you.

If you would like Windows to try and discover such a site, Detect Sanity

Some sites require 128-bit connection security:
  • Click the Help menu.
  • Click I Don't Know Anything About My Own Computer.
  • Call child in elementary school (your own, your grandchild, or a neighbor kid) to tell you what strength security you have installed.

If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it:
  • Click the Tools menu, and then click Security Options.
  • Scroll to the Advanced option and check settings for Motion Detectors, Professional Bodyguard, Remote-Controlled Trapdoor to Scorpion Pit, Warm Fuzzy Blanket, and Cuddly Bunny Toy.

Click the Back button to try another link.

(basically, MySpace killed my account on 12/15/2005, taking with it 102 blog posts from the past 50 weeks. Fuckers.)