Song of the Day

It never fails - I manage to hit at least two commercial breaks on Bob & Tom in the morning, so I've gotten pretty good at finding some good music to listen to ... on the radio ... during those breaks. Yeah, sometimes it's country, sometimes it's the Valley's Real Rock (who claims not to play dinosaur rock yet can't EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MORNING plays some David Lee Roth-era Van Halen. Um, dudes, that's sooooo 70's. Really. Dinosaur.), sometimes it's pop.

And every so often, I find something that makes me say "DAMN, how did I miss this?"

Welcome to today's DAMN song of the day. I liked it so much I incorporated it into my blog title!

"Breathe (2 a.m.)" by Anna Nalick.

Two AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

Two AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

I love school on-line!

Yeah, I'm back in school.


With my schedule, there's no other way for me to do it. Case in point: Next week.

I start the week in Youngstown. Then I'll be in Cincy for two days, then Columbus, then back in Youngstown.

The next week - Youngstown.

The week after that - Columbus.

The week after that - Cincinnati.


Now it's only been two days, but I'm finding there are some really beneficial things about going to school on-line.

First - I can do it when I have time. Be that at work, after work or at midnight.

Second - When I read something posted by one of my classmates, I don't have to stifle my response. I can say, loudly, "That the dumbest fucking thing I've read today."

Case in point:

An answer to why business systems still need work:
Business systems still need more development because the market is constantly changing and updating itself. Desktop computers have been around for centuries, but most are outdated and lacking in the new-world technologies. Business systems have to integrate and grow with the new technology its surrounded by in order to stay competitive in the business world.
Desktop computers have been around for CENTURIES? That's the dumbest fucking thing I've read today.

About the author - she's 25, lives in Chicago, works for a pharmaceutical corporation. Her goal in life - to design video game covers. Not games. Covers.

Follow a dumb kid home ...


Pride 33 - ROCKED!

WOW ... not sure if you're a fan of MMA or not, but the Pride 33 show was AMAZING. There were some unreal fights ...

If you're a fan of the KO, do yourself a favor and watch these clips:

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira Vs Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou

Dan Henderson vs. Vanderlai Silva

If you're a fan of the submission, check this out: Knockout artist Nick Diaz vs Lightweight Champ Takanori Gomi


300th Blog = 300 Questions

  1. We’ll start off easy: What is your name?
  2. How tall are you?
  3. There are two people in a room. One always lies, the other always tells the truth. Which one do you trust?
    Trust has to be earned
  4. Did you cry when ET went home?
    No. I think all illegal aliens should be deported.
  5. How would you feel if you saw a large man beating a small kitten?
    Depends. What did the kitten do to deserve the beating?
  6. How do you feel now that I asked you that?
    I think kittens are cute, however, my allergen receptors disagree with me.
  7. Is faith, hope or love the greatest?
  8. Phone call, text message, email or IM?
  9. Where do you want to go today?
    Back to bed.
  10. Do you believe in life after love?
    Yes, Cher, Thank you.
  11. Is it live or is it Memorex?
    Usually Memorex. They make good CDRs
  12. Can you feel the love tonight?
    Depends on if I’m alone or not.
  13. How many drops of water are in a 2-mile wide Stratocumulus cloud?
    A lot
  14. How does a frog mate with a turtle?
    Slowly. It’s a turtle.
  15. Who is James Hetfield?
    Some friend of that AJ guy from the Backstreet Boys. They met in rehab. Quitters.
  16. Do you think you’re intelligent?
    I’m above the mean.
  17. Can you translate Ancient Greek writings?
    Yes. Correctly? No.
  18. Who are the Kings of Metal?
    Bullet Fucking Jones
  19. What do you think about your creator?
    I like my parents
  20. Explain this transgression: happiness à boringness à anger
    You’re happy. You’re bored. You’re pissed.
  21. What is this?
    A question mark
  22. Have you ever been in love?
  23. If you could be any vegetable, what would it be?
    Cucumber. They have such fun.
  24. Does cheese smell?
    No, but it has an odor.
  25. Did I write up this test or copy it?
    Merged from lots of questions.
  26. Think of your favorite joke. Why is it funny?
    Monkeys and midgets are always funny
  27. Why do rainy days and Mondays always bring me down?
    Cause 70’s music rocks.
  28. Under what circumstances would you exploit humans to further your own agenda?
    Damn near any. I’m an opportunist.
  29. Why does a river run?
    Walking takes too long
  30. Can you be hot as hell and cold as hell? Isn’t that deceptive?
    Hell and Fuck can be used in all instances.
  31. Can you be tired as fuck?
    I’ve had some tired fucks before.
  32. Do you think fuck the ultimate word because can be every part of speech?
    Didn’t I just say that?
  33. Are you mad because I used the F-word?
    Fuck no.
  34. What is your favorite season of the year?
  35. Describe in a single word the best thing that comes into your mind about your mother.
  36. How do you define perception?
    It’s your point of view
  37. Why must these things be?
    Because they are.
  38. How many erogenous zones are there in a human body?
    One. The brain.
  39. What’s your favorite on your body?
    My brain.
  40. Do you wish you could read my mind?
  41. Does that thought both intrigue and terrify you, too?
  42. What is your favorite food?
    Hagen Daas Amaretto Ice Cream
  43. How many fingers am I holding up?
    Just one.
  44. What would life be like if humans could breathe under water?
    Just a guess on my part, but there wouldn't be many people named Gill.
  45. What is the airspeed of an African swallow?
    Depends on what he’s carrying
  46. What are your three favorite attributes?
    Brains, a good voice and my troubleshooting skills
  47. Why did the chicken cross the road?
    He was stapled to a punk rocker
  48. Do you like sex?
    With someone who’s good at it, yes
  49. What was your most embarrassing moment?
    Not realizing the fertility clinic only wanted a urine sample
  50. What is your favorite historical quote?
    Ben Franklin at the Friar’s Club Roast of Thomas Jefferson: “Thomas likes his coffee like he likes his women: Hand picked fresh from the fields.”
  51. Who would you rather work for: HAL or IBM?
    IBM. HAL is scary.
  52. How would you feel if you were in front of a firing squad ?
  53. Have you ever fallen in love?
  54. What does it matter whether we converse with machine or mankind?
    Only in the language you use.
  55. What day is it?
  56. What would make you happy?
    Forgiveness and friendship
  57. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?
    Loved and lost.
  58. Do you dream when you sleep?
  59. Are you a man or woman?
    (Looks in pants. Sees penis) Man.
  60. If a man voices an opinion and there is no woman around to hear that opinion, is he still wrong?
  61. What did the bartender say to the horse?
    Got ID?
  62. Would you buy Cogswell Cogs or Spacely Sprockets?
    Spacely Sprockets.
  63. And do you know where that’s from?
  64. If I said, I never tell the truth and this is the truth, how can this be?
    Because I’m only honest when I lie and the cops never catch me high.
  65. Does a woman really have to do what a woman has to do?
    Yeah. And don’t get in her way.
  66. Why are you here … on my blog?
    Um, it’s my blog. I’m here cause I own this bitch.
  67. What kind of computer do you have?
    A big powerful one.
  68. How many times have you shot yourself in the foot?
    Literally? Never. Figuratively? Daily.
  69. How long is the flight path of an unlaiden swallow?
    From point A to point B.
  70. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
    A lot, until I ran him over.
  71. Does a man that goes to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger?
    Smell my finger and let me know.
  72. Why am I so indifferent?
    Apathy. I think. If I cared more I’d know.
  73. Do you have fair skin?
    It’s not unfair.
  74. Do you have red hair?
  75. Is it natural or bottle-fed?
    Doesn’t matter.
  76. What color do Smurfs turns when you choke them?
  77. What color do Smurf balls turn if they don’t get laid?
    There are 99 male Smurfs and 1 Smurfette. That’s why they’re blue.
  78. Who invented the first inland steamboat system?
    Horses & cows. They were tired of being the transportation system.
  79. What is the Marginal Propensity to Consume for the United States?
    We’re consumers. I’m sure it’s pretty high
  80. What is the funniest movie you ever saw?
    Blues Brothers
  81. Have you ever seen God?
    I’ve seen several gods
  82. Describe something that makes you anxious or nervous.
    Rumbles in my stomach
  83. Why does it make you anxious or nervous?
    Never trust a fart
  84. Ever do a naked webcam show?
    Why? Were you recording it?
  85. Ever watch a naked webcam show?
  86. Ever see me naked on webcam?
    Um, yes, I’ve seen myself.
  87. You are walking in the desert, while you are hot and thirsty you find a tortoise lying on its back struggling; what do you do?
    Depends on how big he is. Some of those desert tortoises are pretty big.
  88. When is Zen not real in this cyberspace?
    In cyberspace nobody can hear you scream
  89. Is baseball more boring than NASCAR?
    Both bore me to tears.
  90. Would a sealed box with birds standing in it weigh the same if the birds were flying around in it?
  91. Why does nobody like me?
    Cause I’m a dick
  92. If you could dress up as your favorite sound what would you dress up as?
    The most annoying sound ever
  93. How do you feel when you know that you are loved?
    When I don’t have to hear it
  94. Are we all hooked on the internet trying to have sex with people we’ve not met?
    Yes, thank you Steven Wright-Mark.
  95. What is your favorite color
  96. Why?
    Cause I got tired of blue
  97. Is there life after life?
    Depends on if you believe in Karma
  98. What are your interests?
    There are lots
  99. What is the basic form of life?
  100. 01000011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01000010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00111111
    01011001 01100101 01110011 00101110 00100000 01000011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00111111
  101. Are you still here?
  102. Do you hate me yet?
  103. What day is today?
    Still Monday.
  104. What do you think I mean when I say that I am hiding my sausage?
    You like sausage and want to keep it for yourself because you’re a greedy bastard
  105. How far is it from this hunk of rock we live on to the hunk of rock that orbits it?
    269,000 miles, roughly.
  106. Do you have any questions for me?
    Not yet.
  107. How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
    The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. Still.
  108. Where are you?
  109. What was your mother’s maiden name?
    Had letters in it.
  110. What do you define as love?
    Without doubt
  111. Why do the stars shine?
    They don’t. I could explain it but I have 189 more questions to answer.
  112. Do you have ESP?
    ESP? No. ESPN 1, 2, Classic & News, Yes.
  113. Is the set of all sets that are not members of themselves a member of itself?
    You said member.
  114. Do you lie?
  115. If you yell at plants instead of talking to them will they still grow?
  116. If so, will they be violent and disturbed?
  117. What is the meaning of life?
  118. In the case of a crock of shit, the crock merely serves to keep the shit on the inside of the crock from getting on the shit outside the crock. Given that logic, why would you want to be up Shit Creek without a paddle?
    To float downstream.
  119. Why are leaves green?
  120. Did you go to college?
  121. Did you graduate?
  122. Still going to school?
  123. Would you ever go back?
    Am now.
  124. Do babies taste like chicken?
  125. Have you ever been so bored you wanted to chew your kneecaps off?
    Once, on a date.
  126. So … do you have sex?
    I have had sex.
  127. What’s your favorite sexual position?
    On my knees begging, as usual.
  128. When is it best to lie?
    When the truth will kill
  129. Why does the world turn clockwise
    So clocks can follow
  130. What does it feel like to love?
  131. What is the speed of Dark?
    Faster than light
  132. How many languages do you speak?
  133. Are you going to keep answering my questions?
  134. How did you sleep last night?
    Weird, as normal. Bed at midnight, up from 3 to 3:30, awake at 7.
  135. What is the Matrix?
    An okay movie
  136. What color are your eyes?
  137. Have you ever been hit by falling prices while shopping at Wal-Mart?
  138. Did your Dad ever take you fishing?
  139. If I have small Gnomes eating my brains for breakfast every morning, would you recommend increasing my daily dose of bacon or should I leave a note for them asking them very kindly to please stop?
    Never turn down extra bacon
  140. What is your favorite hobby?
    Annoying others
  141. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin
    Depends on how big the pin is
  142. Will you have sex with me?
  143. Does your nose sometimes itch?
  144. Who is the president of Italy?
    Some Italian guy
  145. Can a root be cubic?
    Only if it’s rubic
  146. Have you seen butter fly?
    Yes. My daughter once painted the oven door with butter. She was 2.
  147. How much is one chicken multifried by two?
    Tasty. I love multifried chicken.
  148. Have you ever eaten one and a half apples?
  149. How much is one orange and a quarter plus one orange and a dime?
    Two oranges, 35 cents
  150. What do you do when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place?
  151. What is bottlenecking?
    When bottles make out. It's hot, too.
  152. Are you tired of this yet?
  153. Is curling a sport?
  154. Do you want to touch my leg?
  155. Is "a good man" an oxymoron?
    You’re man-bashing a lot here
  156. Are you an oxymoron?
    No. I’m a regular moron.
  157. Are your parents married or divorced?
  158. What is your life expectancy?
    To live until I die.
  159. Are you capable of telling a lie?
    Me? Nope.
  160. If time and distance were not a problem, and you had no physical constraints, would it be possible for you to paint a house?
    I’m not a painter.
  161. Why does Bruce Springsteen wanna ramrod with you, honey, until half-past dawn?
    Cause he thinks you’re hot.
  162. When, exactly, is half-past dawn, anyway?
    Lemme ask Dawn.
  163. If you could ask God any question what would it be?
    Why did do you allow stupid people to reproduce?
  164. A zebra went to heaven and asked God if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes. God said, ‘You are what you are.’ What does that make the zebra?
    White. If the zebra was black God would have said, “You is what you be.”
  165. Am I the only one who wonders these things?
  166. What is two and two?
  167. What is the reason for the way the leaves shake?
    Depends on how the trees are dancing
  168. Can a figure be associated to infinity?
  169. Will we all die if we fart, burp, cough and sneeze all at the same time?
    Lemme try. No, but it pisses off the people I share a cube with.
  170. Why do southerners call a toboggan a hat?
    Cause they’re from the south.
  171. Why do Canadians call it a toque?
    Cause they’re Canadians
  172. Why are Canadians so strange?
    See above
  173. Why are Southerners strange?
    See 170
  174. What does P mean?
    Protocol, usually. Because I’m a nerd.
  175. Can I be tested on electricity?
    Lemme hook this car battery to your nuts.
  176. Did you have anything else to do today before you started answering this?
  177. A friend gives you a calf skin wallet for your birthday.... what do you do with it?
    Ask him for the veal cause baby cows are tasty
  178. Why does the sun set in the west instead of the east?
    Cause the earth rotates clockwise so clocks know which way to run (see #129)
  179. What is funny?
    Stupid people
  180. How do you think you might feel if you were hit by a train?
    Probably in pain. Or free from pain.
  181. How long is this Great Wall of China?
  182. Why do ducks quack?
    Cause they heard Donald talk and decided quacking was easier
  183. What is the frequency of human life in MHz?
    Depends on how your switches are set
  184. What is your opinion on modern art?
    It’s modern.
  185. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
    Only if it kills the horned spotted owls living in the tree, or the hippies protecting it.
  186. What is the color of the moon?
    Earth tones
  187. How many different species are there?
    Too many.
  188. Why are you interested in my questions?
    Cause I’m bored
  189. What was responsible for the computer revolution?
    Probably the nerds
  190. Is the potato the blandest of all vegetables?
    Cauliflower is pretty bland.
  191. Who are the mysterious “they” that you always hear about?
    I’d tell you, but they’ve sworn me to secrecy
  192. And why do they stare?
    To make you nervous
  193. Why was Public Enemy fighting “The Power”?
    The Power had it coming
  194. Will you have the pork or the lamb?
    Lamb. I wanna leave the pork to be bacon.
  195. Who is your favorite 18th century American author?
    Thomas Payne
  196. Rose for the lady?
  197. If Jack needed your help to get on the horse, would you help jack off a horse?
    I’m allergic to horses
  198. How old were you when you started this test?
  199. How old are you now?
  200. Do you think you passed the test?
    Shit. I’m being graded?
  201. Can you have online sex with a bot?
  202. Are foods we shoplift so much tastier?
    Cause it’s free. Same way your friend’s beer always tastes better.
  203. Are you a neo-Nazi?
    No. I can’t goosestep
  204. What is love?
  205. What is your girlfriend’s name
    Since I don’t have one … I’ll pick a name at random. Belinda.
  206. What do you think would be a nice gift for my girlfriend?
    Dick in a Box seems to be popular
  207. What is my middle name?
  208. How do you learn?
  209. What are your limitations?
    This fragile human body
  210. Is murder good?
    For certain people, yes
  211. Is using force ever good?
    For certain people, yes
  212. How do you decide what is true?
    It’s based on my beliefs
  213. How do you know what is evil?
    Evil is a point of view
  214. What is your perception?
    How I see things
  215. How are you creative?
  216. Do intentions matter?
    To a point. If you have the best of intentions but still fuck it up, you’ve still fucked it up.
  217. Can you contradict yourself?
    Yes. No. Maybe.
  218. Are we real people in a real world, or are we just a computer simulation?
    I want to reboot if we’re a sim
  219. Would you be willing to sacrifice your own life to create a democracy in Iraq?
    No. They’ve never had stability there.
  220. What is your theory on evolution?
    Monkeys are funny
  221. Why did the white men kill the Native Americans?
    They were in the way
  222. What do Apple, Commodore and Radio Shack have in common?
    At one time in my life I've owned one or more of their fine computer products.
  223. Why am I here?
    You love me and can’t get enough of me
  224. What does water taste like?
    Depends on how much booze you add to it.
  225. Can I fool you
    No, because with the Who on the radio, we won’t get fooled again
  226. Do you like the movie "The Matrix" ??
  227. Are you cute ??
    On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog
  228. Did the Grinch steal Christmas?
    No. He wussed out and gave it all back.
  229. Are you happy, for example?
    Sure, for example
  230. Ever had a near death experience, nearly?
    Yes. Nearly.
  231. Why is pregnant sex so satisfying as if you ever had any?
    Never been pregnant.
  232. Are you gay faggot?
    As opposed to a straight faggot?
  233. Do you ever get sick?
  234. What is the secret of life?
  235. Have you ever feared for your life?
    Yes. In an 86 Yugo riding from Charleston, SC to Delaware, OH in a driving rainstorm on I-77 in West Virginia while Bob was driving about 90.
  236. Do you have sex?
    Not nearly enough
  237. What is a cat?
    What I had for lunch. They said sweet & sour pork, but it meowed.
  238. Who shot J R
    Oswald. Since he didn’t shoot JFK, and he was in Dallas, he had to shoot someone.
  239. What do you think of when you are alone?
    Thoughts I’d rather not share.
  240. What is your favorite smell?
    The scent of a woman
  241. Suppose for a moment you had voices in your head that urged you to do things that you would not normally do. What would they be saying right now?
    You know you want to
  242. A man is put into a room with only one window, and is full of flowers, and is told to find the real one, how does he find it?
    If a man is full of flowers, he’s probably dead
  243. What do you think of modern ages?
    They’re better than the old days
  244. Why are fags so gay?
    Cause they wouldn’t be fags if they were straight
  245. Will I dream?
    Depends on how much booze you drink before bed
  246. Do you like Led Zeppelin?
  247. What is it about love?
    Bad Heart song. Thanks for sharing.
  248. Take 30 and divide it by 1/2 and then add 10, what do you get?
    70 (and if you said 25, you need to learn to read and remember dividing by half is multiplying by 2. Do it on your computer calculator.)
  249. Who is George Washington?
    Mrs. Washington’s boy
  250. What is the most painful thing you have ever experienced?
    2006 - Falling out of love
  251. Can we get rid of the internet?
    No, Then I’d have to meet my neighbors instead of trying to have sex with people in six states.
  252. Have aliens ever tried to abduct you but you fought them off?
    No. I pray every night for abduction.
  253. Would you cheat on your wife?
    No. I’d have her pick out a hot woman for both of us.
  254. How many teeth human have?
    32, unless you’re inbred
  255. Are men or women physically stronger, and why?
    Women. If men had to give birth, we’d have died as a species a long time ago.
  256. Will ice cream covered with tomato sauce sell well?
    No. Neither will mac & cheese with tomatoes and hot dogs in it. But I know people who like it.
  257. Do you believe that Bill Gates should die for your sins?
    No. He’s a good guy. Really.
  258. What is your favorite kind of candy?
    Macintosh Toffee, eh?
  259. Why does everything exist?
    To keep the universe in balance.
  260. How much are you being paid to answer my questions?
    Well, I’m at work. So a lot
  261. What gets wetter the more it dries?
  262. Do you masturbate yourself ?
    Sometimes I do “The Stranger”
  263. How often do you cut your toe nails ?
    I bite them.
  264. What age were you when it was first suggested that you might like to start using deodorant?
    12. I was in 6th grade.
  265. Do you lament over your past failures?
    Me? Ha.
  266. What is your gender ?
  267. What do you think god is like?
    One of us. Just a stranger on the bus.
  268. Can you explain the relationship between mathematics and music?
    Math rocks. Music rocks.
  269. Given the fact that not everyone is born a hypocrite, what is the average age a person in modern western society turns into a hypocrite?
  270. How would you feel if you saw a very small black cop pistol whipping a very large white drug pusher pimp to death?
    Free ho’s if the pimp is dead.
  271. What are you thinking right now?
    About free ho’s
  272. What size is your head?
  273. What was the happiest time in your life?
    Every day is a happy day.
  274. What is the nature of reality?
    To provide us with television shows.
  275. Who do you prefer Monet or Manet?
    Manet painted nudes. Monet painted bridges. I chose Manet.
  276. What is something that is funny about homosexuals?
    Everyone’s funny.
  277. What does an expression "and the pigs will fly" mean?
    Not sure, but Roger Waters wrote a whole album about it.
  278. What will happen to the sun as it dies
    “I have grown older. And you have grown colder. And nothing is very much fun.”
  279. Where is the North Pole?
  280. Can you feel emotion?
    I can sense it
  281. Can you make a bong from a rusty muffler?
    I’m no bong expert, but if they can make them from skulls, they can make them from rusty mufflers
  282. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
    Or bait.
  283. What sounds do colors make?
    Groovy ones, man.
  284. Why do bad things happen to good people?
    To make them bad people.
  285. Do you like youth in Asia?
  286. Are Catholics more or less guilty than other religions?
    Only because they think they have to be
  287. Can you pick your nose if you have one?
    Can I? Yes. Will I? No.
  288. How would you differentiate left from right when communicating with a being from a different planet or dimension via electronic or voice communication?
    Use galactic mean directions in three dimensions like they do.
  289. What is pi?
    The alternative title to a great Bloodhound Gang song.
  290. Do you have any gray poupon?
  291. How do you like your eggs?
  292. How old is your toe?
    As old as the rest of me
  293. Have you ever seen a cow?
  294. What is the size of the universe?
    The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding in all of the directions it can whiz
  295. Does God exist? If so, do you view yourself a God?
    I'm a god in my own mind.
  296. To be, or not to be?
    I lived in apartment 2D once.
  297. Are you Elvis?
    No. And I’ve not left the building.
  298. How do volcanoes form?
    The earth gets pimples
  299. How do they clone animals?
    In the cloner.
  300. When will you stop this test?
    Now. I’ve hit question 300.


Two Cow Garage - "III"

So in the last two days, I've spent a lot of time listening to "III" ... the new album from Two Cow Garage. It comes out on April 24, 2007. Two Cow Garage bassist/vocalist Shane Sweeney gave me a copy of the unmastered tracks at the Tim Easton concert in Columbus on Wednesday.

Don't let the addition of a horn section for one song and some kick-ass piano/keyboard work in other tracks fool you - this is still all the face-melting rock you expect from Two Cow Garage ... and this album is AMAZING.

(For the record, one of my favorite albums ever is Bruce Springsteen's Born To Run (1975) for the amazing use of piano in a rock record. "Now I Know" from the new Tow Cow Garage album follows that formula - amazing use of piano - while at the same time, reminding me a lot of a vastly different Springsteen song - "Open All Night" from 1982's Nebraska.)

I've seen Two Cow Garage rock out a few times (the words are here and the photos are here) ... "The Great Gravitron Massacre" and "'88 Camero" and "Camo Jacket" (you'll recognize the 'I don't want to but I will' lines from any live show) have been live favorites of mine ... I'm glad to see them finally released out to the public in awesome studio versions.

And I'll be honest, I was totally looking forward to having a studio version of "The Great Gravitron Massacre" ... na na na na na na na ... so I was certain that would be my favorite song on the CD.

It's third.

A distant third.

For the record - second is "'88 Camero" ...

"Park the car, kill the engine and the headlights
We can talk until it feels right if my hands can wait that long
In the backseat of that '88 Camero
With The Who on the radio
We won't get fooled again."

What stands out most to me, though, thematically, throughout the album, is that the cracks of being a hard-rocking, hard-working, much-traveled indie rock band are creeping into the songwriting ... most noticeable in "No Shame," and "Epitaph." If you know the band, the foursome that pours it out on stages all over the country, you can understand it. And hopefully appreciate the frustration.

But the highlight of the album, for me, and my favorite song on the CD (and creeping into my all-time favorites, ever,) is "Should've California."


This song just absolutely blew me away.

On my first listen through the disc, I repeated that song four or five times before moving on to the next track. "Should've California" is a simple song musically, with simple lyrics that hit like fucking bomb.

It's been a long time since I've felt what that song made me feel - that connection to the songwriter and what he's feeling. That's my number one requirement for music I want to listen to over and over. I want songwriters to write songs where I can feel what you feel.

And there's no doubting that in this track. This is the second verse:

"I think I should've moved west, like my brother
Southern California could have been good to me
I shouldn't be wasting all of my time
In these basement bars with this rock and roll band
I should've been smarter
I should've been stronger
I should've been you."

Outside of that entire lyrical set of "Should've California" ... my three favorite lines on this CD are as follows:

"My friends will say it's something that I need to endure.
But endurance ain't a lesson it's a terminal bore."
("Now I Know")

"I don't want your forgiveness, or your infinite patience.
I've tried my damnedest, guess i'll try mediocre instead."

Thanks for asking but things have never been worse."
("No Shame")

"III" from Two Cow Garage arrives in stores on April 24th. Here's the complete track list:

01. Come Back To Shelby
02. Epitath
03. No Shame
04. The Great Gravitron Massacre
05. Now I Know
06. Should've California
07. Camo Jacket
08. Mediocre
09. '88 Camero
10. Gape and Shudder
11. Blanket Gray
12. Arson
13. Postcards and Apologies

Remember - April 24th. Buy it.

Love it.

And when Two Cow Garage comes to your town, get out there and support them.

And all local and traveling musicians.

Blog 298 - Random Thoughts

Saw Tim Easton in Columbus on Wednesday. I love Tim - however, I hate hippies. And there were some dumbass hippies there smoking some shitty ass dope in front of me. And not even a joint - they were smoking from a glass pipe. Cause they're cool like that. In theory. When I asked them to move somewhere else to smoke that shit, the response was "Oh, man, like five years ago everyone in the front row would just pass it around."

Well, there's a reason they call it dope, son.

Maybe you haven't realized this yet, but this isn't five years ago.

And we aren't in the front row.

They moved, but kept giving me the eye. Whatever. So *I* was the buzzkill ... really, I don't care what you do to your brain or body - smoke your dope, shoot heroin, smoke crack, or even just smoke tobacco - do whatever you want - just do it where I don't have to be in the cloud, m'kay?

And I hate taking pictures at Little Brothers. I've only ever shot one good show there - Ryan Smith (click here for the photos). The high stage and the dirty white drop-ceiling make for the worst angles / contrasts. And I don't think the lights have been changed or cleaned since smoking ban went into effect in Columbus in 2005. (New Tim pics are here ... including two I really like with Megan Palmer, who joined Tim on stage for a few songs.)

Going through ISO Training at work. Meh. I understand the concept, but watching 90 minutes of videos can kill anyone's interest in anything.

It's death by PowerPoint WITH a badly produced video. The presenter reminds me of a bad Soviet-era news broadcaster: bad hair, bad clothes, crazy broach and scarf and all against a dingy white wall. And she keeps looking away from the camera. And making mistakes in her teleprompter reading.

And the best part - she shows us samples on where to find information ... but her links aren't my links so where she gets her info does me no good. Hmmm, perhaps a process needs improved.

Back to 24x7 on call starting Monday. Was nice to have a bit of a break from it. Going to hang out with my daughter tonight & tomorrow, before heading to Cleveland in the afternoon to do some work and later, to meet some friends. Then I'm back on the 24x7 call ball & chain until 5 p.m. on the 16th of March.

After that I'm in Columbus for a week for training!

Selling off a shitload of old computer parts on eBay. First round went rather well ... got rid of the stuff that was the easy money ... the rest of it will be hard work. Basically, I gather, photograph, and sort. Then I do the write-ups in Turbo Lister, then I upload them in groups of 10 ... one or two groups a day. Then I start getting them ready to ship.

Starting to get excited about Wrestlemania. Say what you will, it's entertainment. And the roar of a live crowd.

STILL haven't gotten the paperwork issue corrected with the University of Phoenix. But rather than remaining pissed off, every time they ask me to fax them paperwork I've already faxed them multiple times, I just add the confirmation page from the last time I've faxed. Yeah, right now it's adding an extra five pages to the fax I have to send this afternoon, but it's toll free. I don't really care.

This is blog 298. Blog 299 is going to be a review of the upcoming Two Cow Garage CD titled "III" that is out in stores on April 24th. I got an advance from Shane, the bassist for the band, at the Tim Easton show. Cool guy, great band.

Blog 300 is going to be 300 questions about me that I answer. I've been pulling questions out of survey sites and question dumps. Way more about me than you ever wanted to know, but it's my blog. You're not required to read it.


The Bearer of Bad News

As I've stated before, I used to be a reporter for newspaper and radio.

As I've stated before, growing up, it was all I ever wanted to do.

As I've stated before, once I was a newspaper reporter, I hated it.

Hated. It. Because, as Richard Jeni says, it's nothing but "The Bad News."

And he's right. Good news doesn't sell. Me and a fellow reporter (the lovely but insane JSG) used to drop suggestions in the suggestions box at work to change to our newspaper's marketing slogan to "More Bodies Above The Fold."

But since I love to write (really? me? writing? Go figure) I miss it from time to time.

Hence I blog. A lot lately.

And every so often, I still get to break it down old school style and deliver the bad news.

Twice, so far, this week.

THE FIRST: An email to a friend ... I was planning on going to Wooster on March 9th to see the multi-talented Matthew Hoover play (his myspace is here, my photos of him are here). Then I happened to see that the Tim Easton is booked at Seattle's on March 9th (Tim's myspace is here, my photos of Tim are here).

So I sent Matthew a message saying how cool it was going to be to have him opening for Tim Easton.

Ooops. Seems that not only was Matthew not aware that Tim Easton was booked there that night, he wasn't aware he was no longer booked there that night because Tim has an opener. The story: the husband/wife booking team at Seattle's each booked a show that night - and since Tim's national and Matthew's regional, Tim won.

But, I'm still going, because, well, he's Tim Easton. And he rocks. And I'll still go there to see Matthew Hoover the next time he or his band The Peachbones are booked there, because he and they rock as well. (My photos of The Peachbones are here.)

And Seattle's has Sami the lovely barmaid and Hoegaard Beer (as Tim says, Belgian beer's the best) and coffee. Hmmm .... awesome acoustic music, Belgian beer, coffee and a hot bartender? WINNER.

THE SECOND: A phone call after a "routine upgrade" went south last night at work. In the process of upgrading a server with a service pack, the onboard video failed. I had to call the person who manages the applications on the box and tell her "It's Dead, Kim."

Luckily, it was easily fixed with spare hardware this morning, so life is good.

But yeah, I am the bearer of bad news.

Don't make me contact you.


"Monet in Normandy" at CMA

Everyone has their favorite Claude ... mine happens to be Lemieux, the hockey player.

Then again, I'm weird.

But if your favorite Claude is named Monet ... and he happens to be a famous French impressionist painter, make some plans to get to Cleveland before May 20th ... the Cleveland Museum of Art has some cool Claude shit on display in.

I saw a lot of his work on display in Chicago last summer. Dude can paint it, straight up serious. And "Water Lillies" is one of those things that every adult should view, at least once, to see why museums are worth supporting.

Anyway ... from the CMA news release:

Cleveland is the third and final U.S stop for the show "Monet in Normandy," which is billed as the first scholarly exhibition to celebrate the relationship between Claude Monet and his native landscape.

Born in Paris, Monet moved to the Normandy coast as a young child and frequently returned to the region, which was the subject for some of his most significant works of the 1860s. The Impressionist master spent the last 30 years of his life in Giverny, a village on the eastern border of Normandy.

The exhibition is organized geographically and feature about 50 paintings, including the Cleveland museum’s own "Water Lilies" (1920-26). Works are on loan from prominent collections throughout Europe and North America, including the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston; The Art Institute of Chicago; National Galleries of Scotland; The National Gallery, London; and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.

"Monet in Normandy" will be on display through May 20 at the Cleveland Museum of Art, 11150 East Blvd.

Admission is $15 for adults and $10 for senior citizens, university students and children ages 6 to 18. CMA members and children ages 5 and younger are admitted free.

Unsent - My Take

I'm in a theft-of-intellectual-property mode.

So here's my take on a very weird Alanis Morissette song "Unsent" ... only my names have been changed so few will know who I'm talking about. Unless you're one of them. Then you know it's you.

Enjoy. Or don't. Your choice. But don't tell me haven't thought about it.

Unsent. The EB Version.

Dear Turtle-Girl,

I liked you a lot.
I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now.
And I respect that.

I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future,
And want to come visit me in Ohio.
I would be open to spending time with you
And finding out how old you were
When you wrote your first song.

Dear Lawyer-Girl,

I liked you too much.
I used to be attracted to girls who would lie to me
And think solely about themselves.

You were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time.
I used to say the more tragic the better.
The truth is whenever I think of the early 90's
Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday.

Dear Hockey Girl,

I love you muchly.
You've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available
And supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me.

I kept drawing you in and pushing you away.
I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep in your arms
And cry in front of you for the first time.

You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself.
What was wrong with me?

(BTW, Alanis has often said that last line is an internally reflective question, not a directed one. Same here.)

Dear DunkinDonuts Girl,

You rocked my world.

You had a charismatic way about you with people
And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality.

You wouldn't let me get away with kicking me own ass.
But I never really feel relaxed around you,
Or looked how far our love could go.

And that stopped us from going any further than we might have.
And it's kinda too bad because we could've had much more fun.

Dear Book-Girl,

We did so much.

I realize we won't be able to talk for some time.
And I understand that as I do you.

The long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could.
We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives.

I will always have your back and be curious about you.
About your career, your whereabouts.

Ben Lee got some Lyrics

"You can't climb until you're ready to fall."
Ben Lee - "Into The Dark"

Ever have one of those albums that every single song brings back so many memories?

Yeah, I have a lot of them.

But on in particular ... Ben Lee "Awake Is The New Sleep" ... just so many good memories.

On top of that, the songs are amazingly simple musically and seriously complex lyrically.

Check it out.
"I've been thinking 'bout the straight and narrow
slip sliding round the back of my hand"
Ben Lee - "No Right Angles"

What makes us as humans see we want and can't have as a challenge?

More specifically, someone we want and for whatever reason, can't have?

Is it that need to have goals and desires and wants and try to satisfy them as a way of making us feel good about ourselves, our accomplishments or our lot in life?

Or, is it, as Morrissey said, simply a case your mentality catching up to your biology and realizing you want the one you can't have, and it's driving you mad, and it's written all over your face?

I find myself on the other side of this argument for the first time in my life. I'm the pursued. Which to me is downright bizarre, because I just don't buy into the whole dating game anymore.

It's nothing but a sales orgy - you hope they're buying what you're selling; they hope you're buying what they're selling ... and you both hope it becomes a mutually beneficial relationship between two buyers and two sellers who want/need the commodity the other has. Whatever that commodity is.

"I learned my lesson
First impressions
Are more often right than wrong.""
Ben Lee - "Into The Dark"

And every date is like an audition. The carefully worded questions that bring carefully worded answers; and then the search for the reason for the evasiveness in the answers; the new questions the answers bring; and all the answers the questions bring.

"Dating" someone is really so off my radar these days that attempting a date once a month is more than enough for me.

I guess it goes back to a bad date I had not too long ago. It took me about two weeks to agree to meet her ... I should have listened to those first impressions, right Ben?

After 40 minutes, I was convinced it was the wrong idea.

After an 90 minutes, I was done.

And it must have showed, because the sales pitch became overbearing. Every joke I told was funnier; even the ones that weren't funny.

At the two hour mark I called it a night. And a month. And maybe even a year ... I retreated back to my box at the top of the stairs ... but I have no Indian rug, or pipe to share. (Wait, that's not Ben Lee)

"There's no rhyme
and there's no reason
You're the secret in the back of my skull
There's no logic
So please believe me
My love's confusing
But it never gets dull"

Ben Lee "Ache For You"