Bad Love Songs, Part 1

I got a Dan Bern CD from an old girlfriend - when she got her first iPod I helped her rip all of her CDs into MP3's and got her all hooked up electronically, cause I'm nerdy like that (look here for more benefits of dating a geek).

And I remembered liking what I heard of the album (for the record, it was his 1993 self-titled release). I thought the lyrics were catchy, interesting and amusing, yet pointed. So when I saw he was coming to Little Brothers in Columbus in October 2006 promoting his new album, I considered going.

Then I downloaded the new album from eMusic. And quickly changed my mind.

The night after he played Little Brothers, Watershed was there. As I was paying my cover to get in, I asked the doorman what he thought of Dan Bern. All he said was this: "It sounded really familiar. Like I've heard that voice somewhere before."

That's better than any review I could give. Somewhere along the line, Dan Bern went from Dan Bern to a clone of Bob Dylan, because nobody who's heard his 2006 release "Breathe" can say anything but "Wow. Is he Bob Dylan now?" Granted, a lot of musicians have tried to sound like Bob Dylan. And more have been compared to Bob Dylan. And Bob Dylan's sold a shitload of records. So why fuck with success? But there's one thing ... Dylan's lyrics - for the most part - are amazing.

Dan Bern's lyrics -
putrid. Calling them trite would insult trite lyrics.

So today, being Valentine's Day, I'm going to start a new Song of the Day category called "Bad Love Songs" ... cause honestly, I love love songs. And I love bad love songs even more. And breakup / heartache songs top my charts.

But be warned - this is bad. In order to prepare for this lyrical 'masterpiece', sit down, clear your mind, and get a trashcan ready for when your stomach wants to clear itself. This is just bad. (For the record - the lyrics were taken from Dan's OFFICIAL website, so there's no way I've misheard or mistyped them.)

Dan Bern - Remember Me
If I's a bee I'd have to sting you with my stinger
And then your arm would swell and hurt for day
If I's a bell I'd ring you all day with my ringer
Until you'd open up and see my face

I'm not asking for very much
Remember me, remember me

If I's a bird I'd make a nest in your hair
And come home to your head every night
If you were blind I'd play guitar softly beside you
The melody would be your candlelight

I'm not asking for very much
Remember me, remember me

Remember me when you turn your lights
Way down low
Remember me when you close your eyes
On your pillow

If I's a cloud I'd hover over you and rain
And follow you around, block out the sun
If I's a tree I'd shake whenever you walk under
And cover you with leaves til I had none

I'm not asking for very much
Remember me, remember me

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