tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57873821296979189912024-03-07T13:19:49.633-05:00Honesty is such a shallow graveI write words. Sometimes I write complete sentences, too.Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.comBlogger744125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-22282412590432457302023-12-02T01:57:00.000-05:002023-12-02T01:57:35.618-05:00Dear Hall and Oates - Please don't break up. <p>(Editor’s Note:<b> I Don’t Want To Lose You </b>and have you
<b>Running From Paradise </b>from the beginning, so let me explain: This is a
writing exercise I like to do. I take an artist who’s in the news, study their
catalog, and write a funny story about it, using the titles of their songs as
the direction and flow of the story. So, that being said, everything in Bold is
a Hall and Oates song title. This is the third “Song Title Related Blog” I’ve
written. And this is a parody. <b>When The Morning Comes</b>, please don’t sue
me Hall and/or Oates. <b>I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do). </b>And<b> </b>while <b>Some
Things</b> <b>Are Better Left Unsaid</b> …<b> Wait For Me, </b>for <b>I Wasn’t
Born Yesterday,</b> I’m <b>Starting All Over Again </b>with Hall & Oates! <b>I’m
Sorry.</b>)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am a huge fan of 70’s bands tunes verse the music from
that same artist in the 1980s, more importantly, the post-MTV 80’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See Chicago as a partial example, but that
band had a void after the unintentional suicide of Terry Kath (see his documentary
on Amazon Prime) and the ego of Peter Cetera, who I fucking hate. Better yet, listen
to “Songs In The Key of Life” by Stevie Wonder, then spend the rest of your
life hating “I Just Called To Say I Love You” like the rest of us do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a <b>Cab Driver</b> between jobs (a.k.a. I
was doing Uber/Lyft), I had an amazing 70’s playlist full of great classics. And
a feature on that great list was a duo:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daryl
Hall and John Oates. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Darly Hall & John Oates had some <b>Sacred Songs</b>.
The’d make <b>Sara Smile</b>. They’d <b>Take Christmas Back</b> when I really
hated Christmas, which was most of the time. But some songs make it okay. Some may <b>Say It Isn’t So, </b>about your break-up, but<b> </b>I think you guys have been <b>Alone Too Long</b> and
should get <b>Back Together Again</b> so we can <b>Bank On Your Love </b>and
live that <b>Downtown Life. Do It For Love,</b> or <b>Do What You Want, Be What
You Are.</b> <i><o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And if you’re <b>Out of Touch </b>with what’s going on, it’s
no big deal. I’m here to catch you up. Besides, <b>Who Said The World Was Fair</b>?
But this story? <b>It’s Uncanny</b>. On the surface, <b>It’s A Laugh.</b> They tried
to talk about it <b>One on One</b> but that didn’t work. Neither did <b>Mano A
Mano.</b> (Oh, wait, that’s the same thing but it’s two different songs Hall & Oates songs.
This is me playing chess, you checkers playing fine readers of this piece.) John
thinks Daryl doesn’t understand the <b>Love Train </b>that is the <b>Method of Modern
Love</b> corporations are showing established artists. <b>Everywhere I Look, </b>big
names are selling part of or all of their musical catalogs and for some (I’m
looking at you, Dylan), original master tapes, for hundreds of millions of
dollars. <b>Ain’t No Smoke Without Fire </b>looking at those numbers, and John
was smoking at numbers enough to see a lot of popular 1970s musicians who are <b>Nothing
At All</b> these days make some serious cash. Sometimes this is the original lineup cashing out, sometimes this could be last surviving
singer singing songs they probably didn’t write (Looking at you, Chicago) with basically
a tribute band who’s your <b>Portable Radio</b> because some people have a <b>Possession
Obsession</b> with the oldies and can’t move on. (I’m looking at Dave Matthews Band
followers here.) John feels this is a <b>Missed Opportunity, </b>so he’s a <b>Man
on a Mission</b> to bring that <b>Love TKO</b> to get paid.<b> </b> Doesn’t matter <b>What’s In
Your World</b>, sometimes, <b>Promises Ain’t Enough, </b>for <b>Someone Like You</b>. And John is looking to protect future John.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Daryl had a hit post Hall and Oates with Live From<b> </b> Daryl’s House, which
was like <b>Adult Education </b>for GenZ during COVID because Daryl <b>Can’t
Stop The Music (He Played It Much Too Long)</b>, while for John, apparently <b>The
Sky Is Falling</b> and he's hurting financially, apparently<b>.</b> </p><p class="MsoNormal">John has <b>Crazy Eyes</b> for that money, but Daryl thinks
he’s living in <b>Dreamtime, </b>and that’s caused a rift. Daryl filed a
lawsuit against his former musical counterpart, John, in November 2023. Prior
to the lawsuit, Hall alluded to there being a rift between himself and his
musical partner, who used to be <b>So Close</b>, when he explained:
“Perceptions changed, life changed, everything changed. I’m more interested in
pursuing my own world. And so is John.”</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh man, this can’t be <b>The Way You Do The Things You Do. </b>Daryl
once said to John, <b>Talking To You Is Like Talking To Myself, </b>and that everything
they did was like riding on a <b>Love Train</b> and as a songwriting partner, <b>You Make My Dreams</b>. But it seems
like, lately, for Daryl, <b>You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’.</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(<b>I’m Sorry</b> if this gets weird. <b>I’m In a Philly Mood. </b>And other than the Dirty Bastards in Orange (Philthadelphia Flyers for you non-hockey fans), I love me som Philly. </p><p class="MsoNormal">But anyway, this is not just <b>Your Imagination, </b>but here's what I imagine Daryl saying to John:<br /><br />Dear John: <b>Wherever Would I Be</b>
without finding out The<b> Night Before Christmas</b> when <b>It Came Upon a
Midnight Clear</b> that <b>Ooh Child</b>, this whole thing of "Hall and Oates" is <b>Out of Me, Out of You. </b>Like Bruce and Clarence kissing on stage, I thought forever I'd have your<b> Kiss Is On My List. </b>Wow. I also said that to a girl in college. That did not work as a pick-up line. Note
to self: <b>She’s Gone</b>. And now you are tol Time to retire that line. </p><p class="MsoNormal">But back to us. I think it's over. Wait, I know it is. So, I guess it’s<b> Stop Loving Me, Stop Loving You. </b>And
really, <b>Why Do Lovers </b>sometimes end up like this? I got a little story
about that. It goes something like this:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"John: Do you remember our first trip to Barbados? <b>Carmelia</b>, the <b>Bebop Drop </b>transgirl that had you <b>Dance On Your Knees </b>to those <b>Deep
River Blues? </b>You deny it now, but truth be told? You <b>Did It In A Minute</b>. I know. you have no <b>Foolish
Pride</b>. But you know I’m a <b>Family Man</b> and I'm, not judging here because you are free to love who you love, but dude, you’re a <b>Maneater</b>. </p><p class="MsoNormal">"But <b>Don’t
Change, Don’t Hold Back Your Love</b> and know that <b>Everytime You Go Away</b>,
<b>I Can Dream About You</b>,<b> </b>What you don't know, is when you're gone, I dream I ama <b>A Lonely Girl</b>, and I know <b>All You Want
Is Heaven. </b>John, I’m <b>Forever For You</b>, I’m the driver of your <b>Getaway
Car</b>. We’re going to <b>Gloryland (The Official Them song of World Cup USA
1994)</b>, where I’m taking you and <b>My Girl</b> (gotta keep up appearances) to see our favorite EMD act <b>Perkiomen</b>.
You once asked me if I was tempted by fruit of another (STOP IT: Save that shit
for the Squeeze blog you’re working on), but I said my eyes? My <b>Eyes For You
(Ain’t No Doubt About It).</b> The first time I saw you? I’m <b>Falling. </b>I
was hoping you would <b>Help Me Find A Way To Your Heart, </b>and when you told
me you’d be <b>Home For Christmas</b> I said <b>Goodnight and Good Morning</b>.
<b>How Does It Feel To Be Back</b>? I’m home from college, you’re home from the
Army, we’re really <b>The Prince and the Soldier.</b> I hired some <b>Private
Eyes</b>, I knew when we met you I knew your mom was a <b>Rich Girl</b> and I felt like I’d be
part of a squad, like your casual friends as in <b>I’ll Be Around</b>, ya know, <b>If That’s What Makes
You Happy. </b>Turns out you only wanted that whore from New Jersey. Ya know why
Jersey girls don’t get picked up? Jersey girls ain’t trash.</p><p class="MsoNormal">It was fun, John, But we gotta break up. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, there's 89 song titles from Daryl Hall and John Oates in blog format. And Since it's December, remember that not only do we have
Hall & Oates doing Jingle Bell Rock (notice: Not bold), but a version of each of them
solo exists. Check out <b>Jingle Bell Rock From Daryl </b>and <b>Jingle Bell
Rock from John.</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">BOOM! All 91 songs found on Tunster.com for Hall and Oates
including Christmas songs and covers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You’re welcome..<o:p></o:p></p>Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-19894477201519493102020-04-01T19:00:00.001-05:002020-04-01T19:00:14.380-05:00Dear Don Henley ... I updated your song - The Joys of Corona (a parody)<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
The Joys of Corona</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Nobody on the road<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Nobody on the streets<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I feel it in the air<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Coronoa’s got that reach<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Empty shops, empty streets<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
The sun goes down alone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I’m dropping food at your house<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Cause you’re quarantined at home<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
And I can see you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’re blurry there behind the glass<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’ve got dirty hair and an N95 mask <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
After the joys of corona are gone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I never will forget those nights<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Out in a bar drinking beer and Beam<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I remember how it made me crazy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I remember how it made you mean<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Now I don’t understand just how you got infected<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
But babe you’re gonna get better<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I’m going to keep you safe and well fed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
And I can see you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’re blurry there behind the glass<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’ve got dirty hair and an N95 mask <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
After the joys of corona are gone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
Out on the road today<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I saw a Walking Dead sticker on a Cadillac<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
A little voice inside my head said<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
“That’s not where we’re at, not where we’re at”</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I thought everyone knew what six feet was, what did I know</div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
But social outings aren’t gone forever<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
We’ve just got another month to go<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
And I can see you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’re blurry there behind the glass<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
You’ve got dirty hair and an N95 mask <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
After the joys of corona are gone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-62145559961720776092018-01-12T12:36:00.002-05:002018-01-12T13:04:01.311-05:00Dear Lee Greenwood ... I've updated your song<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">While I understand your hardship deferment for avoiding the draft during the Vietnam War, like I understand Trump's heel spurs, and while I applaud the millions you've made singing about your alleged patriotism (straight cash, homie), I've upgraded your song to reflect 2017 and Trump's Sanctimonious America. The Trump-S-A. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You're welcome. (Hat Tip to Kim Urig for the spark!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>God Bless The Trump-S-A</b><br />If tomorrow all the immigrants were gone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I’d have that factory job like a baller<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’d come home every night to dinner on the table<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With just my children and my wife who doesn't work and a maid of color<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’d thank my lucky stars<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For Trump being president today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Cause the flag still stands for white people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And they can’t take that away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I’m proud to be a Trumptonian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I can pretend I’m free<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’ve forgotten the men and women who died<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Who gave that right to me while I had a draft deferment, like our president<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I’ll fakely stand up wrongly citing a 240-year-old Second
Amendment <br />and then get another draft deferment for her today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Cause there ain’t no doubt I love 45<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">God bless the Trump-S-A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">From the lakes of mostly white Minnesota<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To the Klan meetings in Tennessee<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Across the plains of will-be-white-again-soon Texas <br />after we build that wall that Mexico's paying for<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And from drilling platforms in both seas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">From Detroit, which will be great again, when we bring jobs back,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To Houston, who loves me bigly and we hate both New York and LA<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There’s pride again in every racist heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And it’s time we stand and say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That I’m proud to be a Trumptonian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Where I can pretend that I’m free<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’ve forgotten the men and women who died<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Who gave that right to me while I had a draft deferment, like our president</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I’ll fakely stand up wrongly citing a 240-year-old Second Amendment<br />and then get another draft deferment for her today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Cause there ain’t no doubt I love 45<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">God bless the Trump-S-A</span></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-42968424555447038972017-08-05T13:02:00.000-05:002017-08-05T13:02:26.973-05:00Now I Don't Wanna Go Off On A Rant ... But ...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBmHI1-gFEjMBuSJq4nAiAPv7GXstoc2cyHyjqc7MAn26XgwwyjJd_-MaAKXWu1iUBTAgFZMy1yVGSpqDxyGgFZjJumEdqg93GvTgGKo3NGuQniP0u5KqGaBx9_iw99mxrL135Croz1Ak/s1600/asshole2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBmHI1-gFEjMBuSJq4nAiAPv7GXstoc2cyHyjqc7MAn26XgwwyjJd_-MaAKXWu1iUBTAgFZMy1yVGSpqDxyGgFZjJumEdqg93GvTgGKo3NGuQniP0u5KqGaBx9_iw99mxrL135Croz1Ak/s1600/asshole2.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For the most part, I'm a fairly laid-back guy who's pretty easy to get along with, as long as you understand the basics of life:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Know your role.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Stay in your lane.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. Show your work.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. Do your job.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes, as Mary Chapin Carpenter said, that's too much to hope for, but not too much to ask.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Unless you work for the U.S. Postal Service in the Niles branch and your name is Jamie. With an E (remember that, because it matters). Jamie apparently doesn't know her role as a public servant. She couldn't show her work because she wouldn't do her job. But she damn sure stayed in her lane of abject apathy you find in almost all long-time union-protected governmental employees. In fact, it's what some of them are known for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Here's the situation: Allie and I are getting our passports for a cruise in 2018. We filled out the application online, printed it out, got our photos taken, had our birth certificates and copies of our ID as required by the easy-to-follow instructions on the Department of State's very informative website.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All we needed to do was have an official from the U.S. Postal Service check the documents out, fill in a couple of info boxes, verify we are who we are, that the photo presented are actually photos of us, have us affirm we are U.S. Citizens and watch as we sign in the box swearing as much, take $270 ($110 each for the passport that goes to the federal government, $25 each for processing that is the local fee) and ship our paperwork off to be molded by more </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">long-time union-protected governmental employees.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"We only do this by appointment," she said, after calling a ginger guy over to help the ONLY OTHER PERSON in the post office at 11:05 on a Saturday morning, "and we don't take appointments after 10:45 because it takes 30 minutes per person." I explained that we had everything the law stated we needed to have. Everything, that is, except a willing postal employee to process the documents for us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She continued, "We only do this by appointment. I have an appointment today after hours for two people because they take so long." Immediately, my brain is like "Since when does ANYONE who works at an actual Post Office (not letter carriers), especially Niles, do ANYTHING for ANYONE after regular business hours? Shit. You walk up at 12:00:02 on a Saturday and the door is locked."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"There's no where on the official State Department's passport page listing you as an official passport application acceptance office that says you only take appointments, or we would have made an appointment. We waited to come here on Saturday so we could do this together," I explained nicely to her. "It's not like I'm holding up a line or anything. It's 11:10, you don't have another appointment until AFTER you close, so you have time."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"No. You have to make an appointment," she said, flatly refusing to listen to my reasoning. Yep, She was staying firmly in her lane as a </span>long-time union-protected governmental employee. Having worked for the State of Ohio, I know the pose, the posture and that she wasn't going to process our paperwork on this chilly, but sunny Saturday morning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was 11:12. That's when I was done. Done with her, done with her less-than-helpful attitude and decided to let her know, albeit without the destruction of governmental property, because that's how you get arrested at a post office.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I looked at her, picked up our envelope of stuff and said, "Ya know what? FUCK YOU. Every single time I come into this postal facility it is nothing but a gigantic pain in the ass, and it's always you. Is it too much to ask for you to do your fucking job? APPARENTLY.!" and turned to walk out. The ginger kid waiting on the only other customer was laughing in that "don't wanna get caught laughing at this bitch getting told off" laugh. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We leave. I get in the car and fire up the Google machine to look up where else you can get passport applications processed on a Saturday. Apparently, about every single post office in Trumbull County does them, but only Canfield, Poland and North Lima will do them in Mahoning County. Since we were already in Trumbull County, I see that Warren's Main Post Office can do them. Allie says, "You better call first." So I do. And a friendly voice answers the call. I ask Melissa if they can accept two passport applications today. She says, "Sure. We do walk-up on Saturdays until 12:30 p.m. so come on over." I said, "Wow. Can you teach those idiots in Niles how to do that?" She gave me that uncomfortable laugh of acknowledgement when you want to say something, but you can't. Oh, it's now 11:17 a.m.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As we trek down 169 Allie's kinda gut-laughing about me calling Jamie (with an E, why that matters is coming soon) a fucking idiot as I left after giving her "Ya know what? Fuck You."</span></div>
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We compose ourselves and walk in the big-ass main post office on High Street. It's now 11:30 a.m., We meet Jami (without an E. See, told you it mattered.) Jami is smiling. Jami is happy. Jami is impressed we have all our documentation in order, our applications filled out but NOT signed, and that we have the proper photos required. Jami goes over the paperwork, explains the process, checks our IDs, fills out the stuff she has to fill out, has us sign the paperwork, puts it all together and has it ready to go. We thank Jami and pay the lady and walk out of the big-ass main post office in Warren and get in the car. It's now 11:45 a.m. Half-hour each my ass. </div>
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We decided since we adulted enough today, and accomplished the only real mission we have today, we were going to get lunch. We decided to hit up The Lime Tree, because we haven't eaten there yet. And it was delicious.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, your takeways from today's lesson: Do your job, and if you're hungry and in Warren, we recommend The Lime Tree. I say get the Reuben (or Gyro ... or anything really, from The Lime Tree. Travis & Kristen are great people, their food is outstanding and they have great beers on tap and kick-ass unique cocktails. And a monthly brunch. Also, when you piss me off, I'm a gigantic asshole.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But you probably already knew that.</span></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-18774031635928003742017-04-11T21:07:00.003-05:002017-04-11T21:07:51.207-05:00I've figured out President Trump's agenda<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think I finally figured out President Trump's agenda. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For reals.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gimme a minute to explain:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trump really does want America to be/remain/regain being great. Not just in one thing. In EVERYTHING we used to be great at. Manufacturing, education, science, space exploration, environmental protections, social programs, being good neighbors, helping the poor, policing the world and just being that beacon of hope for those wanting a better life, in America.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See, we used to be great. Long ago, before we started this class/color/sexuality/religious/gender/political war that we're all wrapped up in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Trump sees these dividing points as what's making us NOT be great. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not the Mexicans. Not the Muslims. Not the gays. Not the women. The warfare among the people of America. Over petty things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So he decides to do some nation rebuilding by reshaping America. </span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He runs the perhaps the worst campaign ever seen in American politics for content while attacking the leaders of his own party, the leaders of the opposition, asking the Russians to get involved and filling his campaign staff with idiots and political neophytes to run a campaign that nobody saw him winning.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And he does this while running against a candidate that's so hated by a near majority of voters damn near anyone else remotely qualified who doesn't do everything in the previous paragraph would beat her in a Mondale-like landslide.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He loses the popular vote while winning the Electoral collage making everyone who gets democracy but not representative republics mad.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He claims 3 million illegal votes were cast, casting doubt on the legitimacy of the election, but refuses to allow recounts, investigations or proof. Making more people mad.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's turned his campaign promises into shit faster than any candidate in history. Making his supporters mad.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's threatening war with China, Russia, Iran and North Korea, to the point even some of the most fanatical war hawks are like "Um, wait. No. Just wait."</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He fills his cabinet with the least qualified candidates in the history of politics based on how much money they have or gave to his campaign, and by how much money they can route to his pockets. Which makes more people mad.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His approval rating, while three times that of Congress, is deplorable. And falling. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He does EVERYTHING he spent four years criticizing the most popular president in recent history did, but even more so. "I won't golf." "I won't vacation." "I won't waste money." and that's all he does. Warns him "Don't bomb Syria without Congressional approval" ... then goes ahead and does it. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there's more. Yugely more. But this is already long. So let's wrap-it-up!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">America, throughout its history, has always been able to unite to face the common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's PURPOSEFULLY trying to become the single most hated American politician, president and person. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To unite the country. To force us to put aside our differences in race, gender, religion, class, sexual orientation, creed, background, nationality, sports teams, musical tastes to unite as Americans and take on a common enemy: Donald J. Trump.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Eyes open now? You're welcome. </span><br />
<br />Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-85047331213974007122017-02-20T16:00:00.000-05:002017-02-21T18:30:51.927-05:00Help us help kids fight cancer!Hello Friends,<br />
<br />
Eric here. It's February and two dozen of us are 25 days away from shaving our heads and faces to help the St. Baldrick's Foundation help kids fight cancer. I've been growing it out since November 1st, and man, I'm ready to be bald again! This is my sixth year shaving my head, sixth year volunteering and third year as event organizer for our local event, and while it's a lot of work, it's very rewarding work. Here's why:<br />
<br />
Last year we met Kolby, from Youngstown. He was diagnosed in 2015 at age three and started treatments for Early B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He was in treatment but still came out to our 2016 event and watched his brother shave his head, and he had fun. He was diagnosed as cancer free in 2015, but is on a three-year maintenance plan. He will be five 10 days after our 2017 event and his future looks bright. ALL is the most common cancer in boys ages 2-5. It also has the best cure rate of over 95%, and we hope he comes out again this year!<br />
<br />
Kolby is one of the 300,000 kids world-wide that are diagnosed with cancer. Kolby is why we do this. Last year, with your help, the St. Baldrick's Foundation had 1,240 head-shaving events that raised raised more than $38 million for research grants. Locally, we had our best year ever, raising $19,451. <br />
<br />
We are asking for your help again. Just click the link below and donate what you can. Every dollar helps, so please don't feel your donation is too small. And if you can't donate this year, could you share the link on your social media sites? We have 24 people signed up to shave their heads on March 11 including nine women, and Marek, who's seven and shaving his head for the third time as a participant and for the fourth time overall. With what we raised last year, and this year, we've given more than $60,000 St. Baldrick's Foundation since we started in 2012. The donation page link is below and your support is appreciated. Here's the link to our 2017 St. Baldrick's Head Shaving. Come join us for a fun run, bands, beer, bald heads and a basket raffle on Saturday, March 11th. Thanks! Join us by signing up to shave your head or donate to the event, a team or participant here: https://www.stbaldricks.org/events/austintown2017<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMDN8gMKXArcUANr_jD-i1wl8h9WMZ6CfGWGxIigsaApACYkN0KYGOB7tdOzFAe-VpL_3o202JSren3OFLcCCjklrLaekMofWRS3dtkIFWBb1XwDU2FC1xNabJVh2096sdydKDr2E03E/s1600/kolby+%2526+robby.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMDN8gMKXArcUANr_jD-i1wl8h9WMZ6CfGWGxIigsaApACYkN0KYGOB7tdOzFAe-VpL_3o202JSren3OFLcCCjklrLaekMofWRS3dtkIFWBb1XwDU2FC1xNabJVh2096sdydKDr2E03E/s320/kolby+%2526+robby.png" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The photo is Kolby on the left, and his brother Robby on the right from last year's event. Robby raised more than $600 and shaved his head with us.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
You can follow Kolby's story in his Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/398734086918077/Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-1767646074514060172017-02-14T13:01:00.003-05:002017-02-14T13:01:49.957-05:00My annual "Shaking You Down" St. Baldrick's Post!<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello Friends,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's the middle of February and Valentine's Day and I am 25 days away from once again shaving my head and face to help the <a href="https://www.stbaldricks.org/dashboard/event/7890/2017" target="_blank">St. Baldrick's Foundation</a> help kids fight cancer. I've been growing it out since November 1st, and man, I'm ready to be bald again! This is my sixth year shaving my head, sixth year volunteering and third year as event organizer for our local event, and while it's a lot of work, it's very rewarding work. Here's why:</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last year we met Kolby. <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">He was diagnosed in 2015 at age three and started treatments for Early B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He was in treatment but still came out to our 2016 event and watched his brother shave his head, and he had fun. He was diagnosed as cancer free in 2016, but is on a three-year maintenance plan. He will be five 10 days after our 2017 event and his future looks bright. ALL is the most common cancer in boys ages 2-5. It also has the best cure rate of over 95%, and we hope he comes out again this year!</span></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-size: 14px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kolby is one of the 300,000 kids world-wide that are diagnosed with cancer. Kolby is why we do this. Last year, with your help, the St. Baldrick's Foundation had 1,240 head-shaving events that raised raised more than $38 million for research grants. I'm asking for your help again. Just click the link below and donate what you can. Every dollar helps, so please don't feel your donation is too small. And if you can't donate this year, could you share the link on your social media sites? We have 24 people signed up to shave their heads on March 11 including nine women, and <a href="https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/881281/2017" target="_blank">Marek</a>, who's seven and shaving his head for the third time as a participant and for the fourth time overall. Last year we raised $19,451 locally, bringing our five-year-total to nearly $60,000 we've donated to the St. Baldrick's Foundation. My link is below and your support is appreciated.</span></div>
</div>
<a data-expanded-url="https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/ericbroz2017" data-external="true" href="https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/ericbroz2017" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background-color: white; color: #365899; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/ericbroz2017</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="Inline image 1" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui=2&ik=328280aa85&view=fimg&th=15a3dc3d382fe17a&attid=0.1&disp=emb&realattid=ii_15a3db8528ba820c&attbid=ANGjdJ_E74-f5TWtp_hp__KGAGWnmjRfp_AGrWk0xZJKzDwqkJTbFHos_bp3Aln0w8M0rkbhrWq0D4lmcFVhPkCSMx_W821y3zd3Gety3r5ZVJ1E359MPvNo-a8c1cQ&sz=w686-h914&ats=1487095030111&rm=15a3dc3d382fe17a&zw&atsh=1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is Kolby on the left; his brother Robby on the right after raising more than $600 and shaving his head!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-70718735659575342882017-01-24T18:43:00.001-05:002017-01-24T18:43:32.427-05:00This train is about to get a whole lot less populated<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think I have reached the point where I am done with this
administration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, sadly, it
only took two days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My tipping point?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alternative facts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or, to those of us
with logical, rational brains …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The series of flat-out lies and falsehoods being presented from
the podium of the White House Press Room because President Ego and his talking heads got mad about real news media all over the world reporting
on the numbers of people (not) attending his inauguration Friday in DC (which
Twitterer-In-Chief described as an 'honer') as the compared to number of people
who actually attended President Obama's two inaugurations and/or the number of
men, women and children actually attending Saturday's marches in DC and all
over the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I bet the large number of signs with all the words spelled right
had to piss him off, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alternative facts
are lies. There's nothing else to be said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The opening
weekend response from the President, from his campaign speech after he was
sworn in to banning the Department of the Interior and the EPA, his tweets, his inability to see what's happening and respond appropriately has been outlandishly petty, not presidential, unprecedented and proof that he
is unfit to lead this ENTIRE nation, which is still comprised of more people who
didn't vote for him than who did. I’m not saying he’s not the president, he won
the Electoral College. What I’m saying is he needs to realize that he’s the President
of the United States, not just the people who voted for him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's what I’m
talking about: </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As an American, I, and 73,649,166 others who didn't vote for
him, expect him to realize the campaign is over and reach out to everyone, as
previous presidents have. To try to be the President of the United States of
America. Not just the 62,979,879 members of Trump Nation who did vote for him. And
stop saying the popular vote was because of illegal aliens voting, or voter
fraud, or anything like that unless you’re willing to have every vote
inspected, every voter vetted and the results of the election (which have been
verified) recounted, in every state. There’s no way that 10,669,288 illegals
voted (that’s the number of people who voted for her or anyone else running for
President.) So on election fraud, it’s time to put up or shut up.</div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But you won’t. Because you can’t. Your ego won’t let you. You can’t
handle being wrong, being embarrassed or shown up. Everything has to be your
way. You’re acting like a seven-year-old, not a 70-year-old. It’s like you want
to set up a Trump Nation and install yourself as your king and have everyone
bow down to you. But that’s not how America works. You’re elected, not
appointed. You’re gifted a four-year term to convince us to give you another
four-year term. That means all of us. Remember that. You’re in charge of all of the
country, not just the minority who elected you, please start acting like it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As for that minority voted Trump, some of you’d probably hail that king. And that’s sadly
amusing to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wait. What amusing about that? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of you (maybe most, I hate to generalize) are already
groveling beneath his feet, as you have since the beginning, waiting for him to
save your job (which he can't because Mexicans aren't taking them, robots and
the Indians and Chinese are), build that wall & make Mexico pay for it
(which we won't, and they won't), lock her up (which isn't happening) and all
the other things he told you he would do, as you sat there like little baby
birds, mouths agape, as he vomited this garbage in your face and called it Making
America Great Again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You just haven't realized it's garbage he’s feeding you. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That
Trump Freedom Murica Meal you've been devouring like a second grader with a
whole cake is an alleged billionaire pissing all over all of you and him
telling you you’re just standing in the rain. He got what he wanted. Elected.
But he can't deal with not everyone rolling over and accepting that 73,649,167
people DIDN’T vote for him and aren’t happy about the path he’s taking. And
they’re letting him know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This first weekend
in office is just the tip of the iceberg.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The 73.6 million
of us are already and rapidly growing tired your and his inability to see actual facts, think
rationally and act logically for the entire nation. We are already tired of the lies,
the outright propaganda, misinformation and bullshit. Marching against Obama is
what you said? Cheese-Cracka please. This wasn’t a march for or against one
thing, this was a march about EVERYTHING.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have heard for eight years that death panels were coming with
Obamacare. That didn't happen under President Obama, but it’s going to happen
under President Trump when the Affordable Care Act is repealed. For the slow readers
in the crowd, congrats for getting this far. I hope you realize that the
Affordable Care Act is, in fact, Obamacare. And many of you who voted for
President Trump will be losing your health insurance, all because you hate the
Obama part of Obamacare so much you never realized it’s exactly what you have.
I hope you’re not part of the 43,000 that Harvard expects to die in the first
year. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Others will see their premiums
rise. To keep the insurance companies raking in billions of dollars a year
while letting people go without medicine, and health care. That’s why they were
marching.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
He never took your guns, but now Law And Order Trump wants to federalize law
enforcement across the nation with the "Kill a cop, face the death
penalty" tactic. While that sounds good in his bumper-sticker staccato
speech patterns, it happens to violates the 10th Amendment of the Constitution,
a document he’s probably never read but swore to uphold. That’s why they were
marching.</div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He demanded Obama's birth certificate, but won't produce the tax forms he's promised over, and over and over to do, from the time before he won the nomination to saying before he was sworn in. Still, no taxes. Because he's a fraud.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I’ve saved the best of the lies for the end ... How many
times and ways were we told the Kenyan Muslim Socialist Communist Fascist Fake President
Barack Hussein Hitler Obama was going to enact Sharia Law? I’ve lost count.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But Sharia law is
coming to America, just the Christian version of it. And your leader is the one
pushing it, not the Obamas. If Congress has its way, we’re going to have a
nation where less than 60% identify as Christian, and even fewer has hardcore
Christian (25% Evangelical) but with the Bible the law of the land. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>That's no
different than making the Koran the law of the land. </b></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There’s a pretty big
statement from the Founding Fathers (who were not all Christian and this is not and never has been a "Christian nation") who realized that zealots of any religion will destroy this
nation. That’s why there the whole Religious liberty means you can worship whom
you want, or idolize nothing at all. Religious liberty does not mean you must
worship my god. That's why the Pilgrims left England in the 1600's. To get away
from religious intolerance. That's why they wrote the Establishment Clause and Free Exercise Clause of First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What's that? Here: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."</div>
</span><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Now, 500 years later, here we are. Trying to make
the the God of the few rule the many, regardless of the will of the people.
That’s why they were marching. And dozens of other reasons.</div>
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President
Trump isn't helping with his petty fits, and his desire to rip away everything
that happened over the last eight years. He didn't win a majority of the vote
and should start to recognize it. His speech Friday should have said
"I see you. I hear you. I want to be your president too. Let's work
together to make America great again." I, and many others, would have listened to that. We don't want to see Trump fail, because that means America fails, but it's going to happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Before Friday, Trump talked
about taking the weekend off, then gave a campaign speech after being sworn in, then
on Saturday, had a fake event at the CIA with a hand-picked crowd of NOT CIA people. Then, he and his propaganda machine went 11-year-old girl on us all weekend with "No way, Holly. I totally
had more people at my birthday party than you or Stacey did.” That's not presidential behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then we
learned about “alternative facts.” A concept
so stupid only the brainwashed who’ve been watching Faux Noise and listing to
Rush would believe. And that’s where my wanting this to work ends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Your stupidity and blind ignorance to continue to follow this
orange airbag has me in fear for the long-term health of this nation, our
children, your grandchildren; the current health and basic rights of our wives,
sisters, mothers, and grandmothers, because their rights will be stolen away,
day by day, minute by minute, along with our health care, our clean air, our
clean water and clean land, for the next four years, or however long it takes
the rest of the Republican party to wake up and realize the monster they've
created is eating their future, too, and impeach a man who never should have
gotten this far in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m a 48-year-old white male with two degrees and an IT career. I
have skills across many fields that will keep me employed until doomsday, so I’m
not worried about me. I’m worried about my friends that aren’t white, that aren’t
males, that are gay, lesbian, transgender, intersex. Those that don’t have
degrees, those that have children, those who stand to lose basic rights,
protections and access to health care. That’s who I support. Not a billionaire
wanna-be king and anyone who can’t see where this is going. Deregulate the EPA?
Sure. We’ll wind up with more jobs, and look like Beijing. Pollution so thick
you can’t go outside in it. Put an idiot who’s never had a job in charge of the
Department of Education who’s never attended a public school or applied for
federal student aid? Perfect. Putting Rick Perry and Ben Carson in your
cabinet? What’s next? Bristol Palin running Planned Parenthood?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sorry, if you’re still 100% behind Trump, we’re done. If you’re
not questioning his responses, his actions or his inability to realize he’s
completely unqualified for the role he has, we’re done. If you’ve spent all
weekend not seeing what’s happening? We’re done. Because if you're not getting
on the reasonable, fact-based train, then I guess we're not going to end up in
the same place. Enjoy the ride to your distopian future with King Trump. I'm
out.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-18283649973113246632017-01-18T11:21:00.000-05:002017-01-18T11:22:55.545-05:00The New Testament: King Trump Edition 10 Commandments, updated for 2017 America.<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The New Testament: King Trump Edition 10 Commandments, updated for 2017 America.</span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The US Dollar is the Lord your God: You shall not honor foreign currencies before me. Unless you're bribing me. And they're not traceable. I prefer Russian bonds. They are the best.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not take the name of Trump your God in vain. I'll sue the pants off you. I have great lawyers. Believe me, they're great.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Remember to keep holy the weekend. Which is why I'm taking this, and probably every other, weekend off. Don't want to drunkingly sign executive orders calling for the immediate incarceration of those crooked Clintons and my other political enemies this weekend while I'm celebrating. With the Clintons. We're friends. She's a nice lady. I'm the new president. I shouldn't have to work weekends. It's not like I'm taking any salary for this. I might just work four ten-hour days and call it a week. A 40-hour work week for everyone makes America great again.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Honor your father and your mother. Especially if they give you small loans, like when I got a million from my father in the 70's. Didn't everyone get that?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not kill. But I can shoot somebody on 5th Avenue and still not lose any votes. Unless you're standing your ground. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not commit adultery. That's a Presidential exclusive in the Trump administration. And before I was president. Because it's part of the Trump Family Values.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not steal. That's reserved for the Mexicans. Rape too.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. But you better report his Muslim ass if he's plotting against America. Because they all are. Or if he's a raping Mexican, here illegally. I'll deport his ass starting Day 1. I mean Day 3. Weekend off. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Again, that's Droit du seigneur. You'll wind up on the other side of the wall.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You shall not covet your neighbor's goods. Only covet things with the Trump label. They're the best. </span></li>
</ol>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-90329322326630835882016-12-21T17:39:00.001-05:002016-12-21T17:42:21.317-05:00I wrote a letter using 182 Richard Marx song titles. <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Apparently <a href="http://richardmarx.com/" target="_blank">Richard Marx</a> is kind of a bad-ass and helped restrain a dude who lost his shit on a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/dec/21/singer-richard-marx-restrain-man-flight-crew-korean-air" target="_blank">Korean Air Flight</a> last weekend. A friend of mine was reading about it and was shocked to learn that he was married to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DaisyFuentes/" target="_blank">Daisy Fuentes</a>, and that she's 50 and beautiful, and that Richard Marx has a HUGE odd-shaped head. She asked me the following questions:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">1. What is wrong with Richard Marx's head? It looks misshapen. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2. When did he marry Daisy Fuentes</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">3. How is it possible that Daisy Fuentes is 50??</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">4. Why would he marry her?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now she's well-versed in the Googles, so she could easily look those answers up. As could I. But I went one step beyond, as Madness once said. I googled all the original songs and some covers that Richard Marx has released, excluding the Christmas albums, and have come up with perhaps the greatest set of answers of all time as a letter from Richard Marx, explaining everything.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Everything in bold is a Richard Marx song title, or cover, that he has released. There are 182 of them. Enjoy!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Good Evening</b>, <b>Angelia,</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>What’s The Story</b> about my head? <b>We’ll Talk about That Later. I Can’t Help It. </b>It’s really <b>More Than A Mystery.</b> I guess it’s just
hard to control <b>The Power Inside of Me. </b>Or
it’s <b>Wild Horses. </b>Or just a bad
photo angle. Humidity. Or the fact that my hair was messed up from fighting with a Korean on a plane. You choose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>What’s Wrong With That? Almost Everything.</b> I have a weird-shaped
head. Mostly just <b>Scars</b> that <b>Shine</b> from my life on <b>Streets of Pain </b>I <b>Forget To Remember. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As for Daisy Fuentes and I being
an item? <b>My Confession: </b>We met years
ago, and briefly dated, while I was at the height of my musical success. <b>At The
Beginning, </b>she said it felt like a <b>Ride
With The Idol,</b> but <b>Everything Good </b>eventually
ends. She left me. <b>Everybody</b> saw it
coming but me. No <b>Thanks To You.</b> Oh,
wait, <b>That Was Lulu</b>. Snark redacted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Suddenly,
</b>one day she looked at me, sadly, and said, “You’re a <b>Superstar. When You’re Gone, </b>I have <b>Suspicion.</b> You <b>Keep Coming
Back</b> and I <b>Take You Back </b>but <b>You Never Take Me Dancing.</b> I know it’s <b>Too Late To Say Goodbye</b>, that it’s <b>Too Early To Be Over, </b>but I’ve <b>Had Enough.</b> I am <b>So Into You, You’re A God,</b> but I’m afraid I can’t be <b>What You Want. </b>Be<b> Everything You Want.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>“Whatever We Started, </b>I feel like the <b>Hazard </b>of your <b>Wild Life </b>interrupts
the <b>Power of You and Me. </b>I have a <b>Heart Of My Own. </b>I can’t play this <b>Fool’s Game </b>and be just another <b>Flame In Your Fire.</b> I’ll <b>Talk To You Later.</b> Decide what <b>We Are</b> and <b>Surrender To Me</b>. Be <b>All Over
Me</b> not just a <b>Part of Me. </b>This
is how I feel <b>From The Inside. </b>Go <b>Inside </b>and <b>Think It Over</b>. Then pack your stuff and <b>Just Go.</b>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It felt <b>Like The World Was Ending. </b>I was crushed <b>On The Inside.</b> I let out a <b>Silent
Scream. </b>I had to <b>Getaway</b> from
all of this. I got <b>Colder. </b>I’m just <b>One Man. </b>I knew right there I was
afraid to say how I really felt. She brought out <b>The Best Of Me. </b>I felt her <b>Slipping
Away</b> and I <b>Should’ve Know Better </b>to
think I was <b>In This All Alone.</b> Turns
out I was afraid to show her my <b>Lonely
Heart. </b>It was <b>Love Unemotional</b>. I
was afraid of <b>Dependence. </b>Tears<b> Keep Coming Down, </b>drowning out <b>The</b> <b>Flame Of Love. </b>I was <b>Falling.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">While we were apart, I was at the
<b>Edge of a Broken Heart. </b>Literally
alone on <b>The</b> <b>Edge of Forever</b> being alone, with these self-imposed <b>Chains Around My Heart</b>. It’s <b>Eternity </b>to spend <b>Every Day Of Your Life </b>with your <b>Hands In Your Pocket</b> while <b>Playing
With Fire, </b>hanging out with the <b>Children
of the Night </b>while you <b>Wait For The
Sunrise. </b>There are <b>Breathless </b>days
where I <b>Can’t Stop Crying. I Can’t Help
It. </b>Life <b>Don’t Mean Nothing</b> when
you’re <b>Living In The Real World</b>
without <b>Someone Special.</b> <b>Heaven Only Knows </b>how I had my <b>Heart On The Line. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Then I saw her in <b>Miami,</b> <b>2017.</b> It was October, right about the time <b>When November Falls. </b>There, I came <b>To My Senses.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>At The Beginning, </b>I was <b>Too
Shy To Say </b>anything. I felt a <b>Touch
of Heaven </b>when I saw her <b>At The
Station</b>. I felt her <b>Eyes on Me. </b>She
took one look at me with those <b>Baby
Blues </b>and, you know me, I <b>Can’t Lie
To My Heart. </b>For <b>Better or Worse</b>,
I was <b>Over My Head</b> and knew there
was only <b>One Thing Left: </b>I had to <b>Take This Heart</b>, put on my <b>Boy Next Door</b> attitude, <b>Take It To The Limit </b>and show her <b>The Other Side </b>of me. I didn’t want <b>Ordinary Love. </b>I was <b>Ready To Fly</b> into the <b>Real World</b> and although I said<b> (It Looks Like) I’ll Never Fall In Love
Again</b>, I decided to <b>Have A Little
Faith</b> and try to start <b>Better Life</b>.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I asked her to <b>Have Mercy </b>and <b>Save Me</b>. Despite what other women had <b>Done To Me, </b>she was <b>Everything
I Want.</b> I was <b>Falling </b>and had <b>Nothing To Hide</b> so I told her<b> Straight From My Heart:</b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“I am <b>Waiting On Your Love</b> and hope <b>The
Image</b> of me as a <b>Big Boy Now</b> will
allow you to <b>Turn Off The Night </b>and <b>Bring It On Home.</b> I’m <b>Calling You</b> just <b>One More Time</b> to give us <b>One
More Try</b> because you were the<b> Best I
Ever Had </b>and <b>You’ll Never Be Alone</b>
if you <b>Come Back To Me</b>. I felt you <b>Wouldn’t Let Me Love You, </b>oddly enough,
<b>When You Loved Me. </b>The <b>Last Thing I Wanted </b>was to not be <b>Always On Your Mind. </b>Let’s <b>Say</b> <b>Goodbye To Hollywood. </b>I’ll come <b>To Where You Are. Heaven’s Waiting.</b> <b>I’m Not Running. I’m Still Here. </b>I Will Be<b> Right Here Waiting, Until You Come Back To Me.</b> But,<b> If You Don’t Want My Love</b>, I’ll leave <b>Your World</b>. <b>Again.” <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Suddenly, </b>there was <b>Sunshine.
</b>She said, “<b>Come Running,</b> we have
the<b> Whole World To Save.”</b> It was a <b>Miracle. </b>We spent <b>Days In Avalon, Dancing. </b>The music
sounded like an <b>Angel’s Lullaby.</b> <b>Alleluia. </b>There was a joyous <b>Echo </b>that was <b>Like Heaven. </b>And <b>Remember
Manhattan? </b>That was <b>Another Heaven. </b>She
said <b>Hold On To The Nights</b>, and she wasn't lying.<b> </b>We were
finally <b>Lovin Emotional. </b>I am <b>Satisfied </b>with my <b>Rhythm of Life. </b>We’re talking <b>Soul
Action. </b>I am <b>Loved. </b>I am <b>High</b> on life. <b>I Get No Sleep</b><b>.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I can’t explain <b>The Way She Loves Me. </b>It’s like <b>Thunder and Lightning.</b> She’s the blood
that flows <b>Through My Veins. </b>I <b>Should’ve Known Better. </b>She’s <b>Beautiful. And I Love Her. Now and Forever.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As for you, <b>Little Miss Heartbreak, If You Were My Girl</b> you could'vd had me <b>Anyway You Want Me. </b>Why am I telling
you this now? The <b>First Time Ever I Saw
Your Face</b>,<b> This I Promise You, </b>I
melted. Sometimes I just <b>Can’t Help
Falling In Love</b> at first sight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But, now that I’m with Daisy,
again, none of this will happen. And, short of her leaving this mortal plain, there’s
<b>Nothin You Can Do About It. </b>I’m glad
to get this off my chest, so<b> There’s
Nothing Left Behind Us</b> and there’s <b>Nothing
Left To Say. Until I Find You Again</b>, I <b>Give
You Back</b> your<b> </b>time. I have
removed the thing in my life that <b>Only
Reminds Me Of You, </b>your journalism book “<b>What’s The Story.” </b>I hope you take from <b>The Letter</b> that in my life, <b>Everything
Good</b>. I hope my dreams don’t <b>Haunt
Me Tonight.</b> I give you <b>Your Goodbye.
</b>I hope it’s a <b>Beautiful Goodbye</b>.
I must go. I hear <b>Moscow Calling</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">All the best,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">-Richard<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-74251500149921825262016-12-01T17:53:00.003-05:002016-12-01T17:53:17.634-05:00So #DumpKellogg is just the tip of the iceburg?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the Trumpsters are all protesting and boycotting Kellogg for pulling its advertising from an Alt-Right website? That's cool. This is America. As long as they're not beating people up for saying "They're GREAT!" they can have their cute little protest. America is comprised of around 330 million people, give or take a few, and the 45 million that allegedly read BreitBullShit.com on a daily basis represent about 14% of the population. If we take that 45 million and break it down by gender, readership (according to <a href="http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/breitbart.com" target="_blank">Alexa</a>) is about 60/40 female to male, so about eight million shoppers (assuming that 60% of the 14 million people follow traditional white rules and the wife stays home with the kids and does all the shopping while dad goes off to work, the way god intended) who just got pissed off. And are boycotting. Because a company decided to stop advertising on a website that went from conservative to alt-right (a.k.a. white supremacy). </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All that aside, for a group of people who complain about libtards and liberal logic, the conservatives sure love to go out of their way to whine & complain about being mistreated. How does not seeing an ad for SugarSmaks impede your daily life? No, please. Someone let me know. I REALLY NEED TO FIND PEOPLE WHO LIKE WEB ADS, ya know, for research. So hit me up if you're actually missing the wholesome goodness of a Corn Pops ad while reading your daily racist news stories. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But like I said, that's cool, they have the right to shop where they want. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, alt-righters and their supporters ... Say goodbye to Kellogg's Frosted Flakes, Kellogg's Nutri-Grain, Smart Start (which goes against what you believe because, ya know, it's based on science), Crunchmania, and the gay-sounding Froot Loops, which you'd probably never eat, because you don't want to catch the gay.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And let go of your Eggo, Low Fat Granola, Fruit Flavored Snacks, Apple Jacks, Cinnabon, Kellogg’s To Go, Crispix, Special K and Frosted & Mini-Wheats. But it's not all doom and gloom here, I do have good news: </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You will be able to eat in silence without the fun of Snap, Crackle & Pop in your Rice Krispies, but you may have trouble pooping without the fiber in Mueslix, Cracklin’ Oat Bran, All-Bran, and Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. And if that makes you mad, I'd tell you to eat something sweet, but you just swore off Corn Pops, Smorz, Honey Smacks and you can no longer Krave your Pop-Tarts. Even those tasty Cinnamon Brown Sugar ones I'm eating right now.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you say you're just starting? #DumpKellogg is the tip of the iceburg? You want the corporations you support to more reflect you and your beliefs or you're not going to support them? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bad news, snowflake. That ain't gonna happen. Even in Trump's America.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Corporations have been opening their doors, hiring offices and payrolls to become more inclusive. More diverse. Less white. Soon there will only be a few corporations left for you to support, and you may have to go back to the basics and grow your own food, build your own cars, make your own clothes. And computers. And cell phones, because ... </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Microsoft doesn't advertise on alt-right sites because they're inclusive of all Americans. Microsoft LOVES the gays. Same with Apple. Hell, their CEO, Tim Cook IS one of the gays! So you get no PCs running Windows, no Macs, no iPhones, iPad, iPods or AppleWatchs. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And don't plan on telling me what else you're boycotting on Facebook, Twitter, any of the massive reach of Google (like Google+ (yes, it still exists), blogging about it here, or ranting on YouTube). They all love the gays and diverse workforces, too. And don't advertise on alt-right sites. Maybe there's an alt-right Friend Finder out there you can use. (I just googled white power dating sites, and yes, there are several. No, I won't list them. Gopher them on your own custom-built computer hopefully running the white power Linux kernel. Yes, that exists, too. No, I won't link to it.)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More good news: You'll be in much better shape, because Ford hires the gays. And the blacks. And other minorities. So does GM. I know a couple! And Dodge. And Toyota, Honda, Subaru. And none of them advertise on alt-right sites. I'd tell you get on your bike, but there are a bunch of African-Americans that build (and ride) motorcycles. Same with Schwinn. And none of them advertise on alt-right websites. And that's good, for you, because Aetna, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Cardinal Health, Care Resource, CIGNA, CVS, Group Health Cooperative, Healthline, Jazz Pharmaceuticals, Johnson & Johnson, Kimberly-Clark Corp, Mass Life, McKesson, Pfizer, Procter & Gamble, St. Jude Medical, Uptown Physicians Group and United Therapeutics Corp all love the gays, so you'll likely be out of health insurance after Obamacare and Medicare are gone, and won't be able to buy bandages or wound-care from the places listed above. Don't know what some of them do? That's okay. Pfizer makes drugs, Procter & Gamble makes damn near <a href="http://www.pg.com/en_US/brands/all_brands.shtml" target="_blank">EVERYTHING</a> including Pampers & Luvs, so get used to cloth diapers.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what else is happening on the boycott front? Oh, yeah, you're boycotting Target over their bathroom policies ... while shopping WalMart because they have the Duck Dynasty stuff. Walmart also gives same-sex domestic partners benefits. #BOOM Triggered again.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But my favorite "SHOW THEM WE MATTER" protest is your on-going war on Starbucks over their lack of Christmas-themed cups. I personally don't shop there unless it's my only coffee option because I think their coffee kinda sucks. It's better than MacRonalds (who loves minorities and gays), or truck-stop coffee, but still nowhere near the top of the list. You've been at war with them for what ... three years now? Oceania was at war with Eastasia: Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do like the the new guerrilla twist in this war that's been happening here in 2016. That's some next-level protest shit right there. And I'm a military scholar. I love a good battle plan. Let's look at this & lemme get this straight: <br /><br />You're <b>protesting</b> their support of Hillary in the election by <b>going </b>to their stores, kiosks and drive-thru locations, <b>ordering </b>their over-priced coffee, <b>handing </b>over your hard-earned money or Discover card (cause you can't use a Visa, Mastercard or American Express card, because they love the gays) from a job the (lazy) Mexicans haven't stolen yet, <b>to make them write Trump</b> when they ask for your name. That's genius-level boycotting right there, I tell ya! <i>"We hate you. You're anti-Christian. Take my $5 and write Trump on my cup. That'll learn ya"</i>). </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then, if they don't, you get TRIGGERED and start yelling about the election. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So who's left for your cracker-ass bigoted selves to shop at? Not much. I mean, if you're gonna go in, GO ALL IN and stop shopping everywhere that doesn't meet your particular political or religious beliefs. I'll even help you out: <br /><br />Here are the most anti-gay corporations in America. <br /><br />Get used to sustaining yourself on their wares, but pay with cash, because Visa and Mastercard and American Express love the gays. They signed with this list of <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/05/marriage-equality-amicus_n_6808260.html" target="_blank">379 companies</a> to support marriage equality in the US in 2015.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can get your food (and pet food) from Chik-Fil-A, Cracker Barrel & Purina. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can get your gas at Exxon-Mobil. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can get your clothes from Salvation Army, but not Levis. They're on that list above. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And have fun with all those boycotts. But try to find a good breakfast before you start ... but stay away from Cheerios, Chex, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Fiber ONe, Kix, Lucky Charms, Count Chocoula and his ghouls, Tiny Toas, Trix, Total, Wheaties. General Mills is on the list, too!<br /><br />Now gimme those Hamilton tickets.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-24339427837798908842016-12-01T12:19:00.004-05:002016-12-01T12:24:50.040-05:00Cops threaten to play Nickleback to OVI offenders. I write a parody of Nickleback based on it.<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So the fine Canadian police officers in Prince Edward Island are threatening to force people caught driving drunk to listen to Nickelback. No, for <a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/prince-edward-island-police-force-threatens-to-play-nickelback-to-drunk-drivers/article33086145/" target="_blank">reals</a>! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And between you and me, that would never fly in America. It's probably at best against the Geneva Convention. I mean, let's be serious: One Nickelback song sounds just like every other Nickelback song. And that shit is torture. And probably unconstitutional. At worst, it's</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> basically the same song 97 times in a row (current catalog at the time of this blog post).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So me being me, I decided to spice things up and have a guy write a Nickelback song parody about getting pulled over for having too much to drink and driving, which is never smart. And no, for the record, I was not asked to blow into a plastic straw.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So I give you ... "Plastic Straw" sung to the tune of "Photograph" ... or 96 other similar-sounding Nickelback songs:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Plastic Straw</span></b></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He said "Blow in this plastic straw. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You were part of that goddamned bar crawl.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You should see your eyes are so red</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You're lucky you could have wound up dead.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"And please don't give me no shit.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You're drunk as fuck and cannot deny it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There's no way you can walk a line. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Probably looking at some weekend time. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Please don't puke in my car. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Gimme the name of that goddamned bar</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That over-served you, they are goin' down</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm sick of working in a college town.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"You can't fight while you're drunk. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You think you're tough? You're a fucking punk. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You should've handed the keys to a friend</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Your buzz is really gonna quickly end"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Oh, whoa, it just hit me God, I</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am handcuffed in the backseat of a police car</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I should have got an Uber ride home from that bar </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's hard to say</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Fucked up today, today</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Gonna find my photo on the internet for sure </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's time to face it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Judge will say it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Remember working at the pizza place?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We'd get so drunk we couldn't feel our face</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The cops fucked with us walking home</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I hear somebody made it a golf dome</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We use to rule that jukebox</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sang along with every song that rocks </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We said someday we'd find out how it feels</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To sing to more than just a cutting wheel</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Your sister's the first girl I kissed</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I never told you cause you'd be hot pissed</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She finally came out as a lesbian</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I haven't seen her since God knows when</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Oh, God, it my fault? I</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am handcuffed in the backseat of a police car</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I should have got an Uber ride home from that bar </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's hard to say</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Fucked up today, today</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Gonna find my photo on the internet for sure </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's time to face it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Judge will say it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't miss that town</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't miss their faces</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Alcohol erases</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Brain cells can't replace it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't miss it now</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I can believe it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So hard to stay</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Real easy to leave it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If I could relive this night </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I know the one thing that I would do right</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'd get an Uber or a taxi ride home from that bar</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There's no way I'd get behind the wheel of my car</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have to say it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Time to say it.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jail Time ... Jail tiiiime.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now my photo’s on the internet, I know for sure </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's time to face it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Judge will say it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He said "Blow in this plastic straw. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You were part of that goddamned bar crawl.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You were part of that damned</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-50953546641103798482016-11-09T13:02:00.002-05:002016-11-09T13:17:11.901-05:00Because This is How America WorksI admit it. I was wrong. Donald Trump has won the presidency. Regardless of how the popular vote goes, presidents are not elected by popular vote. It's the Electoral Collage. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
On the second Wednesday after the first Tuesday in November of a Leap Year, America historically has a reset. We have a new, or re-elected, president. New, or re-elected House of Representatives, and one-third new or re-elected Senators. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
It would be easy (especially for me) to rant, rave, throw things, kick puppies, (well, maybe not kick puppies), swear, threaten to move (oh, wait, <a href="http://ericbroz.blogspot.com/2016/11/emotional-lashing-out-is-new-black.html" target="_blank">I just covered that</a>, I can't get into Canada) or the like, But I'm not going to do that. America has spoken. Our half-black progressive-leaning gay-loving president maybe went a bit too far on the pendulum, and now America has decided to swing it back the other direction. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
To my friends who supported Donald Trump, congratulations. Your candidate won. Moving forward, I will no longer refer to him by any of the names I called him during the election cycle, as he will be president, and I have respect for the office. Moving forward, I will refer to him as President-Elect until January 20th, then as President Trump. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
I will not say he is not my president, or that I didn't elect him. I will not leave this country. I will not turn my back on politics, or the political process. I'm an American. He's the President-Elect of the United States of America. He will be my president on January 20, 2017. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
To my friends who did not support President-Elect Trump, I see your pain. And I feel it too. But don't give up. We can't give up. We have to look at what happened. Take it in. Examine it. Digest it. Fix it. Starting in 2018. And try again in 2020. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
In the short-term, feel free to blame the DNC. The Clintons. The Russians. Fox News. Your racist uncle. The FBI. CNN. WikiLeaks. People who believed WikiLeaks. Print Media. Gary Johnson. Jill Stein. Whoeverthehell that Mormon guy was. Blame whoever you want. It doesn't matter. Blaming anyone never fixed anything. And this isn't the time for the "Don't Blame Me I Voted For Her" or "Don't Blame Me I Wanted Bernie" mentality. This is the time to mobilize. To organize. To remain or become vigilant in your actions, and speech, and set the stage for 2018's mid-term elections. And 2020 general election. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
It's time to look to the future. While campaigning, President-Elect Trump made spouted some crazy solutions. And who knows, maybe some of them will work. Maybe a new direction IS needed in Washington, and maybe he can bring it. We need to work on our infrastructure. Our roads, bridges, schools, water delivery systems (remember Flint, Michigan?). Want to "Make America Great Again," President-Elect Trump? Move your industries to America (notice I did not say "Back to America" because they've never been here). Want to employ Americans and recreate the middle class? Buy American-made steel for your buildings. America works when Americans work. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
And, because this is how America works, President-Elect Trump will have a Republican House of Representatives, a Republican Senate, and a majority of state legislatures led by Republicans. There should literally be NOTHING in the way of stopping the Trump Train. Perhaps, for the first time since President Obama had a Democratic House & Senate his first two years in office, something can get done in Washington. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
If not, or if the Republicans who have said they can not support a President Trump follow through with their actions, and again, nothing gets done, Americans have a choice in 2018 to reshuffle the House and one-third of the Senate in the mid-term elections (yes, they still happen). As it happened in 2010, when the Tea Party swept into the national spotlight and the Republicans gained six Senate seats and 63 House seats. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
Politics aside, if you woke up on Wednesday, regardless of how you voted, or if you voted, you're alive. You have a voice. You still have your Constitutional rights, and nobody's dragging you off to prison for words you say, or thoughts you have as long as you're not inspiring hate, or hurting others. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
Americas overwhelmingly came to the polls, and voted what's in their hearts, heads, and beings. And we have the President-Elect we have, and the Congress, and the Senate. Now we have to make them work. For us. Because this is how America works.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-77792305384010584222016-11-07T12:48:00.001-05:002016-11-07T12:49:15.821-05:00Emotional Lashing Out is The New Black, Apparently<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dear Everyone Saying They Are Moving To Other Countries If The Other Candidate Is Elected:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Stop. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just shut your piehole and turn off your cable news channel. You're not going anywhere, and you and I both know it. It's emotional lashing, and it's worthless.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you're a Conservative, and you're threatening to move to Canada if Hillary Clinton is elected, you're an idiot. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You're terrified of Hillary's America with open borders, gay rights, restrictive gun laws, abortion on demand and universal health care? So you're moving to Canada? A country that in 2015 elected Justin Trudeau as their Prime Minister (he's like the president of Canada) And since he's not American, and you watch Faux Noise most of the time, which usually doesn't much cover Canada or liberals, let alone Canadian liberals, here's 11 things you need to know about your future Prime Minister:</div>
</span><br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau wants to add 25,000 Syrian refugees. A year. To the 10,000 per year they're already taking in.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau has promised to legalize marijuana.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau wants to end his country's involvement in aerial attacks against ISIS.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau believes we have to fight climate change.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau believes in boosting government spending.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau raised taxes on the wealthy.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau loves the gays. And the transgenders, too. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau is against the Keystone XL Oil Pipeline.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau is in favor of normalizing Canada's relationship with Iran.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau restored the role of science in government and national policy.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Justin Trudeau has a gender-balanced cabinet of 15 men and 15 women, because, "Hey, it's 2015." (His answer, when asked why he appointed 15 women to prominent cabinet positions.)</span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So stop claiming you're moving to Canada. It's a Liberal Heaven and your personal hell. Nearly 30% of the country doesn't believe in your god, and you think there's a war on Christmas here? Canadians love Christmas. And Boxing Day. (That's when you box up your leftovers, and clothes you replaced, and toys you outgrew and pass them down to someone less fortunate than you), but they respect the views of others so "Happy Holidays" is a very Canadian thing to say.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Face it, they don't want you, and you wouldn't fit in. Besides, you can't bring your guns, so if you do move, you've just given up your guns voluntarily, to Hillary. So much for that "From My Cold Dead Hands" shit. Your hands, however, would be cold. Canada is cold. And they use the Metric System. And gay marriage isn't even questioned. See, not a place for you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you're a Liberal, and think Canada sounds like a heck of a great place based on all of the above if Trump wins, you're an idiot. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You're terrified of Trump's America but forget that the same people who stonewalled President Obama for six years will not only be there stonewalling Trump for four years, but be joined by a majority of the Democrats in the House and Senate as well. And that's against a Constitutional Lawyer, who has patience, and grace. You thought the 114th Congress did jack shit? Wait until you see the 115th. Think Trump tweets are mad now? Wait until he's stonewalled, repeatedly, and legally can't do shit about it. Because he doesn't understand how government or politics work, let alone work together. His "My way or no way" won't work in Washington. Ever.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Then, after two disastrous years with nothing being done and nothing happening (including that wall), and without Hillary in prison (because, well, that's not how politics works in America, you can't imprison your enemies), and a mid-term election in 2018, the 116th Congress would continue the task. Because while some democrats in Congress liked Bernie, and some liked Hillary, but none of them like Trump. <br /><br />Politics aside, think about all the culture change you'd have:</span></div>
<br />
<div>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Their milk comes in plastic bags. In plastic bags. <span style="background-color: white; color: #252525;">Milk bags</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525;"> are plastic bags that contain milk. They are usually stored in a </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitcher_(container)" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Pitcher (container)">pitcher</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525;"> or jug with one of the corners cut off to allow for pouring. A typical milk bag contains approximately </span><span class="frac nowrap" style="background-color: white; color: #252525; white-space: nowrap;">1<span class="visualhide" style="height: 1px; left: -10000px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; top: auto; width: 1px;"> </span><sup style="line-height: 1;">1</sup>⁄<sub style="line-height: 1;">3</sub></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525;"> liters and are sold in bigger bags of three for a total of four liters. Or litres, as they spell it.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Because they use the British spelling of words like honour, colour and valour, Travelling has two L's. Metre, Centre, Litre. The list goes on.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And you'd have to learn French. Not high-school French, real Canadian French.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You'd have to learn to eat curds on top of stuff; KD by the week (Kraft Dinner, aka Mac & Cheese, is a Canadian staple), and gravy on your fries. Gravy. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You'd have to learn about the 13 provinces and three territories that comprise Canada, their people, traditions and ways of life, which are very different. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Toronto is NOT the capital of Canada. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You can't call the native Canadians Eskimos. That's like saying the N word. Inuit is their preferred nomenclature.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The $20 in your pocket may be worth about $26 Canadian dollars, but their economy is tanking due to Alberta (that's in Western Canada) oil industry.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Speaking of money, their cash is plastic, and some of it see-through. They have queens and kings on them, but they don't have pennies. Everything is rounded to the nickle. They have a dollar coin. Called a Loonie. And a $2 coin. Called The Twoonie. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Zed is the last letter of the alphabet. Not Z. Zed.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It takes 18-30 months to become a permanent resident of Canada. During that time you can't change jobs or apply for national medical coverage. Trump, if elected, won't make it 30 months. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Canada's rednecks are SERIOUSLY more backwoods than American rednecks.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Bears. Lots of bears.</span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And besides, so many people claim they're "going to do something if" this candidate is or is not elected, and never does. Rush Limbaugh vowed to move to Costa Rica if Obamacare was implemented. He's still here. Sadly. Remember when Eddie Vedder said he'd leave if W was elected in 2000? Still here. Or Stephen Baldwin when Obama was elected? Never left, but hasn't been seen much lately, either. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But if you think you're packing up your shit and moving to Canada on Wednesday, bad news: First, to get to Canada, you need a passport. Oh, you have one? Good. Then you need a reason to go. Vacation works, but not with a U-Haul. And unless you're sitting on stacks of fat cash, buying new shit once you get there isn't as appealing with a 5-15% Value-Added Tax on things. And it snows. A lot. So if you hate the cold, you're out. And, despite what you think, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">you just can't come at the drop of a hat. You need a job, or to get accepted to university (what they call college) and have to have a work permit or a study permit. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Just for shits & giggles, I took the Express Entry test to see if I could get into Canada, and having spent summers there thought I'd have a pretty good chance. Nope. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I didn't pass the test to emigrate to Canada. And I doubt most of you would, either. Canada's looking for smart people, with skills. But, if you're curious ... </span><a href="http://onlineservices-servicesenligne.cic.gc.ca/eapp/eapp.do" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">Find out if you're eligible to apply ...</a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Regardless, abandoning your country because of a President? Lame. Presidents serve, at most, eight years. With these two being 70 (DJT) and 69 (HRC), who knows if Grandma President or Cheeto President would survive the stress. Look at President Obama <a href="https://rallygrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/obama2008-2.jpg" target="_blank">before</a> and <a href="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/46c3386af7453e40abef3c4c617f92f5224bfef1/c=1261-0-3671-1812&r=x404&c=534x401/local/-/media/2015/08/28/USATODAY/USATODAY/635763775018973358-AP-OBAMA-KATRINA-75434066.JPG" target="_blank">after</a> eight years. This is what <a href="https://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/medusa__140605172646.jpg" target="_blank">Trump</a> and <a href="https://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/medusa__140605172646.jpg" target="_blank">Clinton</a> would look like after four.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Oh, and threatening to leave your country based on who's in charge for a short amount of time is cowardly. Stay and fight for your country, or go to France. They like those who surrender. And pack your false patriotism with you. Because you're not leaving, on either side, regardless of who's elected. So stop saying it.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But go vote. No, seriously. We made this mess, we have to live with it for four years. Then we can reboot.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-1007971592752182582016-09-17T17:28:00.001-05:002016-09-17T17:28:04.981-05:00Just a Juggalo ... another Song Parody<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Normally, I listen to sports talk radio in my 10 minute drive to work. Since today was Saturday, both stations had local shows, which are usually awful. Today was no exception. One was all about high school football, which I despise. The other was all about the Browns, and there's a guy who says "Um-hmmm" about three or four times a minute, making the show completely unlistenable. So I flipped on a classic rock station and heard David Lee Roth's cover of "Just A Gigolo" and though that the Fam of ICP fans known as Juggalos and Juggalettes should have their own version of this. So I give you ... "Just a Juggalo" ... you're welcome.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm just a Juggalo and everywhere I go</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People hear my ICP playing</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Employment I got none, I do this for fun</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ooh, and Faygo-spraying</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There will come a day when Violent J will pass away</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What will Shaggy say to the Gathering</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the end comes, I know</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We was all just a Juggalos</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whoop Whoop, Ninja, without me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm just a Juggalo and everywhere I go</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People hear my ICP playing</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chedda, I got none, Runnin with a hatchet is fun</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ooh, and Faygo-spraying</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there will come a day when Shaggy 2 Dope will pass away</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What will Violent J say to the Gathering</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the end comes, I know</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We was all just a Juggalos</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whoop Whoop, Ninja, without me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ain't got no Juggalette</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm so sad and Assed Out</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sad and Assed Out, sad and Assed Out</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Won't some sweet Juggalette come and take a chance with me?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Cause I ain't no pussy</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">An' I'll sing her Clown Love songs</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All of the time</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She will only be, only be</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bip boz dee, Whoop Whoop, biddly bop</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ain't got no Juggalette</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Humala bebuhla zeebuhla boobuhla</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Humala bebuhla Whoop Whoop</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ain't got no Juggalette</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette cares for me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm so sad and lonely</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sad and lonely, sad and lonely</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Won't some sweet Juggalette come and take a chance with me?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Cause I need a Ryda</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">An' I'll sing her Clown Love songs</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All of the time</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She will only be, only be</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bip boz dee, Whoop Whoop, biddly bop</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ain't got no Juggalette </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (no one)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no Juggalette (no one)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whoop Whoop (Whoop Whoop)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ting Ting (ting ting)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">710npen 710npen (710npen 710npen)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Smeh Smuh (Smeh Smuh)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Juggalo Island (Juggalo Island)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, no Juggalette (no, no Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Juggalette (Juggalette)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Xoloto cares for me</span></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-88941609764408516832016-08-05T12:51:00.000-05:002016-08-05T12:51:01.335-05:00If you're memeing "Trump's doing It Right" ... you're doing it wrong.<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's a new meme floating around about how if you're pissing off both parties (as DJTrumpleThinSkin is), you must be "doing it right". </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously? This is how you determine Trump's doing it right:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means you parade a bunch of D-list celebs and underwear models on stage at your party's convention who are constantly calling for the imprisonment and DEATH of your political opponent?<br /><br />So "doing it right" means insulting the parents of a military member who died defending his troops? And then doubling down and defending that platform for days? And having your spokesperson try to shift that blame to President Obama, who was a first-term Senator in 2004?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means we go back to the Bush era "Enhanced Interrogations" so we can torture enemy combatants and suspected terrorists?<br /><br />So "doing it right' means getting rid of the Geneva Convention because you don't understand it and think it's anchient and no longer relevant?<br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means you mock the handicapped?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means not understanding that nuclear weapons are a weapon of last use, not first use? Nine countries have nukes. We are the only country to ever use them. And if they do get used again? Nobody will have them For a very long time. Because we will all be dead. That's called Mutually Assured Destruction.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means insulting an entire religion based on the behavior of less than one half of one percent? Repeatedly?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means insulting an entire race by saying the Hispanics coming across the border are rapists and drug abusers and lazy, yet at the same time saying they're stealing our jobs? How does that happen?<br /><br />So "doing it right" means spitting out bumper sticker slogans that will never happen? You're not building a wall along the Mexican border and Mexico's not paying for it. It's logistically impossible and completely unpossible to make Mexico pay for it. Yeah, I used unpossible. Because it fits with your un-ability (not inability) to understand construction logistics. Also, the Mexicans are now building tunnels.<br /><br />So "doing it right" means deporting 11 million undocumented aliens and their children who are citizens despite the Constitution prohibiting it?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means if American citizens who are Muslims leave the country you want to not let them come home again, despite the Constitution prohibiting that, too?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means insulting one of the highest ranking members of your party, who served 24 years in the military including 5 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 2 days as a prisoner of war in Vietnam by telling him you like people who didn't get captured while you avoided serving by using four college draft deferments then claiming to have bone spurs in your heels? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So "doing it right" means repeatedly screaming "Make America Great Again"? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let me ask you this, Donald Trump and Trump parakeets: <br /><br />When was America great? </span></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When white people had brown people as slaves (1776-1863)?</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the North and South were at war and brothers were fighting brothers (1861-1865)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we were slaughtering the natives of this land (1619-1920)?</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we were sending our best and bravest to Europe to defeat fascism in the 1910's and again 1940's?</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When white males ran everything and brown people had to use different entrances and water fountains (1865-1968)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">During the Vietnam War (1962-1975)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">During the energy crisis and recession under Presidents Ford Carter when the Steel Mills all shut down (1974-1981)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When President Reagan gutted the middle class (1981-1988)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When President Bush The First gutted the military then fought a half-assed war in Iraq but stopped before the war was won (1989-1992)? </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Bill Clinton was banging every woman in site while the Tech bubble was building and burst (1992-2000)?</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Was it between 1/20/2001 and 9/11/2001 before we were punched in the face by Islamic terrorists resulting in two wars so President Bush the Second could finish Daddy's war? (2001-2008)</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Was it when the Gulf Coast was ravaged by Hurricanes and people still blame President Obama, even though he was a first-term senator in 2006? </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ask because you've made it clear America's not been great since January 20, 2009, when President Obama took office.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I completely disagree. Here are some big reasons:</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">U.S. businesses have added 15 million jobs since private-sector job growth turned positive in early 2010 after losing jobs in 24 of the 25 prior months starting in 2008.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama has cut the deficit in half. He is the only President ever to reduce the deficit every full year in office.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama has cut the unemployment rate in half. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Six consecutive Presidents promised to pass Health Care Reform. President Obama kept that promise.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama is the first president to reduce the number of illegals in our country.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama ended our deepest recession. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama oversaw the military operation that killed our greatest enemy, Osama Bin Laden.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama has kept us safe. Safer than any other President in our lifetimes.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Personally, I think America has always been great. But I want America to be BETTER:</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better for people of all skin colors, races and religions, regardless of who they love or identify as. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to better understand and embrace science. Wind and solar power are NOT finite resources. We can harness them and use them for clean energy without ever running out of them. Until the sun goes supernova in about five BILLION years.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better with Citizens United overturned so billionaires can't buy elections.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be great again without political parties gerrymandering congressional districts to stack state legislatures.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better with the Supreme Court moderate.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better with a woman having the right to choose what she does with her body.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better in dealing with mental health so we can stop this run of mass shootings.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better by having the police be the police, not the judge, jury and executioner. Give them better training, give them better protection and give them the ability to root out the bad cops and stop making them revenue generators, because</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better where we don't have for-profit prisons so there's no money to be made on incarceration.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better by taking greater steps towards a single-payer healthcare solution like the rest of the civilized world has so Americans don't have to have GoFundMe pages to pay for surgery, recovery, medications and living expenses while unable to work due to a medical condition. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want America to be better at taking care of its veterans, If you vote to send them to war, vote to take care of them when they come home.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">American has has always been great. And at the same time been awful for certain groups of citizens, but we learn, we grow, we evolve, we keep getting better. America has gotten better for a lot of people in the last eight years under President Obama that haven't had it so great. And that will continue under President Hillary Clinton. Remember, elections are a lot like driving. D moves you forward, R moves you back. #ImWithHer</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-18305268680743896052016-08-02T16:59:00.000-05:002016-08-02T16:59:38.904-05:00I've figured out Donald Trump's Presidential Run<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I think I've figured this Trump thing out. No, really. Let me explain it to you:<br /><br />-- Adjusts tin-foil hat. <br />-- Gets on podium. <br />-- Looks for snipers in the rafters. <br />-- Gets cue from cameraman in 3-2-1 ... and GO!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In March of 2015, Donald Trump was pretty silent for the first two weeks. His own website has nothing from <a href="http://www.donaldjtrump.com/media/donald-trump-exec-amnesty-will-make-illegal-immigration-worse-than-its-ever" target="_blank">February 27, 2015</a> to <a href="http://www.donaldjtrump.com/media/trump-drops-apprentice-will-launch-presidential-exploratory-committee" target="_blank">March 17, 2015</a> when he decided to launch a presidential exploratory committee. News EVERY DAY since, and plenty of news prior to February's visit to Charleston, South Carolina. Why the disappearance? He was in the hospital and learned he has some sort of non-degenerating terminal illness that is incurable, despite his billions of dollars. It's directly related to the insane amount and content of the product he uses to control the interface with the space alien living on his head (Seriously, what else could it be?) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br />The doctors gave Donald exactly 24 months to live (before the alien dies and because of the symbiotic relationship, the host dies too), so he decided to run for president, and do something so outlandish and outrageous that his name will never be forgotten. EVER. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let's remember, Trump is <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-timeline-bad-bromance-n621131" target="_blank">tight</a> with Vladimir Putin. His campaign adviser, Paul Manafort, was a <a href="http://www.politifact.com/global-news/article/2016/may/02/paul-manafort-donald-trumps-top-adviser-and-his-ti/" target="_blank">political consultant</a> for the pro-Russia political party in Ukraine and for a former president, Viktor Yanukovych, who was forced out of office by anti-Russian forces in 2014. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Putin's ego is about the same size as Trump's ... and by that we mean it's YUUUUUGE! Of course, Trump's ego, like other <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nALb4lEbSbA" target="_blank">claims </a>about the size of things is YUUUUUGE too. And both want to never be forgotten. They want to do something so outlandish that their names will never be left out of the history of this planet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, Putin, Manafort and Trump decide they will do all they can to get Trump into the White House in 2016, then, in early 2017, right before the space alien on his head dies, and with it, Trump, Putin & Donny will have a summit meeting in Russia to kick off "historic talks to forever rid the world of the" whateverthehell demon-spawn of evil they decide (i.e. <a href="http://www.salon.com/2015/11/24/fox_news_is_a_sewer_isis_ebola_and_the_networks_familiar_fear_mongering_campaign_partner/" target="_blank">Fox News</a> and Soviet blogger trolls) needs to be extinguished, whether it's radical Islam, the Chinese, or the Mexican rapists & drub abusers. Or some new threat they agree upon. Maybe the blacks. Whatever, they need a boogie man, they'll make one.<br /><br />So they're at this "historic summit" in Russia, and Putin, knowing Trump has weeks left to live, and with both their names to be forever etched in history, Putin, on live TV, will kill Trump, instantly making every American hate the Russians again, this time for assassinating the president, who we really never liked or thought was qualified, which leads to the start of World War III and Mike Pence pretty much ends modern civilization as we know it by launching all of our Resurrection Nukes on those <a href="http://dailycaller.com/2016/07/27/pence-breaks-with-trump-on-russian-hacking/" target="_blank">GODLESS COMMIES</a> (and one falls short, hits San Francisco and the gays, because if there's anything Pence hates more than the GODLESS COMMIES, it's <a href="http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/07/mike-pences-top-seven-homophobic-moments-many/" target="_blank">the gays</a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Those who survive will remember and share the names of Vladimir Putin and Donald J. Trump for all of the next recorded history, where mankind has learned that neither religion nor science will save you and we all live together as one people, regardless of race, skin color, sexuality, religion or Geiger-counter readings. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Far-fetched? Nope. Think about all the insanity that has occurred here. In October 2015, Trump had a <a href="https://electionbettingodds.com/GOP_chart_maxim_lott_john_stossel.html" target="_blank">10.3 percent chance</a> of making to the convention according to the bookies. <br /><br />Then he goes out and destroys the field in the debates, losing only to John Kasich in Ohio (his home state), and Ted Cruz in Texas (his home state) and 10 others. Trump won 39 states. As a political newbie. By being just outrageous as he could be on TV, and in person, and when confronted. By insulting anyone and everyone he could. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/9-outrageous-things-donald-trump-has-said-about-latinos_us_55e483a1e4b0c818f618904b" target="_blank">Mexicans</a>. <a href="http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/550112/donald-trump-quotes.html" target="_blank">Women</a>. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-racist-examples_us_56d47177e4b03260bf777e83" target="_blank">The Blacks</a>. <a href="http://www.hrc.org/2016RepublicanFacts/donald-trump-opposes-nationwide-marriage-equality" target="_blank">The Gays</a>. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border" target="_blank">The Pope</a>. And pretty much <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/01/28/upshot/donald-trump-twitter-insults.html" target="_blank">everyone else</a> who isn't a rich, white American male. And talks about how effective of a leader <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/05/politics/donald-trump-saddam-hussein-iraq-terrorism/" target="_blank">Saddam Hussein</a> was. And <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/us/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-russia.html" target="_blank">Putin</a>.<br /><br />And after he accepted the nomination, he spent <a href="http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974" target="_blank">75 minutes</a> talking mostly about himself. At a convention that was four days of fear, fear mongering and Hillary bashing, with Donald's <a href="http://www.cnbc.com/2016/07/18/melania-presents-donald-trump-the-family-man.html" target="_blank">family members</a> praising his name, <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/07/18/donald-trump-s-rnc-2016-opening-night-lineup-of-d-listers-duck-dynasty-s-willie-robertson-underwear-model-antonio-sabato-jr-and-happy-days-scott-baio.html" target="_blank">TV stars</a> talking about his greatness and not one but two <a href="https://theintercept.com/2016/07/14/underwear-model-turned-rnc-speaker-wants-clinton-and-obama-in-guantanamo/" target="_blank">underwear </a>models on stage (golfer Natalie Gulbis, once posed for the Sports Illustrated <a href="http://www.golf.com/photos/natalie-gulbis-si-swimsuit-issue" target="_blank">Swimsuit Edition</a>).<br /><br />And BOOM! Just like that, at the end of the convention, he was tied with Hillary Clinton, depending on your choice of polls. I use <a href="http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/election-update-trump-gets-convention-bounce-drawing-polls-to-dead-heat/" target="_blank">this one</a>. But with the Dems taking over in Philly, knowing they'd get a bounce after their event, he decided to raise the crazy level to full-speed ahead and get all <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-ranted-about-all-the-dnc-speakers-on-twitter-except-one-2016-7" target="_blank">Twittery</a>, blasting away at every speaker EXCEPT Michelle Obama! <br /><br />Then, as part of this grand plan to put Trump over the top, the <a href="http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2016/jul/31/what-we-know-about-russias-role-dnc-email-leak/" target="_blank">Russians hack the DNC</a> and release tens of thousands of emails and thousands of voice messages showing Crooked Hillary and the DNC did all they could do to steal the primaries from Bernie Sanders to make Hillary look weak. And they succeeded, for a bit. But ... Days after the RNC Convention ended, after Trump accepted the nomination, had Vlad go through with getting the </span><a href="http://occupydemocrats.com/2016/07/28/busted-russian-internet-trolls-caught-posing-trump-fans/" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">Russian Internet Trolls</a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> to get the Bernie or Bust crowd all riled up, the alien race who's probe landed in his head sends him a message that they can send a replacement symbiot, and that Trump doesn't have to die in March 2017. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now that Trump knows he can live, surviving for years (probably on the souls of small children, but that's another rant), and realizes there's no way at all he can handle the presidency and for sure doesn't want Putin to kill him, kicking off <a href="http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/5/23/1529460/-Would-Donald-Trump-start-World-War-3-by-accident-or-on-purpose-Does-it-matter" target="_blank">World War Three</a> as they agreed upon, he starts to panic. He figures the best way to NOT be president is to throw the election. Because he can't quit. So he gets on <a href="https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump?lang=en" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, and on TV and in the newspapers and just starts shredding everyone. Just this week, he has ... </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The New York Post, a paper who's ALREADY ENDORSED HIM, nude photos of his wife to run on the Sunday cover showing her in everything from her <a href="http://dailycaller.com/2016/07/31/the-new-york-post-publishes-a-nude-photo-of-melania-trump-on-front-page/" target="_blank">birthday suit</a> to the <a href="http://nypost.com/2016/08/01/melania-trumps-girl-on-girl-photos-from-racy-shoot-revealed/" target="_blank">arms of another woman</a>, while representing the party that gave Michelle Obama grief for wearing a <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6986019" target="_blank">sleeveless gown</a> and has called porn a public health crisis in their 2016 party platform. And they still love him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yelled to have a <a href="http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/08/big-baby-mad-at-little-baby" target="_blank">baby </a>removed from a stump speech. They still love him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He attacks Gold Star Mothers. Mothers who have lost sons in the Global War on Terror. Two of them. The "patriotic" still love him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He attacks not <a href="http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/donald-trump-fire-marshal-colorado-springs-brett-lacey-civilian-of-the-year" target="_blank">one </a>but <a href="http://wdtn.com/2016/08/01/trump-gripes-about-oh-fire-marshal/" target="_blank">two</a> city fire directors for limiting the size of his audiences due to fire code restrictions in the venue HIS team agreed to, all while saying he loves first responders and is going to be the Law & Order Candidate. And they still love him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He accepts -- as a gift -- one of the nation's highest military awards -- given ONLY to men and women killed or wounded in military action -- and says “I always wanted to get the <a href="http://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/nation-politics/trump-accepts-a-purple-heart-amid-veteran-controversy/" target="_blank">Purple Heart</a>. This was much easier." while sitting on FIVE draft-deferments during the Vietnam War, where he could have earned one, the proper way. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He's doing all of this because he doesn't want to be president. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Because he found out the space alien on his head can be replaced & he's not going to die, and now he doesn't want Putin to assassinate him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But the mouth-breathing racists and the three or four thousand people in every state who honestly believe in him, keep eating it up and keep encouraging him to run.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't think he'll last until November. When Putin reads this, he's gonna give Donny Boy the Alexander Litvinenko treatment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">#YouReadItHereFirst</span></div>
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Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-87036629916809651952015-06-25T13:17:00.000-05:002015-06-25T13:20:04.187-05:002015 Comfest .. where you'll find me<br />
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It's time for <a href="https://www.comfest.com/" target="_blank">Comfest</a> again, and if you up to share a beer or band, feel free to find me at the following locations:</div>
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First Shift Friday, Saturday & Sunday carrying gear at Offramp Stage, which is very cool because we get free beer for volunteering and get to hang out with Meghan, my favorite photographer in Columbus (sorry, David & Greg, but at least you're in the top three!) and carry gear for cool bands.</div>
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Outside of that, we'll be at or around the following stages at or about the following times to see the following bands:</div>
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Friday</h2>
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3:30 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Matter of Planets</div>
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<b>3:40 p.m. • Bozo Stage • X-Rated Cowboys</b></div>
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5:00 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Cliffs</div>
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<b>6:00 p.m. • Bozo Stage • Ekoostik Hookay</b></div>
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6:50 p.m. • Jazz Stage • Shaun Booker & Sean Carney</div>
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<b>7:00 p.m. • Gazebo Stage • Cowboy Hillbilly Hippy Folk</b></div>
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8:00 p.m. • Gazebo Stage • Hocking River String Band</div>
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<b>8:55 p.m. • Main Stage • The Girls!</b></div>
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9:55 p.m. • Main Stage • Bummers</div>
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Saturday</h2>
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11:30 a.m. • Offramp Stage • I Mustache You A Question</div>
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<b>3:15 p.m. • Jazz Stage • The Phoenix Project</b></div>
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4:15 p.m. • Bozo Stage • The Spikedrivers</div>
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<b>5:05 p.m. • Bozo Stage • Willie Phoenix</b></div>
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6:05 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Psychic Wheels</div>
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<b>7:00 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Leathal FX</b></div>
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7:10 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Dominique Larue</div>
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<b> 7:45 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Leathal FX</b></div>
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8:00 p.m. Gazebo Stage • Megan Palmer</div>
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<b>10:00 p.m. Live Arts Stage • Damn The Witch Siren</b></div>
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<b>Sunday</b></h2>
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<b>11:40 a.m. • Chuck Oney & The Flare-Ups!</b><br />
1:55 p.m. • Offramp Stage • The Haynes Boys</div>
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<b>2:40 p.m. • Offramp Stage • Drift Mouth</b></div>
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4:55 p.m. • Offramp Stage • The Kyle Sowashes</div>
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<b>5:50 p.m. • Bozo Stage • Long Tall Deb & Werewolves of Alabama</b></div>
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7:00 p.m. • Gazebo Stage • Erica Blinn & The Handsome Machine</div>
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<b>7:15 p.m. • Offramp Stage • The Receiver (after Erica Blinn)</b></div>
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As far as Before & After Comfest .... we've got nothing set in stone. Might hit up Little Rock or Patrick J's to see Colin Gawel or Ryan Smith (respectively) or maybe a little of both on Thursday, Friday it's Angela Perley & The Howlin Moons at Park Street Tavern and Sunday's wide open.</div>
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So ... there are my bands to pick for Comfest. Anyone I should see that I've missed?</div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-39555118127827224362015-06-17T18:00:00.000-05:002015-06-17T18:05:51.433-05:00Congrats LeBron fans, you got what you deserved<div style="text-align: justify;">
(Disclaimer: This isn't aimed at those of you I know have been dedicated Cleveland fans. It's more to the LeBron fans and those who couldn't tell you anything about four of other 11 guys on the bench, or the coach. This is all about those "Early On The Bandwagon, Wave The Flag When We Win, Cry In My Beer, Proclaim Doom & Gloom When It Gets Bad, Time To Bail BEFORE They Lose" bandwagon fans that seemingly exist across all fanbases, but more importantly, whenever a Cleveland team has a shot at winning a title. That guy with the Manziel jersey sitting in the closet with his beat up original James jersey, the Heat jersey, and the new James jersey. The guy who is shitting his pants hoping Time Hop doesn't blast him on July 8th with "Five Years Ago Today" badmouthing LeBron, trashing the shrine & tearing down the posters. Yeah, I'm looking at you.)</div>
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I haven't watched the NBA with any real attentive passion since it was "Fan-Tastic." Why? Several reasons:</div>
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1) The NHL moved from USA Network and small regional telecasts to local cable (KBL Entertainment Network anyone?) and satellite providers in the late 80's, then to ESPN/ESPN2. I prefer to watch hockey over basketball. All the action, more hitting, five minutes for fighting & none of the sneaker squeak.</div>
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2) I got tired of seeing the same teams in the finals. The NBA is, every season, a 10-team league with the rest of it resembling the Washington Generals more than 20 other viable NBA teams.</div>
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Here's proof: Counting Golden State's title in 1975, there have been 41 NBA Finals. A total of 20 different teams have played in those finals (I'm counting Seattle & OKC as the same team, because they are.) Nine from the West, 11 from the East. The Lakers have appeared in nearly 40% of the finals, winning nearly 25% of the time (10-6); Chicago has won nearly 15% (6-0); Boston & San Antonio won 12% of the time (5-3 & 5-1 respectively). </div>
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Your Western team was LA, San Antonio, Houston, Seattle/OKC or Portland 80% of the time.</div>
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Your Eastern team was Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Miami or Philadelphia 71% of the time.</div>
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3) And the biggest reason I stayed away in the post-Jordan era: Cleveland Fans. Scratch that. LeBron fans.</div>
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I'm accused of being a LeBron hater because I call him LeBum when he repeatedly fails to deliver. He's 2-4 in the Finals. Michael was 6-0. Jim Kelly went to four straight Super Bowls and lost them all. People still talk (well, before his cancer scare) about how he just couldn't win the big one.</div>
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I don't hate the guy. I don't understand wny some of you love him like you do, but I respect what he does in the community and for the less fortunate. He's a decent human as I see it. And while he may lead the league in every statistical category, this isn't Track & Field. The NBA is a team sport.</div>
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Dan Marino had, at one point in time, 13 NFL records. He was a great quarterback, but he never won a ring. He couldn't win the big game. Nobody remembers how amazing of a quarterback he was either. All they talk about is how he never, ever won a title.</div>
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LeBron's approaching that category. Yes, I know he has two rings, but he's also lost four times. There's that weird sports balance. Eli Manning has two Super Bowl victories over Tom Brady, but deflated balls aside, Eli's not better than Brady. Some people can rise above their record, some people are victims of circumstance on the good side. Like Eli.</div>
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Many of you live, breathe & die with your Cleveland sports teams. And their curse. I don't know if Moses Cleaveland tore his ACL when he stepped off the boat on July 22, 1796, at the mouth of the Cuyahoga River, but he might have. That would explain something about the tortured history of Cleveland sports teams since 1965. Maybe someone rolled his grave in Connecticut and woke up his spirit after Jim Brown retired. I don't know. Anything's possible.</div>
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But lets talk about now. Yes, it would have been a different series if Irving and Love were able to play and LeBron didn't have to (again) carry a Cleveland team through the finals (see 2007). But injuries are a part of sports. Nobody goes through at 82-game season and four potential seven-game series without injuries.</div>
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What cost Cleveland this title? I think LeBron was beat down by carrying the team as much as the weight of fanbase. Because carrying you #AllIn then #AllOut fans has to be heavy. I lost count on how many of you were talking TITLE in five, or six, and then giving up hope after each and every defeat. At one point in time, after Game 3 when Cleveland had a 2-1 lead, Golden State had only been ahead at the end of one of the 14 periods of basketball played: The overtime period of the first game.</div>
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After Game 3 all I heard was #ALLINCLE.</div>
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Then Games 4, 5 & 6 happened. And it was #ALLOUT and social media got super silent. Those of you who I mentioned at the top -- the true fans -- heaped your praise on your team, thanked them for a great season and started thinking about next year. The rest of you Lebron huggers? You just slinked back into the silence. Hoping nobody would take your seat on the bandwagon next season, when the Cavs are a 9-4 favorite to win it all. And you better hope they do, or LeBron might turn on you again. He can get out after next season. And he's done it before.</div>
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<br /></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadFYb0n8Nc0WSrTSUcZ1Aq3XFgoPjgoy6VtXPPYaMCnzfy1sydytjIwXFRyShUemhTKqSnCYsSqrGiT8lCqntrDGnUgKc85pO2BuhQHkKHFDZM9IlWKqDsUTGKwCXYHIf1xziFcPAJqc/s1600/lebron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadFYb0n8Nc0WSrTSUcZ1Aq3XFgoPjgoy6VtXPPYaMCnzfy1sydytjIwXFRyShUemhTKqSnCYsSqrGiT8lCqntrDGnUgKc85pO2BuhQHkKHFDZM9IlWKqDsUTGKwCXYHIf1xziFcPAJqc/s320/lebron.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This guy stole your hearts, Cleveland, in 2003, when the NBA again rigged a draft (See Ewing, Patrick) so LeBron could play in Cleveland. He made you believe. He never delivered. That Cavs team that took you to the finals was worse than any Browns loss because the Browns never got blown out in a Super Bowl like the Cavs got swept by the Spurs.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And then, after two more disappointing seasons, he decided to "take his talents to South Beach," crushing your hearts in a nationally televised debacle that left fans burning his jersey in the streets, trashing shrines they'd established in their houses, man caves and garages, and crying in bars, swearing they would never have anything to do with him, or the Cavs, or the NBA again. He went to South Beach and declared they would win something like eight titles? They got two in four years with what was described as the best team money could buy while fans here either suffered in silence or started wearing LeBron Heat jerseys.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
After realizing his time there over because that team was nothing more than LeBron & The Jamesanites, like Cleveland in 2009, he saw a bunch of young talent in Cleveland, got PR Smart in SI and told you everything you wanted to hear. Like that girl who cheated on you, or that asshole that got drunk and slapped you around one night, you heard what you wanted to hear from someone who crushed your dreams to forgive them and welcome them back with open arms. He said his time away taught him how to win, and now he wanted to share that with you. And he'd never break your heart again.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Because LeBron loves you, Northeast Ohio. Even though it was hard watching his jersey burn, and being railed by the owner he never told he was leaving. And being booed in his home court (despite the fact he was on the visitor's bench). LeBron really loves you. This time.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
And apparently you're so desperate for championship you'll forgive everything he did, and forget everything you said, forget about the four years he was in Miami when the team you still supported won a 97 games combined while LeBron & company went to four straight finals and your owner was guaranteeing you'd win before they did. Remember that?</div>
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That's pathetic.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And that's why I'm not, and never will be, a LeBron James fan, or a Cavaliers fan. He may wind up with more points, assists, rebounds and burned jerseys than any other player in history, but when it comes to the big games, that's what matters. People remember who won, not who finished second. So far he's finished second twice as many times as he's won.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
He's approaching 30, and Father Time is undefeated. He's played more games in the past five years than most guys play in a career. He's played 911 regular season and 178 playoff games. Add in 11 All-Star games and three Olympics, a bunch of world championships and exhibitions for Team USA. That body's got some wear and tear on it to wind up with two titles in 12 seasons.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Michael Jordan had five in his first 12 years with the Bulls and six in 13 seasons overall. He waited six years for his first title, while it took eight years for LeBron to get his.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Magic had five in his first eight seasons and went to the Finals nine times in the 12 seasons he played before contracting HIV.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Larry Bird had three wins in his first seven seasons.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I don't see LeBron as the Greatest of All Time or the The King of anything. If he gets a title in Cleveland he'll be a legend, if not, just another guy who came close but couldn't quite get there. If he leaves again? All bets are off.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But whatever, I'm just a hater because I pay attention to people and facts.</div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-72789867201727025562013-12-30T13:52:00.000-05:002013-12-30T13:52:12.187-05:00If you got butt-hurt about A&E, congrats. You got played.<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, looking back now at this 'alleged controversy' over Phil Robertson & Duck Dynasty and gay bashing and civil rights and the crap that went along with it, I've kinda noticed something funny: </div>
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<br /></div>
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If you got butt-hurt on either side of the conversation, congratulations. You got played. The media manipulated the masses for profit. Again.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
A&E had a rep with Phil during the GQ interview. They knew what he said long before the magazine was released. GQ held on to the story to release it in their January edition to coincide with Season 5's January 15th launch. GQ leaked the good parts to the media to create that controversy to sell magazines (which every magazine does), and that, in turn, led to the media overload and forced A&E's hand, which then forced the DD fans and non-fans (Sarah Palin was one of many who didn't read the article before jumping into supporting Phil and/or bashing people hatin' on Phil) to show their support. How? By being American. (Meaning mainly buying merchandise.) Right before Christmas. DD sales were flat prior to this controversy. The show, like all good shows do, was starting to plateau. It had reached the the limit of the audience it aimed to attract. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
TV Fact: Most shows have a good four- to five-year run. DD just ended Season 4. Good shows get shaken up every so often. Seinfeld only lasted nine years, and that was probably one year too many. Dexter should have ended after Season 7. The Sopranos went six seasons. Every one of those shows built an audience for the first four or five years, then stagnated. </div>
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I know, the numbers for DD were growing season by season, but there's only so far a show with a limited audience can go. And lets be honest, there aren't a whole lot of minorities who are going to watch the Robertson family. So what to you do to draw viewers? Since the "let's add a new kid to the mix" last worked in the 1970's, they had to do something different. Something unique. Something to make people who aren't fans become fans. </div>
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Something like Chick-Fil-A.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Yep, A&E used the Chik-Fil-A approach: Drop a controversial quote into a magazine, leak it so the liberal media gets the conservatives in a huff feeling their free speech rights are being threatened by the gays and/or the Hollywood elite and/or liberals and watch them line up in droves to support your brand. </div>
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A&E knew EXACTLY how fans and conservatives would react ... buying up all the DD stuff they could and saying they'd never watch A&E again until they were back and even death threats. Just like the lines of white people at Chik-Fil-A after their inflated controversy last summer.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And A&E kept playing DD the entire time Phil was 'suspended' by the network. A lot. In fact, there were more than 30 hours of DD aired the week he was 'suspended' including repeats of their holiday special and 25 consecutive hours of DD on Christmas Day. Then, while everyone's paying attention to after-Christmas sales, college bowl games and the NFL playoff picture, A&E silently reinstates Phil after a week-long 'suspension' and less than three weeks before the start of Season 5, all without anyone missing a day of filming.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So who got hurt by all of this? </div>
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<br /></div>
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Nobody. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Well, maybe the two or three gay people who watched DD. And that one black guy who was a fan. Was. Oh, and a bunch of Tea Partiers got internet-butt-hurt over alleged freedom of speech issues without understanding what the First Amendment actually means. That's about it. If anyone is surprised Phil said what he said, what would you expect from a 67-year-old evangelical white guy from Louisiana?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Let's be real: The show is available in 98.4 million homes. Neilsen says 14 million people watched the show. If 14 million people watched that show, and all the gays and blacks and liberals who were offended by what Phil said stopped watching that show, they'd probably have 13,999,900 people return, plus a couple million more who had no idea who the Robertsons were, but will watch them on January 15th because of the alleged controversy. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Who wins? </div>
<br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;">GQ sells a bunch more magazines and gets a ton of money from advertisers on their website when everyone flocks to read the story because they gave up buying magazines.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">A&E sells all sorts of merch and gets all sorts of ratings boosting free advertising all over the internet, TV, newspapers (do they still exist?) and gets lots of people who will watch the new season, which will lead to higher rates charged to the show's advertisers.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Wal-Marts (and other retailers) all over the country saw a run on DD stuff like one of the five books they've written, birthday cards, bobblehead dolls, camo apparel, pink camo for the ladies, Cajun-spice seasoning, car fresheners, iPhone games with beard growing prizes, and shirts and shirts and shirts galore. Hell, two days before Christmas my local Wally World had every men's T-Shirt rack with a DD shirt on display. Wal-Mart's website was out of most DD items on Day 3 of the controversy.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The Robertsons keep getting paid for the 'reality show' based on their life and when they start filming again after the hunting break (they have a clause that there will be no filming during hunting season) this, like Chik-Fil-A, will have been swept under the rug, probably by the next media-created controversy. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Disney-ABC owns 80% of A&E. Hearst Pubications owns the other 20%. And no, GQ is not owned by Hearst or Disney-ABC. I checked. They're both going to make money.</li>
</ul>
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And all of them are sleeping soundly.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, if you got butt-hurt on either side of the conversation, congratulations. You got played. The media manipulated the masses for profit. Again. </div>
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<br /></div>
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And I'm sure it won't be the last time.</div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-78707966535532243652013-10-12T10:52:00.000-05:002013-10-12T10:52:54.133-05:00Some days, you just have to laugh. (Also Known As Eric is trying to fix something)<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I work from home, as most of you know, and rarely have to wear pants or venture out during the day, so my car doesn't get driven that often. Since we got a brand new Honda at the end of August, it's gotten driven a whole lot less. Like maybe twice a month or so, usually if I have shit to do on a Saturday when Allie's working, or I need to go get my mail. Or I decided to take an actual lunch break, put on pants and grab some drive-thru. But apparently, I've not done either of those for a couple of weeks. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last Saturday, we decided to drive my car downtown for the Youngstown Beer Fest, figuring on taking a cab home, then collecting it the next morning. Parking overnight downtown can sometimes be shady, so why subject the new car to it, right?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Right.</div>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, my car wouldn't start. Had that clicking sound that usually means battery. I've had my share of shitmobiles, I know that sound. Not a big deal. I'll go down on Sunday and use my portable jump starter battery pack. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Which I promptly forget about until Allie reminded me of last night. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I realized the portable jump starter battery pack has been in the trunk since, oh, the car before this. Including all winter. Which usually drains batteries.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yep. <br /><br />It's dead, Jim. It wasn't charged at all. Not even enough juice to register a blip.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No problem. I'll just charge it up overnight, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The wall charger is not in the box. Meaning it's probably in the box of miscellaneous kitchen materials in my storage unit, packed away since November. And while I probably have a charger that will fit the hole, I have no idea if it matches the polarity, amperage, or voltage. I'm not an electrical engineer by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know charging an acid-based portable jump starter battery pack with an unknown charger is probably not a good idea.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Okay, so I'll just charge it in the car as we headed to Akron for The Clarks and Erica Blinn & The Handsome Machine last night. It's like 2/3rds charged. Should work.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Should.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Before I start, being the eternal optimist, I pop the key in the ignition, turn it hoping to hear the 2.2 Liter Ecotec engine roar to life. But I get nothing and have to like it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not even a click. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No worries. I'll charge it, jump it and drive around for an hour or so. It's Saturday, I got nothing else to do until later, so I'm cool with that.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I pop the hood and start looking for the battery. Now, mind you, I've had this car about five months, and this is the second time I've been under the hood looking for something. The first time was when the power steering stopped being power steering. I figured it needed fluid.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Electronic Power Assist Steering. No fluid. Anywhere.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I came up empty on that. And all summer, when the wires got too hot, the power steering quits. Quality is job 1 at GM, right?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyway, back to the battery. I can't find it.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like I said, I've had my share of shitmobiles. I'm quite proficient at changing batteries, alternators, tires, radiator hoses, all the things that go wrong in shitmobiles. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I can't find the battery. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see a post that looks like a battery post, but it's connected to the fuse box. Okay. This makes no sense. And what do we do when things make no sense these days?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://www.yourcobalt.com/forums/maintenance/17425-how-change-battery-your-cobalt.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">HereLetMeGoogleThatForYou</span></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>How To: Change The Battery In Your Cobalt</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Step 1 Open truck, remove anything in there, and remove the carpet panel, exposing the spare tire well and battery box.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">WTF? Really, Google? It's in the trunk? THE TRUNK? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whoever designed this car must have been higher than Snoop on a day off.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fine. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Further googling tells me there is a way to jump start it. That post I mentioned? Totally the positive connection. And I don't see ... oh, wait, there's the Negative symbol on ... it looks like ... yep, the shock absorber bolt. <br /><br />Okay. <br /><br />I use their suggested method of jumping the car with the portable jump starter battery pack, and I'm getting nothing. Turn the key?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Sounds of Silence. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Great song, but a bad result when you're trying to jump a car with a portable jump starter battery pack. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I remember I have jumper cables in the trunk. Because I've owned my share of shitmobiles. They're very handy to have. I recommend them to everyone. No worries. I'll get the new Honda, park in front, use the suggested method of jumping the battery. Yeah, that'll work.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't get the key out of the ignition. It won't go from ACC to LOCK without power, apparently, because of the security system I still haven't figured out. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yep. I can't get the key out of the ignition.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">WAIT.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a trunk monkey button. I'll just use that.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The internal trunk release relies on power. And I have no juice. I mean, none.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some days, you just have to laugh. </span></div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-79751572470523411482013-06-27T13:28:00.000-05:002013-06-27T13:33:40.065-05:00Comfest 2013 Schedule!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's the happiest weekend of the year, for me: Because it's time for 2013 Comfest! New beer mug rules aside, I'm gonna go have a blast, see a bunch of great friends, super bands, and all around fun, including my first ever "Stage Crew" volunteer shift on Sunday at the Offramp Stage, along with two clean up and recycling shifts because the park doesn't clean itself!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So if you're looking for Allie and me this weekend, this is probably where you'll find us. We will be primarily camped out by the Offramp Stage in the shade if we're not out seeing these bands:</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friday<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">04:25<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Solar<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Aaron Lee Tasjan</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">05:55<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Gazebo<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Erica Blinn & The Handsome Machine</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">06:50<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Jazz<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Jen Miller</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">07:40<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Solar<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Micah Schnabel</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">07:55<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Main<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Happy Cinchester</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">09:10<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Live Arts The Ooh-La-Las</span><br />
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<b><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After Comfest: </span></b><br />
<b><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rumba Cafe for Aaron Tasjan (solo), J.P. Olsen and Tim Easton</span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or the Treebar for Erica Blinn, </span></b><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 14.545454025268555px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=592176295&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/shane.sweeney.940?directed_target_id=0" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14.545454025268555px; text-decoration: none;">Shane Sweeney</a><span style="line-height: 14.545454025268555px;"> and </span><a aria-haspopup="true" aria-owns="js_65" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=314603721973181&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/mattmontamusic?directed_target_id=0" id="js_66" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14.545454025268555px;">Matt Monta</a></b></span></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Saturday</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">12:15<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Solar<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Megan & Larry</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">02:35<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Gazebo<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Salty Carmels</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">03:30<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Main<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Willie Phoenix</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">04:45<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Post Coma Network</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">05:30<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Girls!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">06:00<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Gazebo<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Erika Hughes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">07:00<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Main<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Floorwalkers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">07:20<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Strangers in Daylight</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">08:15<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Receiver</span><br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After Comfest: </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rumba Cafe for Aaron Tasjan (with Mark Nye and Matt Mees), Tim Easton & The Floorwalkers</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Sunday<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">12:45<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Real California</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">01:00<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Gazebo<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Colin Gawel & Lonely Bones</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">02:50<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Main<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Spikedrivers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">03:00<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Smoking Guns</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">04:50<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Main<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Out Of Our Tree</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">05:00<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Gazebo<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Angela Perley</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">06:25<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The Whiles</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">07:15<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Offramp<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Two Cow Garage</span><br />
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Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-49974235291849568662013-04-06T01:09:00.000-05:002013-04-06T01:09:06.747-05:00Happy Dog Cleveland is Dead To Me<br />
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There are very few thing I hate worse than piss poor band management by venues who book live, original music acts on a local, regional or national level. Because there are a great many people who like to see bands play original music, and who will hop in the car, dedicate a night, a few hours or a few hundred miles of drive time to go see a band they like who’s playing somewhere in their geographical reachable area. And usually it’s on a tight schedule … “If we leave by midnight, we’ll be home by 1:30 and I can sleep for six hours before work” kind of schedule. I’ve done it more times than I care to count, and enjoyed damn near every single lost moment of sleep.</div>
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And I’m not the only one. I have MANY, MANY awesome music-loving friends who’ve piled in cars, pinched pennies, scrounged for beer money and parking and tolls and cover charges and eaten the shittiest truck stop food to make the trek to see a band they love play live and spend the next day sore from sleeping in a car, cranky from not enough sleep in a car, and loving every minute of it.</div>
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Because most of the time, it’s worth the sacrifice.</div>
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To see the band. To live that moment. To be in that room. Whether it’s 20,000 fans at the arena; 15,000 fans at the amphitheater, 1,000 at the club or 10 of you in a dive bar, those are the moments where you connect with the music and musicians who matter to you, and nobody can take that away. It’s pure magic.</div>
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However, in the unlikely event of a water landing … when you don’t get to see the band through no fault of your own … shit get super serial. Super fast.</div>
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I’ve had any number of roadtrips cancelled for any number of reasons: Flat tire. Car problems. Work issues. Family crisis. Weather. Car accidents on your way to the venue blocking traffic for hours. Friends who promise and bail. Bank account issues. And honestly, I’ve had them all. And I hate it, but I suck it up, realize I missed them this time and promise to make better plans to avoid some or all of the above next time THAT BAND I HAVE TO SEE is anywhere near where I am.</div>
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But when the stars and planets align, and you have four working tires, good engine, you’re not working and not on call, have no family issues, beautiful weather, everyone is safe on the highways you travel, with a friend by your side and a positive bank balance with cash in your pocket and you get to the venue far enough in advance to get a prime seat or standing position close enough to satisfy your needs, desires and camera capabilities and the band you want to see isn’t playing until several hours AFTER their advertised time, and oh, they’re not the opener but the ‘closer’ now? Or they never play at all?</div>
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That, my friends, is a completely different story. And why I will never, EVER, go see a band at Happy Dog in Cleveland again.</div>
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About a month ago I got an email from someone who saw this here music blog, and knew it had a Columbus connection, and was playing the Tree Bar (great venue, great management) and asked if I’d share the word. To be honest, I get, on average, 10 of these a week. Most of the time I have no idea who the band is, and they provide little to no information about themselves, their style, etc. They just want me to pimp their shows. And I listen to them, and don’t like them, and usually ignore the request, because if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all, right?</div>
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But Jeremy Porter was different. I read his email. He’s an old school 80s punk turned 90s rocker turned indie rock Americana guy. I dig that. That’s basically me. But with much more musical talent, as I learned after I went to his band’s website and listened to their music.</div>
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I liked it. Hell, I liked it so much I bought the new CD. Wrote a review. Promoted the Columbus show, the Cleveland show and the Pittsburgh show on this here blog, my other regular ass blog, and Facebook and Twitter. Because I really liked the sound of the band. Hell, I even created a Facebook event for the Cleveland show and invited about 60 of my Cleveland-area friends. Eight of which showed up at Happy Dog, Friday, April 5th at 9:00ish to see see Jeremy Porter & The Tucos.</div>
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Just like I did.</div>
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And after paying our cover charge about 9ish, and having a few fine craft beers, and some food, and listening to 90 seconds of the soundcheck, we were wondering when the band was going to start. Because at 9ish the place was about 80% full. Now it’s 10ish and it’s 60% full. And it’s 10:30 and it’s 50% full. And still, no music.</div>
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So imagine our surprise when at 10:45 the ‘headliner’ (Bill Fox who was with a band called The Mice from 85-88, disappeared until 96, and after a few years disappeared again, only to re-emerge in 2007 … yet I’ve never heard of the guy, so I wasn’t there to see him) starts playing. After a good portion of the crowd that was there an hour ago has already left the building. And nobody’s paying attention. (Sorry, Bill, I’m sure in a different venue under different circumstances I’d like you. Hell, GBV likes you. And Robert does no wrong, so odds are I’d dig ya plenty, just not tonight, man. Sorry.)</div>
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So I walk the 10 feet from where I’m sitting to where Jeremy Porter is sitting. We talked, earlier in the evening, I told him I was excited to see the show and had like 8 people there with me. He thanked me for that, for my review of the album, the Facebook event, blah blah blah … the mutual admiration society rules were in effect and we called it a draw. So as I walked up to him at 10:45, those rules were gone. I was upset about him NOT opening. And said that.</div>
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Then, when he answered, I left upset behind and became hot pissed when I found out he not only knew that they weren’t playing first, he was fine with it. Yet he never took the time to tell that to anyone via Facebook, Twitter, or, oh, yeah, that dude who came to see us and brought his friends sitting 10 feet away from me. That’s just a shitty thing to do to someone who just became a fan, and promoted your shit.</div>
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So we left. Two songs into Bill Fox’s set and without seeing anything but 90 seconds of Jeremy Porter’s soundcheck. Because, after driving 75 miles one way, dropping about $100 in dinner, drinks, tolls, parking and cover charge, hoping to see a band I wanted to see play at 10ish because I had to leave by midnight because of work, it sucked to realize the band I wanted to see wasn’t playing until about midnight because the ‘headliner’ or venue or booking agent or whothefuckever decided that a 9 pm show should start with the alleged headliner starting at 10:45 and the alleged opener should start at midnightish or later, we left.</div>
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Had I known that was the timetable, I’d have said Fuck Jeremy Porter and Fuck Happy Dog I would have driven an extra two miles down the road to Brothers Lounge to see Erica Blinn and the Handsome Machine who was allegedly starting at 9:15 … and well, holy shit, they actually started at … wait for it … 9:15.</div>
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See, that’s a good venue. And a good band.</div>
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So fuck you, Happy Dog. And fuck you, Jeremy Porter, for letting Happy Dog fuck you, and fuck me and 8 people I brought to see you.</div>
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Go back to that state up north.</div>
Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-81829383278202407392013-04-04T16:46:00.004-05:002013-04-04T16:46:56.268-05:00Jeremy Porter & The Tucos – Partner In Crime – CD Review & Tour Dates<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAgaW_l7DYT4Rpu2bLu3ByNgfx21Svt-tEMfA2k3N-bI4zTgPNEwDhCsjlyT4KuGwTkK3rkxuc4SsmS0M1QYdjweSupxEc75gENbOaevCc_y3kx-KLqJ_TdmLnfO586rJLLkJbH-o5Sk/s1600/jeremyporter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAgaW_l7DYT4Rpu2bLu3ByNgfx21Svt-tEMfA2k3N-bI4zTgPNEwDhCsjlyT4KuGwTkK3rkxuc4SsmS0M1QYdjweSupxEc75gENbOaevCc_y3kx-KLqJ_TdmLnfO586rJLLkJbH-o5Sk/s1600/jeremyporter.jpg" /></a></div>
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One of the cool things about a music blog that two or three of you read (<a href="http://jacomb.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Just Another Crappy Opinionated Music Blog</a>) is hearing from artists who are putting out music that I might not find … the latest being <a href="http://www.thetucos.com/index.php" target="_blank">Jeremy Porter & The Tucos</a>. Hailing from That State Up North (but we don’t hold that against them), JP has been rocking and rolling the heartland in bands like The Regulars, SlugBug, The OffRamps, and Fidrych, as well as playing solo. He’s played Columbus before, sharing the stage with bands like Watershed and rocking out at Stache’s and the like … and now he’s back, with a new album, “Partner In Crime” and a mini Rust Belt tour that visits Ohio, twice: Thursday, April 4th, at the <a href="http://treebarcolumbus.com/" target="_blank">Tree Bar</a> in Columbus; and Friday, April 5th at <a href="http://www.happydogcleveland.com/" target="_blank">Happy Dog</a> in Cleveland; and playing <a href="https://plus.google.com/116785512610942815232/about?hl=en" target="_blank">Rock Room</a> in Pittsburgh on Saturday, April 6th.</div>
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The new CD, “Partner In Crime,” was released on New Fortune Records in March, and is a great piece of Americana. The 12 songs flow across 46 minutes of heartbreak, heartache, tales of falling for the pizza girl and lamenting about the one who got away. While those sound like pretty much every indie rock album, the music behind the songs, and Porter’s delivery, make them unique. From the rollicking “Pizza Girl” to sad-bastard “Barely All The Time” to the sadder-bastard “Wedding Day” this is a great collection of music, and I’m glad Jeremy brought it to my attention, and hope I can bring it to yours. I know I’ll be at the Cleveland show … Come on out and support live music and hit the Rust Belt Tour!</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rust Belt Tour:</span></b></div>
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Thu Apr 4 • Columbus, OH • Tree Bar</div>
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Fri Apr 5 • Cleveland, OH • Happy Dog</div>
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Sat Apr 6 • Pittsburgh, PA • Rock Room</div>
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Fri Apr 19 • Mt. Pleasant, MI • Rubble´s</div>
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Sat May 11 • Detroit, MI • Lager House</div>
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Sat May 18 • Saginaw, MI • Hamilton Street Pub</div>
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Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5787382129697918991.post-27554296313029090872013-02-23T13:51:00.000-05:002013-02-23T14:04:22.113-05:00Where 20 Words isn't 20 words, apparently<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
So I do a lot of side work fixing people's laptops and desktops and networks because, well, I'm kind of an IT legend in these parts, and know lots of people who are great at what they do, but not IT people, so they need help from time to time, and, well, I need beer money, so I do it.<br />
<br />
See a need, fill a need. I learned it from Robots. Don't judge me.<br />
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And from time to time, I need to buy products for upgrades. I try to keep it to local, reputable vendors (i.e. Microcenter in Cleveland, or my new favorite local business, <a href="http://greencomputerdoctor.com/" target="_blank">Green Computer Doctor</a> in Champion, I wasn't able to make it to Cleveland, and GDC was out, the two alleged computer stores in Austintown suck balls and never have what I need, or aren't open, so I resorted to Amazon, because they were cheaper than New Egg. This time.<br />
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And got exactly what I needed at a great price with super fast delivery. And I made a nice little 25% profit on the part, because web-searchin' and memory installin' like pimpin', ain't easy, playa.<br />
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This was probably three weeks or a month ago. Today, I got an email from Amazon asking me to review my product purchase. So I do. My first attempt was apparently too brief ... it was rejected with the message that it has to be 20 words long. So I rewrite it so it's exactly 20 words long. I mean, what else can you really say about a memory DIMM? Here's what I wrote:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Memory DIMM was as described. Fast delivery. Great price. Easy to find and easier to order Will buy from again.</blockquote>
Yep, exactly 20 words. And, yep, rejected. Again.<br />
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And while they gave me no obvious reason, they rejected that one, too, but thankfully, gave me "tips" about writing product reviews:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Written reviews must be at least 20 words long. The ideal length is 75 to 500 words.</li>
<li>Your review should focus on specific features of the product and your experience with it. Feedback on the seller or your shipment experience should be provided at www.amazon.com/feedback.</li>
<li>We do not allow profane or obscene content. This applies to adult products too.</li>
<li>Advertisements, promotional material or repeated posts that make the same point excessively are considered spam.</li>
<li>Please do not include URLs external to Amazon or personally identifiable content in your review.</li>
</ul>
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Then, well, I got an idea. They want a review between 75 and 500 words? Piece of cake. I mean, really, you're here. You've obviously read my stuff ... I can write me some words. To excess.<br />
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So here's my new review:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S is perhaps the single greatest piece of computer electronics I've purchased in my 20+ year IT career that ranges from my time as a graphics designer on the Mac SE30 to my current position remotely managing more than 4,000 servers at a Tier I data center for a Fortune 40 company. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Side Note: I also happen to run a computer consulting side business that assists local individuals and businesses with their hardware, networking and software needs, and this particular customer of mine wanted a memory upgrade. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Luckily, Creepy Steve bought a laptop preloaded with 64-bit Windows 7, so we could bump him up from the paltry 3GB he had installed (one 2GB DIMM and one 1GB DIMM) to 6GB (he was too cheap to go to 8GB). So I searched Amazon and found this great DIMM from Etaratech with a superb price and I pressed the "Add To Cart" faster than Honey Boo Boo grabs a plate of sketti. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Within four days it was in my mailbox, and later that day, over a cold frosty beer at a local watering hole, I carefully removed the battery from Creepy Steve's laptop, pulled out my small Phillips head screwdriver, carefully removed the cover over the memory slots, pulled out the 1GB DIMM, replaced it with the Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S DIMM I purchased on Amazon, replaced the cover, replaced the battery, powered it on and BAM! Just like that, we were cooking with 6GB of memory. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Creepy Steve was never happier. As far as I know.</blockquote>
I wonder if that will pass muster.<br />
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Eric Brozhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16372001452304566576noreply@blogger.com2