New Years Resolutions?

Not from me.

Last year I used that random internet resolution generator - and with the help of some html and java scripting, by clicking my mouse I resolved to take over the world.

Since you're not all worshipping at my feet and showering me with gifts of voluptuous red-headed women and the finest white ale from Belgium, I obviously have failed. While I could blame the programmers ... I realize that world domination isn't all it's cracked up to be.

So since that didn't work, I decided that was my last attempt at setting unrealistic goals simply because the calendar has changed. Maybe because I'm too lazy to find the page again, or maybe I'm just not in the mood to randomly click until I find one I like.

Or maybe I'm just not all that concerned with resolutions.

That's not to say there aren't things about my life I'd like to change ... just that I don't make resolutions based on a flawed way of measuring time.

We need a metric time system. Something nice, round, modular, not this 60 seconds in a minute; 60 minutes in an hour; 24 hours in a day; 7 days in a week; 28, 29, 30 or 31 days in a month; 12 months in a year thing we have going on. And don't tell me that it's all based on how the planet revolves around the sun. I'm a man of science. The sun revolves around this flat earth we live on.

Sorry, I guess that's my rant for the day.

No, I'm not against setting goals to improve my life ... I just prefer to improve my life in little steps, one day, one hour, or one minute at at time. Flawed as our current time system is.

How do I do it? Well, lots of drugs - either legally prescribed or over-the-counter drugs; or, if those don't work, then illegal, prescribed-to-someone-else or under-the-counter drugs.

No, really ... here's how I do it: I look at the people I like and/or admire and/or respect (there are people I admire and respect I don't like, people I like and admire I don't respect, and so on), see what it is I like and/or admire and/or respect, and see if I can put that trait into my life, my personality, my existence.

That's the only way that works for me. When I see it, I remember it, I try to emulate it. I don't sit around thinking of ways to improve and setting dates to start - I find them, I choose them, I start.

Others, however, continue to make lists of ways to change their lives, and pick the start of a new year as the kickoff point.

And I've read a few lists from a few people ... friends, fellow bloggers, pundits, etc.

But nothing - and the Rock means nothing - is better than this:
Try to avoid staring at the cleavage of the pastor’s 18-year old step daughter at church when you’re serving her communion and she wears a totally low cut blouse with a push-up bra. Oh, did I tell you she’s a redhead too. You know, the whole lead us not into temptation bit, God. Well, I mean, really now. You could help a brother out, here.
His complete list is here. For the record, I don't know the guy, never have talked to him, emailed him or commented on a blog - he's a blog-friend of someone who used to be a real-life friend of mine. She's one of the friends I unmade last year (as mentioned in my 2006 Wrap-Up).

But he has great taste in music.

And he is funny, too.

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