This must be a bad dream

So tonight as I'm doing my homework for my Composition Class that starts on Thursday at Franklin University, I decide to check and see if my transfer credits have posted, and how many credit hours I have under my belt now.

So I know how much further along my educational journey I am.

And I can start to see what I can test out of, what I have to take, and what's a nice easy blow-off, quick credit hour boost where I can use my insanely powerful brain to make the most of my educational opportunities, or merely increase my GPA while knocking down some easy A's as I trudge towards a Bachelor's Degree.

So I click the pages to get where I want, and see the following:

University of Phoenix

9 credit hours earned

9 credit hours accepted

During my six months at UoP I took three classes. All three transferred. Sweet. That means no Critical Thinking, no Database Theory, one less Gen Ed needed.

DeVry University

7 credit hours earned

7 credit hours accepted

Sweet. That means I don't have to take College Math and one other Gen Ed credit.

Now I'm excited. Because I'm getting to the big one. The work for my Associate's Degree in Computer Networking Systems. Two years of work, straight through. 3.88 GPA, highest honors (because math fucking sucks).

(If this were an audio blog, this is where I would insert the sound of crashing car.)

ITT Technical Institute

100 hours earned

1.33 hours accepted

Not to sound like a Sesame Street song, but one of these things is not like the others.

Like reallyreallyreally not like the others.

Tell me, can you guess which one is doing his own thing now before my rant is done?

Fuck me. But seriously.

One point three three credit hours?

Out of 100 earned?

And an Associates Degree?

Sure, it's a tech school.

And I wasnt expecting all 100 to transfer.

And yes, ITT is the school that ends all of their advertisements with the phrase, softly spoken in quick-announcer voice: limited transferability of credits.

But one and a third? 80 minutes out of 6000 earned?

Seriously: What the fuck?

And the worst part is Franklin's website doesn't list the individual credits transferred, just the total for the school.

So I have no real idea what class they gave me partial credit for.

With my luck it was probably the Business Development class at the end where we had to write resumes and cover letters and practice interviews and shit.

The best assignment ever: The instructor let us pick a job we were writing a letter to declining their offer. And we had to have a valid reason why we were declining the offer. "Not a good fit" wasn't a good reason in her mind. Had to be money, or the position, or some other valid reason.

I chose to decline the offer of talent enhancement for a gay porno film company on the grounds that I wasn't a practicing homosexual.

I got an A on the assignment.

And the following verbal comment from the instructor:

"As much as I'd love to keep this and use it as an example for future classes of a properly written and formatted letter, I don't think the subject matter is appropriate for use as an instructional aide. However, should you ever attempt to claim an insanity defense at a future criminal trial, I will gladly be a character witness."

True fucking story.

(Well, that I'm not gay is true, also, but the assignment I turned in was declining the generous offer of talent enhancer, or fluffer. For those of you who just said "um, what's a fluffer?" Well, a fluffler is the person responsible for making sure the male porno actors' parts are up for their parts, so to speak.

Yes, that's a real job. And you thought your job sucked.)

Deep down in my heart, I had a feeling that my ITT diploma was kind of worthless.

I didn't realize just how worthless.

All I'm hoping for is that Franklin's transfer process is not complete.

It's not final.

They just took a break.

Otherwise, I'm going back to DeVry.

Christ on a pony, to quote an old friend.

At least DeVry gave me 68 transfer credits from ITT.

The first time they reviewed my transcript.

And I bitched about that.

So they redid it. And gave me 38.

So I quit.

I should have bought in at 68.

Fuck me.

I'm going to bed.

And now my rant is done.

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