Random Thoughts #7

Weird ramblings from my mind.

If that's not enough of a warning, there's no hope for you.

Really.

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Before I start, I have to share this: Bob Saget is God.

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Yesterday I'm sitting at work on Monday and realize that Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals is on at 8 p.m.

On NBC.

So I can watch it.

And I realize I've watched the same number of hockey games on television this year as I did last year.

And there wasn't a hockey season last year.

Because I don't have OLN. Because Insight Cable sucks. And I won't pay for the digital service to get it because I don't need two digital boxes (I have two TV's) and if you have digital on one and analog on another they channels are differently numbered. Now that's confusing. Comedy Central in the bedroom is 35, in the living room is 23521 or some other number. That's bullshit of an unacceptable level. So I dropped it. And their "high-speed internet" was so slow I couldn't stand it. So I got basic cable with them, so my channels are the same in both rooms, and DSL. Which I love.

But back to hockey. Since I was planning on being home doing nothing after recovering from the super awesome road trip last week, I might as well veg out and watch Game 7 so I can at least get one game in this year, and continue my tradition of seeing the Stanley Cup awarded every season THERE WAS A SEASON since 1984.

Cause that's how I roll.

So I figured I might as well see what the headlines and hypelines are for this Game 7.

Hello Google.

And as I'm looking over the Toronto papers, because lets face it, the best hockey writers live in Canada, I find a link about Pride Week in Toronto.

And no, that's not a "Gee we're glad to be Canadian" thing ... that's where the gay people all get together and celebrate their gayness.

Shocking, eh?

And for today's "Oh, Eric" moment, lemme tell you ... those people know how to party.

And since I'm a fan of a couple of Canadian singer/songwriters who quite possibly might be lesbians, or at least bisexual, I figured I'd pop over to see if they were part of the festivities.

So I click over to the Pride Toronto website and while looking over the various pictures, stumble upon the general information page about the committee, and see the following "About Us" statment that gave me several thoughts.

But before I give you my take on it ... here's the statement:

Pride Toronto exists to celebrate the history, courage, diversity and future of Toronto's LGBTTIQ2S* communities.
* Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, 2 Spirited

My Take:

Remember when people were just gay? Men were gay, women were gay. Or, as Robin Williams says, the men wore tights and the women wore comfortable shoes.

Now we have this list from Pride Toronto, and my simple-to-remember-definitions:

• Gay - a man who likes men.
• Lesbian - a woman who likes women.
• Bisexual - a man or a woman who likes men and women.
• Transexual - a man who dresses like a woman; a woman who dress like a man. Not necessarily gay.
• Transgender - a man who believes he should be a woman; a woman who believes she should be a man.
• Intersex - those who feel they're both a man and a woman. At the same time.
• Queer/Questioning - Those who don't know.
• 2 Spirited - I'm guessing this one is exclusive to Canada, where native Canadians have their own rights and special recognition, unlike America, where native Americans (formerly known as Indians (feather) to keep them separate from Indians (dot)) have zero rights (sorry, channeling my hippie sister again. She's a member of the Wannabe Tribe of natvie Americans. Anyway ...) I'm also guessing that 2 Spirited apparently is for native Canadians who are any of the above ... but native Canadian first.

Maybe it's me ... but for a country (Canada) that makes it a point to tell the rest of the world just how much they care about every single Canadian, and that everyone in their country, despite the differences that make their country great, is a Canadian first ... they sure go out of their way to make sure everyone has a label.

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Speaking of labels, and gay people, how many times have you heard the call for "gay rights"? It's everywhere. Especially with the idiotic Republican focus on gay marriage. I've said it before, I'll say it again. You can't help who you love. And it's not like hetrosexual people have been successful at this marriage thing (I'm a two-time loser myself).

What kills me is the line in the sand. The left talks about "equal rights for all people" and the right talks about the "gay agenda" ruining the country. It's all under the umbrella of gay rights.

What's funny about that line, to me, is there are even more sharply defined lines in the gay community that gay people have set up to keep the groups of gays separated and segregated according to their preferences and likes.

Now for the record, I'm not gay. To work off a routine stolen from Will Durst, I have two reasons:

1. My doctor says I have a narrow throat.
2. I love pussy.

But I have spent some time, including a couple of days last week in Provincetown, in primarily gay communities. My friends when I lived in the Virgin Islands were a gay couple (Bob & Jay) who kept us entertained, well-fed and knew all the fun spots to go tourist-watch. My neighbor in the VI was so gay his mom thought he was straight. He was so gay that gay people called him gay.

Bob once said, "ya know, I'm gay. But he makes me look straight." I worked for a gay guy when I did finish construction who told me he'd much rather have me as his office boy for two reasons - one was he wanted me, two was becuase I wasn't a good carpenter. But the only thing I tried was carpentry. He was scary.

But back to the segregation in the gay community:There are multiple variations of gay men. Here are the ones I could think of right off the top of my head:

• Straight-acting - the regular guy you never suspect is gay. Hides all aspects of gayness from everyone.
• Masculine - normal looking guy in all regards who is gay. Looks like a man. Acts like a man. Just so happens to sleep with a man as well.
• Flamers - that's obvious.
• Athletic - Totally built guys who spend all their time working on and admiring their own bodies. Also referred to as buff bois - (yes, spelled that way). Shirtless, showing off sculptured bodies. Look like they just came out of the Abercrombie catalog.
• Fems - usually thin, wear makeup, act effeminant and are experts on style and clothing. You mainly see this genre of gay man portrayed on television.
• Leathermen - Wear lots of leather, usually black and shiny.
• Bears - Big hairy guys, with beards, furry backs and hairy chests.
• Twinks - Thin, skinny, smooth-skinned guys, but not effeminate.

Very rarely will these groups EVER intermix. In fact, most of the time, they are so separate you'd think they were different species, which, according to some gays, they are.

And it's the same with gay women, although the divisions are smaller:

• Dykes - out and proud and showing it off.
• Man-like - out, and obvious, with bad haircuts, either spiked or mulleted, tend to wear jeans and flannel. Are often mean looking, territorial and dominant.
• Feminine - Mostly girly girls, wear fashionable clothing, enjoy all things most straight women like (shopping, chick flicks, etc.).
• Versatile - neither masculine or feminine, not defined by gender roles, just a normal woman in all outward appearances who just happens to like other women.

Lesbians, for the most part, are much more likely to intermix with other types of lesbians, because women, genetically, are much more accepting than men.

But it's funny for a group that says they don't want special rights, but equal rights ... just how prejudiced they are amongst themselves.

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Anyway ... I'm about out of ideas as to what else to write about. I'm still in recovery mode.

My apartment's a mess.

My office is a mess.

I have seven days of work left.

I have so much to do.