Idiots With Keyboards - Vol 2

So yesterday I was kinda hungry for pizza, and remembered that Papa John's is just around the corner from me ... I remembered this as I was staring at a coupon for a free dessert pizza (by the way, pizza crust with fruit filling ... genius!) on the counter at Blockbuster.

I was at Blockbuster because there wasn't anything good on TV Monday night ... everything I watch is still in reruns (Lost, Comedy Central shows. Yeah, that's all I watch), so I've been renting a lot of movies (because I don't have enough of my own to watch) ... and I don't know if "Big Brother" really exists or not ... but like Bill Hicks said about his rental habits ... draw your own conclusions: Last night I rented Family Guy, Season 2, Disk 3 & 4 and Ultimate Fighting Championships 46 (Couture vs. Belfort II) and Ultimate Fighting Championships 48 (Shamrock vs. Kimo). Yeah, felt like laughing and fighting ... whereas Mr. Hicks was renting Sonic the Hedgehog and Clamlappers, Volume 501 (because, as he says, once you watch the first, you're hooked).

So anyway ... I grabbed the coupon and headed over to my local Papa John's ... and my Papa John's Pizza Experience wasn't very good ... for a number of reasons ... and frankly, I was surprised, because I'd never had a bad Papa John's experience before. So when I eventually got home, I tossed in a DVD, started to eat the pizza that was close to what I ordered, and while scanning the flyer pinned to the box loaded with coupons I noticed a "comments" email address where I was invited to discuss my pizza experience.

Yeah .... you know what's coming:

(my email to PapaJohnsConcerns at rrohio.com was titled, "At least the garlic sauce was good" and is reprinted here for your reading enjoyment:)

So having recently moved to the north side of Columbus I was glad to be close enough to a Papa John's to get a decent pizza ... because Donato's pizza-like substance just doesn't cut it for me. I'm from a small town that featured a lot of mom & pop pizza places ... your pizza reminds me of that.

Or it did.

Today's first visit to my local Papa John's store is an experience not worth repeating.

Hadn't even planned on it. Was getting some movies to watch, there was a coupon for a free Sweet Treat with a pizza order, I was thinking, hey, there's a dinner idea ... Papa John's. And it's just around the corner from my new apartment. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Yeah.

I went into the Northeast Columbus location and placed my order at 4:35, and was told it's going to be 20-25 minutes.

I go back to the store at 5 and am told it will be a couple minutes more. That was before I remembered that "couple" is one of those inexact words. Could mean two, could me three, could mean four ... in this case, it meant 12. And when the box is handed over to me, I ask about the sweet treat and am told it will be out in "three minutes" because, for some reason, it got pushed back. That was the last thing I heard.

There was a blueberry Sweet Treat that came out of the oven in about 5 minutes. It wasn't mine. I ordered apple.

After another five minutes, not another word from anyone behind the counter, and nary a look in my general direction ... and a total of 50 minutes from the time I ordered my pizza and sweet treat, I left, with just the pizza.

And then got home and discovered it wasn't right.

Or your thick crust has gone on the Atkins diet and lost some significant weight. I'd hate to see the thin crust if what I got was the thick I ordered.

But the garlic sauce was good.

According to the label, my "pizza experience" was (mis)managed by Eric S.

The only other numbers on the ! label that matter: 3828 / 0102/0027

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So then some other stuff happened last night and I ended up heading out to smooth out a misunderstanding (Eric = Idiot) and I flipped on the radio and that was when I realized that the Ohio State Buckeyes were in the Fiesta Bowl ... and that kickoff was just after 5 p.m.

Now I don't know if you're aware of this ... apparently OSU football is a big deal in Columbus.

Yeah.

Which totally explains why Papa John's was so crazy busy, behind, and forgot my Sweet Treat.

And I don't know if you're aware of this, either ... I was probably the only man (and one of the few bipeds) in the city on Monday who wasn't aware of the OSU game, and watching it.

See, I'm not a Columbus native, I've been here a year, and I'm not a fan of college sports at all ... and in the 12 months I've been here done my best to avoid drinking the kool-aid that turns normal people into, as Rebecca says, worshippers of the nut-headed mascot.

Add to that I've lived in the Pittsburgh area for the past 7 years ... where pro football is all that matters ... and the only time you hear of a college mentioned is when discussing where the current Stiller played his college football, and why wasn't it at Penn State.

So now you have my excuses for not being aware of this Fiesta Bowl thing on Monday ... or maybe I'll claim that I was watching TV, but only because I was trying to figure out what was happening with my boy Maurice Clarett ... because we went to the same high school (years apart). Yeah, you can take the thug outta Warren, Ohio; but you can't take Warren, Ohio, out of the thug.

Perhaps he'll be able to share a prison cell with our good congressman James Traficant. Or the former mayor of Warren. Or several of the other elected officials who have gotten prison sentences. Yeah, Youngstown has the mafia, but Warren has the dumb crooks.

Mo is just one more in a long list of famous Warren, Ohio, criminals.

I did get a nice response from Papa John's offering to talk to me on the phone ... where they'll probably give me coupons or free stuff ... but here was my response:

It's really not that big of a deal ... as a former retail manager, I know you don't get much feedback, good or bad... it wasn't until I was in my car later last night (after I sent the email) that I realized that the OSU bowl game was on (not a Columbus native, and not a college sports fan) ... but the insanity that was the Northeast Columbus location at 15 minutes prior to kickoff all makes more sense to me now ... so no worries ... I'll be back ... and I'll check the sports calendar first!

DOH!