Things I've Overheard

This was a response I left to a blog my friend Dawn has on her page ... but I had to repost it here because it's sooooo damn funny, and one of those things that only I would pay that much attention to, and then share. The blog Dawn had was about a conversation she overheard while helping a friend pack to move and what to do with a dead frog carcass.

Here's my strangest ever overheard conversation:

I'm sitting in a men's room where I worked a few years ago, um, doing my business. Yeah, downloading. Even better. Yeah, I'm there downloading. Now this is a call center that has about 1,500 employees ... so there were all sorts of people there, and this is not a conversation you want to hear in a men's bathroom:

Male Voice 1: I can't get it. Stretch your leg out. Bend your leg, it's in my way.

Male Voice 2: I can't see where the hole is. Is it open?

Male Voice 1: I can get a finger in there but not much more. Lemme try again. Looking at the size of it I need two fingers in before I try.

Male Voice 2: Is everything lined up right?

Male Voice 1: Should be. I think it's lined up right.

Male Voice 2: You're close, move it to the left.

Male Voice 1: I can't see where the hole is. There. I think that's it. Yeah, I got it. But I can't get it in. It's too tight.

Male Voice 2: Yeah, you had it close. I felt it go across the hole but it didn't go in.

Male Voice 1: Damn, this is hard. I don't think it's opened up enough.

Male Voice 2: Try some soap or something to lube it up.

Male Voice 1: Okay. Lemme get some and we'll try again.

(Sound of shuffling feet and soap dispenser being hit to dispense soap)

Male Voice 1: Got it. I'll try to get it lined up right the first time. Don't put it in all the way when you start, I don't wanna leave any marks.

Male Voice 2: Seriously. I'll never hear the end of it. There ya go. It's in the hole. I can feel it now. I got the nuts, too. (Then Said with relief) That was much easier this time.

Male Voice 1: Yeah. I think I hurt myself though.

At this point I'm done with my business and want nothing more than to leave, quickly. So I flush, carefully open the door and see, to my relief, it's actually the maintenance supervisor and the facilities manager standing by the sink ... they're the two voices I heard ... so it wasn't what it could have been.

Because the IT group was considered part of the Facilities team, my desk was one office away from the facilities manager's office. I went back to my desk and typed up the above conversation (I copied it from my old email I sent him) and sent it to him with the title "Things overheard in the Men's Room, September 23, 2000."

I saw him walk back into his office, read his email and howl with laughter before calling me into his office and telling me that was the single funniest thing he's ever read.

Here's the rest of the story:

They were trying to install a soap dispenser into the far end of the countertop. They couldn't do it from the front because the last sink was kind of blocked by the paper towel dispenser, installed after the counters were mounted but before the soap dispensers arrived.

The bottom of the soap dispenser had a long anchor bolt that went through the counter top for support and was connected with a locking wing nut underneath the countertop. The back of the thing mounted to the wall on two other bolts that difficult to get lined up without scratching the countertop.

Male Voice 1 - The Facilities Manager - was leaning over the sink trying to get the bolt lined up with the hole they had drilled before I walked in. The counter, however, was too deep, and his beer belly kept him from being able to get far enough over the counter to see down into the hole. He couldn't climb onto the counter because it wouldn't support his weight.

Male Voice 2 - The Maintenance Supervisor - was under the sink trying to put the washer, nut and locking wingnut on the bolt as it came through the hole, but the pipes kept him from being able to get close enough to help guide the post from the dispenser into the hole; and he had to hold the bolt with two fingers because that was all he could reach up with.

Yeah ... I've been privy to some interesting conversations in my life, but this one ... well, it was the shit.

No comments: