2006-09-21

I wanna disconnect myself

I wish I knew where the logic switch in my brain was.

There are times I'd like to turn it off.

I'd be more fun that way.

I'd have more fun that way.

But no. Not me. I'm the logical one.

I'm the one who sees only the big picture, and acts accordingly.

For better or for worse.

Without failure.

I guess that's why I know that no matter what the number, how big it is, how powerful it seems, all it takes is multiplying that number by a negative one, and like Emeril says, "BAM" you have that same big number, with the same amount of power, only negative.

Because, in a logical world, one bad apple does spoil the whole damn bunch.

And that's my current problem.

In many things.

I have a ton of good ... whether it's intentions, feelings, thoughts, plans.

And then the big picture shows me that negative. Or potential negative.

And it all falls to pieces.

All the good intentions ... gone. I guess, because I see that real or potential negative and realize that in spite of the good intentions, it'll end up bad, so why bother starting, or, if already in progress, continue?

All the good feelings ... gone. I guess, because I see that real or potential negative and realize that in spite of the good feelings, it'll end up bad, so why bother starting, or, if already in progress, continue?

All the good plans ... yeah, what I said up there. Twice. And again.

So how do I get beyond that? How do I realize that yes, all things have real or potential negative items ... and I should just accept them as part of the package, rather than letting the real or potential negative item(s) become dealbreakers?

How do I learn to allow the good to be good and deal with the bad without it being the end of the good?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Because this is nothing I can sit down and plan for ... because this all happens in my head.

Which is why I need to find that logic switch.

Because I'm tired of it.

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