Four-wheel drive doesn't make you invincible but apparently makes you think you are.
Yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh.
And it snowed.
And got icy.
I drove up north of Pittsburgh to see my daughter on Monday.
I left 'da Burgh at 4:45. I got to Sharpsville at 6:15.
I saw SEVEN wrecks on the way.
Wanna guess how many of the wrecks involved SUV's?
All of them.
Because people think they're driving a four-wheel drive fortress that protects them from everything.
Everything, that is, except stupidity.
The first one I came upon was a red Chevy facing the wrong way, one fender crumpled.
Then I saw a white Dodge Durango looking much the same, a few miles later.
And down the road, a Lexus Whateverthehellitis halfway up an embankment.
Then another Chevy with a banged front-end courtesy of the car it hit.
The car's back end was crumpled, so apparently the SUV tried to move the car out of its way. Because the car was going too slow.
And I saw another Dodge, this one on its side, dumbass driver dude talking to the police with that "I don't know what happened" look.
What happened? Well, I was going 40. You blew past me like I was standing still because while your Durango is four-wheel drive, your brain still has training wheels.
Near New Castle I saw a Hummer that collided with a pickup and a Toyota SUV.
Hummers look tough, but they're not.
The Hummer was worse for the wear than the Toyota and pickup truck. All were off the road, paths marked by mud, slush and torn-up grass.
And I'd bet my last dollar that was probably the first time any of those SUV's with the full off-road package had actually BEEN off the road since they were driven off the new car lot.
But I digress.
And finally, I saw my last wreck before I got to Cammi's house ... it was a little red Kia Sportage, laying on its side, half in and half out of a ditch.
I didn't see anyone injured, which is good.
I did see a lot of wrecked SUV's though.
Meanwhile other than the car that was hit by the Chevy me, in my 1997 Lumina with a banged-up door, and the rest of the cars were tooling through the snow and ice, knowing that we had to be careful, and not thinking we were invincible and could drive through the snow and ice.
Because we know we only have two-wheel drive.
And we drove accordingly.
Like I said four-wheel drive doesn't make you invincible.
But it does make you stupid.
In Pittsburghese ... Allah yinz jagoffs is stoopid n'at. Slo da hell dahn. It's slippy on dah parkway. Yinz won't make it ta Pantz'n'at ifis yinz wreck da Jimmy. Yinz shoulda took da Bonneyville.
Yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh.
And it snowed.
And got icy.
I drove up north of Pittsburgh to see my daughter on Monday.
I left 'da Burgh at 4:45. I got to Sharpsville at 6:15.
I saw SEVEN wrecks on the way.
Wanna guess how many of the wrecks involved SUV's?
All of them.
Because people think they're driving a four-wheel drive fortress that protects them from everything.
Everything, that is, except stupidity.
The first one I came upon was a red Chevy facing the wrong way, one fender crumpled.
Then I saw a white Dodge Durango looking much the same, a few miles later.
And down the road, a Lexus Whateverthehellitis halfway up an embankment.
Then another Chevy with a banged front-end courtesy of the car it hit.
The car's back end was crumpled, so apparently the SUV tried to move the car out of its way. Because the car was going too slow.
And I saw another Dodge, this one on its side, dumbass driver dude talking to the police with that "I don't know what happened" look.
What happened? Well, I was going 40. You blew past me like I was standing still because while your Durango is four-wheel drive, your brain still has training wheels.
Near New Castle I saw a Hummer that collided with a pickup and a Toyota SUV.
Hummers look tough, but they're not.
The Hummer was worse for the wear than the Toyota and pickup truck. All were off the road, paths marked by mud, slush and torn-up grass.
And I'd bet my last dollar that was probably the first time any of those SUV's with the full off-road package had actually BEEN off the road since they were driven off the new car lot.
But I digress.
And finally, I saw my last wreck before I got to Cammi's house ... it was a little red Kia Sportage, laying on its side, half in and half out of a ditch.
I didn't see anyone injured, which is good.
I did see a lot of wrecked SUV's though.
Meanwhile other than the car that was hit by the Chevy me, in my 1997 Lumina with a banged-up door, and the rest of the cars were tooling through the snow and ice, knowing that we had to be careful, and not thinking we were invincible and could drive through the snow and ice.
Because we know we only have two-wheel drive.
And we drove accordingly.
Like I said four-wheel drive doesn't make you invincible.
But it does make you stupid.
In Pittsburghese ... Allah yinz jagoffs is stoopid n'at. Slo da hell dahn. It's slippy on dah parkway. Yinz won't make it ta Pantz'n'at ifis yinz wreck da Jimmy. Yinz shoulda took da Bonneyville.
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