Dear MTV Executives:
I have your next great reality show.
No, really.
Here's the premise:
Contact all the castoffs from your other reality shows. Tell them you're having a “Where Are They Now” special and want to visit them and their immediate family at their home, with cameras, and yes there are cash and prizes for playing along.
After a nice little catered affair, you bring in a new 72" LCD TV and show them, and their families, just how pathetic they were during the filming of their particular show. And be sure to include all the passive-aggressive, deceitful, back-stabbing behavior – broadcast and not broadcast – committed in their pursuit of 15 minutes of fame, some cash and/or whatever STDs Brett Michaels, Tia Tequila and Flava Flav or the other castmembers they were banging either have or caught during the show.
Then present the former contestant with a challenge … after all, they’re in the fame and game game and want the attention, the victory and spoils, right?
We bring out the game table. It has two items:
A box with $5,000 in cash; and a Samurai sword. The contestant gets to choose one or the other.
If there is a smile on their face and they take the cash, they are immediately shot dead by snipers posing as boom microphone operators. Then their families are murdered for three generations like Saddam Hussein did to prevent a reoccurrence of this type of behavior. (Granted, he did it to his political enemies, but I consider these people enemies of good taste and good behavior and dread the fact I share a nation, let alone a planet, with them. My show, my rules.)
If, however, they take the Samurai sword and commit seppuku, their family gets to live, and gets keep the cash and TV. Why? If, when later confronted with the truth of their behavior in the name of fame, cash and countless STDs outside of ‘the show’ they were on, the contestant realized there was no point in living such a shamed life and did the honorable thing by ritually cutting their stomach open, disemboweling themselves in front of family and the MTV Nation, and dying a slow, agonizing painful death, they are redeemed and their family has learned a valuable lesson in humility.
Harsh? Perhaps. But it fits with the title of the show:
"Where's My Dignity?"
Now that’s some must-see MTV.
_________________________
(This is a concept that's been floating in my head, but finally made sense after reading about "Hurl" ... a new reality show that's an eating contest followed by extreme action sports to see who can last the longest without vomiting. The winner gets a whopping $1,000.
TRUE FUCKING SHOW.
And we wonder why the world hates us.)
I have your next great reality show.
No, really.
Here's the premise:
Contact all the castoffs from your other reality shows. Tell them you're having a “Where Are They Now” special and want to visit them and their immediate family at their home, with cameras, and yes there are cash and prizes for playing along.
After a nice little catered affair, you bring in a new 72" LCD TV and show them, and their families, just how pathetic they were during the filming of their particular show. And be sure to include all the passive-aggressive, deceitful, back-stabbing behavior – broadcast and not broadcast – committed in their pursuit of 15 minutes of fame, some cash and/or whatever STDs Brett Michaels, Tia Tequila and Flava Flav or the other castmembers they were banging either have or caught during the show.
Then present the former contestant with a challenge … after all, they’re in the fame and game game and want the attention, the victory and spoils, right?
We bring out the game table. It has two items:
A box with $5,000 in cash; and a Samurai sword. The contestant gets to choose one or the other.
If there is a smile on their face and they take the cash, they are immediately shot dead by snipers posing as boom microphone operators. Then their families are murdered for three generations like Saddam Hussein did to prevent a reoccurrence of this type of behavior. (Granted, he did it to his political enemies, but I consider these people enemies of good taste and good behavior and dread the fact I share a nation, let alone a planet, with them. My show, my rules.)
If, however, they take the Samurai sword and commit seppuku, their family gets to live, and gets keep the cash and TV. Why? If, when later confronted with the truth of their behavior in the name of fame, cash and countless STDs outside of ‘the show’ they were on, the contestant realized there was no point in living such a shamed life and did the honorable thing by ritually cutting their stomach open, disemboweling themselves in front of family and the MTV Nation, and dying a slow, agonizing painful death, they are redeemed and their family has learned a valuable lesson in humility.
Harsh? Perhaps. But it fits with the title of the show:
"Where's My Dignity?"
Now that’s some must-see MTV.
_________________________
(This is a concept that's been floating in my head, but finally made sense after reading about "Hurl" ... a new reality show that's an eating contest followed by extreme action sports to see who can last the longest without vomiting. The winner gets a whopping $1,000.
TRUE FUCKING SHOW.
And we wonder why the world hates us.)
1 comment:
Aye, I like this one. But not on the carpet. Can you imagine getting intestinal juices out of it?
-Josh/Elf
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