SPAM is good reading

I'm not exactly sure what email spam list(s) I'm on ... but lately, I've been getting some interesting things.

Apparently, according to my bulk mail folder:

  • I'm Black (black singles ads)
  • I'm Asian (Asian dating sites)
  • I'm Hispanic (Latino dating sites)
  • I'm Over 50 (mature dating sites)
  • I'm Catholic (catholic singles sites. Yes, plural)
  • I'm Impotent (yeah, we all get the fact they have drugs that allow us to throw a football through a spare tire, whatever that means.)
  • I'm looking to get married again (tired of being lonely? We have marriage-minded women for you)
  • I need a new car
  • I'm qualified for a job with eBay, which I don't really need, because in addition to all of the above ...
  • I'm a multi-millionaire due to relatives of mine all over Africa dying under mysterious circumstances.
Envy my full, rich life, won't you?

Now I'm off to go find me that marriage-minded, 50+ African-Latino-Asian-American Catholic woman who doesn't want sex but wants to spend all the money I make at my eBay job and the 40 percent of the millions of dollars I'll get for helping free the bounty from my dead African relatives, but don't spend on my new car, as soon as I figure out what my bank routing number is and email it to people I've never met.

(No, really, I'm going to act like I'm working until about 2 p.m. today, before driving down to Columbus for the the "Hate Michigan" rally at the Newport on High Street, featuring B.A. Baracus (Yes, a band named after Mr. T's A-Team character), Columbus's favorite sons, Watershed and the best damn punk band in the land, this week, the Dead Schembechlers.

Oh, it's not all spam in my inbox ... I did get a couple of great emails this week from Bo Vicious of the Dead Schembechlers inviting me to be their official photographer for the event ... so look for photos of the bands, and the crowd, and the general craziness that is the OSU Camups during Hate Week on my website next week.)

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