Damn you, Captain Quint

I think I need a bigger boat. I got 14 feet of shit shoved into a 10 foot truck. And I still have some other stuff. I did leave enough room to get the matress and box springs in, the computer desk might take some shoehorning. And my other table. Oh.

Man, I hate hate hate hate hate moving.

Oh, and now I can't sleep.

More random Eric weirdness

So I have two absolute rules when buying furniture:

1. It has to come in black.
2. It has to be something I can carry myself.

I remembered the second as I was dragging my food pantry to the truck today. It is one of those "build-it-yourself" pressboard things. And weighs about 90 pounds.

And I've determined I'm going to find somewhere I can live a damned long time this time, and have money to pay for movers next time.

How stressed out have I been? Today, I got the moving truck with the car carrier to tow Ivy and promptly drove halfway home before I realized I forgot to put the car on the carrier.

Yeah. I'm that smooth.

And tonight, about 75 minutes ago, the battery in the clock in my bedroom died. It's been 9:55 for a while.

Oh, and since I moved last time in February in freezing, icy conditions with a ton of snow in NEOH, it's only fitting I move this time in August, when it's 80 degrees at 10:30 with 80 percent humidity. And tomorrow is going to be 91 degrees. Yep, I can pick the days and time to move.

Talk to you next time from the Mahoning Valley!

Dear Columbus ...

Dear Columbus ...

Once again, I find myself packing my shit and leaving you.

I wish we could just commit to each other.

I mean, really, I like you. I believe you like me.

But this job thing ... it just doesn't last.

Twenty months here, then gone. Then back, for 16 months, nine of which were in Columbus. Now ... after 6 months on a new job .. gone again. Back to Youngstown for the same job I left you for the last time.

Sigh.

Oh well. Looks like I'll be hitting up my good friend I-71 again as I come back to visit you.

Hitler finds out Michael Jackson has died. O.M.F.G

Dear Comfest ...

Thanks for kicking my ass for three consecutive days.

Quick highlights ... I'll have some photos and videos of all that and more later this week:

Friday:

• Hanging with friends all day! I love you people.
• Ryan Smith and Miss Molly on the Gazebo.
• A very ill Leah-Carla Gordone fighting off a summer cold to rock the Solar Stage.
  
• Help Is On The Way and Happy Chichester on the Main Stage. Help Is On The Way looked and sounded great ... they're either dead on or dead awful.
  
• Oh, and there was this little alt-country act called Two Cow Garage who left such an impression that EVERYONE was talking about that show all weekend. They blew up the main stage to end the day. Wow.
  

Saturday:

• Again, - hanging with friends all day ... all but two were different from Friday ... but again ... I love you people.
• Hanging out at the Offramp Stage with Jessie and Casey and Phil and Amber and Jamie and random Treehouse Friends.
• FINALLY seeing Jen Miller on the Jazz Stage when it wasn't raining on her.
• Bookmobile and the Kyle Sowashes and The Receiver rocking up the Offramp Stage.
• Colin Gawel and Ghost Shirt owning on the Gazebo Stage.
• Willie Phoenix rocking the hell out the Main Stage.

Sunday:

• Walking around enjoying the last day of my fifth Comfest just taking it all in.
• Watching some amazing performances on the Gazebo Stage while hanging with Quinn and Jess, and Andy and Alli, and Ron and Elliot, and Shane, Micah, Bernadette, Anissa, et.al.
• Ukulele Man and Jason Quicksall and Megan Palmer and The Randys were amazing.
• Lydia Loveless put on a great show on the Offramp Stage that had punk rock chicks dancing with their dogs. Anytime you intro a song with "This next song is for all the sluts and whores in the crowd" it's a good time.
• The Spikedrivers on the Main Stage.

Top Three Comfest Moments:

1. Two Cow Garage
2. The Receiver
3. Willie Phoenix
   

Lowlights:

• Dude getting stabbed to death. Always a bummer.
• HUGE blister on my toe (granted, not the same as above, but that's a tough act to follow).
• The amount of trash I (and my fellow Cleanup and Recycling crews) cleaned up during Saturday night cleanup shift. It's not the damn dirty hippies at Comfest, it's the apathetic kids and white trash that make the messes. Hippies know enough to clean up after themselves. Hell, they started the environmental movement.
  
• Trying, once again, to like a certain band because a friend does, only to realize, I don't.
• Missing Erika Carey.
• Not finding the Nye's on Friday.
• Not able to walk well enough to do cleanup and recycling on Sunday because of the blister on my toe that's huge.
• Having to wait another year for Comfest 2010.
  

Sigh.

THIS ...

is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ComFest

Two Cow Garage ... with friends ... rocking the fuck out of the main stage.

Yeah.

Overstating the Obvious

Found at a movie theater in Virginia:

Good lord that's a sammich

No, this wasn't my lunch ... no way in hell I could have eaten this and not taken a nap.

But it did look good. It's the All In Burger from Red, Hot and Blue in Herndon, Virginia.

I took a ... hey, look, it's shiny

Dear BW3 in Norwood, Ohio

Fuck you.

Seriously. Fuck. You.

Now, having said that, let me tell you the ways:

1. Lying bartenders.
2. Shitty service.
3. Clueless manager.
4. Lying managers.
5. Clueless bartenders.

Let me explain.

1. Lying Bartenders

I walk into BW3's at 6:50 p.m. I would love to play some Buzztime Trivia, get ready to watch hockey, and suck down some iced tea because I'm on call for work and won't drink. Which is good, because they're out of the beer I normally drink, anyway. I ask for a trivia box. Bartender says "They're broken." I say, "What?" She says, "All the boxes are broken. Nobody can play."

Now last week when I was in there, same bartender told me that most of the boxes they had were in disrepair and she didn't have any that worked behind the bar, however, I managed to snag one from a server on the restaurant side. And yes, her tip reflected that, and her lack of service.

So her telling me that this week was even lamer. So I order an unsweetened iced tea, take a seat and read the USA Today since trivia doesn't work.

But wait. I look around. There are people playing trivia. And poker, too, which operates on the same server.

Hmmmm. Lying whore.

So I continue reading the paper, sending text messages to one of the managers at the BW3 I play at and give him the torrid details of this disaster in the making.
Which brings us to:

2. Shitty Service

So after an hour of sitting there with a single (now empty) glass of iced tea, the other server, who was very nice, comes up and asks if I want a refill. I say yes, and would like to order food. She says, "Oh, let met get (other bartender)." I say "No. I'd much prefer you and she's already lied to me once tonight and ignored me after my initial order. And you've not lied to me yet. And noticed me sitting here with an empty glass. So you win." She laughed. The kind of laugh that people laugh when you point out one of their co-workers sucks and they can't agree, but acknowledge that you are correct by a) laughing and b) not denying or defending. So I ask her if she can put the hockey game on and she says "Oh, sure. What channel?" I tell her, she puts the game on instead of Women's Tennis and all is good.

Next time she comes around, she says "Oh, you wanted food, too, right?" and takes the order, makes sure my iced tea is kept filled and eventually brings my food over. That's when I ask to speak to her manager. Which leads us to:

3. Clueless Managers

Josh comes over and introduces himself nervously. I tell him about outright lie from the bartender; the total lack of service, the sitting there for 25 minutes with an empty glass, how I spend three or four nights at various BW3's and tip accordingly.

He says, "I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me know" and walks away.

I look around the bar, I count heads. There are 52 people there. All the bar seats are full, four guys are playing poker (on the allegedly broken Buzztime Trivia system) There are 9 people in Red Wings jerseys, 2 in Red Wings hats; 5 in Pens jerseys, 3 in Pens t-shirts and 1 with a hat; compared to two people wearing Reds hats. No Reds jerseys, no Reds t-shirts.

So what's the sound in the bar? Game 51 out of 162 games the Cincinnati Reds will play during the 2009 Major League Baseball Season. Hey, I understand I'm in Cincinnati. But a smart bartender / bar manager / etc. will look at the crowd, determine what they're there for, and adjust televisions accordingly. Even if it's not for the home team. The popular overrides the local, especially when the local is 2-1/2 games out of first place. I've been in bars in Cleveland that show Steelers Games. Bars in Columbus that show Bengals games. Bars in Columbus that show Steelers games. They base it on the crowd.

Except the BW3's in Norwood. Who had sound for the Reds game.

So I ask Josh about it. This brings on:

4. Lying Managers

So the other manager on that night, who's name I didn't get, was working the AV equipment. He walks past, I ask him why he has the sound on for the Reds game, not the STANLEY CUP FINALS. He says, "Someone asked for the sound on the Reds game." So I ask him to look around and judge the crowd and see who's watching what. He says, "I have to go with what Josh wants on the sound." And walks away.

Josh walks past again. I catch his attention, again, and he, again, nervously approaches me. I ask him why I had to ask for hockey on TV versus women's tennis when it's the Stanley Cup Finals. He says, "Oh, I didn't realize it was the finals." Really? How is that possible that you run a sports bar and don't know that? Oh, you're lying. You get a daily sheet of what's on the various sports channels that your bar pays for. I know this because I've seen it.

He then says, "Oh, and I talked to the server about the trivia. She said the server needed rebooted, and the other manager did that. She should have gotten you a box, though." Yeah, ya think? Again, he walked away offering nothing more than an apology.

And, unknown to Josh, if you reboot the server, you kick all the people playing off the server. I know this. I manage about 3,000 servers, and if I reboot one with a user connected and using an application on that server, they get disconnected. So, Josh, you, too, are a lying whore.
And finally, we wind up with ...

5. Clueless Bartenders

Now me being me ... I decided to share my lack of enjoyment of the 90 minutes I spent at the BW3 in Norwood with the bartender who lied to and then ignored me. Because I'm all about the customer service.

In my wallet I have the receipts from my Saturday night at BW3 playing music trivia and watching hockey; and my Sunday night at BW3 playing trivia and watching hockey. Both show a bar tab of about $35 with a 20% and 30% tip (sorry, service on Sunday was significantly better than Saturday). If I'm spending 4 hours at your bar, I tip like I'm spending 4 hours at your bar. I was a bartender. I know the system.

So after I tell her what a total opportunity she blew, she looks at me and says, "Well, people who normally drink iced tea don't tip well." I said, "Yeah, I know. But when you assume that and ignore accordingly, and lie to your customers, and act like you don't really care about your job, all that is reflected in your tips that you receive from all your customers who recognize shitty service and tip accordingly. Or don't tip. Perhaps you should learn that the phrase TIPS actually stands for To Insure Proper Service ... meaning, I get proper service, I tip accordingly to the time and service, not the bill. I'm sorry you work in a BTW’s in a shitty college-level neighborhood bordered by a ghetto ... but we're not all like that." Or something close to that, hitting all the highlighted points there I made. But I did use the 'BW3's in a shitty college-level neighborhood bordered by a ghetto' part.

So ... to sum up this missive ...

BW3 in Norwood ... Fuck you.

Reasons I hate TV #433

So in the rare event I watch TV, I tend to stick to live sporting events or stuff on the DVR so I can avoid the tripe that comes with flipping channels passing by what is passed off as entertainment or infotainment.

Like "The Cougar" ... the "hit" show on TVLand (wait, isn't that the network that plays Hogan's Heroes, and Gunsmoke, and M*A*S*H* and all those great classic shows? Yes, yes it is. Oh, and isn't that the network that's a spin-off of Nickelodeon, the kids' network? Yes, yes it is.) So WTF is this show? Oh, here's their short take:

Meet "The Cougar": Stacey, a beautiful, blonde mother of four from Arizona. As the star of TV Land PRIME's new reality competition dating series, Stacey -- who's a successful and determined real estate agent -- is eager to shatter dating stereotypes. She believes society has placed a double standard on women who date younger men and wants to prove that age is simply a number.

The average age of her Cubs, as they're called, is 24.8. Including one 23-year-old pool boy. Does this sound like a bad porn, or what? But pool boy didn't make the final four, however.

So why is a "successful and determined real estate agent" competing on some second-rate cable network that I wasn't even aware produced original shows for the love of a younger man? Again, I go to the website for that answer:

"Stacey's dating experiences have led her to believe that men her age and older live under the pressure of a "ticking clock" that dampens their spontaneity and zest for life. Her personal success is based upon upbeat optimism, and she believes that younger men have a similar spirited tempo, a demeanor that Stacey finds crucial for her future love interest to possess -- a love interest that she plans to find on The Cougar."

Oh, really?

Please. I dated woman younger than me who had the ticking clock thing and who were quite content with their decreased spontaneity and zeal for life. I've had my share of those types, too. So rather than settle, I keep looking.

But lets long-range-view this: On the RARE event she and her successful cub do get married (none of the 13 men who were The Bachelor married said bachelorette from their show; of the four completed series of The Bachelorette, one couple is married and has two kids; two were engaged but broke it off, one declined the proposal) .. what's the future going to hold? Let's just look at what she's setting up: in 15 years, she'll be 55, probably post-menopausal, less beautiful, and with a 40-year-old guy who's going to want the red convertible and arm candy.

And as she sits there on the couch wondering where did it all go wrong and where did he learn that from ...one of her grandkids shows her a rerun of the TV show where she picked him. Oh, yeah. Pot. Kettle. Black.

But anyway, that's not the purpose of this rant. The purpose is "What if this were reversed and a 40-year-old guy was on TV picking over 25-year-olds?"
The show would be called "The Pervert."

[and for the record, don't mention Rock of Love or whatever-the-hell-that-freak Flavor Flav and his car-grill of a mouth TV show was. Yes, I'm aware, they're both over 40 and were chasing the young women ... but the concept is significantly different. Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels are, for whatever reason, celebrities. Sure, C-level or D-level celebs, but both were famous (for reasons that go beyond me) and therefore have that certain level of reality-star-show-in-the-making lifestyle that lends itself to women wanting them for the status that comes with celebrity, regardless of how many years past their prime they are. Yeah, Boooooy.

[Stacey is just a regular, beautiful, successful, twice-divorce, mother of four who sells real estate. So prior to the show, she was just anyone else in the dating pool. ]

So again, you'd never see that kind of show on the air without NOW and other feminist groups picketing, Oprah beguiling it, The View skewering it and so forth. Because it is kind of a sick way to find someone. Especially with that much pressure and differences in life. Is a 25-year-old who's used to going out on a moment's notice going to want to settle for a 40-year-old with four kids and a busy career? And be happy? Unlikely. Especially after their circuit of fame on the infotainment shows and all the eye-candy he'll be paraded by and introduced to.

Which goes back to my original statement of why I watch little but sports and selected series on my DVR. TV sucks.

Everyone's a twitterin' ...

But me.

I'm not against it. I'm just not into it.

But Ron Jeremy is. Well, part of him is.

Yep, the Hedgehog has a twitter.

And a blog.

Neither are safe for work. So you've been warned.

Star Wars / Star Trek ... wait .. what?

Well, that's clever work there boys.

Watch My Favorite Movie (Star Trek vs. Star Wars) and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Catching up ...

Yeah, I know ... I've been busy.

Between a lot of on-call shifts at work and the hockey playoffs and other non-computer-related activities, I've not been writing much lately. Most of it comes down to too many hours in front of the computer while working ... there are days I just want to finish work and not look at screen the rest of the night.

So ... with that being said, here's a quick catch-up:

• Album I wasn't expecting to like as much as I do: "Length of Arms" by the Receiver.
  
  
• Album I was expecting to like more than I do: "21st Century Breakdown" by Green Day.
  
  
• Question you're asking yourself: "Hey, that doesn't come out until next week, right?
  Answer: Not where I shop.
  
  
• Movie I liked a whole lot more than I thought I would: Star Trek (IMAX Version)
  
  
• DVD I liked a whole lot more than I thought I would: Caprica (BSG Prequel)
  
  
• Drink that didn't do anything for me: Absinthe ... was like drinking mouthwash
  
  
• Evil trick played on fellow diners during Cinco de Mayo ... after 15 minutes of a 90 minute wait ... claiming to be a party who's name was called four times ... and telling the hostess it really wasn't us, but she sat us anyway.
  
  
• Random Graduation Congrats: Matthew, Adam, Mandy, Kylee (in order of when we met!)
  
  
• New CD I'm anticipating: The Clarks - Restless Days.
  
  
• Concert I have tickets for and CAN'T GO: Wilco, June 12, Cincinnati ... cause I'll be out of town training. (for $90, which is what I paid, they can be yours. Lemme know or I'm eBaying them. Hey, I just verbed. Again.)

Nothing new

But this is funny:

If Penis Enlargement Ads Told The Truth