I wrote a letter using 182 Richard Marx song titles.

Apparently Richard Marx is kind of a bad-ass and helped restrain a dude who lost his shit on a Korean Air Flight last weekend. A friend of mine was reading about it and was shocked to learn that he was married to Daisy Fuentes, and that she's 50 and beautiful, and that Richard Marx has a HUGE odd-shaped head. She asked me the following questions:

1. What is wrong with Richard Marx's head? It looks misshapen. 

2. When did he marry Daisy Fuentes

3. How is it possible that Daisy Fuentes is 50??

4. Why would he marry her?

Now she's well-versed in the Googles, so she could easily look those answers up. As could I. But I went one step beyond, as Madness once said. I googled all the original songs and some covers that Richard Marx has released, excluding the Christmas albums, and have come up with perhaps the greatest set of answers of all time as a letter from Richard Marx, explaining everything.

Everything in bold is a Richard Marx song title, or cover, that he has released. There are 182 of them. Enjoy!

Good Evening, Angelia,

What’s The Story about my head? We’ll Talk about That Later. I Can’t Help It. It’s really More Than A Mystery. I guess it’s just hard to control The Power Inside of Me. Or it’s Wild Horses. Or just a bad photo angle. Humidity. Or the fact that my hair was messed up from fighting with a Korean on a plane. You choose.

What’s Wrong With That? Almost Everything. I have a weird-shaped head. Mostly just Scars that Shine from my life on Streets of Pain I Forget To Remember.

As for Daisy Fuentes and I being an item? My Confession: We met years ago, and briefly dated, while I was at the height of my musical success. At The Beginning, she said it felt like a Ride With The Idol, but Everything Good eventually ends. She left me. Everybody saw it coming but me. No Thanks To You. Oh, wait, That Was Lulu. Snark redacted.

Suddenly, one day she looked at me, sadly, and said, “You’re a Superstar. When You’re Gone, I have Suspicion. You Keep Coming Back and I Take You Back but You Never Take Me Dancing. I know it’s Too Late To Say Goodbye, that it’s Too Early To Be Over, but I’ve Had Enough. I am So Into You, You’re A God, but I’m afraid I can’t be What You Want. Be Everything You Want.

“Whatever We Started, I feel like the Hazard of your Wild Life interrupts the Power of You and Me. I have a Heart Of My Own. I can’t play this Fool’s Game and be just another Flame In Your Fire. I’ll Talk To You Later. Decide what We Are and Surrender To Me. Be All Over Me not just a Part of Me. This is how I feel From The Inside. Go Inside and Think It Over. Then pack your stuff and Just Go.”

It felt Like The World Was Ending. I was crushed On The Inside. I let out a Silent Scream. I had to Getaway from all of this. I got Colder. I’m just One Man. I knew right there I was afraid to say how I really felt. She brought out The Best Of Me. I felt her Slipping Away and I Should’ve Know Better to think I was In This All Alone. Turns out I was afraid to show her my Lonely Heart. It was Love Unemotional. I was afraid of Dependence. Tears Keep Coming Down, drowning out The Flame Of Love. I was Falling.

While we were apart, I was at the Edge of a Broken Heart. Literally alone on The Edge of Forever being alone, with these self-imposed Chains Around My Heart. It’s Eternity to spend Every Day Of Your Life with your Hands In Your Pocket while Playing With Fire, hanging out with the Children of the Night while you Wait For The Sunrise. There are Breathless days where I Can’t Stop Crying. I Can’t Help It. Life Don’t Mean Nothing when you’re Living In The Real World without Someone Special. Heaven Only Knows how I had my Heart On The Line.

Then I saw her in Miami, 2017. It was October, right about the time When November Falls. There, I came To My Senses.

At The Beginning, I was Too Shy To Say anything. I felt a Touch of Heaven when I saw her At The Station. I felt her Eyes on Me. She took one look at me with those Baby Blues and, you know me, I Can’t Lie To My Heart. For Better or Worse, I was Over My Head and knew there was only One Thing Left: I had to Take This Heart, put on my Boy Next Door attitude, Take It To The Limit and show her The Other Side of me. I didn’t want Ordinary Love. I was Ready To Fly into the Real World and although I said (It Looks Like) I’ll Never Fall In Love Again, I decided to Have A Little Faith and try to start Better Life.

I asked her to Have Mercy and Save Me. Despite what other women had Done To Me, she was Everything I Want. I was Falling and had Nothing To Hide so I told her Straight From My Heart:

“I am Waiting On Your Love and hope The Image of me as a Big Boy Now will allow you to Turn Off The Night and Bring It On Home. I’m Calling You just One More Time to give us One More Try because you were the Best I Ever Had and You’ll Never Be Alone if you Come Back To Me. I felt you Wouldn’t Let Me Love You, oddly enough, When You Loved Me. The Last Thing I Wanted was to not be Always On Your Mind. Let’s Say Goodbye To Hollywood. I’ll come To Where You Are. Heaven’s Waiting. I’m Not Running. I’m Still Here. I Will Be Right Here Waiting, Until You Come Back To Me. But, If You Don’t Want My Love, I’ll leave Your World. Again.”

Suddenly, there was Sunshine. She said, “Come Running, we have the Whole World To Save.” It was a Miracle. We spent Days In Avalon, Dancing. The music sounded like an Angel’s Lullaby. Alleluia. There was a joyous Echo that was Like Heaven. And Remember Manhattan? That was Another Heaven. She said Hold On To The Nights, and she wasn't lying. We were finally Lovin Emotional. I am Satisfied with my Rhythm of Life. We’re talking Soul Action. I am Loved. I am High on life. I Get No Sleep.

I can’t explain The Way She Loves Me. It’s like Thunder and Lightning. She’s the blood that flows Through My Veins. I Should’ve Known Better. She’s Beautiful.  And I Love Her. Now and Forever.

As for you, Little Miss Heartbreak, If You Were My Girl you could'vd had me Anyway You Want Me. Why am I telling you this now? The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, This I Promise You, I melted. Sometimes I just Can’t Help Falling In Love at first sight.

But, now that I’m with Daisy, again, none of this will happen. And, short of her leaving this mortal plain, there’s Nothin You Can Do About It. I’m glad to get this off my chest, so There’s Nothing Left Behind Us and there’s Nothing Left To Say. Until I Find You Again, I Give You Back your time. I have removed the thing in my life that Only Reminds Me Of You, your journalism book “What’s The Story.” I hope you take from The Letter that in my life, Everything Good. I hope my dreams don’t Haunt Me Tonight. I give you Your Goodbye. I hope it’s a Beautiful Goodbye. I must go. I hear Moscow Calling.

All the best,

-Richard