And between you and me, that would never fly in America. It's probably at best against the Geneva Convention. I mean, let's be serious: One Nickelback song sounds just like every other Nickelback song. And that shit is torture. And probably unconstitutional. At worst, it's basically the same song 97 times in a row (current catalog at the time of this blog post).
So me being me, I decided to spice things up and have a guy write a Nickelback song parody about getting pulled over for having too much to drink and driving, which is never smart. And no, for the record, I was not asked to blow into a plastic straw.
So I give you ... "Plastic Straw" sung to the tune of "Photograph" ... or 96 other similar-sounding Nickelback songs:
Plastic Straw
He said "Blow in this plastic straw.
You were part of that goddamned bar crawl.
You should see your eyes are so red
You're lucky you could have wound up dead.
"And please don't give me no shit.
You're drunk as fuck and cannot deny it.
There's no way you can walk a line.
Probably looking at some weekend time.
"Please don't puke in my car.
Gimme the name of that goddamned bar
That over-served you, they are goin' down
I'm sick of working in a college town.
"You can't fight while you're drunk.
You think you're tough? You're a fucking punk.
You should've handed the keys to a friend
Your buzz is really gonna quickly end"
Oh, whoa, it just hit me God, I
I am handcuffed in the backseat of a police car
I should have got an Uber ride home from that bar
It's hard to say
Fucked up today, today
I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door
Gonna find my photo on the internet for sure
It's time to face it
Judge will say it
Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime
Remember working at the pizza place?
We'd get so drunk we couldn't feel our face
The cops fucked with us walking home
I hear somebody made it a golf dome
We use to rule that jukebox
Sang along with every song that rocks
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just a cutting wheel
Your sister's the first girl I kissed
I never told you cause you'd be hot pissed
She finally came out as a lesbian
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh, God, it my fault? I
I am handcuffed in the backseat of a police car
I should have got an Uber ride home from that bar
It's hard to say
Fucked up today, today
I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door
Gonna find my photo on the internet for sure
It's time to face it
Judge will say it
Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime
I don't miss that town
I don't miss their faces
Alcohol erases
Brain cells can't replace it
I don't miss it now
I can believe it
So hard to stay
Real easy to leave it
If I could relive this night
I know the one thing that I would do right
I'd get an Uber or a taxi ride home from that bar
There's no way I'd get behind the wheel of my car
I have to say it
Time to say it.
Jail Time ... Jail tiiiime.
I got no memory of walkin' out of the bar door
Now my photo’s on the internet, I know for sure
It's time to face it
Judge will say it
Jail Time ... jail tiiiiime
He said "Blow in this plastic straw.
You were part of that goddamned bar crawl.
You were part of that damned
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