2016-12-01

So #DumpKellogg is just the tip of the iceburg?

So the Trumpsters are all protesting and boycotting Kellogg for pulling its advertising from an Alt-Right website? That's cool. This is America. As long as they're not beating people up for saying "They're GREAT!" they can have their cute little protest. America is comprised of around 330 million people, give or take a few, and the 45 million that allegedly read BreitBullShit.com on a daily basis represent about 14% of the population. If we take that 45 million and break it down by gender, readership (according to Alexa) is about 60/40 female to male, so about eight million shoppers (assuming that 60% of the 14 million people follow traditional white rules and the wife stays home with the kids and does all the shopping while dad goes off to work, the way god intended) who just got pissed off. And are boycotting. Because a company decided to stop advertising on a website that went from conservative to alt-right (a.k.a. white supremacy). 

All that aside, for a group of people who complain about libtards and liberal logic, the conservatives sure love to go out of their way to whine & complain about being mistreated. How does not seeing an ad for SugarSmaks impede your daily life? No, please. Someone let me know. I REALLY NEED TO FIND PEOPLE WHO LIKE WEB ADS, ya know, for research. So hit me up if you're actually missing the wholesome goodness of a Corn Pops ad while reading your daily racist news stories. 

But like I said, that's cool, they have the right to shop where they want. 

So, alt-righters and their supporters ... Say goodbye to Kellogg's Frosted Flakes, Kellogg's Nutri-Grain, Smart Start (which goes against what you believe because, ya know, it's based on science), Crunchmania, and the gay-sounding Froot Loops, which you'd probably never eat, because you don't want to catch the gay.

And let go of your Eggo, Low Fat Granola, Fruit Flavored Snacks, Apple Jacks, Cinnabon, Kellogg’s To Go, Crispix, Special K and Frosted & Mini-Wheats. But it's not all doom and gloom here, I do have good news:  

You will be able to eat in silence without the fun of Snap, Crackle & Pop in your Rice Krispies, but you may have trouble pooping without the fiber in Mueslix, Cracklin’ Oat Bran, All-Bran, and Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. And if that makes you mad, I'd tell you to eat something sweet, but you just swore off Corn Pops, Smorz, Honey Smacks and you can no longer Krave your Pop-Tarts. Even those tasty Cinnamon Brown Sugar ones I'm eating right now.

And you say you're just starting? #DumpKellogg is the tip of the iceburg? You want the corporations you support to more reflect you and your beliefs or you're not going to support them? 

Bad news, snowflake. That ain't gonna happen. Even in Trump's America.

Corporations have been opening their doors, hiring offices and payrolls to become more inclusive. More diverse. Less white. Soon there will only be a few corporations left for you to support, and you may have to go back to the basics and grow your own food, build your own cars, make your own clothes. And computers. And cell phones, because ... 

Microsoft doesn't advertise on alt-right sites because they're inclusive of all Americans. Microsoft LOVES the gays. Same with Apple. Hell, their CEO, Tim Cook IS one of the gays! So you get no PCs running Windows, no Macs, no iPhones, iPad, iPods or AppleWatchs. 

And don't plan on telling me what else you're boycotting on Facebook, Twitter, any of the massive reach of Google (like Google+ (yes, it still exists), blogging about it here, or ranting on YouTube). They all love the gays and diverse workforces, too. And don't advertise on alt-right sites. Maybe there's an alt-right Friend Finder out there you can use. (I just googled white power dating sites, and yes, there are several. No, I won't list them. Gopher them on your own custom-built computer hopefully running the white power Linux kernel. Yes, that exists, too. No, I won't link to it.)

More good news: You'll be in much better shape, because Ford hires the gays. And the blacks. And other minorities. So does GM. I know a couple!  And Dodge. And Toyota, Honda, Subaru.  And none of them advertise on alt-right sites. I'd tell you get on your bike, but there are a bunch of African-Americans that build (and ride) motorcycles. Same with Schwinn. And none of them advertise on alt-right websites. And that's good, for you, because Aetna, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Cardinal Health, Care Resource, CIGNA, CVS, Group Health Cooperative, Healthline, Jazz Pharmaceuticals, Johnson & Johnson, Kimberly-Clark Corp, Mass Life, McKesson, Pfizer, Procter & Gamble, St. Jude Medical, Uptown Physicians Group and United Therapeutics Corp all love the gays, so you'll likely be out of health insurance after Obamacare and Medicare are gone, and won't be able to buy bandages or wound-care from the places listed above. Don't know what some of them do? That's okay. Pfizer makes drugs, Procter & Gamble makes damn near EVERYTHING including Pampers & Luvs, so get used to cloth diapers.

So what else is happening on the boycott front?  Oh, yeah, you're boycotting Target over their bathroom policies ... while shopping WalMart because they have the Duck Dynasty stuff. Walmart also gives same-sex domestic partners benefits. #BOOM Triggered again.

But my favorite "SHOW THEM WE MATTER" protest is your on-going war on Starbucks over their lack of Christmas-themed cups. I personally don't shop there unless it's my only coffee option because I think their coffee kinda sucks. It's better than MacRonalds (who loves minorities and gays), or truck-stop coffee, but still nowhere near the top of the list. You've been at war with them for what ... three years now? Oceania was at war with Eastasia: Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia.

I do like the the new guerrilla twist in this war that's been happening here in 2016. That's some next-level protest shit right there. And I'm a military scholar. I love a good battle plan. Let's look at this & lemme get this straight:

You're protesting their support of Hillary in the election by going to their stores, kiosks and drive-thru locations, ordering their over-priced coffee, handing over your hard-earned money or Discover card (cause you can't use a Visa, Mastercard or American Express card, because they love the gays) from a job the (lazy) Mexicans haven't stolen yet, to make them write Trump when they ask for your name. That's genius-level boycotting right there, I tell ya! "We hate you. You're anti-Christian. Take my $5 and write Trump on my cup. That'll learn ya"). 

And then, if they don't, you get TRIGGERED and start yelling about the election. 

So who's left for your cracker-ass bigoted selves to shop at? Not much. I mean, if you're gonna go in, GO ALL IN and stop shopping everywhere that doesn't meet your particular political or religious beliefs. I'll even help you out:

Here are the most anti-gay corporations in America.

Get used to sustaining yourself on their wares, but pay with cash, because Visa and Mastercard and American Express love the gays. They signed with this list of 379 companies to support marriage equality in the US in 2015.
  • You can get your food (and pet food) from Chik-Fil-A, Cracker Barrel & Purina. 
  • You can get your gas at Exxon-Mobil. 
  • You can get your clothes from Salvation Army, but not Levis. They're on that list above. 

And have fun with all those boycotts. But try to find a good breakfast before you start ... but stay away from Cheerios, Chex, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Fiber ONe, Kix, Lucky Charms, Count Chocoula and his ghouls, Tiny Toas, Trix, Total, Wheaties. General Mills is on the list, too!

Now gimme those Hamilton tickets.

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