Oh noes ... Gays married. Burn them.

Because there's OBVIOUSLY nothing wrong with America today ... Ken Starr has found himself another witchhunt ... he wants to invalidate the 18,000 same-sex weddings that happened with same-sex marriage was legal in California. Here's the details, and a petition you can sign:

Have you heard that Ken Starr -- and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund -- filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year? The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, with a decision expected within 90 days.

The Courage Campaign has created a video called "Fidelity," with the permission of musician Regina Spektor, that puts a face to those 18,000 couples and all loving, committed couples seeking full equality under the law.

Please watch this heartbreaking video now. If you have the same reaction that I did, please help me spread the word by sharing it with your friends and family ASAP:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/Divorce

The more people who see this video, the more people will understand the pain caused by Prop 8 and Ken Starr's shameful legal proceeding.

After you watch the video, please join me and over 300,000 people who have signed a letter to the state Supreme Court, asking them to invalidate Prop 8 and reject Starr's case.

Song of the Day

Lonely Girl
~ Todd Snider

There you sit all by yourself
Trying to quit like everybody else
Cigarette smoke in your eyes
I see a few regrets in there too
Hey there lonely girl
Have I got a lonely boy for you

Like a sunny day somewhere else
The music plays but it don't help
Through the haze you roll your eyes
Every day I wonder what you see
Hey there lonely girl
I think you're the only girl for me

You're the only girl in this whole wide world
Only throw your pearls at me

Here I sit all by myself
Trying to quit something else
Cigarette smoke in my eyes
I've got a bunch of regrets too
Hey there lonely girl
Have I got a lonely boy for you


(I've been on quite the Todd Snider kick lately. That guy is great!)

Dear Glasstop Computer Desk ...

Why did you break?

What did I do?

I left yesterday at 8:30 a.m. you were fine.

I go downstairs to make coffee and hear a CRASH.



And you were gone.

And all the stuff you had on you is on the floor.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Now I have a ghetto desk.



(note to self. Friday evening, when you head out to buy a new computer desk, no glass top. Really.)

Dear Cincinnati Drivers

(rant mode = ON)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Maybe it's because I'm from the snow belt.

Maybe it's because I have a front-wheel drive vehicle.

Maybe it's because I'm not from Cincinnati. Yet.

But if three inches of snow makes a 15 mile trip take FOUR GOD DAMNED HOURS ON AN INTERSTATE ... maybe all you fuckers should just take the bus.

I entered Interstate 71 at mile marker 2 at 6:45 p.m. I hit the I-275/75 Split (mile marker17) at 10:48 p.m.. I got home to Columbus at 12:15 a.m. From Lebanon on, mile marker 32, I was back to highway speeds. While some would say that's because the snow didn't go that far south, I'm going to say it was because I was 15 miles north of Cincinnati.

Yeah, I know, the crack weather teams there along the shores with their millions of dollars of technology got owned by an overgrown rodent this week who correctly predicted six more weeks of winter while all that fancy equipment called for a dusting in the Queen City ...

But really ... for fucks sake ... learn how to drive in the snow. It's not hard. Really.

And FUCK ME SIDEWAYS ... but when your car dies in the midst of a full interstate highway system that's moving at the speed of snot, WHY DO YOU ABANDON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HIGHWAY?

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I saw SIX abandoned cars, covered in snow, sitting in either the middle or left lane. Empty. Fucking up the already cluster-fucked traffic.

I think I might kind of know the answer to that one ... when we're all creeping along the interstate at the speed of cold snot, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOT LET PEOPLE MERGE WHEN THEY CLEARLY SIGNAL THEIR INTENT BY USING TURN SIGNALS?

Is being 20 feet ahead of me going to get either one of us to our destination any faster? No.

Jebus, people. It's snow. We get some every year.

Please try to figure that the fuck out before I move down there and have to resort to chewing bubble gum and kicking ass.

Because I'm all out of bubble gum.

The Smile and the Nod ...

SUBTITLE: At least my life's not boring.

So on Sunday me and my (female) roomie went out to a local establishment here in the greater Columbus area to hang with her people, as she called them ... the Steeler Nation.

We hit the bar one of the local Steeler Backers club meets at for the Super Bowl ... after me making her go to BW3 all season for games, I told her she could pick where she wanted to go for the Super Bowl and we'd go.

And we did.

And it was good.

However ... just after kick-off I noticed an absurdly hot woman (in my still-sober mind) at the other end of the bar. When I walked by her heading to the used-beer return, I was smitten.

Damn.

And really, for the record, there were a lot of really hot single women at this bar, wearing jerseys or tight-t-shirts professing their love for the black and gold. More single women than single men. Seriously.

After a few curious glances, I point my infatuation out to the roomie. She says, "Oh, the one sitting next to her girlfriend, the dyke?" I said, "Yeah, probably. Maybe they're just 'friend' friends."

Roomie, in her ever-so-dry-retort, says "Yeah. Good luck with that."

Second quarter ... I (eventually) get the bartender's attention, tell him her next one is on me. He says, "Dude. You're barking up the wrong tree. She's into the ladies. Seriously. Into. The. Ladies."

I looked up and said "Yeah, story of my life. But she's hot as balls, give her the beer anyway."

She thanked me. The smile and the nod.

So later, as I again visited the used-beer-return and admired her hotness on the way in ... she stopped me on the way out.

"Ya know ... I'm 100% lesbian, but thanks for the beer," she said.

"You're welcome," I said ... then added, "Nothing wrong with buying a beautiful woman a beer in a bar though. Can't blame a guy for trying, eh?"

She said, "Actually ... no. And I have to say you're what I'd go for if I had a single straight chromosome in my body."

My reply: "As Carl the Groundskeeper said, 'So, at least I got that much going for me'"

She roared in laughter. "I LOVE THAT MOVIE. I hope you find a night straight woman to make you happy."

My final parting comment, "Oh, I'd be happy with a bisexual one, too."

Yep, in a sports bar full of hot women, I managed to crush on the lesbian.

I got skills like that. Bitches be doubting, but I can prove it over, and over, and over again!

Song of the Day

"Fortress Around Your Heart"
Sting

Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers and beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies are all sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we'd made
I had to stop in my track for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

This prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Song of the Day

Hey, it's a repost. But it's a fucking great song. So suck it.

Clutter
~ Aaron Tashjian

If I was lonely
And burned out slowly
Like a cigarette
Would you kiss me
Just to feel like someone else is there
I'm a liar
The devil in me is the honesty
It glows gently
Like a Christmas light
In a window square

My addictions and my haircut
And my tendency to rant and rave
And my good days and my bad ones
Where all I do is misbehave
Are racing through my bloodstream
With anxiousness and alcohol
And filling me with a false hope
And a chance to hold my head up tall

I could be joking
I must be lying to myself
And I'm in shambles
But now it's not for someone else

It's a long road
Back to your house
And I don't know what to do
I am weary
And I'm nervous
And I'm not sure of anything at all
But the silver beams
From the tv screen
Make you look just like
A movie star right now,
Tonight

I could be joking
I must be lying to myself
And I'm in shambles
But now it's not for someone else

And my head
And my head
Is full of doubt

And my heart
And my heart
Is feeling down
I've been let down

And there's so much clutter
In my head,
Tonight.
Yeah there is so much clutter
In my head
Tonight.

Dear Arby's at Polaris

Fuck you.

No, seriously. Fuck. You.

I pull up, I order, I pay, I get food.

I get home. I try to eat food.

Sadly, the food sucked.

The sandwich was the driest, stringiest, toughest roast beef I've ever had. It made beef jerky appealing.

The potato cakes were double-cooked. How do I know this? They were dark brown, not golden brown, and dry as morning-after hangover mouth.

And the iced tea had no ice.

At least the Arby's sauce was good.

So, really ... Arby's at Polaris ... Fuck you. I won't be back. Ever.