Dear Cincinnati Drivers

(rant mode = ON)


Maybe it's because I'm from the snow belt.

Maybe it's because I have a front-wheel drive vehicle.

Maybe it's because I'm not from Cincinnati. Yet.

But if three inches of snow makes a 15 mile trip take FOUR GOD DAMNED HOURS ON AN INTERSTATE ... maybe all you fuckers should just take the bus.

I entered Interstate 71 at mile marker 2 at 6:45 p.m. I hit the I-275/75 Split (mile marker17) at 10:48 p.m.. I got home to Columbus at 12:15 a.m. From Lebanon on, mile marker 32, I was back to highway speeds. While some would say that's because the snow didn't go that far south, I'm going to say it was because I was 15 miles north of Cincinnati.

Yeah, I know, the crack weather teams there along the shores with their millions of dollars of technology got owned by an overgrown rodent this week who correctly predicted six more weeks of winter while all that fancy equipment called for a dusting in the Queen City ...

But really ... for fucks sake ... learn how to drive in the snow. It's not hard. Really.

And FUCK ME SIDEWAYS ... but when your car dies in the midst of a full interstate highway system that's moving at the speed of snot, WHY DO YOU ABANDON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HIGHWAY?


I saw SIX abandoned cars, covered in snow, sitting in either the middle or left lane. Empty. Fucking up the already cluster-fucked traffic.

I think I might kind of know the answer to that one ... when we're all creeping along the interstate at the speed of cold snot, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOT LET PEOPLE MERGE WHEN THEY CLEARLY SIGNAL THEIR INTENT BY USING TURN SIGNALS?

Is being 20 feet ahead of me going to get either one of us to our destination any faster? No.

Jebus, people. It's snow. We get some every year.

Please try to figure that the fuck out before I move down there and have to resort to chewing bubble gum and kicking ass.

Because I'm all out of bubble gum.

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