Tailgaiting OSU-Michigan and Violence

So I took my roommate down to The Ohio State University campus to tailgate prior to the season-ending college football game between our hometown Buckeyes and that team from up north.

While the alcohol was plenty ... really, drinking 32 ounce beers before 11 is pretty sweet ... the trash talk aimed at Michigan fans who attended the various stops we partied at was enjoyable, too.

However, once the game started, we happened to be standing beside two or three Michigan fans ... and when the interception was thrown, one of those fans decided to start dancing and whooping it up. What follows (with apologies to Prince) was the result

Put to the tune of Purple Rain:

I never meant to cause you any problems
I never meant to cause you any pain
I never wanted to see you dancing
Or feel you push against my knee
And causing me lots of pain

Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain

I intended to put my elbow directly in your kidney to maim


I know football is your weekend lover
And I never want to be your friend
I never intended to throw that elbow
I just wanted your dancing fit to end

Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain

I intended to put my elbow directly in your kidney to maim

I know your team is struggling
I know all your friends are blue
And that means you too
You try to blame your leader
But you can't seem to make up your mind
I think you better shut up
Before the rest of us
Put you in more pain

Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain
Kidney Pain, Kidney Pain

I intended to put my elbow directly in your kidney to maim

====================

For the record, he apologized. We moved. The six or seven guys behind me found it amusing, and there was no further violence there.

However, I did punch someone else in the face. And was thanked for it.

Oh, and it was an OSU student, no less.

In full Ohio State gear.

On the bus.

On the way home.

And she was about 5'4", maybe 100 pounds.

That punch, however, was accidental:

She was sitting and arose to leave the bus, trying to get off quickly, but headed towards the front exit. She left her coin purse with ID and cash and who knows what else on the seat. I quickly grabbed it, leaned forward toward her with it in my clenched fist to hand it to her. My roommate had *just* caught her attention to tell her about it when she suddenly decided to go to the back door of the bus to exit.

That's when it went wrong. See, as she turned, she met my fist. With her eye.

She wasn't hurt ... more surprised. It wasn't really a punch ... just a fist-meeting-face.

I apologized. Profusely. She said it was no big deal.

Then she thanked me. And left.

But it was a fun day.