I've figured out Donald Trump's Presidential Run

I think I've figured this Trump thing out. No, really.  Let me explain it to you:

-- Adjusts tin-foil hat.
-- Gets on podium.
-- Looks for snipers in the rafters.
-- Gets cue from cameraman in 3-2-1 ... and GO!

In March of 2015, Donald Trump was pretty silent for the first two weeks. His own website has nothing from February 27, 2015 to March 17, 2015 when he decided to launch a presidential exploratory committee. News EVERY DAY since, and plenty of news prior to February's visit to Charleston, South Carolina. Why the disappearance? He was in the hospital and learned he has some sort of non-degenerating terminal illness that is incurable, despite his billions of dollars. It's directly related to the insane amount and content of the product he uses to control the interface with the space alien living on his head (Seriously, what else could it be?) 

The doctors gave Donald exactly 24 months to live (before the alien dies and because of the symbiotic relationship, the host dies too), so he decided to run for president, and do something so outlandish and outrageous that his name will never be forgotten. EVER. 

Let's remember, Trump is tight with Vladimir Putin. His campaign adviser, Paul Manafort, was a political consultant for the pro-Russia political party in Ukraine and for a former president, Viktor Yanukovych, who was forced out of office by anti-Russian forces in 2014.  Putin's ego is about the same size as Trump's ... and by that we mean it's YUUUUUGE! Of course, Trump's ego, like other claims about the size of things is YUUUUUGE too. And both want to never be forgotten. They want to do something so outlandish that their names will never be left out of the history of this planet.

So, Putin, Manafort and Trump decide they will do all they can to get Trump into the White House in 2016, then, in early 2017, right before the space alien on his head dies, and with it, Trump, Putin & Donny will have a summit meeting in Russia to kick off "historic talks to forever rid the world of the" whateverthehell demon-spawn of evil they decide (i.e. Fox News and Soviet blogger trolls) needs to be extinguished, whether it's radical Islam, the Chinese, or the Mexican rapists & drub abusers. Or some new threat they agree upon. Maybe the blacks. Whatever, they need a boogie man, they'll make one.

So they're at this "historic summit" in Russia, and Putin, knowing Trump has weeks left to live, and with both their names to be forever etched in history, Putin, on live TV, will kill Trump, instantly making every American hate the Russians again, this time for assassinating the president, who we really never liked or thought was qualified, which leads to the start of World War III and Mike Pence pretty much ends modern civilization as we know it by launching all of our Resurrection Nukes on those GODLESS COMMIES (and one falls short, hits San Francisco and the gays, because if there's anything Pence hates more than the GODLESS COMMIES, it's the gays)

Those who survive will remember and share the names of Vladimir Putin and Donald J. Trump for all of the next recorded history, where mankind has learned that neither religion nor science will save you and we all live together as one people, regardless of race, skin color, sexuality, religion or Geiger-counter readings. 

Far-fetched? Nope. Think about all the insanity that has occurred here. In October 2015, Trump had a 10.3 percent chance of making to the convention according to the bookies.

Then he goes out and destroys the field in the debates, losing only to John Kasich in Ohio (his home state), and Ted Cruz in Texas (his home state) and 10 others. Trump won 39 states. As a political newbie. By being just outrageous as he could be on TV, and in person, and when confronted. By insulting anyone and everyone he could. Mexicans. Women. The Blacks. The Gays. The Pope. And pretty much everyone else who isn't a rich, white American male. And talks about how effective of a leader Saddam Hussein was. And Putin.

And after he accepted the nomination, he spent 75 minutes talking mostly about himself. At a convention that was four days of fear, fear mongering and Hillary bashing, with Donald's family members praising his name, TV stars talking about his greatness and not one but two underwear models on stage (golfer Natalie Gulbis, once posed for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition).

And BOOM! Just like that, at the end of the convention, he was tied with Hillary Clinton, depending on your choice of polls. I use this one. But with the Dems taking over in Philly, knowing they'd get a bounce after their event, he decided to raise the crazy level to full-speed ahead and get all Twittery, blasting away at every speaker EXCEPT Michelle Obama!

Then, as part of this grand plan to put Trump over the top, the Russians hack the DNC and release tens of thousands of emails and thousands of voice messages showing Crooked Hillary and the DNC did all they could do to steal the primaries from Bernie Sanders to make Hillary look weak. And they succeeded, for a bit. But ... Days after the RNC Convention ended, after Trump accepted the nomination, had Vlad go through with getting the
Russian Internet Trolls to get the Bernie or Bust crowd all riled up, the alien race who's probe landed in his head sends him a message that they can send a replacement symbiot, and that Trump doesn't have to die in March 2017.


Now that Trump knows he can live, surviving for years (probably on the souls of small children, but that's another rant), and realizes there's no way at all he can handle the presidency and for sure doesn't want Putin to kill him, kicking off World War Three as they agreed upon, he starts to panic. He figures the best way to NOT be president is to throw the election. Because he can't quit. So he gets on Twitter, and on TV and in the newspapers and just starts shredding everyone. Just this week, he has ... 

  • The New York Post, a paper who's ALREADY ENDORSED HIM, nude photos of his wife to run on the Sunday cover showing her in everything from her birthday suit to the arms of another woman, while representing the party that gave Michelle Obama grief for wearing a sleeveless gown and has called porn a public health crisis in their 2016 party platform. And they still love him.
  • Yelled to have a baby removed from a stump speech. They still love him.
  • He attacks Gold Star Mothers. Mothers who have lost sons in the Global War on Terror. Two of them. The "patriotic" still love him.
  • He attacks not one but two city fire directors for limiting the size of his audiences due to fire code restrictions in the venue HIS team agreed to, all while saying he loves first responders and is going to be the Law & Order Candidate. And they still love him.
  • He accepts -- as a gift -- one of the nation's highest military awards -- given ONLY to men and women killed or wounded in military action -- and says “I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier." while sitting on FIVE draft-deferments during the Vietnam War, where he could have earned one, the proper way. 

He's doing all of this because he doesn't want to be president. 

Because he found out the space alien on his head can be replaced & he's not going to die, and now he doesn't want Putin to assassinate him.  

But the mouth-breathing racists and the three or four thousand people in every state who honestly believe in him, keep eating it up and keep encouraging him to run.

I don't think he'll last until November. When Putin reads this, he's gonna give Donny Boy the Alexander Litvinenko treatment.


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