Where 20 Words isn't 20 words, apparently

So I do a lot of side work fixing people's laptops and desktops and networks because, well, I'm kind of an IT legend in these parts, and know lots of people who are great at what they do, but not IT people, so they need help from time to time, and, well, I need beer money, so I do it.

See a need, fill a need. I learned it from Robots. Don't judge me.

And from time to time, I need to buy products for upgrades. I try to keep it to local, reputable vendors (i.e. Microcenter in Cleveland, or my new favorite local business, Green Computer Doctor in Champion, I wasn't able to make it to Cleveland, and GDC was out, the two alleged computer stores in Austintown suck balls and never have what I need, or aren't open, so I resorted to Amazon, because they were cheaper than New Egg. This time.

And got exactly what I needed at a great price with super fast delivery. And I made a nice little 25% profit on the part, because web-searchin' and memory installin' like pimpin', ain't easy, playa.

This was probably three weeks or a month ago. Today, I got an email from Amazon asking me to review my product purchase. So I do. My first attempt was apparently too brief ... it was rejected with the message that  it has to be 20 words long.  So I rewrite it so it's exactly 20 words long. I mean, what else can you really say about a memory DIMM?  Here's what I wrote:

Memory DIMM was as described. Fast delivery. Great price. Easy to find and easier to order Will buy from again.

Yep, exactly 20 words. And, yep, rejected. Again.

And while they gave me no obvious reason, they rejected that one, too, but thankfully, gave me "tips" about writing product reviews:

• Written reviews must be at least 20 words long. The ideal length is 75 to 500 words.
• Your review should focus on specific features of the product and your experience with it. Feedback on the seller or your shipment experience should be provided at www.amazon.com/feedback.
• We do not allow profane or obscene content. This applies to adult products too.
• Advertisements, promotional material or repeated posts that make the same point excessively are considered spam.
• Please do not include URLs external to Amazon or personally identifiable content in your review.

Then, well, I got an idea. They want a review between 75 and 500 words? Piece of cake. I mean, really, you're here. You've obviously read my stuff ...  I can write me some words. To excess.

So here's my new review:

The Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S is perhaps the single greatest piece of computer electronics I've purchased in my 20+ year IT career that ranges from my time as a graphics designer on the Mac SE30 to my current position remotely managing more than 4,000 servers at a Tier I data center for a Fortune 40 company. 

Side Note: I also happen to run a computer consulting side business that assists local individuals and businesses with their hardware, networking and software needs, and this particular customer of mine wanted a memory upgrade. 

Luckily, Creepy Steve bought a laptop preloaded with 64-bit Windows 7, so we could bump him up from the paltry 3GB he had installed (one 2GB DIMM and one 1GB DIMM) to 6GB (he was too cheap to go to 8GB). So I searched Amazon and found this great DIMM from Etaratech with a superb price and I pressed the "Add To Cart" faster than Honey Boo Boo grabs a plate of sketti. 

Within four days it was in my mailbox, and later that day, over a cold frosty beer at a local watering hole, I carefully removed the battery from Creepy Steve's laptop, pulled out my small Phillips head screwdriver, carefully removed the cover over the memory slots, pulled out the 1GB DIMM, replaced it with the Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S DIMM I purchased on Amazon, replaced the cover, replaced the battery, powered it on and BAM! Just like that, we were cooking with 6GB of memory. 

Creepy Steve was never happier. As far as I know.

I wonder if that will pass muster.

Good thing she likes football ...

As I approach one year of dating Allison, especially over Super Bowl weekend (you'll understand more on that soon), I find myself laughing at all the interesting and amazing ways she and I even managed to become an item.

I'll start with January 2, 2012, which is the day we met. We know this because I have a note in my iPod about the book she was reading, she has a note in her iPhone about a book I suggested to her. We figured that out one day after February 5, 2012. Why? Well, because from January 3 until Super Bowl Sunday of last year, Allison didn't talk to me.

At all.

Why didn't she talk to me?

I defiled her book.

The same book that attracted her to me to begin with.

Let me explain:  Allie is to books like Eric is to technology ... she loves her books. And my 'defiling' of her book was me writing my name and number on a piece of paper (not part of the book) and slipping it between the pages while she was in the bathroom.  Harmless, no?

As it turns out, no, it wasn't harmless. 

She said she found it the next morning while reading in the tub. It fell out of her book. She was hot pissed I touched her book, and proceeded to tear up my name and number, say something along the lines of "Forget that guy" and then gave me the cold shoulder every time she saw me after that.  In fact, I got the back of her head for most of the night when we were celebrating a mutual friend's birthday smack dab in the middle that stretch of 34 days, January 19th for the 32nd Annual Davidus Celebration. Completely ignored me, right up until the night of February 5, 2012, the Super Bowl between the New York Football Giants and New England Patriots.

I wanted to watch the game, but didn't want to watch it alone, so I went down the road to Austintown, Ohio's most diverse meeting place and watering hole, Bill's Place, to watch the game. I haven't counted seats, but I'm guessing there are probably 50 seats at the bar. Bar is a rectangle, all four sides have flat-screens, so it's easy to watch the game from darn near any seat at the bar.

The only problem:  There was one seat left at the bar when I got there.

Next to Allison.

Who I was pretty sure hated me, for reasons I didn't know, or understand. 

But I walked up, and said hi and asked if it was okay if I sat there because there was no other seat at the bar. None.

"If you have to," she said, with a disgusted look.

I sat down, told her that if her friend showed up, I'd give up the seat. 

"Whatever."

And that's how it was right up until about the middle of the first quarter where my series of  witty quips must have broken through the fortress around her books I had built up by defiling her Compendium of The Walking Dead a little over a month prior.

Ten days later we kissed. It was the day after Valentine's Day.

Four days was our first 'real' date ... and it's been all great since then.  I just make sure to ask permission before touching her books now!

So yeah, it's a good thing she likes football, otherwise she might not have ever talked to me again. 

Love you, Allie :*