2013-02-23

Where 20 Words isn't 20 words, apparently


So I do a lot of side work fixing people's laptops and desktops and networks because, well, I'm kind of an IT legend in these parts, and know lots of people who are great at what they do, but not IT people, so they need help from time to time, and, well, I need beer money, so I do it.

See a need, fill a need. I learned it from Robots. Don't judge me.

And from time to time, I need to buy products for upgrades. I try to keep it to local, reputable vendors (i.e. Microcenter in Cleveland, or my new favorite local business, Green Computer Doctor in Champion, I wasn't able to make it to Cleveland, and GDC was out, the two alleged computer stores in Austintown suck balls and never have what I need, or aren't open, so I resorted to Amazon, because they were cheaper than New Egg. This time.

And got exactly what I needed at a great price with super fast delivery. And I made a nice little 25% profit on the part, because web-searchin' and memory installin' like pimpin', ain't easy, playa.

This was probably three weeks or a month ago. Today, I got an email from Amazon asking me to review my product purchase. So I do. My first attempt was apparently too brief ... it was rejected with the message that  it has to be 20 words long.  So I rewrite it so it's exactly 20 words long. I mean, what else can you really say about a memory DIMM?  Here's what I wrote:
Memory DIMM was as described. Fast delivery. Great price. Easy to find and easier to order Will buy from again.
Yep, exactly 20 words. And, yep, rejected. Again.

And while they gave me no obvious reason, they rejected that one, too, but thankfully, gave me "tips" about writing product reviews:

  • Written reviews must be at least 20 words long. The ideal length is 75 to 500 words.
  • Your review should focus on specific features of the product and your experience with it. Feedback on the seller or your shipment experience should be provided at www.amazon.com/feedback.
  • We do not allow profane or obscene content. This applies to adult products too.
  • Advertisements, promotional material or repeated posts that make the same point excessively are considered spam.
  • Please do not include URLs external to Amazon or personally identifiable content in your review.

Then, well, I got an idea. They want a review between 75 and 500 words? Piece of cake. I mean, really, you're here. You've obviously read my stuff ...  I can write me some words. To excess.

So here's my new review:
The Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S is perhaps the single greatest piece of computer electronics I've purchased in my 20+ year IT career that ranges from my time as a graphics designer on the Mac SE30 to my current position remotely managing more than 4,000 servers at a Tier I data center for a Fortune 40 company. 
Side Note: I also happen to run a computer consulting side business that assists local individuals and businesses with their hardware, networking and software needs, and this particular customer of mine wanted a memory upgrade. 
Luckily, Creepy Steve bought a laptop preloaded with 64-bit Windows 7, so we could bump him up from the paltry 3GB he had installed (one 2GB DIMM and one 1GB DIMM) to 6GB (he was too cheap to go to 8GB). So I searched Amazon and found this great DIMM from Etaratech with a superb price and I pressed the "Add To Cart" faster than Honey Boo Boo grabs a plate of sketti. 
Within four days it was in my mailbox, and later that day, over a cold frosty beer at a local watering hole, I carefully removed the battery from Creepy Steve's laptop, pulled out my small Phillips head screwdriver, carefully removed the cover over the memory slots, pulled out the 1GB DIMM, replaced it with the Patriot Signature 4 GB PC2-6400 DDR2 Notebook Memory PSD24G8002S DIMM I purchased on Amazon, replaced the cover, replaced the battery, powered it on and BAM! Just like that, we were cooking with 6GB of memory. 
Creepy Steve was never happier. As far as I know.
I wonder if that will pass muster.

2 comments:

Chara P said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!
I LOVE IT!!!!!
I'm sorry . . . does this comment, much like your latest Amazon review, need to be at least 20 word in length, but optimally 75 to 500 words? Because if it does, then we could find ourselves in another quandary; as I am uncertain that I can adequately describe just how humorous I found this latest loquacious blog of yours was in my honest opinion in more than 75 words. :-)

Eric Broz said...

And yes, the second comment was approved and is live on Amazon's site. http://www.amazon.com/review/R2MMDFZY93O548/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm