Friend FAQ questions ... answered

So one of the bajillion Facebook apps is this thing called Friend FAQ where they ask you random questions about the people in your friends list that you may or may not know the answer to.

Then they tell your friend that "Someone answered a question about you. Find out what they said." without telling you who.

Or what they said.

You can merely find out the question and the answer, unless you collect (or purchase) 'coins' to unlock the answers.

Well, since I don't care much for what the general public thinks of me, as they don't know me ... I was curious about what the people who do (or allege to) know me would think ... so I decided to grade the 18 questions asked about me, to date.  So here you go:

Do you think that Eric Broz is dumber than Jessica Simpson?     No 

Correct.  And big ups to whoever said that.  I'll buy you some sea chickens. 

Do you think that Eric Broz is socially awkward?     No

Correct ... and Wrong.  My take:  Split.  There are times I'm insanely socially awkward, mostly involving asking a woman I find attractive for her name, let alone a date.  Other times I'm the friendliest guy in the room.


Would Eric Broz make a good spouse?     Yes

My take:  Hey, maybe the third time's a charm.  Not going to count this as it's too subjective.


Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen money from their friends?     No

Correct. Money isn't a big issue with me.  As for lending money to friends ... if you give a friend $20 and you never see him, or it, again, it was probably worth it.


Is Eric Broz's profile picture cute?     Yes

Thanks. My daughter's a excellent photographer!  But I'm not grading this as it's subjective.  I will say it's a good photo, though!


Do you think that Eric Broz is lazy?     No

Wrong.  You've not seen me on weekends where I lay around, don't get dressed, and just scratch.


Do you think that Eric Broz has ever played beer pong?     Yes

Wrong.. I've played lots of other drinking games though.

Do you think that Eric Broz is hyper?     No

Correct ... although it really depends on the amount of Red Bull (mixed with Jagermeister) I've consumed.


Do you think that Eric Broz is a tree hugger?     No

Correct.  Let's face it ... I have a tattoo of Eric Cartman. He, like, me hates hippies.  Here's why:  "“Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play Frisbee!”


Do you think that Eric Broz has ever failed a class?     No

Wrong.  I have failed one class, twice  Statistics. Twice.  I changed my major to avoid taking Stats again.  Two plus two is ALWAYS four. Fuck your probability.


Do you think that Eric Broz is a good friend?     Yes

Awwww, thanks ... but I'm not grading this as it's subjective. While I like to believe I'm a better friend than boyfriend ... that's for someone else to grade.


Do you think that Eric Broz is cute?     Yes

Awwww, thanks again ... and again, I'm not grading this category as it's subjective.


Do you think that Eric Broz would look good in tights?     Yes

Wrong. As far as you know.  But if I did, they'd have to be pretty dark tights, and then it's a maybe at best. Sure, I have great legs, but they're hairy, and that never looks good in tights.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen from work?     No

Wrong.  I once NEARLY had to testify, in federal court, that I did, indeed steal from work.  It's a long story. I'll have to pull up what I wrote about it, when it happened, because it's rather funny, and yes, I would have had immunity to testify ... and it wasn't a big deal, really, just some copies (by some I mean about 2,000) and some enlargements (by some I mean about 100) when I worked for Kinko's. So it's not like I was dipping from the til or carting off computers.


Do you think that Eric Broz likes chick flicks?     Yes

Correct, dammit, now the secret's out.  Well, except for anything starring Michelle Phiffer (anyone see the steaming piles-of-shit "Story of Us" and "White Oleander" ever want to see her 'act' again? Me either.)  Oh, and anything with boiled horse-face Sarah Jessica Parker.  You know why she and Matthew Broderick had kids with a surragate?  His sperm are way too smart survive in that womb.  When they saw it wasn't tonsils, they hit the self-destruct button.


Do you think that Eric Broz has ever used steroids?     No

Wrong.  NO? he shouted in a Chris-Beniot-style ROID RAGE FIT ... WITH A BODY LIKE THIS? HELL YEAH I'VE HAD THE JUICE ... (Actually, seriously, I did. But it was for a brief time. And prescribed. To help heal.


Do you think that Eric Broz watches porn?     Yes

Correct!  As my ex-wife said to me once, when I asked, sarcastically, if there was porn on the internet ... "There's even some you haven't seen."


Do you think that Eric Broz can throw a football with a spiral?     Yes

Correct!  You're darn tootin' on that one. Like, every year, I sit around and wait to be drafted, but the phone call never comes.  I think it's the knees.  Not because I'm old and fat and stopped playing organized football after one year.  They just don't know talent.

Final Score:

7 Correct

6 Wrong

4 Not answered as they were subjective, not factual

1 That goes both ways because I am both sides of that question.

So ... better than expected, but there are things about me most of you don't know (such as the whole stealing from work thing and that I lay around and scratch myself sometimes on weekends.