When I Rule The World ...

Just random things popping into my head about what will be different when I rule the world:

• ALL candy canes will be pink and white and PEPPERMINT only. None of this fruit flavor or fruit color. NO. Candy canes are always meant to be pink and white and peppermint flavored.
  
• Basketball games will have a 2-hour time limit ... with a single 15-minute add-on for the 10-minute overtime period. There's no reason the last two minutes of a basketball game should take 25 minutes.
  
• The phrase "If the playoffs started today" would be outlawed. They don't start today. They start when the regular season is over. Period.
  
• John Madden will be executed for dumbing down the art of broadcasting.
  
• John Buccigross will be named Broadcasting Czar. His seat will allow him to execute, on the spot, morons like John Madden.
  
• A select set of drivers will have their cars outfitted with Star Trek type phasers that simply make idiotic drivers vanish.
  
• I will own the world's first teleportation device. After the bugs have been worked out scrambling up my enemies.
  
• Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Michelob's Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale will be available year round.
  
• Shitty flavorless light beers and lite beers will vanish.
  
• The size 0 will not exist in women's clothing. NOBODY is a size 0.

Oh, I'm sure there are more ... these are just the beginnings. What's your list?