So despite my dislike of most sitcoms ... I have become a fan of The Big Bang Theory. Perhaps because I've been told I'm a perfect mix of Sheldon and Leonard. Sheleonard, in fact, was a name given to me by a friend. I find it amusing. I'm nowhere NEAR that smart, nor that full of useless information, but to be recognized as such for the intelligence and randomness and ability to technical on people is rather amusing.
Then again, I do support Sheldon's take on astrology: "Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality."
But anyway ...
Today, we had snow. And ice. And as anyone who lives in an area that gets such delicious precipitation in cold months can tell you, almost everyone hates cleaning off their car. That's why they build garages and buy carports.
However, I got to use science on my (probably low-double-digit-IQ) neighbor who, as he said, plays guitar for a living. Now that's not an insult at guitar players, but seriously ... you make a living playing guitar in Youngstown, Ohio? We're the cultural armpit of America. Hell, a local hero (Kelly Pavlik) couldn't sell out a Division II college basketball arena (Beeghley Center) for a world title fight (WBO and WBC Middleweight belts, which he holds) in his home town.
Then again, there wasn't beer at the fights because the fine people promoting the fight forgot to apply for a beer permit, assuming the venue would have one. That's good work boys.
But back to my neighbor. Who I've heard play guitar while he sits on his patio. I'm thinking people pay him to STOP playing, but what do I know?
I'm out there scraping my windows, in 25 degree temperature, wearing a hockey jersey, no hat, no gloves, jeans and shoes ... he's bundled up in a big-ol ghetto bubble jacket with fur-lined gloves and a hat under his hood, shivering like it's 50 degrees colder than it is ... struggling like hell to clear the ice off his windows.
I whip through my car, front, back, all four sides, and clear the snow off so it doesn't blow onto the front or back windows ... he asks where I got such a great snow scraper. I said "Speedway Gas Station. Was all of two dollars." He said he paid ten bucks for his, and his handle was metal and mine was wood. I told him it's not the tool, it's how you use it.
And then, my friends, it went all sciencey:
Me: "You're scraping your windows wrong. Because the glass is at an angle the snow or ice forms with a bottom heavy crystal structure. You're scraping side to side, which is against the grain of crystal. I'm scraping top to bottom, therefore, attacking the offending ice crystals at their weakest point, the top. That's why my two dollar ice scraper is out performing your ten dollar one. It's knowing how to defeat your enemy and doing it with the least physical output."
Him (trying and realizing top to bottom works much better): "You're pretty smart."
Me (externally): "Thanks."
Me (internally): "Bazinga, I don't care."