Emotional Lashing Out is The New Black, Apparently

Dear Everyone Saying They Are Moving To Other Countries If The Other Candidate Is Elected:


Just shut your piehole and turn off your cable news channel. You're not going anywhere, and you and I both know it. It's emotional lashing, and it's worthless.

If you're a Conservative, and you're threatening to move to Canada if Hillary Clinton is elected, you're an idiot. 

You're terrified of Hillary's America with open borders, gay rights, restrictive gun laws, abortion on demand and universal health care? So you're moving to Canada? A country that in 2015 elected Justin Trudeau as their Prime Minister (he's like the president of Canada) And since he's not American, and you watch Faux Noise most of the time, which usually doesn't much cover Canada or liberals, let alone Canadian liberals, here's 11 things you need to know about your future Prime Minister:

  • Justin Trudeau wants to add 25,000 Syrian refugees. A year. To the 10,000 per year they're already taking in.
  • Justin Trudeau has promised to legalize marijuana.
  • Justin Trudeau wants to end his country's involvement in aerial attacks against ISIS.
  • Justin Trudeau believes we have to fight climate change.
  • Justin Trudeau believes in boosting government spending.
  • Justin Trudeau raised taxes on the wealthy.
  • Justin Trudeau loves the gays. And the transgenders, too. 
  • Justin Trudeau is against the Keystone XL Oil Pipeline.
  • Justin Trudeau is in favor of normalizing Canada's relationship with Iran.
  • Justin Trudeau restored the role of science in government and national policy.
  • Justin Trudeau has a gender-balanced cabinet of 15 men and 15 women, because, "Hey, it's 2015." (His answer, when asked why he appointed 15 women to prominent cabinet positions.)
So stop claiming you're moving to Canada. It's a Liberal Heaven and your personal hell. Nearly 30% of the country doesn't believe in your god, and you think there's a war on Christmas here? Canadians love Christmas. And Boxing Day. (That's when you box up your leftovers, and clothes you replaced, and toys you outgrew and pass them down to someone less fortunate than you), but they respect the views of others so "Happy Holidays" is a very Canadian thing to say.

Face it, they don't want you, and you wouldn't fit in. Besides, you can't bring your guns, so if you do move, you've just given up your guns voluntarily, to Hillary. So much for that "From My Cold Dead Hands" shit. Your hands, however, would be cold. Canada is cold. And they use the Metric System. And gay marriage isn't even questioned. See, not a place for you.

If you're a Liberal, and think Canada sounds like a heck of a great place based on all of the above if Trump wins, you're an idiot. 

You're terrified of Trump's America but forget that the same people who stonewalled President Obama for six years will not only be there stonewalling Trump for four years, but be joined by a majority of the Democrats in the House and Senate as well. And that's against a Constitutional Lawyer, who has patience, and grace. You thought the 114th Congress did jack shit? Wait until you see the 115th. Think Trump tweets are mad now? Wait until he's stonewalled, repeatedly, and legally can't do shit about it. Because he doesn't understand how government or politics work, let alone work together. His "My way or no way" won't work in Washington. Ever.

Then, after two disastrous years with nothing being done and nothing happening (including that wall), and without Hillary in prison (because, well, that's not how politics works in America, you can't imprison your enemies), and a mid-term election in 2018, the 116th Congress would continue the task. Because while some democrats in Congress liked Bernie, and some liked Hillary, but none of them like Trump.

Politics aside, think about all the culture change you'd have:

  • Their milk comes in plastic bags. In plastic bags. Milk bags are plastic bags that contain milk. They are usually stored in a pitcher or jug with one of the corners cut off to allow for pouring. A typical milk bag contains approximately 1 13 liters and are sold in bigger bags of three for a total of four liters. Or litres, as they spell it.
  • Because they use the British spelling of words like honour, colour and valour, Travelling has two L's. Metre, Centre, Litre. The list goes on.
  • And you'd have to learn French. Not high-school French, real Canadian French.
  • You'd have to learn to eat curds on top of stuff; KD by the week (Kraft Dinner, aka Mac & Cheese, is a Canadian staple), and gravy on your fries.  Gravy.  
  • You'd have to learn about the 13 provinces and three territories that comprise Canada, their people, traditions and ways of life, which are very different. 
  • Toronto is NOT the capital of Canada. 
  • You can't call the native Canadians Eskimos. That's like saying the N word. Inuit is their preferred nomenclature.
  • The $20 in your pocket may be worth about $26 Canadian dollars, but their economy is tanking due to Alberta (that's in Western Canada) oil industry.
  • Speaking of money, their cash is plastic, and some of it see-through. They have queens and kings on them, but they don't have pennies. Everything is rounded to the nickle. They have a dollar coin. Called a Loonie. And a $2 coin. Called The Twoonie. 
  • Zed is the last letter of the alphabet. Not Z. Zed.
  • It takes 18-30 months to become a permanent resident of Canada. During that time you can't change jobs or apply for national medical coverage. Trump, if elected, won't make it 30 months. 
  • Canada's rednecks are SERIOUSLY more backwoods than American rednecks.
  • Bears. Lots of bears.
And besides, so many people claim they're "going to do something if" this candidate is or is not elected, and never does. Rush Limbaugh vowed to move to Costa Rica if Obamacare was implemented. He's still here. Sadly. Remember when Eddie Vedder said he'd leave if W was elected in 2000? Still here. Or Stephen Baldwin when Obama was elected? Never left, but hasn't been seen much lately, either. 

But if you think you're packing up your shit and moving to Canada on Wednesday, bad news:  First, to get to Canada, you need a passport. Oh, you have one? Good. Then you need a reason to go. Vacation works, but not with a U-Haul. And unless you're sitting on stacks of fat cash, buying new shit once you get there isn't as appealing with a 5-15% Value-Added Tax on things. And it snows. A lot. So if you hate the cold, you're out. And, despite what you think, you just can't come at the drop of a hat. You need a job, or to get accepted to university (what they call college) and have to have a work permit or a study permit. 

Just for shits & giggles, I took the Express Entry test to see if I could get into Canada, and having spent summers there thought I'd have a pretty good chance. Nope. I didn't pass the test to emigrate to Canada. And I doubt most of you would, either. Canada's looking for smart people, with skills. But, if you're curious ... Find out if you're eligible to apply ...

Regardless, abandoning your country because of a President? Lame. Presidents serve, at most, eight years. With these two being 70 (DJT) and 69 (HRC), who knows if Grandma President or Cheeto President would survive the stress. Look at President Obama before and after eight years. This is what Trump and Clinton would look like after four.

Oh, and threatening to leave your country based on who's in charge for a short amount of time is cowardly. Stay and fight for your country, or go to France. They like those who surrender. And pack your false patriotism with you. Because you're not leaving, on either side, regardless of who's elected. So stop saying it.

But go vote. No, seriously. We made this mess, we have to live with it for four years. Then we can reboot.

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