- The US Dollar is the Lord your God: You shall not honor foreign currencies before me. Unless you're bribing me. And they're not traceable. I prefer Russian bonds. They are the best.
- You shall not take the name of Trump your God in vain. I'll sue the pants off you. I have great lawyers. Believe me, they're great.
- Remember to keep holy the weekend. Which is why I'm taking this, and probably every other, weekend off. Don't want to drunkingly sign executive orders calling for the immediate incarceration of those crooked Clintons and my other political enemies this weekend while I'm celebrating. With the Clintons. We're friends. She's a nice lady. I'm the new president. I shouldn't have to work weekends. It's not like I'm taking any salary for this. I might just work four ten-hour days and call it a week. A 40-hour work week for everyone makes America great again.
- Honor your father and your mother. Especially if they give you small loans, like when I got a million from my father in the 70's. Didn't everyone get that?
- You shall not kill. But I can shoot somebody on 5th Avenue and still not lose any votes. Unless you're standing your ground.
- You shall not commit adultery. That's a Presidential exclusive in the Trump administration. And before I was president. Because it's part of the Trump Family Values.
- You shall not steal. That's reserved for the Mexicans. Rape too.
- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. But you better report his Muslim ass if he's plotting against America. Because they all are. Or if he's a raping Mexican, here illegally. I'll deport his ass starting Day 1. I mean Day 3. Weekend off.
- You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Again, that's Droit du seigneur. You'll wind up on the other side of the wall.
- You shall not covet your neighbor's goods. Only covet things with the Trump label. They're the best.
2017-01-18
The New Testament: King Trump Edition 10 Commandments, updated for 2017 America.
2016-11-09
Because This is How America Works
On the second Wednesday after the first Tuesday in November of a Leap Year, America historically has a reset. We have a new, or re-elected, president. New, or re-elected House of Representatives, and one-third new or re-elected Senators. Because this is how America works.
It would be easy (especially for me) to rant, rave, throw things, kick puppies, (well, maybe not kick puppies), swear, threaten to move (oh, wait, I just covered that, I can't get into Canada) or the like, But I'm not going to do that. America has spoken. Our half-black progressive-leaning gay-loving president maybe went a bit too far on the pendulum, and now America has decided to swing it back the other direction. Because this is how America works.
To my friends who supported Donald Trump, congratulations. Your candidate won. Moving forward, I will no longer refer to him by any of the names I called him during the election cycle, as he will be president, and I have respect for the office. Moving forward, I will refer to him as President-Elect until January 20th, then as President Trump. Because this is how America works.
I will not say he is not my president, or that I didn't elect him. I will not leave this country. I will not turn my back on politics, or the political process. I'm an American. He's the President-Elect of the United States of America. He will be my president on January 20, 2017. Because this is how America works.
To my friends who did not support President-Elect Trump, I see your pain. And I feel it too. But don't give up. We can't give up. We have to look at what happened. Take it in. Examine it. Digest it. Fix it. Starting in 2018. And try again in 2020. Because this is how America works.
In the short-term, feel free to blame the DNC. The Clintons. The Russians. Fox News. Your racist uncle. The FBI. CNN. WikiLeaks. People who believed WikiLeaks. Print Media. Gary Johnson. Jill Stein. Whoeverthehell that Mormon guy was. Blame whoever you want. It doesn't matter. Blaming anyone never fixed anything. And this isn't the time for the "Don't Blame Me I Voted For Her" or "Don't Blame Me I Wanted Bernie" mentality. This is the time to mobilize. To organize. To remain or become vigilant in your actions, and speech, and set the stage for 2018's mid-term elections. And 2020 general election. Because this is how America works.
It's time to look to the future. While campaigning, President-Elect Trump made spouted some crazy solutions. And who knows, maybe some of them will work. Maybe a new direction IS needed in Washington, and maybe he can bring it. We need to work on our infrastructure. Our roads, bridges, schools, water delivery systems (remember Flint, Michigan?). Want to "Make America Great Again," President-Elect Trump? Move your industries to America (notice I did not say "Back to America" because they've never been here). Want to employ Americans and recreate the middle class? Buy American-made steel for your buildings. America works when Americans work. Because this is how America works.
And, because this is how America works, President-Elect Trump will have a Republican House of Representatives, a Republican Senate, and a majority of state legislatures led by Republicans. There should literally be NOTHING in the way of stopping the Trump Train. Perhaps, for the first time since President Obama had a Democratic House & Senate his first two years in office, something can get done in Washington. Because this is how America works.
If not, or if the Republicans who have said they can not support a President Trump follow through with their actions, and again, nothing gets done, Americans have a choice in 2018 to reshuffle the House and one-third of the Senate in the mid-term elections (yes, they still happen). As it happened in 2010, when the Tea Party swept into the national spotlight and the Republicans gained six Senate seats and 63 House seats. Because this is how America works.
Politics aside, if you woke up on Wednesday, regardless of how you voted, or if you voted, you're alive. You have a voice. You still have your Constitutional rights, and nobody's dragging you off to prison for words you say, or thoughts you have as long as you're not inspiring hate, or hurting others. Because this is how America works.
Americas overwhelmingly came to the polls, and voted what's in their hearts, heads, and beings. And we have the President-Elect we have, and the Congress, and the Senate. Now we have to make them work. For us. Because this is how America works.
2016-08-05
If you're memeing "Trump's doing It Right" ... you're doing it wrong.
So "doing it right" means insulting the parents of a military member who died defending his troops? And then doubling down and defending that platform for days? And having your spokesperson try to shift that blame to President Obama, who was a first-term Senator in 2004?
So "doing it right' means getting rid of the Geneva Convention because you don't understand it and think it's anchient and no longer relevant?
So "doing it right" means spitting out bumper sticker slogans that will never happen? You're not building a wall along the Mexican border and Mexico's not paying for it. It's logistically impossible and completely unpossible to make Mexico pay for it. Yeah, I used unpossible. Because it fits with your un-ability (not inability) to understand construction logistics. Also, the Mexicans are now building tunnels.
So "doing it right" means deporting 11 million undocumented aliens and their children who are citizens despite the Constitution prohibiting it?
When was America great?
- When white people had brown people as slaves (1776-1863)?
- When the North and South were at war and brothers were fighting brothers (1861-1865)?
- When we were slaughtering the natives of this land (1619-1920)?
- When we were sending our best and bravest to Europe to defeat fascism in the 1910's and again 1940's?
- When white males ran everything and brown people had to use different entrances and water fountains (1865-1968)?
- During the Vietnam War (1962-1975)?
- During the energy crisis and recession under Presidents Ford Carter when the Steel Mills all shut down (1974-1981)?
- When President Reagan gutted the middle class (1981-1988)?
- When President Bush The First gutted the military then fought a half-assed war in Iraq but stopped before the war was won (1989-1992)?
- When Bill Clinton was banging every woman in site while the Tech bubble was building and burst (1992-2000)?
- Was it between 1/20/2001 and 9/11/2001 before we were punched in the face by Islamic terrorists resulting in two wars so President Bush the Second could finish Daddy's war? (2001-2008)
- Was it when the Gulf Coast was ravaged by Hurricanes and people still blame President Obama, even though he was a first-term senator in 2006?
- U.S. businesses have added 15 million jobs since private-sector job growth turned positive in early 2010 after losing jobs in 24 of the 25 prior months starting in 2008.
- President Obama has cut the deficit in half. He is the only President ever to reduce the deficit every full year in office.
- President Obama has cut the unemployment rate in half.
- Six consecutive Presidents promised to pass Health Care Reform. President Obama kept that promise.
- President Obama is the first president to reduce the number of illegals in our country.
- President Obama ended our deepest recession.
- President Obama oversaw the military operation that killed our greatest enemy, Osama Bin Laden.
- President Obama has kept us safe. Safer than any other President in our lifetimes.
- I want America to be better for people of all skin colors, races and religions, regardless of who they love or identify as.
- I want America to better understand and embrace science. Wind and solar power are NOT finite resources. We can harness them and use them for clean energy without ever running out of them. Until the sun goes supernova in about five BILLION years.
- I want America to be better with Citizens United overturned so billionaires can't buy elections.
- I want America to be great again without political parties gerrymandering congressional districts to stack state legislatures.
- I want America to be better with the Supreme Court moderate.
- I want America to be better with a woman having the right to choose what she does with her body.
- I want America to be better in dealing with mental health so we can stop this run of mass shootings.
- I want America to be better by having the police be the police, not the judge, jury and executioner. Give them better training, give them better protection and give them the ability to root out the bad cops and stop making them revenue generators, because
- I want America to be better where we don't have for-profit prisons so there's no money to be made on incarceration.
- I want America to be better by taking greater steps towards a single-payer healthcare solution like the rest of the civilized world has so Americans don't have to have GoFundMe pages to pay for surgery, recovery, medications and living expenses while unable to work due to a medical condition.
- I want America to be better at taking care of its veterans, If you vote to send them to war, vote to take care of them when they come home.
2012-10-30
I *thought* we had a two-party system ...
So I voted early. Because I live in a forward-thinking state that allows it, despite the GOP's rampant hatred of it and attempts to get rid of it. The same GOP, I might add, that barely registered a blip on the scale here on my ballot here in Mahoning County. 2010-03-21
My Views on the Health Care Reform
Person 1: Here. Have this hamburger. You look hungry.
Person 2: You shouldn't eat that hamburger. It's bad for you.
Starving Person: Person 1 - Thank you. This is a step in the right direction. Where can I find a steady source of this food?
Person 1: Here. We'll get you on a proper nutrition course to ensure you can eat right from cradle to grave without worrying about going broke trying to afford food.
Starving Person: Thank you.
Person 2: No, you really shouldn't eat that hamburger.
Starving Person: Person 2 - Then what should I eat?
Person 2: Let me go back to the kitchen for another year and figure that out.
Is a hamburger the best thing for a starving person? No.
Is this Health Care Insurance Reform Bill the best thing for America? No.
But it beats the hell out of nothing. Get it?
2008-11-04
I Love John McCain
For his service in Vietnam and his 5.5 years as a prisoner of war.
For his candor. Then, now. And always.
For his campaign. And for keeping to his beliefs of what is and what isn't allowed.
For his honesty. His 100% honesty.
For his service as a senator.
For his speech tonight.
For everything.
John McCain is ... and always has been ... an honorable man, worthy of leading us, worthy of being President of the United States. And he never proved it more than by his heart-felt, honest, and wonderful concession speech.
Yes, I voted Obama. No, I won't brag about it. This campaign was the best and worst of the US. I hope we go forward from here.
I'm happy today. Happy for my belief in Obama. And happy for my trust in McCain. I met him in 1987. I interviewed him in 1987 and 1988. He's an amazing man.
I'm glad Barack Obama will be our 44th President.
2008-11-03
2008-10-30
Stephen Colbert endorses Obama!
2008-10-22
Enough of the 'Real' America
Isn't it time to stop trying to divide America? Oh, wait, that's right, you support the Alaskans for Independence. Never mind. So much for "pals around with terrorists, eh?"
If there was a "Real" America, odds are good it's not found in a $150,000 shopping spree with funds from campaign contributions used to make you and your family look pretty, eh Sarah?
I'll take hypocrisy for $1,000, Alex.
And I'll hope the rest of the non-real America sends her back to stare lovingly across the Bearing Sea at Vladdy.
2008-10-10
Dear John McCain ...
As a fan of fighter pilots everywhere, and with much respect for you and your fellow prisoners of war, I write this to you, today, older, wiser and more disgusted than I was when, as a bright-eyed enlisted man in the U.S. Air Force, I admired you in your darkest hours as a junior senator ... during the Keating 5 affair, where you got off with just a bad judgment spank on the wrist for watching as the Savings and Loan fiasco happened. I was paying attention because there by your side in the wrist-slapping line was my home-state senator, John Glenn.
When you re-emerged in the late 1990's dipping your toes in the presidential race, I was again a fan of yours. For your service, surviving the torture, and your ability to come back from the Keating 5, and for another decade of superb service in the U.S. Senate.
And you had my primary vote because you were noble. You were honorable. You were respectful. And you were qualified.
And we all know what happened: You got Roved.
When you returned to presidential politics in 2007, I was again, happy. In March 2008, well before the Democrats had picked their candidate, you told the Associated Press, "I will not take the low road to the highest office in this land."
In April, you again told the AP, "In all my travels here, Americans want a respectful campaign, they do, they want it. Now people say negative ads move numbers, they may, but do we have to go to the lowest common denominator? I don't think so."
Today, the country's economy is in ruin; global markets going down the drain; millions of Americans are without health care, hope, or jobs. Our clout in the world has fallen to unheard of levels, we're involved in two wars and there are our elected leaders are pushing towards Iran and threatening Russia; we're no closer to getting Bin Laden than we were prior to 9/11 AND the
Seriously?
Are you so desperate to have switched campaign tactics and are now doing what you said you would not do having been through it yourself?
Please. Go back to your respectful, honorable persona. Talk about your plans to fix this great country. And if you lose ... do it with class.
Stop the attack dogs. Don't go down in history as bitter. Leave your legacy as the man of honor you were, or want to be; not the sad, nasty, Rovarian you've become.
2008-10-07
2008-09-30
Just a friendly warning ...
Also, if you get an e-mail with, "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton" in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.
2008-09-29
McCain owns VoteForTheMILF.com
They've since changed their WHOIS info to private ... but if you go there you're redirected to McCain's site's page for Palin.
- URL Registered within ~36 hours of McCain’s Decision to select Palin as running mate
- Redirect sends users specifically to a palin.htm file, but only on the FIRST redirect
- Whois Privacy Information Matches JohnMcCain.com Whois Privacy
- URL Held by same registrar
- Note that the .net and .org versions also redirect to the McCain Campaign Website.
Network Tools Trace Route:
- 64.203.107.149 (VoteForTheMILF.com)
- 64.203.107.149 (JohnMcCain.com)
Classy.
(BTW - Since this is breaking type news, there have been lots of edits through the godaddy control panel as the campaign attempts to hide the details. Govgap has the evolving story with updates addeded at the end.)
2008-09-23
Oh, the stupidity - Updated
When I first saw this ... I made the joke about it being in front of someone's mobile home.
Well, thanks to the genius of Drew ... I find out that yes, in fact, it IS in front of someone's mobile home.
2008-09-19
Satire is a beautiful thing ...
With all the news about Sarah Palin's email being hacked, leave it to The Onion to come up with thier take on what Barack Obama's GMail would look like:
2008-08-01
2008-05-27
Song of the Day
Ever listen to a song and not hear it? (Rhetorical. See sales data, 1991-present compared to lyrical content. Nuff said).
Anyway ... I've listened to this song probably dozens of times. Today I finally heard it ... proving ONCE AGAIN what a lyrical genius Jeffrey Gaines is.
And pretty fitting for Memorial Day, eh?
"A Simple Prayer"
Neither side will win
All are sure to fail
But not joining in is an act of betrayal
Betrayal to your king
And all who fought before
The noblest of things is to die in their war
Neither should begin
For everyone will lose
Soldiers of tin
With everything to prove
Who do we oppose
And what do we defend
Honor I suppose
End your simple day
With this simple prayer
Pray they’re okay
And in the Lord’s care
Pray they return with their faculty
And one day we learn of war's futility
End your simple day
With this simple song
Sing pain away
Hope all are strong
Hope they return
To live happily
And one day we learn of war’s futility
Neither side will win
For nothing will be gained
Notify next of kin
Have this casualty claimed
These are words of kings
Commanders and chiefs
You hear the same sort of things
From scoundrels and thieves
Neither should begin
For what a price we pay
Soldiers of tin being blown away
Not a lot of grace
Nor majesty
A human disgrace
End your simple day
With this simple prayer
Pray they’re okay and in the Lord’s care
Pray they return with their faculty
And one day we learn of war’s futility
End your simple day
With this simple song
Sing pain away
Hope all are strong
Hope they return to their family
And one day we learn of war’s futility
Neither side will win
All are sure to fail
But not joining in is an act of betrayal
Betrayal to your king
And all who fought before
The noblest of things is to die in their war
Neither should begin
For everyone will lose
Soldiers of tin
With everything to prove
Who do we oppose
And what do we defend?
2008-03-18
Presidential Advice (a joke)
It was dark, misty and foggy in her dream. She wandered around, looking for someone - anyone, when suddenly, out of the fog stepped George Washington, the nation's first president, the father of our country.
President Washington approached her and politely nodded. She looked him up and down, and said, cautiously, "You helped found this great nation as a war hero and our first elected president. Can I ask you for some advice?"
President Washington said, "Of course you can."
Hillary paused, and asked, "What can I do to better serve our country?"
President Washington looked her in the eye and said, "Never tell a lie."
Hillary whined and said, "I don't think i can do thaaaaaaaat. I have to get elected."
President Washington sighed and disappeared back into the mist.
A few moments later, a rustling in the wind made her look to the left, and out of the dark fog walked our third president, Thomas Jefferson.
Hillary asked, again, for advice, asking President Jefferson the same question: "What can I do, to better serve our country?"
President Jefferson proclaimed, "Listen to the People."
Hillary whined, again, "I don't think i can do thaaaaaaat. What do the People know?"
President Jefferson sighed and disappeared into the fog.
Hillary walked around a bit, then felt the presence of another great President.
The nation's sixteenth leader, Abraham Lincoln, appeared out of the fog.
Hillary looked at the Great Emancipator, the man who went to war to keep this great republic together, and asked him, as she had the others, "What can I do, to better serve our country?"
President Lincoln looked her in the eye and said, "Go to the theater."
2008-03-07
2008-02-12
Give Barack Obama your $5.01 today.
Why?
Well, from the donation page on his website:
"This campaign is about building a different kind of politics. We don't take money from lobbyists or political action committees, and we're going to build a broad base of individual donors to ensure that this campaign answers to no one but the people. That starts with you."
So, in honor of Lincoln's birthday there's a national drive on to donate two Lincolns to his campaign.
Two Lincolns? The five and the penny (or any multiple thereof). This is a direct link to the main donation page.
Yeah, I did. Why? I believe. And I'm ready for a change.