100 Greatest Singers of All Time

I'm not usually a fan of Rolling Stone (despite having an issue magnetically hanging on one of the walls of my cube), but every so often they do something groundbreaking and legendary.

This is one of those things: The 100 Greatest Singers of All Time ... including reasons why they're great ... some written by other singers: Aretha Franklin by Mary J. Blige; Ray Charles by Billy Joel; Elvis Presley by Robert Plant; Sam Cooke by Van Morrison; John Lennon by Jackson Browne.

After the lengthy article, there's a list of the people surveyed and how votes were tabulated.

Dumbasses in the News

OH, before we start ... I'll have a special guest blogger on Saturday ... none other than my mother.

So be nice to her. Or I'll cut ya.

Now, on to Dumbasses in the News, Part 1:

Dateline Vacaville, California: South Park Imitates Real Life

"A music teacher at Foxboro Elementary School in Vacaville, Calif., was previously a woman, according to KCRA.com. But she returned as a man at the beginning of the new school year in September.

Some parents were outraged, saying they felt it was their right to know."

Um, hello? So a transgendered woman had sexual reassignment surgery and is now a man.

Hell, outside of ditching Mr. Slave cause he's a fag and now that she's a woman she wants a man, not a fag, Mrs. Garrison didn't change much else.

But that scared 15 families enough to pull their 23 kids out of music into physical education classes?

Good. Let them build muscle. The world needs ditch diggers ... one can only hope that's higher in the brain pool than their parents.

Just cause they change the package (wait, that's probably a bad choice of words) ... the outside ... the gifted, concerned, talented music teacher is still there.

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Dumbasses in the News, Part 2:

Dateline Nebraska ... Your Elected assholes Officials At Work

Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers, a Dumbacrat Democrat, is considering appealing a law suit that was dismissed when he sued God for threatening him and the people of Nebraska and for inflicting "widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants.

The suit was dismissed by a judge with prejudice, meaning it cannot be refiled, because there was no known, verifiable address for God to serve the legal papers to him.

Chambers claims since God is omniscient, and knows everything, God is aware of the lawsuit and would appear if a trail date was set.

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Dumbasses in the News, Part 3:

Vice King President Dick Cheney was treated for an irregular heartbeat, again. Really, I think it was firmware upgrade to the Cheney-bot, because he can't possibly have a heart.

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Dumbasses in the News, Part 4:

From the PETA Files (People Eat Tasty Animals) ... Jennifer Thornburg is now known as CutoutDissection.com ... legally ... to protest the dissection of animals in classrooms.

BTW, she's interning for PETA.

BTW, her father supports her in the name change.

BTW, stupid people surround us, daily.

Sigh.

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Dumbasses in the News, Part 5:

Apparently, there are no greater issues in England right now than someone being offended by a photo of the soon-to-be-divorced Madonna that's part of a display at an art gallery. So once again, I look forward to when the United Federation of Planets implements the Prime Directive so the Needs of the Many outweigh the Whines of The View (yeah, I took some poetic license with my interpretation). Police are investigating the photo of is posing on a cross with a halo of thorns on.

All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again ... "Last year police launched a similar investigation after the gallery displayed a bronze statue of Buddha next to an arrangement of a banana and two eggs. Gallery staff agreed to turn the statue inwards so that the banana and eggs could not be seen by passers-by."

Way to go England!

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Dumbasses in the News, Part 6:

The operators of the local liquor store store in Payson, Arizona

And no, that's not a photochop: The Town of Payson is located approximately ninety minutes North of Phoenix, AZ, in the heart of Arizona's Rim Country. And it's listed in the Yellow Pages.

Something Good about Youngstown...

I know I bash Youngstown a lot.

There are some good things. Jones For Revival is one. Great band. Another is Kelly Pavlik, a tremendous fighter.

ESPN The Magazine has a great article about him, his love for Youngstown, and Youngstown's love for him.

It's a great read. Click here ... the best line, to me: When told by his friends to talk smack to build up a fight he says this: "Anytime a fighter talks crap, he's worried." That's so Youngstown. Do it, don't tell me about it.

Tim Keown's a hell of a writer.

McCain owns VoteForTheMILF.com

That's good work boys. Way to corner the market on sexism.

They've since changed their WHOIS info to private ... but if you go there you're redirected to McCain's site's page for Palin.

From Govgap

• URL Registered within ~36 hours of McCain’s Decision to select Palin as running mate
• Redirect sends users specifically to a palin.htm file, but only on the FIRST redirect
• Whois Privacy Information Matches JohnMcCain.com Whois Privacy
• URL Held by same registrar
• Note that the .net and .org versions also redirect to the McCain Campaign Website.

Network Tools Trace Route:
- 64.203.107.149 (VoteForTheMILF.com)
- 64.203.107.149 (JohnMcCain.com)

Classy.

(BTW - Since this is breaking type news, there have been lots of edits through the godaddy control panel as the campaign attempts to hide the details. Govgap has the evolving story with updates addeded at the end.)

The Unavailing on Otiose

Following yesterday's post linking to Courtney Love's ... discussion about the MTV Video Music Awards (wherein discussion is equal to, as Tim Easton says, "... fourth grade, mumbly slang, stream of consciousness jive ...") today I bring you something even funnier.

Imagine if there was an awards show that was so outragelously overproduced as to give out ten awards in a four-hour, twenty-minute time frame that serves as nothing more than fancy wrappers (complete with rappers) around more than 90 minutes of commercials and jokes from some obscure British 'humourist' who went to work in England dressed as Osama Bin Laden on September 12, 2001.

Then imagine that awards show was the baby and braintrust of a network that has nothing to do with the genre of entertainment the show is 'awarding'.

To simplify: Imagine if Fox News was promoting, producing and presenting the Gay Adult Video Awards and Bill O'Reilly shows up dressed as Barack Obama in drag.

Then, if all of that's not funny enough, imagine glowing and ridiculous amounts of positive press coverage both in print and online, provided by a magazine-turned-news-entity that has become a part and parcel product whore of the very landscape it was created to mock. A concept so far beyond the founding intent it should be called Boring Shill.

Yes, friends, welcome to Rolling Stone's coverage of the MTV 2008 Video Music Awards. Various links on their website show photos of Britney Spears and Kid Rock. Both who have added so much to the musical landscape lately. Her bad mama drama and pregnant 15-year-old sister and high as a kite on a combination of cocaine and fish tranquelizer uninspired performance at the 2007 VMA's got her this return gig and three awards? And his "All Summer Long" song - a blatent rip-off Lynard Skynrd he took to the top of the British charts? Please. Oh, and Jordan Sparks, the Pusscat Dolls and the Jonas Brothers, et. al.? American Idol winner, some strip-club failures, Disney Rockers, two heaps of trailer trash (Spears/Rock) and a mountain of rap that's ... well, rap?? And people wonder why I don't listen to the radio or give two shits about popular music.

What a total farce both Rolling Stone and MTV are. At least it gave them both something else to talk about ... MTV got a five-and-a-half hour break from reality shows (long show plus pre-show); Rolling Stone took at least four reporters out of Obama's colon to cover the show.

As Bill Hicks said, they're all suckers of Satan's cock.

Yet, just when I'm about to give up all hope, somehow, some blogger for Rolling Stone nailed the show as complete and total shit. But since there's no name listed, it's either some oldtimer at RS eating the one-half of one percent of integrity they've kept in a jar from the 70's, or the guy got fired and they're trying to keep his name out of it so he can get a job elsewhere.)

(I promise, last link to a VMA story of the year)

Didn't Kanye West say he'd never come back to the VMA's? Yet, he did. Lying whore.

(BTW ... the complete Tim Easton lyric, from "Poor Poor LA" of the "Break Your Mother's Heart" album is:

"A pack of dull monkeys could write circles around,
That fourth grade, mumbly slang,
Stream of consciousness, jive that you call a song.
Is that going to be your story?"

And for the record, the rumor has it ... that's directly aimed at Jeff Tweedy of Wilco. I'm just sayin' ... a couple of anonymous sources close to Tim Easton have pointed that out to me.)

Journalism at its finest

As a wee lad growing up, I wanted to be a news reporter. I learned to read at a young age ... very young age. And since I grew up in the early 70's before cable TV and Cartoon Network, I loved the kids shows on PBS ... especially Seseme Street. Mostly for the Kermit News segments. I can remember sitting in my room with the newspaper reading and practicing for the day I would be at the anchor desk.

As I got older, I got into journalism. Eventually, I became a newspaper photographer, then they realized I was a much better writer than I was a photographer. And while working the news desk daily, I quickly learned how corrupt and misguided the business of news reporting is. Not the reporters, necessarily, but the business of how news is presented. History, it is said, is what happens; news is how one person views it and writes about it, then how it's edited, presented and, sadly, headlined by people who were nowhere near the event, did not discuss said event with anyone involved it the event, or even have any knowledge of the event. Which is often why what's written is so far away from what happened.

Every once in a while I'll read the kind of story that makes me get all sad about NOT being a reporter ... this is one of them. This is journalism at its finest. Kudos.

God lowers gas prices???

Oh Jeebus.

Prayer lowered gas prices in DC? Cause apparently God is more concerned with making sure people in one of the worst places in America to live have an additional $2 for crack.

Pardon me for leaving the rest of this blog unwritten while I go change my pants because I pissed myself laughing so hard.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7566566.stm

Best. Headline. Ever.

click photo for larger image.
click here for proof it's not photochopped

(thanks to the genius that is Mark Nye for the tip)

Hack journalism lives at The Other Paper

Being a professional critic is a difficult job. It's hard to go into every situation open minded, and appreciate it for what it is by leaving your preconceived notions at the door. I've done it. I was blown away by acts like MC Hammer and Motley Crue and Queensryche ... bands I'd not have on my iPod but enjoyed seeing live. Same with Bonnie Raitt, Wilco, Gomez and numerous local bands here in Columbus that I saw first, live, before I ever heard them, and then quickly added to the musical collection. Based on the live show. Because it's a show. An event. A moment in time. And I was able to remove my musical blinders and enjoy.

Sadly, that's not always the case. The Other Paper, one of the leading entertainment weekly papers here in Columbus, has an article by a guy who showed up at Rock On The Range with nothing but hatred for a majority of the performers. You can read it here ... and then read my response, which was sent as a letter to the editor of the Other Paper:

Great coverage on Rock at the Range (sarcasm). You send a guy (John Petrick) to an all-day rock festival who writes 29 paragraphs, 24 of them doing nothing but bitching about the prices of parking, beer and water; the intelligence of his fellow concert-goers and the bands picked; yet saves the final five for his love for the headliner without delivering a single bit about the headliner's performance? That's some of the saddest journalism I've seen in my life.

John, it's easy to mock bands you don't like. We've all done it. If you were only interested in Kid Rock and Rev. Run, praise them, but on their merits, as you did, and without having to spend the majority of the review bashing the bands you don't like. As for your praise of kids wearing Iron Maiden t-shirts ... ask them to name two albums NOT on the shirt, or five songs. Kids wear them because they're sold at Hot Topic and are cool, not because they necessarily know anything about the band, or even like them.

Come to think of it, they sound like your kind of person - ill informed and uninterested in looking beyond their blinders.

I hope next time Columbus as a festival that draws 28 bands and 100,000 people to town your coverage will be a bit more realistic, or at least your writer a bit more open minded.

I'm sure everyone at the event had their favorite, and least favorite, and nobody was happy about $15 parking, $8 beer and $4 water ... but that's life in the festival lane. You can be miserable about it, or accept that's what you're in for, and plan accordingly, rather than spend more time bitching about what it wasn't than enjoying what it was.

Reason 43,352 why I hate CNN

So it's 15 minutes after 8 on "Super Tuesday" (it's super, thanks for asking!) and Wolf Blitzer is giving us projections based on LESS THAN ONE PERCENT of a state's precincts reporting results.

Lemme repeat that. LESS THAN ONE FUCKING PERCENT.

Jesus, Wolf. I'm all for being first and shit, but declaring a winner with LESS THAN ONE FUCKING PERCENT of the votes counted? Sure, I know they do exit polling, too. I used to do it. People lie.

But really ... prejecting (his pronunciation was pre-ject not pro-ject ... ) on exit polls and LESS THAN ONE FUCKING PERCENT OF THE ACTUAL VOTE COUNTED ... that's a bit out on the limb.

Ever think they maybe counted a black precinct? Or a white one? Or that lesbian community?

Speaking of lesbians ... let's talk CNN reporter Dana Bash - what fucking planet is that thing from? I've not seen a face that long and angular since Mr. Ed.

Grammar Alert: Articles are 'pretentious'

According to ESPN's 57 Rules for College Football Fans ...

9. You are allowed to root freely against the following schools for no specific reasons: Notre Dame; Notre Dame in their puke-green jerseys; Notre Dame when playing on "Triumph of the Will"-shaming propaganda house organ NBC; USC; any school that plays its fight song approximately 4,387 times per game like USC; Michigan; Miami; Ohio State; any school like Ohio State with a pretentious "the" in front of its name, because otherwise how would we know which Ohio State university they were talking about?; any school coached by Steve Spurrier; any school coached by Nick Saban.

Can I get a ruling from the Grammar Police on that? Is that indeed pretentious? Or is the "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network" as they once billed themselves forgetting they once used an article before just becoming ESPN?

Then again, it is ESPN. And they did lose a bunch of highly marketable big games to The Big Ten Network. Which nobody has. Or watches outside of bars.

And ESPN did cave into threats from the NFL to stop production on the 'pro football' show "Playmakers" after it apparently hit too close to home on issues that happen outside of the football field.

And ESPN did turn their back on the NHL and forget it even exists (welcome back to Some-SportsCenter. Here's today's action on the cricket scene).

So basically ... I guess if they want to call it pretentious, who's to stop them? Anyone have Paul Tagliabue's number?

This would be funny ...

... the part highlighted in red ... the comment from vooch21 ... if it wasn't true.

Stolen from ESPN.com


(click the picture for a full-size view)

I've watched both games of the Stanley Cup Finals. And they are entertaining ... hell, Game 2 scoreless for 55 minutes ... there's NOTHING more exciting than a 0-0 hockey game, if you're a fan and understand the sport.

And the games have been fast-paced and hard-hitting, but as Vooch21 pointed out ... and it's sad to say ... the NHL blew their shot in the mid 90's at becoming the third-most-watched sport in the US and is probably ... right now ... ninth ... behind NFL, NCAA Football, MLB, NCAA Basketball, the NBA, NASCAR, MMA and Poker, with soccer coming up close.

I think it's time for Gary Bettman to go back to the NBA where he came from. He's done David Stern's bidding and killed the NHL in America.

Fox News = GENIUS.

So get this:

Today, as Iran declares "Nuclear Day" ... Iraq also declares today a celebration because it was four years ago that U.S. forces liberated Baghdad.

And Fox News had the best take on this, ever.

Shepperd Smith said today's anti-American protests that raged across Iraq were proof that our mission is successful.

"Four years ago Iraqi's couldn't protest in public."

I love Fox News.

Athletes are stupid.

So former NBA player John Amaechi is gay. And out of the closet. Good for John.

And good for me, too, because it gives me something to write about other than my life:

The stupidity of athletes.

I never understood why anyone would idolize or worship a professional athlete. They're not the sharpest crayons in the box. Hell, most of the paper that's wrapped around a crayon is sharper than the majority of professional athletes I've met.

Granted, they're good at what they do - give us a distraction. They can hit a baseball, dunk a basketball, shoot a puck, drive in circles ... whatever their particular ability - that's what they're good at.

Upstanding citizens? Read the police blotter and judge for yourself.

Most likely to be remembered for their brains? Hardly.

Why?

Certainly not for lack of access to education. They go to high school, and often get scholarships to great universities who use them to generate money and further their athletic abilities while calling them "student athletes" and making sure they maintain their academic standards so they can entertain the populace on the athletic field, furthering the coddling that started from the first time they picked up whatever sport they excel at.

Coddled. In high school to get attention from the media and the scholarship.

Coddled. In college to get the attention from the media, the boosters, the fans, so the university could make money off them - and their sport - continue to provide a quality education for others.

No, this isn't the bitter ranting of a failed athlete. I was often the guy beat up by athletes in high school, because I was smart. I used my brain, they used their fists.

And it's not the bitter ranting of a wimp whining about that. My sister hit harder than most of those guys.

This is the bitter ranting of a former sportswriter who's had many interactions with professional athletes and realized just how stupid most of them are.

I used to be a massive hockey fan. I covered NHL and minor league games for newspapers, radio and my own publication. I met and became friends with a number of hockey players. Most of them have the common sense of a stump.

But they can skate. Well. Or fight. On skates.

And I've covered football (high school, college and professional), basketball (high school and college) and baseball (high school and pro), and interviewed a lot of athletes. "Um, well, you know, I saw him, you know, coming across, you know, the middle. And um, you know, I threw him, you know, the ball."

Rocket science? Hardly. Seriously - I once heard Plaxico Burris use the phrase "um, you know" nine times in a 15 second answer.

Um, Plaxico - you know nothing.

But back to John Amaechi.

On February 7th, the retired player announced he was gay. His autobiography comes out on Valentine's Day.

The reactions from his fellow athletes to his announcement are proof that you can't fix stupid.

Grant Hill said it might give other players comfort or confidence to come out as well. Then again, Grant Hill said he didn't know Amaechi when they were teammates from 1999 to 2001. There are 12 players on an NBA team. Either the super-talented Hill has his own locker room like Barry Bonds, or he's afraid to admit he was there but smart enough to know he doesn't want the backlash.

But that's not the funniest thing said. There are two that are tied in my mind:

Shavlik Randolph, a white boy from Raleigh, North Carolina, who played his college ball at Duke said the first:

"As long as you don't bring your gayness on me I'm fine."

Would that like coughing on someone when you have a cold? Jeebus, what an ass.

Randolph's current Philadelphia teammate Steven Hunter chimed in with this bit of genius commentary: "As long as he don't make any advances toward me I'm fine with it. As long as he came to play basketball like a man and conducted himself like a good person, I'd be fine with it."

"... play basketball like a man and conducted himself like a good person ..."

So gay men can't play basketball? Or be good people? Again, damn.

Initially I was pissed about this wondering how someone could graduate high school and attend college for at least two years (Hunter, DePaul, 1999-2001; Randolph, Duke, 2002-2005) and still be that stupid.

Then I realized we're dealing with athletes.

Not among the brightest.

Just gifted at shooting a ball.

And shooting off their mouths.

Media Manipulates Numbers?

In the words of the great philosopher Butthead:

"I'm, like, angry with numbers. There's, like, too many of them."

In the words of the great philosopher Me: I blame the Arabs. It's their fault. (Nope, not the Muslims. The Arabs. Why? Well, we don't use Roman numerals for anything but superbowls, sequels and Heywood Banks songs. All our math is based on using - and sometimes mis-using Arabic numerals.)

Like in this article from the Financial Times discussing the fact the majority of U.S. military deaths in Iraq are not poor blacks from the inner cities, as some would have you believe; but white men from small towns in rural America.

The writer says the following:

What is often missing from America’s increasingly recriminatory debate over Iraq is how isolated are the communities that bear most of the human cost. The Pentagon does not disclose the socio-economic background of the 25,000 US soldiers who have been killed or wounded in Iraq.

But a breakdown of their ethnicity and states of origins shows they are overwhelmingly white and from small towns in the interior states of mid-America and the South.

For example, the ratio of killed to the state’s population is 221 per cent for South Dakota, 178 per cent for Nebraska and 163 per cent for Louisiana. In contrast, the District of Columbia, which is home to Washington, the US capital, has a ratio of just 52 per cent, while Connecticut is 66 per cent and New Jersey is 60 per cent.

I'm not quite sure what he's trying to say here. Math people, can you help me out?

First, how 221 per cent of anything be killed?

I hate that. "We gave one-hundred and ten percent" is a quote you hear come from the mouths of jocks.

No. Un-possible.

You can't give more than 100 percent. Period. If you have 10 apples, and you give me ten, you can't give me another apple. Because you don't have another apple to give. You had ten. You gave me ten. You're out of apples. You've given me 100 percent of your apples.

See how that works? You can give 100 percent. Period.

Now back to our story.

Based on the U.S. Census Bureau, the 2006 projected population of South Dakota is 781,919.

Two-hundred twenty-one per cent of that is 1,728,041 (781,919 multiplied by 2.21) .

U.S. Deaths, in Iraq, as of today, January 9, 2007 - 3,014.

Perhaps he's trying to say a large number of uS troops from South Dakota have been killed.

Not even close.

Of the 3,014 deaths, 17 are from South Dakota, according to this report. (3,004 confirmed as of Jan 8; 10 pending. And the point that is always overlooked when the media throws out numbers - 2,435 American military members have died as a result of enemy action; 579 are classified non-combat deaths, meaning accidents, suicide, homicide, illness, etc - acts not attributed to direct enemy engagement).

Now based on those Arabic numerals and our math functions - I'm not sure where the writer got his population numbers, but they're close if you run the ones I quote - 2.21 out of every 1,000 South Dakota residents has died in Iraq.

Not 221 per cent.

Zero point zero two one percent.

Two-tenths of one percent.

Please don't think I'm taking that number lightly. I'm a military veteran. I raised my hand and swore to defend this country, so I know the risks. And like everyone else in the military, voluntarily accepted them.

Please don't think I'm taking the death of someone in the prime of their life lightly, either. I lost someone I loved in the prime of her life. Unnecessarily.

So I know about military service, and the impact of sudden loss.

And I support the wars in Iraq and Afgahinstan. And I'm sad to hear the body counts every day. But understand this: I'd rather had our brave soliders dying over there to keep the wolves at bay than hearing about terrorist attacks on the streets of this country. I'd rather have our warriors fighting their warriors then them raining down random acts of terror on our civilians.

But yes, the fact that two tenths of one percent of the population of South Dakota has died in Iraq, to me, is sad. The fact that one one-hundredth of our population has died in Iraq is sad. The fact that one one-hundredth of our population was killed as a result of the attacks of September 11, 2001, is equally as sad, but more often glossed over, or forgotten.

But back to our story.

The report also says that the ratio of those killed to the population of Nebraska is 178 per cent.

U.S. Census of Nebraska: 1,776,331 (2006 projected).

Nebraska soldiers killed: 31.

Again, I run the numbers, and see, roughly, 1.78 per 1,000 Nebraska residents.

That's less than two tenths of one percent.

Same with the rest of the stats - and states - mention.

Maybe what he was trying to say got lost in the translation from British English to American Spanglish. Maybe he didn't mean to put the wrong numbers, maybe it's just the wrong words describing those numbers. Maybe his intention was not to manipulate the truth.

Maybe. Maybe not. But it's out there. And because number, as Butthead told us, do suck. Because there are too many of them.

Especially when they're manipulated.

By people who should know better.

You'd think a magazine like the Financial Times would do a better job at math, eh?