PLEASE READ THIS

Hey everyone ... please please please take a minute to read this website. (And you know I hate all caps in titles, but it's intentional).

Katie Reider is an AMAZING musician who's in the fight of her life against a difficult form of cancer. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her music. I've seen her many times in Columbus, and Cincinnati and Indianapolis.

If you have a spare dollar, please download her sampler and see what an amazing artist she is, and then realize that the cancer she's battling has now taken one of her eyes, and her voice, but not her spirit to live.

If you do donate, and don't like the music, tell me and I'll gladly refund your $1.

- Eric (who doesn't plead for much from friends and readers, but is seriously saddened by this news. Katie is amazing.)

(Repeat): Tell me about me

Hello ... just curious since It's been a year ...

Tell me about, well, me

So, can I get some of that?

I wrote about attraction being a funny thing a while ago ... about what makes one person attractive to another ... or not attractive. And how it can be the same thing. Cause life's all about preferences.

That prompted some dialog with friends that led to these two questions:

1. Is who you're physically attracted to a reflection of your own view of your own attractiveness? Do you feel pretty, oh so pretty, as pretty as pretty can be? (or handsome, or hot, or whatever phrase you choose.)


2. Does the intelligence of who you're attracted to show the level of intelligence you think you have.
   

Basically, just how much of a role does how you see yourself impact how you look at others with in the "can I get some of that?" way.

Well, it's pretty big role.

How I view myself, and who I'm attracted to, has changed a lot in the past three years since I've had weight-loss surgery, dropped 130+ pounds, 14 inches off my waist, and a whole shitload of doubt and insecurity that comes hand-in-hand with a low self opinion. Especially in the past four months.

For the first time since my early 20's, I see me as physically attractive, and that's really had a whole lot more of an impact on me mentally that I expected, and it's taking me a long time to come to grips with it.

Like anything of that magnitude would.

I looked back at the two solid relationships I had after my divorce. Both are attractive women, who physically appeal to me. Both are intelligent. One was based on that physical spark, and after that spark turned into fire and then turned into cooling embers, there was nothing else to build on. The second was a solid mental attraction on top of a physical one. It ended initially for a lot of reasons - lack of communication on my part was perhaps the biggest. It ended the second and final time because I moved away from Columbus.

Since then, I've had a series of bad first dates - and non-dates - that have both amused and baffled me. Frustrated me beyond belief as to what I'm doing wrong, or doing too right, to cause this parade of bizarre dates - or prevent a date from even happening.

With the help of a friend who has no problem telling me what I'm doing wrong, I finally realized what was causing me to be attracted to the wrong types for me since moving out of Columbus:

When you have a low self opinion, you find you'll take any kind of attention - any kind of affection - even if it comes with unattractive qualities, because you feel your own issues balance it out.

As long as the scales are even, or not too warped in one direction or the other.

On the flip side, however, when you have a solid self-opinion of yourself, you find you won't put up with much extra on the scale at all.

In fact, as soon as you feel your side of the scales rising ... as their baggage or issues or subscriptions reveal themselves, odds are you find a way to quickly get off that ride - gracefully walking away, or jumping off without a look over your shoulder.

I've done both this year.

Why?

I guess I've realized if I'm going to get involved, it's going to be with someone deserving of who I am today. Who I am now.

Not what I have been.

And I won't settle for anything, or anyone, less.

See, I *told* you. You don't listen.

My friends Two Cow Garage were featured on MSNBC in an article talking about how alt-country pioneers Son Volt, Wilco and Drive-By Truckers are moving away from the genre, then there's III ... the new album by Two Cow Garage.

Oh yes. Oh yes. OH FUCK YES.

That's good work boys.

(see, I *told* you people that III was a great fucking album. When did I say that? February 23, 2007. And you can go back, read my review here and realize that Eric knows what the fuck he's talking about.

Sometimes.

Then summon voluptuous red-headed women to worship me accordingly.

Cause that's how I roll.

And I'm rolling up to Buffalo on May 4th to see Two Cow Garage at Mohawk Place, and into Columbus on May 12 to see Two Cow Garage at Little Brother's.)

Ponder this:

From the genius that is The Clarks:

"I need everything that you need
I breathe the same air that you breathe"

My take: This is all you need to know about a relationship:

First line: I need everything that you need

Deep down, we all need the same things ... support, belief, kindness, love. So think about what you need from a partner, and offer that in return. Odds are you'll get what you give.

Second line: I breathe the same air that you breathe

This one really struck me because until I really thought about, I didn't get it. Yeah, we all breathe the same air ... but on a metaphysical level ... think about it this way: If you pollute the air around you with jealousy, bitterness or other issues directed at someone you're either involved with, hung up on, afraid of or can't get over, you're breathing that pollution in, too. And it shows.

Me ... I prefer clean air.

Me ... I prefer someone who gives as well as receives.

And I refuse to accept anything less.

I'm learning to recognize both patterns in people.

I see it quickly.

I note it.

I validate it.

I walk the fuck away.

Quickly.

End of rant.

---

The song can be found on "Fast Moving Cars" which is quickly becoming one of my absolute favorite albums ... and one I wasn't all that fond of a couple of years ago.

"Wait A Minute"

Wait a minute can we stop the car right here
Can I take a picture here can I
Have a second just to take in all the sights
All the southern stars and northern lights
Wait a minute can we put aside the past
Can we make it something last for life

Say wrong say right tonight
Say wrong say right tonight

Wait a minute can you play that song again
It makes me think about a friend can I
Have a second can you take me back in time
Close my eyes and hear her voice her rhyme
Wait a minute can I say I'm sorry now
I admit I don't know how or why

Say wrong say right tonight
I need everything that you need
I breathe the same air that you breathe
Say wrong say right tonight
I need everything that you need
I breathe the same air that you breathe

And I've been wrong now for so long
I'm just trying to get it right

Breaking rocks in the hot sun

Yeah, I fought the law(s) ... and the laws won.

Well, not The Law. Not Johnny Law. Not The Man. The 5-0. Pick your name your gang, group, ethnic background or heritage currently uses to designate police activity in the area from this list ... but be aware I didn't fight any of them.

Nope, no stainless steel bracelets; no stupid human tricks; no free ride downtown (Yeah, a DRI shout out in a blog. I'm so xhardxcorex) ... but no, nothing like that.

And despite spending a day in Dayton, I wasn't arrested (this time. And the time I was is a story for another day.)

And I didn't fight the laws of physics, either, like my previous entry about the wreck in Monroe, Ohio. Despite the wicked bad snow on the North Coast on the Egg Eve (that's the Saturday before Easter), there's nary a mark on Icey Blue.

(check this shit out - this is the wicked bad snow ... taken 2007-04-08 at 4:03 a.m. as I was driving through Geauga County. Yeah. Genius me drives from Strongsville across I-90 to Route 2 to Mentor on the Lake down Route 44 to Route 422. In an April blizzard. Cause that's how I roll ... or slide as I did a couple of times last night. Photo taken with camera phone at the car dealer at the intersection of Ohio Route 44 and US Route 322).

I did a lot of driving in the past four days, I've covered a good portion of the state of Ohio, and when I drive, I like to think. And I was thinking about the kind of woman I'm attracted to. And tried to fight myself into thinking outside my box, while driving my little blue box.

I fought with the laws of attraction. And as is always the case, the laws wons.

Because attraction is a funny thing. It's so totally subjective. Everyone has standards, everyone has wants, likes, dislikes. Everyone has that thing they need to see or feel from another person to know if they wish to go further.

For some, the eyes have it. For others, it's a smile. And while some other brothers can deny, there are those who like big butts and cannot lie. Or maybe a great rack.

But I'm the guy who looks beyond that. Not to say I don't notice a great rack, but I look for more than just a great rack. Because when you find someone physically attractive, and are then generally attracted to them, that's good. And if you're lucky, you then find there's more to the attraction than just that spark (or series of sparks) that opened the door, that's good, too.

That's the part of the attraction that I need to have - that which is beyond the physical.

And then there's other side of that. The person who you find attractive, but aren't attracted to. You like them, but not in that way.

And you wonder why.

And you wonder if you can have that beyond the physical without that spark.

I've learned Jon Landau was right when he told Bruce Springsteen during the Born In The USA recording sessions, while perusing a stack of 120+ songs, that there wasn't a hit there, because you can't start a fire without a spark.

Oh well, I'm tired of sitting around here trying to write this book. Good night. And Happy Easter to the Christians out there. Don't read the other entry until after your holiday is over.

I am reflecting on suitcases

I am reflecting on suitcases ... and moving boxes.

I've been on the road a lot this month. And last month. And the months before that. In a year, I've put nearly 40,000 miles on my car. I drive.

A lot.

I like it. The solitude is nice. It's a welcome part of me - the aloneness, the simplicity of driving, the road, the music. The sights, the scenes. I'm the guy who'll drive six hours to see something he likes, then drive six hours home (hello Swigtooth at "The Garage" in Winston-Salem, NC, in October).

I like being alone because I've spent most of my life on the outside.

Originally because we moved around a lot when I was a kid. I went to five school systems in 13 years (one twice; half of kindergarten, then half of 6th, 7th, 8th, and part of 9th). All told, I went to school in 9 different buildings, the longest - three years, 10th-12th grade, so making friends and keeping friends was hard.

Now I find myself on the outside by choice.

I like it there. I have a few close friends ... and the distance they live from me makes no difference in my life. Because that nomadic spirit never left me. I've lived a lot of places. While I've lived most of my life in Ohio, I have lived in three other states (Texas, Indiana, Pennsylvania), and lived in the Virgin Islands for a bit.

In Ohio, I've lived in or around Dayton, Columbus, Cleveland, Youngstown and Pittsburgh. The longest stay at one address was when I was married - that was five years.

I've more than made up for that in the past 25 months. I've moved FIVE times since September 2004.

Seriously. Twice for work, three times for personal reasons (read: Love, or the lack thereof!)

• 2004-09-03 - moved from New Castle to Leetsdale. (Personal)
• 2005-01-09 - moved from Leetsdale to the near east side of Columbus. (Job)
• 2005-04-15 - moved from the near east side of Columbus to Reynoldsburg. (Personal)
• 2005-10-30 - moved from Reynoldsburg to the north side of Columbus. (Personal)
• 2006-10-18 - moved from Columbus to Niles. (Job)
  

As I'm creeping closer to 40, and realize my life is a third over (thank you Drew Hastings.), as I said to a dear friend the other day, I starting to think I'm ready to sell my camels.

I just don't feel up to starting over again, again.

And you have your right of ways

One of the first lessons I learned while driving was about having the right of way.

And how little that really matters.

Really.

And you can have your right of ways ... because the right of way is a good concept. However, if someone blows a stop sign, and kills you, trying to argue that you had the right of way is a minor detail, really.

It makes no difference, if you're dead wrong.

Much like prolonging arguments. I stopped caring who's right or wrong. If you need to be right, that's your issue. I'd rather forget the argument, fix the issue, and move on.

And if we agree to disagree, that's cool, too. Just respect my point of view. You don't have to agree with it, but don't belittle it, either.

It's just a point of view. Opinion is not worth fighting over. Regardless of who has the right of way.

On an engine that roars its goodbyes

I've decided in life that there's nothing wrong with being an engine that roars out goodbyes, rather than one that slowly slips away, whispering maybes.

Because of events in my life, I've always been that one to just slip away, looking backward, hoping for the best. Trying for the best.

No more.

If it's not right - I'm going to say what I have to say, not maliciously, not with intent to injure, but a simple, "This isn't working." or "I'm not interested." or "I don't think we're all that compatible."

And drive away. On a roaring engine.

And not look back.

Objects in mirrors may be closer than they appear, but if you don't look back, you won't see them.