Random Links ... or RBOL as Pretty In Orange calls them

So ... since I have too many of these to flood Facebook or Twitter with ... here's a Random Blog of Links:  (title stolen from Angela!)

A bunch of bikers blocked those dumb God Hates Fags asshats in Missouri.  Fuck, even the Ku Klux Klan is protesting those guys.  I get the whole "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing ... but when you're lower on the hate ladder than the KKK, you're a serious bunch of douchebags. 

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Nope, says the good white senator saying President Obama only got elected "because he's black" ... adding  "There's nothing racist about this ..."  /facepalm ... pssst ... it is racist, because he's only half black, dumbass!

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And combining the two posts ... can we go from a half-black president to a pretend biker one?  "“There’s no better way to see D.C. than on the back of a Harley!"

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Meanwhile, while President Obama was giving an address to the blown-away bastards in Joplin, Missouri, the distinguished staff at Faux News was very much concerned if the president was chewing gum.  That really bothers me as a former journalist. I real journalist would have at least asked what kind.  Fucking amateurs.

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I bet my friend David Knudtz would watch hockey if you could turn your stick into a lightsaber.  Take that, Jumbo!

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Somebody better call Undercover Brother.  Nobody messes with the 'fro!

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I think I'd still read comic books if they'd swap genders more often.

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And finally ... anyone need some Dragon's Blood or Unicorn Liver?  You need to shop here.

Indiscriminate Ruminations and Linkage

Blogs I Read:

Natalie Dee ... especially for the "Ask Natalie" posts. Best advice column ever, featuring lines like this:

"...I think that collecting action figures is something that should cease when you grow pubic hair..."

and

"That being said, most girls, no matter how much they like a guy, will be immediately uninterested in him should she find out that he plays for the other team. There is just not much you can work with, when you have a vagina and the boy you like prefers not-vaginas. It is 100% a deal breaker, unless you are a psycho chick, in which case you have bigger problems than trying to ungay a gay guy."

Mark Nye ... has a new blog. I miss the Sandwich Blog though.

Lawgirl ... who beat my ass at Trivia last night.

WebComics I Love

• Everything done by Drew and Natalie Dee (each word is a separate link)
• XKCD ... a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language ... what's NOT to love?
• Questionable Content ... despite the name, it's rarely offensive and often hilarious
• The Multiplex Funny stuff about movie and theater employees
• Leave It To Jesus ... not for the easily offended or slightly religious
• Abstruse Goose ... a new but growing favorite.

Other notes:

I'm still amazed at the things that have happened to me in 2008 ...

I have been thanked in liner notes of a CD. (Aaron Lee Tasjan)

I've had a photograph used with credit on a CD. (Paul Tabachneck ... and yes, that's my photo that's his website background, too.)

I've had a photograph used as a promotional poster for a Pat Green show in Louisiana (and, oddly enough, the photo was of Mark Nye, not Pat Green. See what happens when you steal photos you dumb ass promotions person who did that? Fortunately, Chris Skrobot managed to grab one, had Pat Green autograph it, and it is now the property of Mark Nye.)

And I just discovered today that one of the musicians I've admired and has one of my top 10 albums, ever, has a link from his website to my photos of him :D (click here and scroll to the bottom. While he didn't use my photos, he did link to them. I can't complain!)

All about Robots

Right now, there are more than 5,000,000 robots on the planet. I'm sure sex-robots (sexbots as they're called) aren't far behind. Which means that the few 18-34 year-old men video games haven't effectively castrated the social skills of will be joined by those who will get the sexbot because they never had social skills for video games to castrate.

For what it's worth ... which is very little these days, I do have a favorite sexbot ... and no, it's not Tricia Helfer's Caprica Six ... or any of the Boomer/Sharon/Athena modeled after Grace Park ... or Tory (but she's up on the list) ... or D'Anna ... nope. I'm old school ... way old school.

Firefox 3 has a funny robot tribute: (click to see in full size, or, if you're running Firefox 3, open a new tab and type about:robots into the address bar.)

(click the photo to see full-size)

Bonus points to anyone who can get the six pop culture references in the firefox about:robots without googling them. Extra points will be added if you're a hot woman over 35 who's single, has a great rack and sends me photos of aforementioned hotness and rackness with the correct answers. (If you're outrageously hot, you can google, but photos are required for all those who enter. Moobs=automatic disqualification).

Random Weird Thoughts

Last week I spent the week in Florence, Kentucky, in a a hotel with an even-numbered room.

This week I am in spending the week in Florence, Kentucky, in a hotel with an odd-numbered room.

Everything's backwards. It's weird. I should have requested an even-numbered room. I ran into this once before ... just makes it hard to have any continuity ...

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My daughter is going to be TEN on Thursday. I'm stunned by that. In a good way. She's adorable, and smart and fun ... and quick-witted on the comebacks. She gets all that from her Mom :-" (that's the whistling emoticon!)

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Had a great weekend of music - Ryan Cox, Willie Phoenix, Snowblynd, Downplay, Philo, Bullet Jones and Red Wanting Blue ... will have pics of most posted this week.

I have to say, Bullet Jones puts on a show like no other - they called it Le Circque ... and featured stilt-walkers, painted women, popcorn, cotton candy, the Cheddar Boyz rapping between acts to keep the crowd entertained ... and the rock was amazing. The Bar of Modern Art (BoMA) is beautiful ... and sounds great. Having that many people in the building to see a band that good was amazing!

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The only thing worse than personal drama is work drama. Ugh.

Weird and Random Thoughts

If scientists can turn fruit flies gay, and then straight ... as this report has done ... when all is said and done .... are they still 'fruit' flies? Or just annoying little asexual gnats?

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Speaking of my weird thoughts ... I had another weird thought Saturday at the mall as I walked past a smug-looking man in pink oxford behind the wheel of a Range Rover parked in the fire lane.

His plates were issued in Trumbull County. I've lived far too much of my life in Trumbull County, and have covered damn near every square mile during the three years I worked as a newspaper reporter covering the outlying townships and school district at a county level. I've lived in both Warren and Niles, as well as Cortland, Gustavus, Brookfield and a couple of other places. I know for a fact our county contains no desert, no mountains nor any other terrain the Range Rover is made for. So that, alone, and his pink shirt made him, at best, pretentious; at worst, an asshole, individually for wearing a pink oxford, and individually for parking in the fire lane ... and a double-asshole for combining the shirt and fire lane parking.

However, as I walked on, laughing at him, I noticed, also parked in the fire lane, both a Lincoln Navigator and a Chevy Tahoe. Both with men behind the wheel. Waiting.

And all three of them were STILL in the fire lane, waiting, as I left the mall 20 minutes later.

So I wonder: Does being a dick in life make you susceptible to the sales pitch and lead you to buying a massive-sized over-optioned SUV that you'll never take off road ... or does buying a massive-sized SUV with full-off-road capabilities you'll never take advantage of turn you into a dick?

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Why do some people take everything so seriously?

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Stay tuned - massive photo updates coming soon. Studio work, SPW, RWB, Razorbliss, Lollipop Factory ... all coming soon.

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Also, both my 2007 Grammy Preview and my annual "Best Albums of 2007" list.

Random Thoughts

The German Women's Soccer Team won the Women's World Cup. Anyone aware it was even going on?

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First US Report on Blackwater shooting outsourced to... Blackwater. Nice.From cnn.com — A Blackwater contractor wrote an initial U.S. government report about how his colleagues killed Iraqi civilians in a September shooting that strained U.S.-Iraqi relations. Darren Hanner, drafted a two-page "spot report" on the letterhead of the Bureau of Diplomatic Security, which outsourced positions to Blackwater and another private firm.

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Want the new 7.10 version of Ubuntu? http://shipit.ubuntu.com/ (BTW, it's awesome. And free. And they name the release by the year and the month, so 7.10 is October 2007)

I'm currently dual-booting between Vista 64-bit and Ubuntu 7.04. I gotta tell you ... 64-bit computing f'n ROCKS.

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Gee, good thing I don't have AT&T DSL for my high-speed, right? AT&T has rolled out new Terms of Service for its DSL service that leave plenty of room for interpretation. From our reading of it, in concert with several others, what we see is a ToS that attempts to give AT&T the right to disconnect its own customers who criticize the company on blogs or in other online settings.

In section 5 of its legal ToS, AT&T stipulates the following:

AT&T may immediately terminate or suspend all or a portion of your Service, any Member ID, electronic mail address, IP address, Universal Resource Locator or domain name used by you, without notice, for conduct that AT&T believes (a) violates the Acceptable Use Policy; (b) constitutes a violation of any law, regulation or tariff (including, without limitation, copyright and intellectual property laws) or a violation of these TOS, or any applicable policies or guidelines, or (c) tends to damage the name or reputation of AT&T, or its parents, affiliates and subsidiaries.

Cause ... well, I ranted on them once.

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Well, this will be an interesting lawsuit soon to be filed in the Commonwealth of Pennsyl-tucky. From outside of Philly ... apparently a woman ran her legs over at a drive thru.

PHOENIXVILLE — The Phoenixville Police Department is investigating a freak accident in which a borough woman ran over both of her legs in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s, 651 Nutt Rd., Friday afternoon.

According to Cpl. Pat Mark, a black Chevrolet Blazer, driven by a 53-year-old borough woman, was in the drive-thru lane at McDonald’s around 1:55 p.m. September 28.

“For some unknown reason, her legs were run over by her vehicle,” said Mark. “We are investigating how this accident could’ve happened.”

What police are trying to determine is how the woman exited her vehicle and how her vehicle rolled over both legs.

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And finally ... oh how the times have changed. From a published article in an industry magazine published during World War II ... 11 Tips on How to Handle Women Employees.

From the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine -- apparently this was quite serious at the time and written for male supervisors who had to deal with women in the work force during World War II.

There is no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters. They are less likely to be flirtatious. They need the work, or they would not be doing it. They still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.



2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It is always well to impress upon older women, the importance of friendliness and courtesy.



3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.



4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses that would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.



5. Stress, at the outset, the importance of time; the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.



6. Give the female employee a definite daylong schedule of duties so that they will keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.



7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.



8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.



9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they cannot shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.



10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she will grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.



11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point cannot be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

Haphazard Musings

... cause I got tired of my blogs all saying Random Thoughts, so I hit the Visual Thesaurus online and found Haphazard Musings works just as well.

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My dad and stepmom celebrated their 30th anniversary on July 19th. That kinda fascinates me ... because I've had one relationship in my life last more than 30 months.

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For all you old-time CLI nerds like me out there ... here's another reason to vilify the drag-and-drop management that Windows Servers and related products have embraced:

I nearly re-imaged approximately 115 computers last week ... including 110 of those that were in production for three health-care systems. A quick & dirty estimate by one of the senior engineers said it would have taken us about a month of work to recover from that.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Wait. Howthefuckdidyou-'almost'-doTHAT? you ask.

Well, we're trying to create a new environment to build computers so they're individually built to hardware, rather than building a static OS image, but using a standardized script to ensure they're configured the same.

There's a product called Altiris we use to load the operating system and drivers for the nearly 3,000 real and virtual servers we manage. It's drag and drop. There are two panes - one holds the computers, one holds the jobs.

I went to drop the "deploy Windows 2003 R2" job on a folder in the computers pane named EB (cause that's me) but accidentally dropped the job on the ALL COMPUTERS folder.

Cause they're nested folders, and EB is right under ALL COMPUTERS.

And wasn't aware I dropped it on the wrong folder.

About five minutes later the first batch of incident tickets came rushing in telling us that 36 computers were down.

Then 36 more.

Then 36 more.

Then 5 more.

Then a guy I work with who knows more about the Altiris world and the blades I took down started looking into things and realized - QUICKLY - that things were amuck at the Circle-K.

And pulled the plug from the Altiris box, stopping it in step 1 of reimaging 113 machines.

So after I closed all the tickets that were created by my near meltdown of 113 computers, the next day I stopped at the liquor store and bought that man a very large bottle of Jägermeister.

Random Links and shit

Because I'm not feeling like writing but have things to share ... enjoy:

If you like sports and movies ... check this gem of a graduation speech that is comprised of nothing but lines from sports movies.

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If you like LOST ... check out this amazing recap of Season 3 done in Innernets speak.

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If you're like me and think $2 for a large coffee at Dunkin Donuts beats the hell out of anything at all from Starbucks (a.k.a. Four Bucks), welcome to my church.

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This is, without a doubt, the funniest thing to come out of Wisconsin. Imagine a street-fight battle-to-the-death between the characters of Star Wars and the Peanuts Gang. This guy did it. Read here. (for the record ... does anyone have anything else funny from Wisconsin other than the "Bong Recreation Area" (it's a real place)?

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John Moe takes on Billy Joel's "Piano Man" in his latest "Pop Song Correspondence."

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If you happen to do things like download movies, music, or anything else that, um, might get you noticed ... here are some tips to do it a little stealthier. Personally, I'd use 1 and 5. If I were to do such things.

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I'll be one of six people watching the Stanley Cup playoffs tonight.

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And finally ... as part of USAToday's on-going self-congratulatory 25-year anniversary, here are their Top 25 Things that have disappeared in the past 25 years.

Random Thoughts

So I'm on a 3-hour conference call ... yeah. Time for some random thoughts:

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Quote of the day: "Using windows products is like being ass raped by a ghost. Your ass sure hurts but you just can't see where the pain is coming from."

I've recently started playing with Ubuntu (well, actually Ubuntustudio cause it has all the cool multimedia apps nerds like me dig) and I gotta tell you ... it's quite impressive. The download links for Ubuntustudio are up and down because it's getting hammered ... if you want a copy of the regular or souped up version, lemme know. It's easy load, and absolutely free, and secure and solid and an amazing operating system. If you just like to surf the web, email and do some word processing ... it's quite the thing for you.

Also started using Opera 9.2 as my primary browser on Windows ... and it rocks as well. It browses significantly faster with multimedia, chat and regular browsing than Internet Exploder 7 or Firefox ... as well as a very kick-ass thing called Speed Dial that allows you to park your favorite websites for quick loading. And all sorts of other features. And yeah, that browser on the Nintendo Wii ... that's Opera.

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Have a couple of new blogs I'm reading ... trying to find some cool bands I've run across I Rock Cleveland ... and how can you not love a guy who has a podcast called "Michael Stanley Made Me Do It" ... click here for Details.

Others I'm reading:

• My Old Kentucky Blog
• Done Waiting
• buddyHEAD
• Columbus Music Co-Op
  

... always good reviews, always good tunes, and all sorts of different types of music.

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Little Brothers in Columbus is closing. Columbus is becoming a mecca of trendy hipster chain stores, restaurants and malls Fashion Places.

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FINALLY got my allergies under control ... changed medications in November, seemed to be going well, then spring finally arrived, the blooming started, the air was pollinated and I was decimated. Took me about a week to realize how bad I was (and spent three days in my apartment without going outside sitting in front of the air conditioner or standing under a cold shower). Only problem with the old medication is I sleep about 5 hours a night. Regardless of what time I go to bed, I'm up 5 hours after I fall asleep.

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Had a really bad food experience with chicken fried rice that has me back on 'safe' foods ... I had a long night of misery, pain and nausea ... ugh. It's been more than three years since I had the surgery, I still have issues with some things.

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And finally, I scheduled all my elective courses to work with my required classes to finish my degree by the end of 2008! It was pretty cool ... I was able to add a bunch of interesting classes:

• Com/301 - Proposal Writing
• Hum/150 - Introduction to Film Studies
• Eng/492 - American Literature Since 1860
• Sci/151 - Astronomy
• His/145 - The American Experience
• His/301 - US Constitution

Random Thoughts # (whatever)

Well I'm finishing my second class now since returning to school. I know this sounds lame, but I picked my school because I won't have to take a statistics class to finish my degree ... they've accepted both of my math classes and I've met the requirement.

Statistics, to me, makes no sense. Math is math. Numbers never lie, only liars do. Statistics, however, tells you that numbers do lie. That's where I got lost. That's why I failed the course. Twice.

I don't really care about factoring probability. I don't care about the odds. As we learned from that great galactic savior Han Solo, "Never tell me the odds."

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I was invited to go to New York City to do photography for Aaron Tashjian's recording sessions for his solo album. That was quite flattering. I'm going to if I can squeeze a couple of days off and make the trek ... and if I do it right, I'll be able to see two Semi Precious Weapons shows in the process ... May 11th in Pittsburgh, May 12th in NYC (or Boston, I forget). And he's offered to let me crash at his place,which is even cooler ... because when you have a free place to stay, NYC's a cool place to visit.

And I've never actually been in a recording studio, and I do love finding new adventures ...

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Speaking of Aaron, last weekend my daughter and I were trying to find somewhere to bowl early on a Saturday morning ... and we found nothing open. As we're driving back into Niles hoping something would open at 11 ... Aaron's song "Firecracker" came on in the car on my MP3 mix CD. I look in the mirror, my daughter is rocking out, as nine-year-olds will, to music that has a great beat and fast tempo. I said, "Do you like this song?" She said, "Yep. Who is it?" I said, "This is my friend Aaron." About that time the chorus was over, and Aaron started on the harmonica. She said, "Is he a professional harmonica player?"

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Speaking of being in the car with my daughter, and listening to music, you have to admire the timelessness of a song that you play for your daughter and she likes ... that was a song your mother played for you, and you liked. That also happened Saturday morning.

I was born in 1968; I loved listening to music and could often be found in a stack of my mom's kick-ass albums and 8-track tapes ... Jim Croce, John Denver, Cat Stevens, Simon and Garfunkel ... the good 70's music. Jim Croce, was then, and still is today, one of my all time favorite artists. He his a reason I love singer-songwriters. So on Saturday, on the MP3 mix CD I had in the car, "Photographs and Memories" came on, and I said to my daughter, "This is one of my favorite songs ever. And guess what." She said, "What?" I said, "Grandma Barb [my mom] used to play this album for me all the time when I was younger than you." She said, "This song's that old? That's cool." I said, "You like it?" She said, "It's okay." (And believe me, she'd say no if she didn't like it).

So yeah, there's something special about a song getting passed on through the generations.

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And finally, in a different sort of special ... there's a local chain of restaurants out of Pittsburgh called Eat 'n Park. That's good food, and cheap. But you know they're losing their touch with what made them big (being Pittsburgh) when you see this on their Latte menu:

A double shot of decaf with 3 scoops of low carb lactose free no sugar added vanilla ice cream and a shot of sugar free Torani syrup.

Hmmm .... let's look at what's wrong with this:

1. Decaf Coffee
2. Low Carb Ice Cream
3. Lactose Free Ice Cream
4. No Sugar Added Ice Cream
5. Sugar Free Torani Syrup

Can I get a chemical compound ruling from the judges? Is this instant cancer or just enough to add five years to your life?

Damn.

I am reflecting on suitcases

I am reflecting on suitcases ... and moving boxes.

I've been on the road a lot this month. And last month. And the months before that. In a year, I've put nearly 40,000 miles on my car. I drive.

A lot.

I like it. The solitude is nice. It's a welcome part of me - the aloneness, the simplicity of driving, the road, the music. The sights, the scenes. I'm the guy who'll drive six hours to see something he likes, then drive six hours home (hello Swigtooth at "The Garage" in Winston-Salem, NC, in October).

I like being alone because I've spent most of my life on the outside.

Originally because we moved around a lot when I was a kid. I went to five school systems in 13 years (one twice; half of kindergarten, then half of 6th, 7th, 8th, and part of 9th). All told, I went to school in 9 different buildings, the longest - three years, 10th-12th grade, so making friends and keeping friends was hard.

Now I find myself on the outside by choice.

I like it there. I have a few close friends ... and the distance they live from me makes no difference in my life. Because that nomadic spirit never left me. I've lived a lot of places. While I've lived most of my life in Ohio, I have lived in three other states (Texas, Indiana, Pennsylvania), and lived in the Virgin Islands for a bit.

In Ohio, I've lived in or around Dayton, Columbus, Cleveland, Youngstown and Pittsburgh. The longest stay at one address was when I was married - that was five years.

I've more than made up for that in the past 25 months. I've moved FIVE times since September 2004.

Seriously. Twice for work, three times for personal reasons (read: Love, or the lack thereof!)

• 2004-09-03 - moved from New Castle to Leetsdale. (Personal)
• 2005-01-09 - moved from Leetsdale to the near east side of Columbus. (Job)
• 2005-04-15 - moved from the near east side of Columbus to Reynoldsburg. (Personal)
• 2005-10-30 - moved from Reynoldsburg to the north side of Columbus. (Personal)
• 2006-10-18 - moved from Columbus to Niles. (Job)
  

As I'm creeping closer to 40, and realize my life is a third over (thank you Drew Hastings.), as I said to a dear friend the other day, I starting to think I'm ready to sell my camels.

I just don't feel up to starting over again, again.

Friday's Random Thoughts

Subject: Relocation.

So, after spending the week here, my boss asked me if I'd consider moving to Cinci to fill a position that's open at this office, and then he could hire someone to fill my job in Youngstown.

He gave me the weekend to think it over.

My answer is no.

I'm still not unpacked from the last time I moved. I'm NOT ready to move again. And Cincinnati's too far away. I moved back to Youngstown to be closer to my daughter, and my family.

Subject Whiplash: Insanity renewed.

You know how you do something over and over and expect a different result? That's the definition of insanity.

I know it well.

Yet I'm about to do something, again, I've done, many times before.

And swore I'd never do again.

(Shhhhhh. I have a date tonight. Just kind fell into it about 10 minutes ago. Her name - Michelle. But she's not a new Michelle - I've known her for a long time, since, I think, she was 10, I was 15 ... I used to hang out with her sister. And for the record, yes, she's crazy ... but she's your garden-variety crazy ... that I can deal with!)

But yeah, I know. My jaw hit the floor on both the fact I'm going on a a date and the name.

Subject Whiplash: Daylight Savings Time Changes

First - I hate the time change, on both ends. It messes me up mentally.

Second - This year, it's worse, because it's been changed. So we've had to update 2,000+ servers to make sure it works right. So I'll be on a conference call from 1:45 a.m. until 3:00 a.m. going from Saturday into Sunday. Yay me.

Subject Whiplash: Good Driving Music

The Clarks. The Kinks. Watershed. Bruce Springsteen. That is my musical company for the trip back.

Blog 298 - Random Thoughts

Saw Tim Easton in Columbus on Wednesday. I love Tim - however, I hate hippies. And there were some dumbass hippies there smoking some shitty ass dope in front of me. And not even a joint - they were smoking from a glass pipe. Cause they're cool like that. In theory. When I asked them to move somewhere else to smoke that shit, the response was "Oh, man, like five years ago everyone in the front row would just pass it around."

Well, there's a reason they call it dope, son.

Maybe you haven't realized this yet, but this isn't five years ago.

And we aren't in the front row.

They moved, but kept giving me the eye. Whatever. So *I* was the buzzkill ... really, I don't care what you do to your brain or body - smoke your dope, shoot heroin, smoke crack, or even just smoke tobacco - do whatever you want - just do it where I don't have to be in the cloud, m'kay?

And I hate taking pictures at Little Brothers. I've only ever shot one good show there - Ryan Smith (click here for the photos). The high stage and the dirty white drop-ceiling make for the worst angles / contrasts. And I don't think the lights have been changed or cleaned since smoking ban went into effect in Columbus in 2005. (New Tim pics are here ... including two I really like with Megan Palmer, who joined Tim on stage for a few songs.)

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Going through ISO Training at work. Meh. I understand the concept, but watching 90 minutes of videos can kill anyone's interest in anything.

It's death by PowerPoint WITH a badly produced video. The presenter reminds me of a bad Soviet-era news broadcaster: bad hair, bad clothes, crazy broach and scarf and all against a dingy white wall. And she keeps looking away from the camera. And making mistakes in her teleprompter reading.

And the best part - she shows us samples on where to find information ... but her links aren't my links so where she gets her info does me no good. Hmmm, perhaps a process needs improved.

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Back to 24x7 on call starting Monday. Was nice to have a bit of a break from it. Going to hang out with my daughter tonight & tomorrow, before heading to Cleveland in the afternoon to do some work and later, to meet some friends. Then I'm back on the 24x7 call ball & chain until 5 p.m. on the 16th of March.

After that I'm in Columbus for a week for training!

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Selling off a shitload of old computer parts on eBay. First round went rather well ... got rid of the stuff that was the easy money ... the rest of it will be hard work. Basically, I gather, photograph, and sort. Then I do the write-ups in Turbo Lister, then I upload them in groups of 10 ... one or two groups a day. Then I start getting them ready to ship.

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Starting to get excited about Wrestlemania. Say what you will, it's entertainment. And the roar of a live crowd.

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STILL haven't gotten the paperwork issue corrected with the University of Phoenix. But rather than remaining pissed off, every time they ask me to fax them paperwork I've already faxed them multiple times, I just add the confirmation page from the last time I've faxed. Yeah, right now it's adding an extra five pages to the fax I have to send this afternoon, but it's toll free. I don't really care.

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This is blog 298. Blog 299 is going to be a review of the upcoming Two Cow Garage CD titled "III" that is out in stores on April 24th. I got an advance from Shane, the bassist for the band, at the Tim Easton show. Cool guy, great band.

Blog 300 is going to be 300 questions about me that I answer. I've been pulling questions out of survey sites and question dumps. Way more about me than you ever wanted to know, but it's my blog. You're not required to read it.

Random thoughts

Hype? Overkill? Seriously.

Nearly SEVEN MONTHS before the release date, you can pre-order the new Harry Potter book.

Six months and three weeks ... that's the definition of overkill in the hype machine.

From an email I received from my Barnes & Noble membership:

J.K. Rowling's highly anticipated new book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter Book 7), is scheduled to be released on July 21, 2007 and is now available to pre-order.

Be one of the first to receive the final installment of this amazingly popular series. Pre-order your copy today online or reserve a copy in one of our stores. Members pay just $18.89 — a savings of 46% off the List Price. As always, your credit card will not be charged for online pre-orders until this item ships.

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Leave it to the English to make singing a song a crime.

Police investigate new Big Brother race claim
LONDON (Reuters) - Police are investigating further claims of racism on "Celebrity Big Brother" after the Sun said a racist song was sung on the programme about Indian contestant Shilpa Shetty.

Apparently the Brits are now out to clean up words, too. Political correctness going wrong. Way wrong. Egads.

---

Believe in God or spend a year in jail?

Yep. That's a law.

Care to guess where this law is on the books?

If you're thinking a fundamentalist country ... somewhere in the Middle East ... you're wrong.

Think closer to home.

Think about a state right here in the United States.

Think of one of the more liberal states in the union.

This law is on the books in the great state of Massachusetts. Where blasphemy is punishable by a fine and jail, but killing a woman gets you elected to the US Senate.

Scanning the globe ...

The news that won't die - apparently three county election workers in Cuyahoga County right here in O-H-I-O are on trail for not properly counting during a recount in the 2004 election ... because they didn't want to have to count again.

Basically, in Ohio, when a recount is ordered, three percent of ballots are hand counted. If the hand count of three percent matches closely enough to the given results, it's good. If not, they pick another three percent to hand count. If those are still off, they count them all by hand.

And it wasn't the democrats that wanted the recount ... it was the Green Party candidate and the Libertarian Party candidate.

The results - after counting 600,000 ballots - John Kerry gained 17 votes; George Bush lost six votes.

So Kerry had a net increase of 23. Which means he still lost Ohio approximately 118,000 votes.

Maximum penalty for the three workers - 18 months in prison.

Link is here.

---

Reading isn't fundamental(ist Christian).

All I can think of here is a Bill Hicks joke about when a waitress at Waffle House asked him:

"Whatchu readin' for?"

His response, "I've often times been asked what I'm reading. I don't think I've ever been asked what I'm reading for. Gosh darnit, you stumped me. I read for a lot of things, but I guess, mostly, so I don't end up a fucking waffle waitress."

Apparently, a mother in Georgia, thinks we need more waffle waitresses.

She's suing because she wants all Harry Potter books removed from school libraries.

Because they teach and promote witchcraft. And Satan.

"I didn't want to do it if the Lord didn't want me to" she's quoted as saying.

Do what? Evolve? Live and let live? Be sin-free and yet cast the first stone?

Whatever. It is Georgia. I'm sure she'll win.

Hey kids in Georgia - apparently Jesus doesn't want you to read. He wants you to stay stupid. So pick your knuckles up off the ground - stop staring at my opposable thumbs and repeat after me, in your accent:

"Y'all want that in a combo? The extra-large or jumbo sized?"

Link is here.

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Playing video games is good?

Apparently, video games can satisfy deep psychological needs and improve people's well-being.

Link is here.

Editorial comment: So can sex. Which is also can be a single or multi-player game. And, even if you do have to purchase, normally costs less than a PS3. And you don't have to wait in line at Best Buy, either. (So anyone up for a match? I'm a great doubles partner.)

Seriously ... when scientists start telling us that video games are good for us ... you know that's some purchased researchtime to pull the plug, on the games, the scientists and the gamers.

---

Here's some fucking news (seriously):

An AIDS treatment group is suing the company that makes over Viagra because their ads are 'promoting unsafe sex.'

Who's next? Budweiser? Chevy? Those people who tell me it's not my car or the clothes I wear but my timepiece? (Anyone else remember when a watch was a watch? Me too.)

Damn. No wonder our country is fucked.

Welcome to America. Here's a handgun, a beer, some Viagra, a Big Mac, oh, and a lawyer. Enjoy your stay.

Link is here.

---

How to tell you've wasted your life on an inane pursuit:

I don't know if this is better or worse than the guy studying how video games make us 'feel' ... cause we're all about how we 'feel' these days ... but an expert on the person in the undated da Vinci painting called "Mona Lisa" says he's figured out her maiden & married name, husband's name, their children, when she was born, when she died and where she's buried.

(Insert the voice of Chic McGee:)

That's good work boys.

(Insert the voice of Bob Kevoian:)

Man I don't care.

But if you do ... the link is here. And a life is also available to you, outside. Look into the latter, please.

---

I love movie soundtracks, usually.

Movie soundtracks are very bizarre sometimes. Like this one, for the movie "Lucky You" starring Eric Bana and Drew Berrymore.

The soundtrack features Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Bonnie Raitt, George Jones, Johnny Rivers, Shawn Colvin, Ryan Adams ... and then songs from both Liza Minnelli and Drew Berrymore. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Or not.

---

Testes? Testes? That rocks.

How well do you know your album artwork? I got 40 out of 52. And I'm one of about ten people who got the Marbles album by Steve Hogarth's band.

Test yourself here.

The world is fucked

The world is truly fucked.

That’s my stance … and I base it on the following “headlines:”

Yahoo! News: Chess players to face anti-doping measures

USAToday: U.S. bans sale of iPods to North Korea

Yahoo! News: Court says U.S. discriminates against blind with currency

Chess players are on drugs, Kim Jong-Il can’t buy an iPod, and blind people can’t tell the difference between a $10 and a $100 dollar bill.

And there’s an Abba Museum. Seriously.

And people wonder why traditional news outlets (i.e.newspaper and television) are hurting and forced to layoff staff.

I mean, there’s nothing else to talk about but Kid Rock and Plastic Pam Anderson getting divorced because of Borat?

Anyway … if, like me, you’re missing Lost, here’s a way to keep it all fresh in your head.

And they’re talking about Lindsay Lohan playing Stevie Nicks in a movie. We need a movie about Stevie Nicks?

So does wanting to see the new Harry Potter movie make me a nerd?

Oh, and Premiere says these are the 20 most overrated movies of all time? STFU.

Random Thoughts

The world is truly fucked up.

In addition to Daniel Ortega being voted back in power in Nicaragua's elections 16 years after they voted him out to end a civil war, now Saddam Hussein is calling for everyone to "forgive and forget."

Invoking Prophet Mohammad and Jesus, Saddam told a court trying him for genocide against Kurds: "I call on all Iraqis, Arabs and Kurds, to forgive, reconcile and shake hands."

This, of course, after being sentenced to death.

The United Nations, however, says his trial has not been well conducted, and he deserves to live.

"Even a person like Saddam Hussein should not be sentenced to death," said UN special investigator Manfred Nowak, who acknowledged that Saddam's regime had killed and tortured many political opponents and members of minorities.

Those thoughts are echoed by the European Union, who agrees he's guilty but should not be hanged.

President Bush is happy with the outcome and wants to see Saddam swing. I agree with that.

Then there's this:

The Iranians, still bitter about the Iran-Iraq war from 1980-1988 that left more than a million dead on both sides, AGREE WITH OUR PRESIDENT (and with me!)

"We hope the fair, correct and legal verdict against this criminal ... is enforced," Iranian government spokesman Gholam Hossein Elham told a news conference. "He is a criminal dictator. No doubt about it," Elham said of Saddam. "We hope no pressure will be applied not to carry out this verdict."

Elham later said Saddam's "very existence is anti-human."

Gotta love that.

As they say ... sometimes the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Sa'lam, my Iranian friends.

Yep, the world is fucked up.

Now go vote, and remember, vote Republican. If for no other reason than it pisses people off ... and for this reason, too:

I am ... (Random Thoughts)

I am …

… in pain

… a lot of pain

I’m in pain because in typical Eric style, I’m injured.

I pulled a muscle in my back while moving boxes on Tuesday.

It’s the muscle behind my shoulder blade that runs up into my neck.

No matter how I move – in what ever direction I choose – I hurt.

The kind of pain that momentarily takes away your breath and makes you then recover it with shallow, slow, careful breaths.

Then I move again and it starts over.

The worst part is I can’t even sleep because I’m hurting.

And working? Well, I’m here … but I’m not sure how much help I’m going to be. I have to sit here and hang out on a conference call to discuss th same issues we discussed for 7.5 hours yesterday.

Speaking of the new job …

I am …

… the dumbest guy in the room.

I’ve been that guy before, usually in college-level math classes.

Like Statistics.

This time, however, it’s different. I knew going into this job I’d be that guy.. And I told myself I’d be okay with that, because it is a huge leap over what I’ve been doing … anyone will, tell you that going from managing 750+ desktops to managing 750+ servers is like the difference between riding a bicycle and piloting a jet fighter. A desktop crashes and burns, you pick it up, brush off the gravel, straighten out the front wheel (or other hardware problems) and you’re back on your bicycle.

A server crashes and burns and there’s an accident-investigation board is formed, witnesses are interviewed, solutions and preventative measures are implemented.

I’m an excellent bicyclist. And while I’ve been HOTAS (hands on throttle and stick, or, basically, piloting a jet fighter for you non-Air Force people) … to say I’ve been in control of a jet fighter is a total lie.

Much the same with the desktop/server environment … I’ve done all I can do with the desktop environment … so now I’m learning to fly.

If I crash and burn, I’ll try to avoid any populated areas.

Lord knows I wouldn’t be in much more pain.

I'm late to the party.

The Battlestar Galactica party.

On Sci-Fi.

Dammit.

I am a HUGE science fiction fan (no, really?)

I was eight when Star Wars was released.

I read the comics and the novelization of the movie (that's the book for you who are asking "What's a novelization of the movie?) before I ever saw it on the big screen.

And when I finally got to go see it ... that, my friends, was a monumental day.

I can tell you things about the day I first saw the "first" movie (that's Episode IV for you who aren't in the know):

• We were living out in the country at this time. My mom was married to a biker guy who was, well, at that point in his life, not a nice father figure to a quiet, smart, book-loving kid (me) ... who happened to be the only boy in the group (I had two sisters, he had custody of his two daughters from his previous marriage) I was in 2nd grade when we moved out into his place in Gustavus. He called it attempts to toughen me up. I call it abuse. Thankfully, we only lived there two years. Also, thankfully, he's dead now. My mom was pissed when my response to hearing he was dead was "Good." She was even more pissed when asked me if I was going to the wake and I told her only to make sure the fucker's really dead. She told me not to bother going. I didn't.

ANYWAY

• We went to see the movie at the theaters that were inside the Eastwood Mall. There were two screens. It was playing on both.
• We took the kid who lived in the next building over in the apartment complex we lived in (Royal Mall in Niles. It was shitty then. It's shitty now.) before we moved in with "Biker Guy."
• The kid's name was Jason.
• He was five.
• He was in kindergarten.
• I read him, and probably the rest of the theater, the opening crawl, partially because he couldn't read, and partially because I had it memorized.
• Before I saw the movie, I had read the book, twice, I had the comic books (three issues), and the action figures. I had them all in the car.
• We ate at McDonalds after picking up Jason.
• We had a white car with a maroon interior.
• I had a Filet-O-Fish.
• I don't remember ever eating another one, but I do remember I ate one that night. (Hey, special moments in life have special memories, no?)
• I couldn't wait to see it again.

On the heels of the success of Star Wars came a host of other sci-fi titles. Some were good, some were total crap.

Most were total crap.

The original Battlestar Galactica, however, was different, in my mind.

It was amazing.

I remember going to a friend's house when I was in 6th grade to watch the movie on HBO because they had HBO and we had tin-foil wrapped around an antenna wire and a bootleg Cinemax converter on our (probably illegal) cable we had in the projects in Warren.

So we had the Friday night porn (DUDE - I SAW BUSH on TV in 1979 (no, not the politicians) and proceeded, like most 12-year-olds, to beat my meat like it owed me money, before, during and still to this day.) ... he had the cool movies.

ANYWAY ...

I remember watching the movie.

And wishing like hell I could watch the show.

But I had an older sister who would not let me watch anything, ever.

Back in those days, we had one television. Unless it was broken, then we had a black-and-white one we borrowed from someone placed on top of the broken on, that we'd have to wait until one of the Murphy Brothers could find/scavenge/steal the parts to fix.

Mom worked for them under-the-table answering phones and notarizing titles.

I worked there scrapping out TV's ($1 each) and going on delivery runs ($1 each) with Howard, who had a bad back and couldn't lift TV's, and a speech impediment and couldn't pronounce his L's right. I spent 10 minutes one day looking in his truck for a wrench when he wanted his lunch. But they were good guys. Honest guys. Could fix anything with tubes. Or tires. Always good to us. In fact, I rented an apartment above their TV shop later in my life.

ANYWAY ...

My older sister had to watch Little House on the Prairie, which was on NBC the same time Battlestar Galactica was on ABC.

And when the NFL was on, I'd go to the bar my mom was working at and drink coke and watch the games because it my sister would watch Shirley Temple movies on Channel 33 that went up against the AFC on Channel 21 and the NFC on Channel 27. Yep, three channels back then. And I never got to pick which one to watch.

And no, I haven't forgotten.

ANYWAY ... I loved the original Battlestar Galactica.

And when I heard the Sci-Fi channel, the same channel that brought us the biggest douchebag in the universe (shout out to my South Park homies) was re-doing the show, I shuddered.

And vowed never to watch it.

Especially when I found out that "Starbuck" was female?

W-T-F?

A cigar-smoking, card-playing female Viper pilot?

Not in my universe.

And I avoided it.

Until a couple of weeks ago when I was in a hotel flipping channels unable to sleep and found myself watching some kick-ass action show that looked futuristic yet employed old technology.

Bullets, not lasers.

Wheeled vehicles, not hovercraft.

People, not CGI characters.

And after about 30 minutes of commercial-free viewing, the credits started rolling and announcer voice said, "Keep watching, we're playing your favorite Battlestar Galactica episodes, back-to-back, with limited commercial interruptions."

W-T-F! I'm liking this shit.

Ugh.

So my next trip to Best Buy found Season 1 in my shopping cart, then home to my shelf, where it sat, mocking me, for a few weeks, because I tried to keep it real.

Yeah. I just got done watching the miniseries ... just the 3-hour miniseries.

I f'n loved it.

Now I'm going to watch the first season, and then get the 2nd season on DVD as well on my next trip to Best Buy.

Because I need to be addicted to another TV show that's on cable ... and I don't have cable.

Ugh.

---------------------

In other news, Pat Green's show at the House of Blues was a lot of fun. He's a hell of an entertainer, and Chris Skrobot, my motherfucking hero, was solid as ever on the guitar. It was nice to see Chris looking out over the crowd and recognizing and acknowledging friends and family who made the drive from Columbus and Pittsburgh and all over the state to see him play.

He's one hell of a guitar player.

My only complaint is with the HOB. They would not let me bring my camera in (either my new one OR my old pocket-point-and-shoot). Chris, being new to the tour, tried to get me a photo pass but wasn't able.

HOB security said no pass, no camera. And they wanded everyone who came in.

So imagine my surprise when there were literally dozens of people with cameras, snapping pics during the entire show. I was turned away and had to take my shit back to the car, but I saw FIVE people with cameras the size of my Canon and at least 20 people with point-and-shoots, and none of them had a photo pass.

And I'm not bitching because I didn't get my camera in. Sometimes it's more fun to rock out than worry about getting the angle/setting/light right for the shot you want. And I enjoyed the show immensely.

I just want the rules to be enforced across the boards, that all. Either no problem with cameras or no cameras. The hit-and-miss shit gots to go.

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To those who have sent me emails about today, thank you. September 4th is a day in my life that is important for good and not-so-good reasons.

To sum it up quickly, Greg Joseph sings a song on his new CD "American Dreams" (buy that shit. It's good) called "Two Suits" ... about having one for weddings and one for funerals.

September 4th is that song, in a day, for me. I had a funeral (my grandmothers) ... and while I didn't have a wedding, I did meet the one I should have (and probably would have) married, oddly enough, just hours after my grandmother's funeral.

It was her birthday (the girl, not the grandma), she came to the bar I was working at. It was love at first site.

Seriously.

We started dating within the week.

We were together until she was killed about 15 months later in a car accident.

I found out about it when, as news director for a radio station, read it on the air at 6:03 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

Talk about starting your weekend off on a bad note, eh?

---------------------

ANYWAY ...

September 4th is also the 1 year anniversary of my MySpace blog. My first entry was all about the girl, but it died with my original MySpace profile died on December 15th.

And honestly, I'm kind of glad.

While it was nice to get it out there, as my now-dead friend Sue said "sometimes's it's good to spew it out and let someone else digest it," I really have no desire to revisit it.

I think last year I finally got on top of it (after 13 years) and put it behind me.

This year I'm reflective in a good way.

Happy for the love we had, not the love I lost.

Be well.

-E

Dispatch from the Road

UPDATE: In a hotel outside of St. Louis. In Rollins fashion, here's a dispatch from the road:

Monday, July 17th, 2006. 1:30 p.m.

Ben Lee is on the radio.

Kara is driving.

I'm not feeling well. I'm sitting in the passenger seat for the second or third time. Third time. Maybe the fourth. Fuck it. Who knows, really? Lets just say I'm riding shotgun in my car, which, as anyone will tell you, is weird in and amongst itself. And its a really hard to be a passenger for me most of the time. Not with Kara. As long as we don't get stuck in crazy accident traffic again. I told her, jokingly, if that happens again she's done behind the wheel. I know it wasn't her fault, or anything that could have been prevented. That's why its a joke.

She knows when I say things like that I'm joking. She's figured me out.

But my inability to ride, normally, is the reason I'm typing. Thankfully Mrs. Archer taught me how to type without looking back in tenth grade so I don't have to worry about car sickness or anything like that.

Typos ... yes.

But the funny thing about Mrs. Archer she totally looked like Olive Oil from the Popeye cartoons.

The funny thing about motion sickness its the same neural pathways that epilepsy travels on. That's why its not a true sickness, per se, that allows you to feel better after you vomit. Its a mental thing from your brain trying to compensate for the movements that your eye is making to keep things on a level playing field. That's why some people can sit in the front and not get sick, while others have troubles in all directions. Me, I can ride or fly and read, write, etc. without much of an issue, but I cant go around in circles.

Anyway as you can probably guess, this is a stream of thought blog from Eric.

Wisconsin is flat. And then very very hilly. And then flat again. And always green. And populated with farms, silos and cell towers. With the occasional roadside attraction Apple Pie backed in a Paper Bag. Big giant plastic cows that highlight the famous Wisconsin cheese. And Hi-Lo Drive. That's interesting.

Kara is driving and I'm sitting here thinking about how sometimes I feel things aren't going anywhere with her because there's no set destination in the plans. We have discussed the future in the extent that she's going to be in grad school for the next five to seven years ... and for me, really, I'm up in the air. I love Columbus. I want to stay in Columbus. And she's a big reason why ... because Columbus is the only place I've felt like home . and I question what we're going to do in our future together when she's in grad school.

Then I wonder about things ... and realize I have no idea where things are supposed to be after six months, or go after six months. I look at my past relationships and realize that they aren't the place to look for answers.

I never know.

I love her. I do know that. And isn't that enough, really? So many things are going to change in the next two months ... we're going out west to spend 3 weeks together in the car ... then she starts school and I start the job hunt. All three of those are huge unknowns ... and therefore so many things are unknown. So why wonder? Why worry?

Because there are so many things that I think I handle wrong.

Imagine that. Me, fucking something up. Yeah, its a stretch, but go with it for a minute.

I do make mistakes.

Often times huge ugly ones.

But in the past six weeks, there have been two big things that still don't sit right with me. Two big issues where I don't think I did anything wrong yet hurt her in the process.

Yeah, there are a couple of things that were absolutely wrong, and I have no problem owning up to them, discussing them, and moving forward. And we've done that.

Yet with these two situations, I'm made out to look like the asshole by others involved, and I still don't think I did anything wrong, at all.

And me being me, the introspective one, I spend a lot of time in my head going over these things and in both situations, I still don't think I did anything wrong.

And both issues where blown way out of proportion by the other parties involved yet it hurt Kara, which wasn't the intent, and that makes me feel like an asshole for even being involved in a situation that could be taken the wrong way.

I do know I cant imagine not being with her. She's wonderful, whether were just hanging out or flying down the highway. And she's fun. I don't have to worry about what I say to her because she knows what I mean in the way that I mean it. That's rare with me. And like me, she's spontaneous. She's always up for whatever crazy road trip I can dream up. Hey, lets drive 9 hours to see a band we've seen dozens of times play in a different city. Her response: OK. And we do.

Or this trip: lets go see Aaron from Swig Tooth do his solo acoustic show in Columbus. Hey, that rocked. Lets go to Morgantown the next night. Hey, that was awesome. So lets keep going Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Louis. And we do. And when its over on Tuesday we will have seen all five shows on this mini-tour. That's pretty fucking cool. And some other cool shit. Like at the Guitar Bar in Milwaukee on Sunday, when were the only people there other than his roommate and his roommates parents and four or five drunks at the bar. Three of whom left during the show.

Oh, yeah, and an old man with a cooler. And when he left, Aaron said, I hope that cooler works out for you.

But Aaron played. Maybe just for us, maybe for Justin, maybe for Justin's parents. Probably, just for himself, because that's what he does.

It reminded me a lot of a great Harry Chapin song called "There Only Was One Choice."

There Only Was One Choice
by Harry Chapin

There's a kid out on my corner, hear him strumming like a fool
Shivering in his dungarees, but still he's going to school
His cheeks are made of peach fuzz, his hopes may be the same
But he's signed up as a soldier out to play the music game

There are fake patches on his jacket, he's used bleach to fade his jeans
With a brand new stay pressed shirt and some creased and wrinkled dreams
His face a blemish garden, but his eyes are virgin clear
His voice is Chicken Little's but he's hearing Paul Revere

When he catches himself giggling he forces up a sneer
Though he'd rather have a milk shake he keeps forcing down the beer
Just another folkie late in coming down the pike
Riding his guitar he left kid brother with his bike

And he's got Guthrie running in his bones
He's the hobo kid who's left his home
And his Beatles records and the Rolling Stones
This boy is staying acoustic.
There's Seeger singing in his heart
He hopes his songs will somehow start
To heal the cracks that split apart
America gone plastic

And now there's Dylan dripping from his mouth
He's hitching himself way down south
To learn a little black and blues
From old street men who paid their dues
'Cause they knew they had nothing to lose
They knew it
So they just got to it

With cracked old Gibsons and red clay shoes
Playing 1-4-5 chords like good news
And cursed with skin that calls for blood
They put their face and feet in mud
But oh they learned the music from way down there
The real ones learn it somewhere

Strum your guitar -- sing it kid
Just write about your feelings -- not the things you never did
Inexperience -- it once had cursed me
But your youth is no handicap -- it's what makes you thirsty

You know you can hear your footsteps as you're kicking up the dust
And the rustling in the shadows tells you secrets you can trust
The capturing of whispers is the way to write a song
It's when you get to microphones the music can go wrong

You can't see the audience with spotlights in your eyes
Your feet can't feel the highway from where the Lear jet flies
When you glide in silent splendor in your padded limousines
Only you are crying there behind the silver screen
Now you battle dragons -- but they'll all turn into frogs
When you grab the wheel of fortune -- you get caught up in the cog

First your art turns into craft -- then the yahoos start to laugh
Then you'll hear the jackals howl 'cause they love to watch the fall
They're the lost ones out there feeding on the wounded and the bleeding
They always are the first to see the cracks upon the walls
...

Yes I read it in the New York Times
That was on the stands today
It said that dreams were out of fashion
We'll hear no more empty promises
There'll be no more wasted passions
To clutter up our play

It really was a good sign
The words went on to say
It shows that we are growing up
In oh so many healthy ways
And I told myself this is
Exactly where I'm at
But I don't much like thinking about that
...

Good dreams don't come cheap
You've got to pay for them
If you just dream when you're asleep
There is no way for them
to come alive
to survive

It's not enough to listen -- it's not enough to see
When the hurricane is coming on it's not enough to flee
It's not enough to be in love -- we hide behind that word
It's not enough to be alive when your future's been deferred

What I've run through my body, what I've run through my mind
My breath's the only rhythm -- and the tempo is my time
My enemy is hopelessness -- my ally honest doubt
The answer is a question that I never will find out

Is music propaganda -- should I boogie, Rock and Roll
Or just an early warning system hitched up to my soul
Am I observer or participant or huckster of belief
Making too much of a life so mercifully brief?

So I stride down sunny streets and the band plays back my song
They're applauding at my shadow long after I am gone
Should I hold this wistful notion that the journey is worthwhile
Or tiptoe cross the chasm with a song and a smile

Well I got up this morning -- I don't need to know no more
It evaporated nightmares that had boiled the night before
With every new day's dawning my kid climbs in my bed
And tells the cynics of the board room your language is dead

And as I wander with my music through the jungles of despair
My kid will learn guitar and find his street corner somewhere
There he'll make the silence listen to the dream behind the voice
And show his minstrel Hamlet daddy that there only was one choice

Strum your guitar -- sing it kid
Just write about your feelings -- not the things you never did
Inexperience -- it once had cursed me
But your youth is no handicap -- it's what makes you thirsty, hey kid