Honesty is such a shallow grave

Song of the Day

2011-11-27T04:39:00.000-05:00

Windows Are Rolled Down

~ Amos Lee

Look up, child
The world is born
Shoe's untied
And your soles are worn

Windows are rolled down
Sun is setting high
Windows are rolled down
I'm fixing to die

Corn rows have companion feel
This rocky road and this steering wheel
Who do you call to ease your pain?
I hope for you to get through this rain

Windows are rolled down
Moon is hanging low
Windows are rolled down
Think it's time for me to go, hey

Is it what you dreamed it'd be?
Are you locked up in this fantasy?
Oh, this miles that have torn us apart
My new found faith and my broken heart

Windows are rolled down
Sun is rising high
Windows are rolled down
Feel that wind rushing by, hey

Windows are rolled down

Song of the Day ... for all you hippies

2011-11-19T17:08:00.002-05:00

Conservative Christian, Right Wing Republican,
Straight, White, American Male

~ Todd Snider

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American male.
Gay bashin’, black fearin’, poor fightin’, tree killin’, regional leaders of sales
Frat housin’, keg tappin’, shirt tuckin’, back slappin’ haters of hippies like me.
Tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, porn watchin’ lazyass hippies like me.
Tree huggin’, love makin’, pro choicen, gay weddin’, widespread diggin’ hippies like me.
Skin color-blinded, conspiracy-minded, protestors of corporate greed,
We who have nothing and most likely will ‘till we all wind up locked up in jails
By conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males.

Diamonds and dogs, boys and girls,

living together in two separate worlds
Following leaders of mountains of shame,

looking for someone to blame.

Diamonds and dogs, boys and girls,

living together in two separate worlds
Following leaders of mountains of shame,

looking for someone to blame.
I know who I like to blame:

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males,
Soul savin’, flag wavin’, Rush lovin’, land pavin’ personal friends to the Quayles
Quite diligently workin’ so hard to keep the free reins of this Democracy
From tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, barefootin’ folk-singin’ hippies like me.
Tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, porn watchin’ lazyass hippies like me.

Song of the Day - Unlove Me

2011-11-17T00:12:00.000-05:00

Unlove Me

~ Julie Roberts

Unloose this hold you've got on me
Unlock this heart that can't get free
Unlive the night you kissed and hugged me
Undream the dreams that we both shared
Unfeel the feelin' that you cared
Before you leave me, please unlove me

Unlove me
Unmake all the memories I can't forget
Unlove me
Let me go back to the way I was before we met

Back to the days when I was strong
When it wasn't sad to be alone
When I was happy-go-lucky
And I didn't know how good it felt
To hold you and feel my heart melt
Show me a little mercy and unlove me

Unlove me
Untie all the strings between your heart and mine
Unlove me
But do it real slow, so I don't have to lose you all at one time

Before you pack your bags and leave
One thing I wish you'd do for me
Take a little time to just unlove me

Unlove me
Unmake all the memories I can't forget
Unlove me
Let me go back to the way I was before we met

Unloose this hold you've got on me
Unlock this heart that can't get free
Before you leave me, please unlove me
Show a little mercy and unlove me

CD Review - Shane Sweeney - The Finding Time"

2011-10-31T20:49:00.001-05:00

"It's all been said before but it must have fallen on deaf ears the first time."

Shane Sweeney ~ "Legion"

When I first heard Shane Sweeney, better known as the other vocalist in Two Cow Garage (gravely voiced Micah Schnabel sings the majority of TCG songs) was releasing a solo album, I wasn't sure what to expect. A friend of mine recently asked me if I skipped the Shane songs when I listening to Two Cow Garage, like I used to skip over the Grant Hart Husker Du tunes in favor of Bob Mould's stuff. I actually like Shane's songs, and his voice, and his aggression, but there are times where I wish he'd sing a song, rather than fight it.

While I never said this to him, I think someone did ... because he's done just that on "The Finding Time," his latest solo album. The album is, as far as I can hear, completely acoustic and a complete joy to listen to. It's been out since July, but I've been trying to find time to listen to it, let alone write about it. That started last week. Shane's playing a CD Release Show at Rumba on Friday, November 4th, with Jeffery Fernengel, Todd May, And Nate Linek. You can get the MP3's on Amazon or iTunes, or you can go get your face rocked off and buy an actual CD from Shane's merch table.

"The Finding Time" starts out with what today sounds like a song for the "Occupy (insert locality here)" movement. It's call "Legion" and it sets the tone musically, and lyrically:

"There's more of us than them,
All it takes is everyone to raise a hand
Say I won't lay down for money.
I will hold my head up and die like like a man
Won't you stand with me?
Brother won't you stand with me?
Won't you stand with me?
And if one should fall,
If one should should fall
If I should fall
Another will take up the call"
~ "Legion"

Knowing Shane and his fondness for making porch music ... kicking back pickin' and singing with friends and beer, it sounds like a lot of these album could be called "The Front Porch Sessions," and that's a compliment. They're simple, straight forward tunes about life, family, and being strong in a world that just doesn't give a shit about you. "When I Am Empty" and "Hallelujah" and "The Owl" and "Try Again Later" are among my favorite songs on this CD, and "Motel Blues" is a great life-on-the-road track that a lot of traveling musicians could have written, but didn't. The CD ends with a couple of tracks featuring some great harmony on the vocals, the first being "See You In Heaven," a tribute to a friend who's in another place now. with some subtle guitar picking behind it. I love the way the song builds. The latter is a reprise of "Legion" ... short, and sweet, like it should be.

Will this be a chart buster? No. Sadly, it's not corporate rock. It's the complete opposite. But Micah and Shane have this "Art or Die" mantra. And this is art. This is Americana at it's finest. Good music made by a man who shows he's more than the screams and slamming bass lines you find in the Two Cow Garage songs some us know and love.

Song of the Day - Better Things

2011-10-15T02:50:00.002-05:00

Better Things - The Kinks

Here's wishing you the bluest sky,
And hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme,
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the doubt and sadness.
I know that better things are on the way.

Here's hoping all the days ahead
Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you.
Be an optimist instead,
And somehow happiness will find you.
Forget what happened yesterday,
I know that better things are on the way.

It's really good to see you rocking out
And having fun,
Living like you just begun.
Accept your life and what it brings.
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things.
I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

Here's wishing you the bluest sky,
And hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme,
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the drudge and sadness.
I know that better things are on the way.

I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead.
The past is gone it's all been said.
So here's to what the future brings,
I know tomorrow you'll find better things.
I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

All My Racist Friends Are Coming Over Tonight (parody)

2011-10-05T01:06:00.001-05:00

So, I haven't said much at all about this whole Hank Williams Jr Obama/Hitler thing ... until now, when I give to you my latest song parody:

"All My Racist Friends Are Coming Over Tonight"

I got ketchup on my klan robe, hot cross just burnt my hand

Lord, it's hard to still be a racist man

I keep black girls that can cook, I keep black girls that can clean

I keep asian girls that can do anything in between

I got to hide them away, make everything white

Cause all my racist friends are comin over tonight

Do you want a drink, hey, do you want to join the master party

Hey, white people, this is ole Grand Dragon Hank, ready to get the lynching started

We'll hang some up in the trees, put some more on ice

And all my racist friends are comin over tonight

Now, my Klan Meeting pad is out in the woods

It's a long way from here to liberal Hollywood

But I got some white debutante queens out on the floor

And ole Miss KKK Mississippi just walked through the door

Got a stars and bars wirlpool just made for ten

And you can hate out and you can hate in

You can do anything that you wanna do

But, uh-uhh, don't you bring your boo

Do you want a drink, hey, do you want to join the master party

Hey, white people, this is ole Grand Dragon Hank, ready to get the lynching started

We'll hang some up in the trees, put some more on ice

And all my racist friends are comin over tonight

Do you want to drink, hey, do you want to party

Hey, hey, this is racits Grand Dragon Hank

Ready to get the lynchin' time started

We'll hang some up in the trees, put some more on ice

And all my racist friends are comin over tonight

BW3's In Austintown is off the BANNED list

2011-09-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

Since there's been a change in management at the BW3's in Austintown, I have removed my blog about them NOT being a sports bar and am willing to let the actions of the previous general manager be forgotten.

This is not me editing myself, or bowing to corporate pressure. Two of the three managers from that site were reassigned. My beef was with one of them (the General Manager, not the assistant ... he remains a good guy in my mind), and since he's no longer in the building, or in charge of the building, my beef with them has ended.

So long, Evil Genius Idea #895

2011-07-28T09:08:00.002-05:00

After months of doing nothing but hosting files ... I decided that it's time to pull the plug on Evil Genius Idea #895, http://www.ericbroz.net ...

Why?

I never use it.

In fact, I've migrated *almost* entirely to free sites such as here, wordpress for my music blog, facebook, Google+ and, sadly, even MySpace (still). I'm gonna keep the domain, but point it to a redirect that sends you to my FB page ... but the email is going away, so anyone who emails me at eric @ ericbroz dot net should change up and hit me at cebroz at gmail dot com.

It was a good four years (well, three, really), but all things change.

Jane Scott - 1919-2011. Amazing lady.

2011-07-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

I was lucky enough to meet Jane Scott at a Motley Crue concert at the Richfield Coliseum in 1990. I don't remember if it was January or February, but it was winter. It was cold. VERY COLD. I was reviewing the show for the Tribune, and was a fan of Motley Crue live, as they put on a tremendous live show. Tommy Lee was playing his kit on rails that went upside down and out over the crowd. I took my sister Juli to the show ... we were freezing waiting to get in the press gate, only to be told no photo pass, but we did have tickets. She was happy to see a free show ... I was getting paid to write about music. Win Win.

And when we got inside, my sister asked who brought their Grandma to the show. I turned, and there beside me, with her Ticket pinned to her scarf; big red glasses, a bigger purse and the biggest smile I'd ever seen was Jane Scott. I immediately fanboy'ed and professed, as many had before me, that she was required reading every Friday and after every show ... whether I was there or not. I introduce her to my sister, who wasn't quite sure what to make, but slowly realized the cool factor when Jane started rocking out with us. Jane was 71 at the time.

Here's a link to a great telling of her story, and her retirement column. She was one of a kind in an era where an emerging music scene in a vibrant music city met the perfect woman at the perfect time.

I was blessed to know her. I think a lot of us were. Dennis Lewin of the Cleveland band Beau Coup, wrote this when the PD tried to force her to retire ... she finally left on her own in 2002, after 50 years and, in her estimate, more than 10,000 concerts, from the Beatles to Nine Inch Nails and everything in between. The last time I saw Jane was at an MC Hammer show at Blossom. She had as much fun there as anyone ...

"Jane"

(Dedicated to P.D. Columnist "Jane Scott")

(Dennis Lewin)

Dear Jane

It's an early cold Friday morning

And my radio is blasting down the hall

Waking me up to the sounds

Of the late great Marvin Gaye

I fell out of bed

Got dressed and read the morning paper

I saw a picture of myself on the back page news

Next to an add for the final shows of Michael's band

Jane, Jane you watched me change from a boy to a man

Jane you stood behind me and the boys in the band

Don't you ever give up on us Jane

You know Jane I was 5 back in 64

When you started at Friday magazine

There wasn't a flash in the pan that you missed

Or a style un-seen

But than the papers read

Jane they say you're too old for the new style

But you never mix art and age as one

'Cause the older you get the better you shine in the public's eye

Jane, Jane you watched me change from a boy to a man

Jane you stood behind me and the boys in the band

Don't you ever give up on us Jane

Jane they always try to cut you down to pieces

To criticize your work is a slap in the face of justice

You broke so many bands that came from foreign lands

and now they try to take away the pen that wrote their names

Easiest Job in the World

2011-07-03T14:52:00.001-05:00

Despite being a journalist for a period of time in my life, I rarely read the printed paper anymore. (Sorry to my friends still in the business, and apologies to Al Newhearth and the staff at McPaper.) Today, however, Sarah picked up a Vindicator as we're looking for a place to live, and I noticed a help wanted ad. And it made me want to seriously think about a career change.

After reading this little help wanted ad, I've decided it has to be the easiest job in the world:

Wanted: Science teacher at a Christian school.

Think about it. Easiest. Job. EVER!

You can teach your budding Christian scientists everything ... and I mean EVERYTHING ... with a a couple of three-word phrases:

God made it. God made them. God makes it. God makes them. God provides it.

How'd the galaxy get here? God made it.
Where did the rocks come from? God made them.
How does water form? God makes it.
Where do babies come from? God makes them.
How do we get friuts from the ground? God provides it.

Or, if you wanna get funny, you can just pull out the Bill Hicks:

If God created all life, why are there dinosaur bones? God put them here to test your faith. God's just fucking with you. Jokester God strikes again. Giant Lizards? Walking the Earth? HA.

Or, you can circle back the easiest job in the world:

God made them.

The final test would be an essay test: Explain the formation of the galaxy and all life on Earth:

Any answer but "God made it." results in failure. And you get to enjoy your summers off.

Comfest 2011 ... so far

2011-06-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

After a quick romp through the schedule ... here's what I'm picking:

Friday

Gazebo    12:55    Erika Hughes
Off Ramp   2:10    Wing & Tusk
Off Ramp   4:15    Whoa Nellie!
Main       4:55    Bastard Sons of Neptune
Off Ramp   6:30    Karate Coyote
Off Ramp   8:00    Envelope
Gazebo    9:00    Colin Gawel & Lonely Bones
Off Ramp 10:15    Phantods

Saturday

Off Ramp 11:55    Shazbots
Off Ramp 12:50    Eric Nassau & Friends
Main       2:35    Floorwalkers
Solar    4:00    Victoria Parks
Off Ramp   4:50    Harvest Kings
Gazebo    6:00    Mendelsonics
Off Ramp   6:25    Lost Revival
Main       7:55    Sean Carney
Gazebo    8:00    Donna Magavero
Main       8:55    Willie Phoenix
Off Ramp   9:05    Lydia Loveless

Sunday

Gazebo    11:00    The Ginger Lees
Gazebo    12:00    The Spike Drivers
Gazebo    1:00    Tim Easton / MSGers
Off Ramp   4:00    The Dirty Flaggs
Off Ramp   4:45    Bicentenial Bear
Main       4:50    Mary Adam 12
Jazz       4:50    Jen Miller
Off Ramp   5:35    Yellow Light Maybe
Gazebo    7:00    Megan Palmer
OffRamp    7:15    Wet Darlings

I'll save my bitching and complaining about the bad music selections this year until after the event.

Random Links ... or RBOL as Pretty In Orange calls them

2011-05-30T23:56:00.000-05:00

So ... since I have too many of these to flood Facebook or Twitter with ... here's a Random Blog of Links: (title stolen from Angela!)

A bunch of bikers blocked those dumb God Hates Fags asshats in Missouri. Fuck, even the Ku Klux Klan is protesting those guys. I get the whole "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing ... but when you're lower on the hate ladder than the KKK, you're a serious bunch of douchebags.

Nope, says the good white senator saying President Obama only got elected "because he's black" ... adding "There's nothing racist about this ..." /facepalm ... pssst ... it is racist, because he's only half black, dumbass!

And combining the two posts ... can we go from a half-black president to a pretend biker one? "“There’s no better way to see D.C. than on the back of a Harley!"

Meanwhile, while President Obama was giving an address to the blown-away bastards in Joplin, Missouri, the distinguished staff at Faux News was very much concerned if the president was chewing gum. That really bothers me as a former journalist. I real journalist would have at least asked what kind. Fucking amateurs.

I bet my friend David Knudtz would watch hockey if you could turn your stick into a lightsaber. Take that, Jumbo!

Somebody better call Undercover Brother. Nobody messes with the 'fro!

I think I'd still read comic books if they'd swap genders more often.

And finally ... anyone need some Dragon's Blood or Unicorn Liver? You need to shop here.

Red Wanting Blue - 5/212011 Photos posted

2011-05-24T01:42:00.002-05:00

Red Wanting Blue - 05/21/2011 - House of Blues.

because it's so easy :D

Who's ready for a five-month PARTY?

2011-05-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

Red Wanting Blue - The World Is Over

So, according to the experts at FamilyRadio.com ... we're all gonna start to either be in heaven or walking hell on earth on Saturday about 6 p.m. in your time zone ... so I figured I'd share one of my favorite Red Wanting Blue song off "These Magnificent Miles" and give you some words of wisdum from the good people of Family Radio ...

"Only recently, through careful study of information found in the Bible, we now know the precise timeline of the world’s history, from the creation year of 11,013 BC to Christ's return on May 21, 2011 to the final destruction of the world on October 21, 2011. By God's grace and tremendous mercy, He is giving us advanced warning as to what He is about to do. On Judgment Day, May 21st, 2011, this 5-month period of horrible torment will begin for all the inhabitants of the earth. It will be on May 21st that God will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. Death will be everywhere. " - familyradio.com

So, with that in mind, let's all party like we're gonna die, eh? As for me, I'll be enjoying the weekend with Sarah ... hanging out Friday night, Red Wanting Blue at the House of Blues on Saturday night; Pittsburgh Pirates game on Sunday afternoon ... that is, if she's still here with me after the rapture!

Now THAT is a weekend.

2011-05-08T22:12:00.001-05:00

Wow. I don't even know how to begin to define my weekend.

Let's just say ... sometimes ... you might wish you were me.

Friday - drinks with friends and Sarah at a bar with hockey AND sound with a vegan lesbian roller-derby-girl bartender next to a guy from Detroit. Was fun until they took the lead with 97 seconds left.

Saturday - Slept in, then went to see a movie with Sarah, had dinner, proposed, she said yes, spent the next hour staring at her ring, and then we hit the bar that has 1,500 types of beer and packed a 10-pack of varied beer to take home and had a couple of nice drafts before retiring for the evening.

Sunday - Woke up smiling ... went to the Pittsburgh Pirates game with Sarah and Aidan. They won. Yuengling on draft. I won. Sarah and Aidan got to run the bases after the game. Got home to filter through about 300 messages of congrats from our friends on Facebook.

We're all winners.

Friend FAQ questions ... answered

2011-05-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

So one of the bajillion Facebook apps is this thing called Friend FAQ where they ask you random questions about the people in your friends list that you may or may not know the answer to.

Then they tell your friend that "Someone answered a question about you. Find out what they said." without telling you who.

Or what they said.

You can merely find out the question and the answer, unless you collect (or purchase) 'coins' to unlock the answers.

Well, since I don't care much for what the general public thinks of me, as they don't know me ... I was curious about what the people who do (or allege to) know me would think ... so I decided to grade the 18 questions asked about me, to date. So here you go:

Do you think that Eric Broz is dumber than Jessica Simpson? No

Correct. And big ups to whoever said that. I'll buy you some sea chickens.

Do you think that Eric Broz is socially awkward? No

Correct ... and Wrong. My take: Split. There are times I'm insanely socially awkward, mostly involving asking a woman I find attractive for her name, let alone a date. Other times I'm the friendliest guy in the room.

Would Eric Broz make a good spouse?     Yes

My take: Hey, maybe the third time's a charm. Not going to count this as it's too subjective.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen money from their friends?     No

Correct. Money isn't a big issue with me. As for lending money to friends ... if you give a friend $20 and you never see him, or it, again, it was probably worth it.

Is Eric Broz's profile picture cute?     Yes

Thanks. My daughter's a excellent photographer! But I'm not grading this as it's subjective. I will say it's a good photo, though!

Do you think that Eric Broz is lazy?     No

Wrong. You've not seen me on weekends where I lay around, don't get dressed, and just scratch.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever played beer pong?     Yes

Wrong.. I've played lots of other drinking games though.

Do you think that Eric Broz is hyper? No

Correct ... although it really depends on the amount of Red Bull (mixed with Jagermeister) I've consumed.

Do you think that Eric Broz is a tree hugger?     No

Correct. Let's face it ... I have a tattoo of Eric Cartman. He, like, me hates hippies. Here's why: "“Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play Frisbee!”

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever failed a class?     No

Wrong. I have failed one class, twice Statistics. Twice. I changed my major to avoid taking Stats again. Two plus two is ALWAYS four. Fuck your probability.

Do you think that Eric Broz is a good friend?     Yes

Awwww, thanks ... but I'm not grading this as it's subjective. While I like to believe I'm a better friend than boyfriend ... that's for someone else to grade.

Do you think that Eric Broz is cute?     Yes

Awwww, thanks again ... and again, I'm not grading this category as it's subjective.

Do you think that Eric Broz would look good in tights?     Yes

Wrong. As far as you know. But if I did, they'd have to be pretty dark tights, and then it's a maybe at best. Sure, I have great legs, but they're hairy, and that never looks good in tights.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen from work?     No

Wrong. I once NEARLY had to testify, in federal court, that I did, indeed steal from work. It's a long story. I'll have to pull up what I wrote about it, when it happened, because it's rather funny, and yes, I would have had immunity to testify ... and it wasn't a big deal, really, just some copies (by some I mean about 2,000) and some enlargements (by some I mean about 100) when I worked for Kinko's. So it's not like I was dipping from the til or carting off computers.

Do you think that Eric Broz likes chick flicks?     Yes

Correct, dammit, now the secret's out. Well, except for anything starring Michelle Phiffer (anyone see the steaming piles-of-shit "Story of Us" and "White Oleander" ever want to see her 'act' again? Me either.) Oh, and anything with boiled horse-face Sarah Jessica Parker. You know why she and Matthew Broderick had kids with a surragate? His sperm are way too smart survive in that womb. When they saw it wasn't tonsils, they hit the self-destruct button.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever used steroids?     No

Wrong. NO? he shouted in a Chris-Beniot-style ROID RAGE FIT ... WITH A BODY LIKE THIS? HELL YEAH I'VE HAD THE JUICE ... (Actually, seriously, I did. But it was for a brief time. And prescribed. To help heal.

Do you think that Eric Broz watches porn?     Yes

Correct! As my ex-wife said to me once, when I asked, sarcastically, if there was porn on the internet ... "There's even some you haven't seen."

Do you think that Eric Broz can throw a football with a spiral?     Yes

Correct! You're darn tootin' on that one. Like, every year, I sit around and wait to be drafted, but the phone call never comes. I think it's the knees. Not because I'm old and fat and stopped playing organized football after one year. They just don't know talent.

Final Score:

7 Correct

6 Wrong

4 Not answered as they were subjective, not factual

1 That goes both ways because I am both sides of that question.

So ... better than expected, but there are things about me most of you don't know (such as the whole stealing from work thing and that I lay around and scratch myself sometimes on weekends.

No one can save us ... from Kim the waitress

2011-05-05T02:50:00.000-05:00

A long time ago, in a galaxy not too far from where I live now, I had quite a rather funny and unexpected crush that was based kind of on a song that turned into a relationship that ended in one of those full-fledged WTF Just Happened story that somehow seems to populate my life.

After coming back from living in the Virgin Islands, I went back to the newspaper I was working for for a bit, then had a falling out with the new managing editor. Being young and stupid, it was entirely my fault. Long story short ... the boss is the boss for a reason. Listen to what she tells you. Do what she asks. Keep getting your paycheck. Wasn't illegal, immoral or ethically questionable, I was just being stupid. And I got fired.

Which lead me to the world of Les Nessman ... I got into radio news. My ex-wife had a job once where their receptionist referred to me as "The Voice" when I called, and lets be honest, I do have the perfect face for radio, and the nose of a news reporter who knows how to ask the hard questions, so I was ideally set for a fine career in radio. But that's not the story here.

Being young and poor, I had two jobs and I worked weird hours ... was doing radio news from 5 a.m. to Noon, I'd have lunch, then go home and sleep for a bit. Five nights a week I'd bartend from 7 p.m. to close (2:30), then clean the bar, hit Perkins for breakfast, go home, shower, change clothes and hit the radio station to start the cycle all over again. Apply, lather, rinse, repeat. One of the places I used to go for lunch was this little deli in downtown Warren that featured old style move themes, with meals named after what they ate in classic films of the 30's and 40's ... Breakfast at Tiffany's was a meal that featured what they ate, they had Bogart and Bacall burgers, stuff like that.

And a really hot waitress named Kim.

Who I was digging muchly. Mostly because she was a hot blue-eyed redhead with a great rack and heart-shaped ass. And kinda because of a Material Issue song called "Kim The Waitress" from the Freak City Soundtrack that was a great album that was out about the time I first walked in there. But she had pursed lips and tender hips, and they were turning in my head, as the song goes.

I should have taken that as a warning. I didn't. As Warren Zevon once said, "I went home with a waitress, they way I always do." My first wife was a waitress when we were married, I'd dated a couple of waitresses or servers since we separated, and Kim was the last that was an actual waitress when we dated. But anyway ... no one can save us from Kim the waitress, as the song goes, she always turns me on.

Anyway ... I'd always ask for her section and we always would talk about all sorts of things. She was smart. And pretty. Oh so pretty. And that bothers me in places below the belt! But I didn't think I stood a ghost of a chance with her. All of which matched up to the song. Especially the second verse:

"Sometimes she comes with coffee
Leaning over, pouring
I'd like to gently pull her to me
Kiss her, with no warning
Seeing her some sunny Sunday morning"

Me being me, and the flirt, I kept talking to her, asking about her, what she did, what she liked, all the things that a guy does when flirting. And she'd flirt back. If it was slow she's sit beside, me, not across from me. And when she found out that I worked for the radio station around the corner, she said she listened every day. People say they listen/watch/read to anyone who's on that air or in print, but it's a common courtesy ... most of the time it's pandering. She started quoting me lines I'd used on the air. Okay, I was impressed. I figure I'll ask her out. And I do.

So the day I finally asked her out, it was gangbusters. I asked her out, she said "how about this afternoon?" I said sure. At 26 I could go a day or three without sleep to spend time with her. The deli was a breakfast/lunch only place, so they closed at 2 and she was done at 2:30. So we talked. She got my number, I told her where I lived (it was above a business). She said she knew where it was, and would come over after work. She did. And started stripping as she walked in the room. It was mad monkey love for a couple of hours, then she got dressed, kissed me goodbye and said, "Let's do this again." No real first date ... no need to wine and dine her ... I'd show up for lunch, she'd just come over and we'd have sex. At 42, I pick that vibe up right away ... but being 26, I was semi-clueless.

The only thing we ever did together in public was doing the Reading for the Blind ... it was a community service thing she talked me into doing. We'd meet there and read the stories from the newspaper in a little studio that recorded them, put them on a phone bank for the blind to call in and listen. Again, this was 1994, the internet wasn't all it is today. That, lunchtime talks and sex was our entire 'relationship' ... and it was going on six or seven months. But the sex was good, so I was happy and didn't look beyond the here and now.

Again, being 26, I never put any relevance to us never going out, no dinner, no movie. She told me after the first time not to give her cards, or flowers, she didn't like them, and not to let on at work that we were an item as her boss didn't want the staff hooking up with customers because it was bad for business.

Yeah, again, all clues that today I'd say "Oh, well, I'm just a side project." But I wasn't all that smart back then. Until one day, about six or seven months after we first hooked up. I had a rare Saturday morning off from the radio station. So I went home after going out with friends (didn't bartend the Friday night shift, ever), woke up about 10 a.m., grabbed the newspaper, and headed over to a little diner for breakfast because they had killer omelets. And I used to work there as a dishwasher, so I knew the family that ran it. I thought about calling her

This was before cell phones were a commodity and readily available, back when the phone was something on the wall in your house, not in your pocket. But she and I never really talked on the phone. She'd call me when she was home. Said she was 'too busy' and I should just let her call me.

Again, all things I should have picked up on ... but didn't.

So, it's a nice sunny Saturday in May, I'm sitting at the diner reading the paper and enjoying both a fine cup of coffee and a Big Jack, I pause on the society section of the paper for some odd reason because a picture catches my eye. I stare at it and realize that I'm reading my alleged girlfriend's and certified sex friend's engagement announcement. How special.

I don't say anything on Monday when I see her for the Reading for the Blind. But I do invited her over Tuesday ... she shows up about 2:40, gets naked, we're having sex, she has no ring on, so I let the day play out. As we're done ... and she's getting dressed, I say, "Hey, I have something to show you." And hand her the announcement.

She looks me dead in the eye and says, "I never told you I had a boyfriend?" I said, "No." She then proceeds to tell me that they've been together for five years (she's 24), and he doesn't know anything about me. She called sessions with me as "going to the gym" and he never questioned it. She said she'd still like to come over because I was good in bed and fun to talk to. While both of those are compliments, at 26, I wasn't looking for a sometimes sex thing ... I wanted it all. So I ended it with her.

The worst part ... I really missed the Bogart burger.

"Kim The Waitress" ~ Material Issue

Pursed lips and tender hips
Turning, in my head
Writing poems in a corner booth
That I'd die, if she read
Seeing her in but a silver cross
Lying on her bed

No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Nobody can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Always turns me on

Sometimes she comes with coffee
Leaning over, pouring
I'd like to gently pull her to me
Kiss her, with no warning
Seeing her some sunny Sunday morning

No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Nobody can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Always turns me on

She doesn't come around anymore
And that bothers me
And that bothers me
Yeah, it bothers me

Though I don't stand a ghost of a chance with her
She's pretty (and that bothers me)
So pretty (and that bothers me)
And it bothers me

No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
No one can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Nobody can save us
From Kim The Waitress
Always turns me down

No one can save us
No one can save us
Nobody can save us

Song of the Day - For Kurt Cobain

2011-04-05T12:02:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I was never a fan. I don't really care what kind of feedback this gets, or who bitches and complains. My blog, my point of view.

At one point back in my troll days, I actually got the Nirvana board shut down (and my account cancelled) for startinga huge flame wary by posting a parody of "All Apologies" with the PS: It turns out he did have a gun, after all.

Here's what I wrote:

No Apologies - A Parody

What else could I do?
Blew my head in two
What else could I say?
Irrelevant anyway.
What else could I write?
It's all rather trite.
How else to be sure?
Assume room temperature.

On the porch
In the sun
I pulled out a shotgun
In the sun
In the sun
BLAM!
Now I'm Buried!

I wish I was like you
Still breathing too
You'll find more of my skull
Painted up there on the wall

I'll take all the blame
Could not handle the fame
Ran out of drugs and songs
One blast will right my wrongs

On the porch
In the sun
I pulled out a shotgun
In the sun
In the sun
BLAM!
Buried!

Now I'm buried
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

All I am is all worm food (repeat til fade)

The Sound of Sneezing ... a song parody

2011-03-25T11:36:00.001-05:00

Once again I'm destroying a great 60's song with one of my weird-ass brain farts. Sorry, Paul Simon ...

The Sound of Sneezing

Hello head cold, my old friend
You've come to infect me again
Because of you I'm always sneezing
My nose is stuffy I'm not sleeping
And the virus that was planted in my body

Leaves me snotty
And brings the sound of sneezing

In restless sleep I toss until
I get knocked out by the NyQuil
Beneath the soft glow of the TV
That big sneeze you heard was all me
My nose is stuffed
and my eyes are watering too
All I hear is "Bless you"
Amongst the sound of sneezing

And in the grocery store I saw
Ten thousand remedies maybe more
All I hear is me sneezing
Breathing through my nose is just wheezing
My ears are clogged

And my tissues are snot-logged
All I hear is the sound of sneezing

"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Head colds like a cancer grow."
Avoid my sneeze is what I teach you
So droplet particulates will not reach you
And wash your hands with hot water and soap

Don't be a dope
Or you'll echo the sound of sneezing

And now I humbly bow and pray
To the green liquid that Vicks made
As my nose gives me a warning
Another big sneeze it is forming
And the words of the prophets are written on the bottle side.

A font both bold and wide:
A NyQuil coma will silences the sound of sneezing.

Inside The Death Star

2011-03-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone was wondering ...

Compiled by Car Insurance Guide and Geeks are Sexy | Picture hosted on imgur

Polar Bear Plunge for Cancer

2011-02-15T02:39:00.000-05:00

So ... I decided to embark on a fund-raiser ... I'm going to do a Polar Bear Plunge into the icey waters of Lake Milton to raise money for the American Cancer Society.

The goal is $100 per person ... I kicked my campaign off with a $25 donation, then decided to test the website with a $5 donation (because I'm an IT Nerd like that and have to test a link before I can recommend it).

So ... that being said ... I have 19 days to raise $70 ... who's with me? Click here to donate!

And if you're interested in watching, March 5th at Lake Milton is where the plunging will be happening.

And yeah, I'll be wearing nothing more than a swim suit and sneakers (because it's a long, cold walk to the water ... shoes are needed!)

Facts about Farting

2011-02-13T18:07:00.000-05:00

Well, as a guy who is lactose intolerant and loves dairy products, I'm often gassy. And sometimes, my deflation is legendary in both the sound and the length.

Being a guy who likes to do his research, I stumbled upon a long-lost Q&A about farts from a long-dead forum I used to be part of. No idea who the original author was, but here are some interesting facts about farts:

What makes farts stink?

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?

(Question submitted by many, many people!) Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm.

Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the notorious, warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a good sound, but excelling in stench.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

(Question submitted by SteF) Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever. Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car.

These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it starts to smell?

Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them.

Is it true that some people never fart?

No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart? (Question submitted by Mermaid2006)

Yes most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender. I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart? (Submitted by David)

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.

What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence.

Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?

No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be po isoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much.

How long would it be possible to not fart? (Question submitted by Ineed69too)

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans- Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!

Do all people fart in their sleep? (Question submitted by MrBlack)

I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon awakening.

Where do farts go when you hold them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.

How can one cover up a fart? (Question submitted by Mouseweed)

There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill. As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart.

If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart. CJT addresses the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!" Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can.

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is no more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter. There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon.

Why is possible to burn farts?

Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.) Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow flame.

credit given to original author if known

Song of the Day

2011-02-09T18:43:00.000-05:00

"Enjoy Yourself"

~ Todd Snider

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink.
The years go by, as quickly as a wink.
Enjoy yourself, Enjoy yourself,
It's later than you think.

You work and work
For years and years
You're always on the go.
You never take a minute off,
Too busy making dough.
Someday, you say, you'll have your fun
When you're a millioniare.
Imagine all the fun you'll have
In some old rocking-chair.

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink.
The years go by, as quickly as a wink.
Enjoy yourself, Enjoy yourself
It's later than you think.

You're gonna take that ocean trip
No matter come what may.
You got your reservations
But you just can't get away.
Next year, for sure, you'll see the world,
You'll really get around;
But how far can you travel
When you're six feet underground?

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink.
The years go by, as quickly a as wink.
Enjoy yourself, Enjoy yourself
It's later than you think.

Get out and see the world...

You worry when the weather's cold,
You worry when it's hot.
You worry when you're doing well,
You worry when you're doing not.
It's worry, worry all of the time,
You don't know how to laugh.
They'll think of something funny
When they write your epitaph.

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink.
The years go by, as quickly as wink.
Enjoy yourself, Enjoy yourself
It's later than you think.

Facts about the human body

2011-02-07T13:38:00.000-05:00

1. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

2. There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows).

3. The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.

4. The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

5. The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime.

6. There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

7. Men get hiccups more often than women.

8. Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of “Lorne Greene’s Animal Kingdom”.

9. Life expectancy for Russian men has actually gone down over the past 40 years. A Russian male born today can expect to live an average 58 years.

10. In 1985, the most popular waist size for men’s pants was 32. In 2003, it’s 36.

11. Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

12. In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.

13. Newest trend in the Netherlands: Tiny jewels implanted directly into the eye.

14. A British gymnast survived a fall from a fourth story window because he went into a somersault and came down on two feet.

15. Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen in Houston turned to vitro fertilization. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl’s womb, and both of them split. Sheryl gave birth to two sets of identical twins at once.

16. In 1991, the average bra size in the United States was 34B. Today it’s 36C.

17. The average North Korean 7-year-old is almost three inches shorter than the average South Korean 7-year-old.

18. Every year, 2700 surgical patients go home from the hospital with metal tools, sponges, and other objects left inside them. In 2000, 57 people died as a result of these mistakes.

19. We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

20. Pain is measured in units of “dols”. The instrument used to measure pain is a “dolorimeter”.

21. The Amish a diet high in meat, dairy, refined sugars and calories. Yet obesity is virtually unknown among them. The difference is since they have no TVs, cars or powered machines, they spend their time in manual labor.

22. As of January 1, 2004, the population of the United States increases by one person every 12 seconds. There is a birth every eight seconds, an immigrant is added every 25 seconds, but a death every 13 seconds.

23. Astronauts cannot burp in space. There is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

24. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

25. Fidgeting can burn about 350 calories a day.

26. Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.

27. A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

28. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

29. In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

30. The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the “circle of Willis” looks like a stick person with a large head.

31. Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

32. A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

33. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

34. Your nose and ears never stop growing.

35. It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.

36. Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.

37. Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

38. As you age, your eye color gets lighter.

39. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

40. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

41. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

42. One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

43. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

44. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

45. The average person laughs 15 times a day.

UFC 126: My Predictions

2011-02-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

UFC 126 is tonight on Facebook, Spike TV and finally the main event pay-per-view. As with most UFC bouts, I'll be at BW3 in Austintown if you wanna stop down, but come early if you want a seat.

Here's the lineup card, starting with the prelims first and continuing through the main card. I judge myself by with two points per bout: One for the winner, the other for the type of victory. I don't see a lot of these fights going the distance, which is good for fans.

That being said, here are my picks for tonight:

Mike Pierce vs Kenny Robertson

Pierce beat Brock Larson and nearly beat John Fitch ... but he was overweight at the weigh-ins and had to cut additional weight, so that may hurt him. I'm still thinking Pierce is the stronger fighter, I just wonder how much the additional cut will hurt him.

My pick: Pierce, KO

Kyle Kingsbury vs Ricardo Romero

Romero's a better wrestler, Kingsbury (9-2) has a good submission game, but a weak chin. Romero by TKO in what will probably be the biggest ground fight of the night. Romero's 11-1 with six submissions and four KO's, so he's a finisher; five of Kingsbury's 11 fights have gone to the judges.

My Pick: Romero, TKO.

Paul Taylor vs. Gabe Ruediger

Taylor knows how to kick up the excitement and I think he's going to make Rudiger wish he was back in the TUF house eating cake. He looked thin at the weigh-in whereas Taylor looked very natural.

My Pick: Taylor, KO.

Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto vs Demetrious Johnson

This fight will be streamed live on Facebook (if you're a fan or UFC on Facebook it's free) and features the debut of Kid Yamamoto, one of the most popular fighters in Japanese MMA with a record of 18-3 with one no contest. He loves the knockout, and I see him getting KO victory 14 against an overmatched Johnson.

My Pick: Kid Yamamoto, KO.

Michihiro Omigawa vs Chad Mendes

This fight will be live on Spike, again for free. I see Omigawa cleaning the cage with Mendes ... Mendes has heart, is a good wrestler and undefeated, and he's been in some battles, but Omigawa's fighting for his UFC life. He looked good at the weighins and has changed up his training routine to work his judo and striking better in the cage, which is why he's the fourth-ranked featherweight in MMA.

My Pick: Omigawa, decision

Donald Cerrone vs Paul Kelly

Also on the Spike Prelims Show, this is going to be our first real fight where the fighter who makes the first mistake will wind up asking "What happened?" after waking up, either from a Cerrone knockout or Kelly submission.

My Pick: Cerrone, KO

Miguel Torres vs Antonio Banuelos

The first PPV fight of the card is going to get fans up and excited to kick off the main card. If you've never seen Torres fight, you have missed some of the most intense action from the WEC. Sure, he's little (135 pound bantumweight division), but he's a buzzsaw. Great strikes, good wrestling. Torres (38-3) has ended 82% of his fights (9 knockouts, 23 submissions), while Benuelos has left it up to the judges in half of his 24 fights (he's 18-6 overall)

My Pick: Torres, KO

Jake Ellenberger vs Carlos Eduardo Rocha

I'm not much a fan of either of these guys, but one this is for sure ... they both come to throw, so this will be fast and furious. I think Ellenberger has the edge in striking and wrestling.

My Pick: Ellenberger, KO

Ryan Bader vs Jon Jones

Great staredowns rarely lead to great fights, but these two have been on a collision course since Jones came to the UFC and started dominating people and Bader blew up the Ultimate Fighter house before winning Season 8. Both fighters are unbeaten, and everyone who watched the DQ loss to Mark Hamill knows how dominant Jones was in that fight, and how he's been cleaning out the division. Bader has a 10-inch reach disadvantage to overcome, but if he does that, there's still the viscious elbows of Jones to deal with.

My Pick: Jones, KO

Forrest Griffin vs Rich Franklin

Two guys who love to fight get to fight. To see who's better. That's MMA. It's going to be fun and it's going to be exciting. Griffin needs a win to get back on the horse; Franklin can continue his impressive streak of beating everyone NOT named Anderson Silva.

My Pick: Franklin, KO; but we all win watching this fight.

Vitor Belfort vs Anderson Silva

Silva's due to fall. Sonnen exposed some holes in his game. Belfort is a tattical striker who finds the holes in everyone's game and hits you hard and fast. If his straight left catches Silva, look for a finish. But never bet against the spider is the rule, right?

My Pick: Belfort, KO.

Check back next week to see how I did.

Dear eMusic ... I'm sorry, we're breaking up

2011-01-28T19:33:00.002-05:00

Look, I know we've had a great relationship for going on five years now, and I know that we've both changed in that time, but after today's visit, I'm afraid I don't know you anymore.

It really comes down to the money. I used to get a lot of bang for my buck with you. In fact, when I started, we're talking songs were as low as 17 cents ... based on how I purchased and paid ... and there were lots of other options.

Lots of great music at cheap prices ... albums as low as $3.00 and exclusive tracks that nobody else had, not to mention that there were bands that nobody else had in a digital format.

Then, as you grew, you got more expensive .. but you were still the best bargain around ... even at 40 or 50 cents, you were great. Your catalog was expanding, your exclusive tracks and impressive collections of whole discographies were amazing to me.

Then you had to big-time us.

Adding Columbia and RCA and all sorts of major labels that, quite frankly, none of us wanted. As a bunch of introverts who would stare at our own shoes, mixed with the occasional extrovert who stared at other people's shoes, we wanted our indie rock legal, and cheap.

We wanted Ryan Adams, not Bryan Adams. Bruce Cockburn, not Bruce Springsteen.

The final straw, though, was switching from download credits to actual cash ... I'd rather get my 30 credits at 50 cents a month than a flat out $12 dollars and 89 cent songs.

You've become Amazon without the selection. iTunes without the iPod. I see you heading down the same road as the download services once offered by WalMart and Sony and Napster ... you went from a niche player that ruled your market to the smallest fish in your pond.

And I'm taking my tackle box and leaving. Good luck to you.

Take That, Spawn of the Smiths!

2011-01-25T16:56:00.001-05:00

(click on the picture for full effect)

Song of the Day

2011-01-08T05:24:00.000-05:00

"What Love Was"

~Kate York

So you stopped the rain
And you turned the spout
And you took the sun
And your wrung it out
So it falls on me
When I'm in this place
And I'm overwhelmed
With this life to face

'Cause I didn't know what love was
No I didn't have a clue
No I didn't know what love was
'Til I found you

Then I could only dream
Of things to come
To be so sure
But to come undone
Cause it starts so small
Like scattered blue
Then it pierce the skin
Now it runs me through

'Cause I didn't know what love was
No I didn't have a clue
No I didn't know what love was
'Til I found you

And I leaping flame
that was once it spark
and It swallowed up
And now it pierce the dark
And I leaping flame
that was once it spark
and It swallowed up
And now it pierce the dark

'Cause I didn't know what love was
No I didn't have a clue
No I didn't know what love was
'Til I found you

My 'other' 2010 wap-up

2011-01-08T03:39:00.000-05:00

RANDOM:

Stayed single the whole year?
No. Fell in love with an amazing woman :D

Were involved in something you'll never forget?
Absolutely ... several things!

Dyed your hair?
Yeah. I l thought I looked to old to date her ... she said she'd break up with me if I ever dyed it again.

Came close to losing your life?
We're all day-to-day.

Saw one of your favorite bands live?
Many of them. And often.

FRIENDS:

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Absolutely

Did you hate anyone?
No. When you hate someone you give them a piece of you that you never get back.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
Nope. Actually reconnected with a couple of great people that were previous regrets.

BIRTHDAY:

Did you have a cake?
No

Did you have a party?
No

Did you get any presents?
A kick-ass stick-figure video from my daughter. And that's better than presents.

YOU:

Did you change at all this year?
A few things. For the better.

Did you change your style?
I have style?? Actually, I started working at home in September, which has seriously reduced the number of days a week I wear pants.

Were you in school?
School of life

Did you get good grades?
I'm still living.

Did you have a job?
Yeah, and I worked far too many hours.

Did you drive?
Yes! Lots of places.

Did you own a car?
Yes. Ivy ... the pine green Saturn with the "Chewie Is My Co-Pilot" bumper sticker.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but I have two great friends who will have babies in 2011.

Would you change anything about yourself now?
Can't change what's happened. Why worry about it?

MORE:

Was 2010 a good year?
2010 was a very good year

Do you think 2011 will top 2010?
Yep

Kissed in the rain?
Yes. Comfest. With Sarah!

Had your heart broken?
No

Done something you've regretted?
No ... I don't regret, I evolve.

Painted a picture?
No

Wrote a poem?
Yes

Ran a mile?
No. Walked 2.5 miles a couple of times. Rode my bicycle 1.8 miles quite a few days. And other days rode it 21 miles.

Visited a foreign country?
No.

Cut in a line of waiting people?
Yeah, but I'm gangsta like that. I was in and out of Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve twice without ever having stood behind anyone in line.

Told someone you were busy when you weren't?
Ask me about my crippling social anxiety

Cooked a disastrous meal?
Yes. Had a recipe for something in an 8x8 pan and made it in my 9x9. It pretty much sucked.

Lied about how old you were?
No.

Disappointed someone close?
Yes. But was to take it back, as we learned from "The Green Mile"

Hid a secret?
No. I was seriously honest and open with somethings in my life that had been hidden secrets for far too long and it really felt good to get over them and move on.

Pretended to be happy?
Nope.

Slept under the stars?
Nope. I have sleep apnea. Camping means we have to have power.

Kept your new years resolution?
Don't make them.

Forgot your new years resolution?
Don't make them.

Pretended to be sick?
Sick days are vacation days, too

Lost something expensive?
No. But I did burn out some sectors on my iPod screen.

Learned something new about yourself?
Absolutely

Stayed up til sunrise?
Yes.

Cried over the silliest thing?
Yeah, but I always cry when I see babies born.

Spent most of your money on food?
Depends on your definition of food.

Had a fist fight?
No ... but there are several I'd like to punch in the face.

Gotten sick?
Yes.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time?
No.

Wrapping up 2010 with 50 Questions

2011-01-08T03:14:00.001-05:00

So here's my End-O-Year Roundup. Last time I ddi this was for 2006. So, if you're a blogger, fill this out yourself.

1. Was 2010 a good year for you?
It was a very good year.

2. What was your favorite moment of the year?
Falling in love. And realizing it before I let her get away.

3. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The hours I worked.

4. Where were you when 2010 began?
Playing Apples To Apples with my daughter and some great friends.

5. Who were you with?
Cammi, Cindy, Mark, Alex, Donna and a bunch of other kids.

6. Where were you when 2010 ended?
In Columbus at a New Year's Eve bash that featured lots of friends, a gang fight, gunshots in the parking lot and kicking off 2011 with the love of my life!

7. Who were you with when 2010 ended?
All sorts of friends who I won't name or tag to protect the guilty, but Sarah was there so my 2011 started off super!

8. Did you keep your new years resolution of 2010?
I don't make resolutions.

9. Do you have a new years resolution for 2011?
No, as I said, I don't make resolutions. Here's why

10. Did you breakup with anyone in 2010?
Sarah. Because I'm stupid like that. Luckily she took my dumb ass back!

11. Did you make any new friends in 2010?
A whole shitload. I'm social like that.

12. Who are your favorite new friends?
Favorite friends? What are we, in high school? (Okay, Sarah, Amber, Megan, Brian, Mike N, Mike J, Jen R and most of the rest of the new friends I made!)

13. What were your five favorite moments of 2010?

1. March. Met Sarah. Nuff said. My daughter turned 12 and my friends are seeing how much like me she is now that she's on Facebook and cracking them up, too.
2. May. Sarah kissed me for the first time. And stole my heart.
3. June. Sarah and I went to a lesbian wedding in Cincinnati and a Pirates game in Pittsburgh the same weekend and followed that up with our first Comfest the next weekend.
4. October. Vacation with Sarah and Aidan when we spent my birthday weekend hitting Delaware, Maryland and Virginia with my daughter and Aidan got to visit his first lighthouse.
5. December. Getting back together with Sarah after getting over some serious personal bullshit I needed to deal with.

14. Did you travel outside of the USA in 2010?
Nope. I'm getting xenophobic in my old age. I'd rather explore what greatness our country has to offer.

15. How many different states did you travel to in 2010?
Seven. PA, WV, MD, VA, KY, NY, DE

16. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2010?
No, I don't think I did. A couple of friends, they're alive, but we're not friends anymore. Which isn't always a bad thing.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year?
No. I'm a heartless bastard. (Yes, of course, everyone misses someone, so I'll pick Mary!)

18. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2010?
Zombie Women of Satan

19. What was your favorite song from 2010?
"Fuck You" - Cee-Lo Green and "You Were Always The One" - Patrick Park

20. What was your favorite new album from 2010?
Two Cow Garage "Sweet Saint Me"

21. How many concerts did you see in 2010?
Hahahahaha. No idea. Lots. Lots. Lots.

22. Did you have a favorite concert in 2010?
Madison Square Gardeners at Rhumba when Aaron basically fell into my arms during a guitar solo. That was kick ass. Sarah had never seen me in Rock-Out mode until that night.

23. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2010?
Depends on your definition of a lot. I'll say I drank more than some and less than others.

24. What was your favorite joke from 2010?
A Tennessee couple, David and Rebecca Kosmitis, both self-admitted rednecks have nine children. They went to their family doctor to see about getting David 'fixed.' The doctor asked why after nine children they decided to get this procedure done. David replied that they had heard on the Glenn Beck show that one out of every 10 children being born in the United States was Mexican and they didn't want to risk having a Mexican baby because neither of them spoke Spanish.

25. What was your favorite photo you took in 2010?
Jim Stratton of Gingerspittz that I shot at at VexFest.

26. What was your favorite party of 2010?Probably me, the night I crashed the Women's Only dance at live music trivia at O'Donalds. It also involved me throwing my Chicago Blackhawks jersey on backwards to dance to Kriss Kross's "Jump" and forgetting my friend Brian was there when I saw him a couple of days later. Sadly, NOBODY got video of that event. Luckily, I wasn't driving.

27. What was your favorite holiday of 2010?
St. Patrick's Day. Kegs and Eggs at 5:30 with Natalie & Pat followed by all sorts of fun, a nap, and a return to hang out with Leslie. And again, luckily, I wasn't driving.

28. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2010?
Nothing illegal.

29. How many people did you kiss in 2010?
I don't kiss and tell, but Sarah was the best and most fun to kiss!

30. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Nope. If I'm gonna do - or say - something, I'm not going to second guess, regret, wallow or feel shamed after.

31. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2010?
I don't like movies.

32. Did you treat somebody badly in 2010?
Depends on your point of view. He probably thinks so.

33. Did somebody treat you badly in 2010?
Again, depends on your point of view. I think I was treated fairly this year by the lack of "Dear (person/place/business), Fuck You. No, seriously, fuck you." blogs. But I was tempted. (See #32)

34. How much money did you spend in 2010?
(Checks W2 to see how much money he made in 2010. Checks bank account. Yep, about that much).

35. What was your proudest moment of 2010?
Getting over some serious personal bullshit that has been holding me back in relationships for a long time.

36. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010?
Answering the door at home (and nobody but Sarah ever visits me) to find a pollster asking me to sign a petition, then saying "Well, with that shirt I doubt you'd be interested." For the record, I was wearing a shirt that says "I shaved my balls for this?"

37. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2010 and change it what would it be?
I can't, so why bother ... but maybe signing her petition anyway.

38. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier. Much happier.

39. Compared to this time last year, are you thinner or fatter?
About the same, really

40. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer?
About the same.

41. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Wow, I did so much in 2010 than I've ever done I really can't answer this.

42. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Been an ass.

43. What was your favorite TV program?
Flash Forward.

44. What was the best book you read?
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

45. What was your greatest musical discovery?
British Sea Power.

46. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Casual ... or well, since I work at home now, pantless.

47. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Same as the past 20 years - Julia Fordham.

48. What political issue stirred you the most?
How shitty the media is. Or our new governor overlord killing high speed rail in Ohio.

49. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
You can't change the past. So pack it away and move forward.

50. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"You shot through my anger and rage
To show me my prison was just an open cage
There were no keys no guards
Just one frightened man and some old shadows for bars"
Bruce Springsteen - "Living Proof"

Song of the Day

2010-12-30T03:47:00.000-05:00

"Before You" ~ Chantal Kreviazuk

Baby, before you
Well, I was bad news
In lettin' me love you
I think I can get through

Oh, baby before you
Well, I was so scared
I was a train wreck waitin' to happen
On the way to nowhere

And now I think it's kinda funny that you say you love me
You tell me that I'm crazy then you smile

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Bein' a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
And now I think I'll get through

Now honey around you
I'm feelin' so good
'Cause you picked me up out of the rough
And you polished me up and made me brand new

And baby before you, ho ho
There was just a black hole
Yeah I was beat down, blacked out
My darling you couldn't even know

But ever since I met you on a cloudy Monday
I can't believe how much I love the rain

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Life as a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
Now I think I'll get through

Ever since I met you on a cloudy Monday
I can't believe how much I love the rain

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Life as a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
Now I think I'll get through

Oh ... ho ...
Now I think I'll get through
Oh ....
Now I think I'll get through
Oh ... ho ...
And now I think I'll get through

And now I think I'll get through
Oh, and now I think I'll get through
Oh, and now I think I'll get through

My Favorite Albums of 2010

2010-12-26T01:23:00.001-05:00

#1 without a doubt and no, it wasn't even close ... my favorite album of 2010:

Two Cow Garage - Sweet Saint Me

Once again, this band blows me away by constantly and consistently upgrading the quality of their music. 2010 was a HUGE year for this band from Columbus, Ohio ... from bassist Shane Sweeney discovering the joys of fatherhood to Micah Schnabel releasing a solo album (see "When The Stage Lights Go Out" below for more on that) to blowing up SXSW and leading an impromptu parade through Comfest and two tours that crossed the country, these boys were never home. Now that the line-up is complete and they've been playing together for two complete albums now, Cody Smith (drums) and Andy Schell (keyboards) round out the amazing sound of the fifth full-length release from the best band you've probably never heard of.

Highlights: Jackson, Don't You Worry; Sweet Saint Me; What Dying Is For; Brothers In Arms

The rest of the Top 10 ... in no particular order:

The Madison Square Gardeners - Taste The Thunder & Tune It Up, Dime It Out

Released as two separate EP's in 2010, the six-track "Taste The Thunder" and the five-song "Tune It Up, Dime It Out" make a terrific 43-minute trek through the greatness of this band. Aaron Tasjan's lryics continue to grow and I'd listen to Rich Hinnan play me anything on that slide lap steel guitar he has. They're spending December recording new tunes and playing a residency at Rockwood 2 in New York City; and I can't wait to hear what goodness comes out of these sessions.

Highlights: Blessing; Shoe Gaze Band; Everybody's Girl; Cross The Line; Love's The Only Way

David Ford - Let The Hard Times Roll

My favorite troubador is back again with thirteen more tunes that have been in heavy rotation in my iTunes/iPod since earlier this summer. He's had some problems with his record companies seemingly closing up shop overnight, but continues to putting on shows, working his way across America and his native UK. The lyrics keep getting better, starting with the CD's first song, "Making Up For Last Time" and "Nothing At All" ... introspective, outlandish and socially commentary all at the same time. It's nice to see him continue to evolve and keep his fires burning.

Highlights: To Hell With The World; Making Up For Lost Time; Nothing At All; Hurricane

Semi-Precious Weapons - You Love You
I was hesitant to put this on here because it contains four previously releasedsongs from their two independent releases, but they're still opening for Lady Gaga, they're still delivering the glam and the glitz and showbiz to people who either love them or hate them. The new material is good, I really love "Leave Your Pretty To Me" ... in the words of frontman Justin Tranter, "The Midwest loves a fucking power ballad." Same with "Look At Me" ... but "Sticky With CHampagne" and "Statues of Ourselves" are just kick-ass fun tunes about living a rock-n-roll lifestyle on the glamours side of the tracks. Subtlety is not his strenth, so listener beware!

Highlights: Look At Me; Statues of Ourselves, Put A Diamond In It; Her Hair Is On Fire (2010)

Mary Chapin Carpenter - The Age of Miracles
I've been an MCC fan going on 20 years now (thanks, neighbor who turned me on to her) and am glad she continues to make great American music that's no longer classified as 'country' ... it's more folk, alt-countrish ... what we now call Americana. This 13-song collection features a lot of stripped down acoustic tracks that let her voice, and her lyrics, shine.

Highlights: I Have A Need For Solitude; We Traveled So Far; The Way I Feel; Zephyr.

Gaslight Anthem - American Slang
It's not as great as their first release, "The '59 Sound" ... but it still has been rocking my world. They're so throwback to when all you needed was three verses, a bridge, a catchy chorus and and a great hook and riff. This album brings all that. From the title track to "The Queen of Lower CHelsea" to "Old Haunts" .... there are tracks here that will stay with me my whole life. "I called for my father but my my father had died. And you told me fortunes in American slang." ... fucking genius.

Highlights: American Slang; We Did it When We Were Young; Queen of Lower Chelsea; Boxer

Chumbawamba - ABCDEFG
Say what you will about how tired you got of "Tubthumping" ... you still sing it. That was really NOTHING like the band is about (as the disappointing album sales to folks who love/loved that song show). I've played songs of this CD for people and they all say the same thing ... "I like this, who is it?" followed by "Really? I never would have guessed that." They're really rather mellow and fun to listen to. This album includes such fun songs as "Torturing James Hetfield" by forcing him to listen to their greatest hits album (to which Hetfield sings along); "Dance, Idiot Dance" and "The Same So-So Tune" ... none of which have any resemblance to "Tubthumping" ...

Highlights: Torturing James Hetfield; Dance, Idiot, Dance; Singing Out The Days; Missed

Cee Lo Green - The Lady Killer

I had no real desire to listen to this CD ... a friend asked me if it was on my pirate sites ... so I broke all sorts of international copyright laws and downloaded it for her. After I delivered said pirate CD she asked if I had listened to it .. I said "No, I'm not a fan of Gnarls Barkley." She gave me the STFU look and said, "You really need to listen to this." So I did. And then I decided that Cee Lo Green was the love child from an orgy of The Temptations, Gladys Night, Aretha Frankin, all the original members of Chicago, Earth Wind and Fire, and several members of the Pips. It's all sorts of 70's soul and the Motown sound mashed up with all that's good about today's rap/R&B that doesn't involve autotune. Yeah, I was floored.

Highlights: Fuck You; Satisfied; I want You; Fool For You; Wildflower

Victoria Vox - Exact Change
Step by step, left right left, this CD just hooked me with the multitude of hooks in songs, choruses, brigdes and verses in a way that no other album did in 2010. Victoria's approach to songs, songwriting, singing and performance blew me away when I saw her in Columbus. She's a blast to watch live for both the ukalele and mouth trumput. And she sings songs in French. Without surrendering to invading German armies.

Highlights: Oh I Wonder; Techinocolor Way; Make A Mess; Shake It Up; Shake It Up

Patrick Park - Come What Will
I don't know how or where this CD came into my collection ... all I know is it really blasted me out of some unhappy mindframes to some hapy mindframes. That's what I love about music .. that ability to transform my mood from shitty to perfect with just a guitar and some words. "You Were Always The One" is my song of the year for 2010 ... because ... well ... yeah ... it so fits my life and makes me smile. Because I found my one. And lost her. And found her again. So yeah ... when he sings this, I get it:

"Now mistakes it's true I've made more than a few
and I'm goin to make many others
And it's hard to see why we go through this sometimes
All the things that we do to each other
And I don't understand while I play these games and I trade the truth for lies
Cuz you're always the one I was looking for babe, it just took time to realize"

Highlights: You Were Always The One; You'll Get Over; Silence and Storm; Starry Night

Bonus CD: Emma Pollock - The Law of Large Numbers.

She's Scottish. She writes killer lyrics. She sings like she's chasing Satan back to hell to take over. She doesn't give a shit what you think. I wanna have her babies. That's why she gets the Bonus CD

Highlights: I Could Be A Saint; Letters To Strangers; House On The Hill; Hug The Piano

The Next Ten:

Doug Keith - The Lucky Ones
Dar Williams - Many Great Companions
Bookmobile - The New Patriot
British India - Avalanche
Ed Kowalczyk - Alive
Steven Page - Page One
Spoon - Transferrence
The Hold Steady - Heaven Is Whenever
Kings of Leon - Come Around Sundown
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Your mileage may vary. Tell me who I missed. Who I got wrong. And if your comment contains Eminem, Kanye West, Kid Rock or any other shit fuck suck-ass alleged musician I reserve the right to call in coordinated strategic nuclear strikes to kill you.

Song of the Day

2010-12-25T09:14:00.000-05:00

Now that's how you make the mall interesting! Well done, people.Merry Christmas, everyone.

I couldn't have said it better myself

2010-12-14T00:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Patrick Park ... get out of my head. Sincerely, ME

PS ... thanks for writing a song that made me realize what I had, and what I nearly lost. I love you, man!

You Were Always The One

~ Patrick Park

I've been stuck in my ways
I've been rollin through days
Always afraid that things might get better
I've been traveling down this road

Liven free I suppose
All the while feelin tired and tethered

And I don't understand while I play these games

And I trade the truth for lies
Cuz you're always the one I was looking for babe,

It just took time to realize

I've squandered away on the brightest of days
Always had trouble keeping on the level
And I made a big show of letting ya go
God knows I was some kind of devil

And I don't understand while I play these games

And I trade the truth for lies
Cuz you're always the one I was looking for babe,

It just took time to realize

It's the hardest thing by far,

To see who we are
And then let the whole thing go
And float like the leaves

And hang on the wind
Whichever way it blows

Now mistakes it's true I've made more than a few
And I'm goin to make many others
And it's hard to see why we go through this sometimes
All the things that we do to each other

And I don't understand while I play these games

And I trade the truth for lies
Cuz you're always the one I was looking for babe,

It just took time to realize

Song of the Day

2010-12-13T23:43:00.000-05:00

The first couple of time I heard this song I never really listened to it. Then, when I did, I was blown away. The writing of this band is amazing ... Greg Joseph, Scott Blasey, Rob James .. amazing. It's even better when you see them live and realize they just have fun playing music together .. and have ... for more than 20 years. It's a shame they never crashed corporate radio.

Train

~The Clarks

They grew up in the shadow of the armory
Land of freedom right out their back door
Brothers near the middle of the century
One of them had to go and fight the war
Somebody had to go and fight the war
And the train goes... woooooo

So he left upon the rails toward Ohiopyle
Youghiogheny flows around the bend
He told his mother someday he'd be coming home
The medals shine and the stars never end
But nobody counts on scars that never mend
And the train goes... woooooo

Cast iron wheels go hungry in the fields
Searching for that silver line a long, long way to go
Cast iron hearts go hungry for spare parts
Searching for a hand to hold on late night radio

He flew missions out of London into Germany
In letters she read once then locked away
With a picture of him smiling at the armory
The colors in that flag all washed away
It's just black and white and a hundred shades of gray
And the train goes...woooooo

That's the way it goes

Yo, Adrian!

2010-12-06T08:37:00.000-05:00

Well, once again I'm off to Philadelphia, City of Brothers on Drugs (to quote Spit, Choke & Puke Sports) for a week of all sorts of fun disaster recovery exercises.

And yes, that's sarcasm.

It's been a long time since I've NOT wanted to get in the car and go go go ... I guess that's what happens when you finally realize who and what matters in your life. All you want to do spend time in that world.

Needless to say, It's been a rather interesting six weeks in my world. Mentally and emotionally,I've been as low as I've ever been, and higher than I've ever imagined. I've confronted demons and dealt with angels. I've spent a lot of time digging through my past and I've cleaned out a lot of the clutter in my head and my heart that was holding me back from the happiness we all pursue. I've laughed. A lot. I've cried. A lot. And I've grown. A lot. And it's been very nice to know my friends are supportive, and for that, I'm appreciative. And I'm back on the happy side of life, and happier than any other time in my life, except that first time I held my daughter.

And, most importantly, I was able to share the things that have shaped me, wrongly or rightly, with an amazing woman who understands, who cares, who listens and who loves me like I've always wanted to be loved. I hope I can give her that same love in return. I plan on doing my best in that department.

I'm happy. And I like this happy. It's new to me. And I want to explore, expand and revel in it ... but sadly, at least for this week, t's time to hit the road. Bring on the cheesesteak!

(Dear Mary: Sorry there's no venom here. Oh, wait, I hate the Detroit Red Wings. With a passion. Satisfied now? :P )

Song of the Day

2010-12-05T10:16:00.000-05:00

You're My Home

~ Billy Joel

When you look into my eyes

and you see the crazy gypsy in my soul

it always comes as a surprise

when I feel my withered roots begin to grow.

Well I never had a place

that I could call my very own

but that's all right my love

cuz you're my home.

When you touch my weary head

and you tell me everything will be all right.

You say use my body for your bed

and my love will keep you warm throughout the night.

Well I'll never be a stranger

and I'll never be alone

wherever we're together

that's my home.

Home could be the Pennsylvania turnpike

Indiana's early morning dew

high up in the hills of California

home is just another word for you.

Well I never had a place that I could call my very own

but that's all right my love

cuz you're my home.

If I travel all my life

and I never get stop and settle down

long as I have you by my side

there's a roof above and good walls all around.

You're my castle, you're my cabin

and my instant pleasure dome.

I need you in my house

cuz you're my home,..

you're my home.

Song Of The Day

2010-11-26T10:04:00.001-05:00

Since I've been kind of on a sad-bastard run lately ... it's time to shake things up. Just saw this band on Wednesday and it really shook me out of the mood I've been in lately ... so enjoy some happiness, my friends!

"The Best Is Yet To Come"

~ Watershed

I know sometimes it seems we're slowing down to a stop
We don't know where we're going or appreciate what we've got
I've got a cheap guitar and a yard sale amp
All beat up, nothing broke just yet
And we both know, we're overdue, for some luck
And I got a feeling the best is yet to come

Suppose I figured out the whole damn thing a couple hours ago
It don't really matter where you've been
It's more about where you are going
The bad news is, you really messed up
But the good news is, we can fix things up
And I ain't buying that the good old days are done

And I got a feeling the best is yet to come

Take it on the chin wonderin' what might have been
We could blow it off
Maybe drink it off
And spend some time together... right

Don't forget they didn't knock you out
You're just sitting in a corner bleeding from your mouth

Still got a feeling, the best is yet to come

Alone On Thanksgiving, By Design

2010-11-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

[ PREFACE: This is not a passive/aggressive blog post aimed at getting me invited to holiday dinners at random people's houses / family events / commercial buffets, so please don't take it that way. It's merely a single guy reflecting on why sometimes he enjoys being single and alone for the holidays ... and why sometimes he doesn't. Get it? Got it? Good.]

My parents divorced when I was four. I have one older sister who was six, and a baby sister who was months old about the time the split happened, as far as I remember.

My Mom's parents were together for 55 years until her mom died in 1993.

My Dad's parents divorced before I was born. So I always had three sets of grandparents. And two sets of parents.

And a fiance and/or girlfriend from the time I was 15.

So that made four, five or six destinations for holidays like Thanksgiving. Depending on if my mom was with someone or not.

And I got so fucking tired of having to be at Point A and Time 1 and Point B and Time 2 and Point C and Time 3 and so on and so on ... when I became an adult, I picked on place to go every year and said screw the rest.

As a 42-year-old, with an ex-wife, two sets of parents, four family units and various friends to visit on holidays such as this ... I choose to stay home, or go hit some restaurant offering a buffet. I put on the iPod, grab some reading material, and do my best to avoid every other single person on the planet while I project, in my head, the perfect Thanksgiving Dinner.

When I was three.

When my parents still were together.

When we were at my mom's parent's house.

Eating a traditional turkey/stuffing/potatoes/veggies dinner with pumpkin pie.

With Lions football on the TV.

With no need to leave and go anywhere.

No expectations to be anywhere else.

Eat any else's food.

Just one table. One meal. One family.

That's why I like to eat alone. I can still pretend to be there.

The only thing better than that was Thanksgiving with the mother of my daughter when we were dating/married. She always cooked up one hell of a feast. People came to us. Eventually, my mom and sister started coming to eat with us. After we divorced, I still went there because it was comforting to go one place for one meal with people I didn't fear or mistrust or worry about the ridicule that would eventually come.

For many years after we divorced, I still went out there. Even after she remarried and moved. Her new hubby and I get along great. He understood my issues. He was cool with me being there. He and I get along great.

Now they live 8 hours away. And between our work schedules, they're going out for dinner, and I can't make the trip. And I have no desire to have fish and lasagna in a non-traditional setting like my family is having.

So I'm back to drawing blanks.

Sure, I've had offers, including some from great friends here who will read this and wonder why I said no ... but trust me ... my saying no isn't an insult to you ... it's more me knowing I'd rather be alone, or in a big room of people I don't know and remain anonymous, than be the stranger to most at your dinner tables forced to answer questions as to why I'm alone at 42, and why I really don't want to spend the holiday with my nuclear family, in the three, four or five locations they gather.

And that's my call ... please don't feel slighted, and please don't judge me. I do what's good for me. I have to.

Sometimes, I just like being anonymous and silent and under the radar. It hurts less.

Song Of The Day

2010-11-25T04:56:00.000-05:00

Sent out to nobody in particular. If you think this song is about you ... enjoy that total eclipse of the sun.

"This Town"

~ Elvis Costello

That Charlie Sedarka was a playing the piano
Like he was pawing a dirty book
He bit a hole in his big bottom lip
And gave his very best little boy look
And it was a song with a topical verse which I'm
Afraid he then proceeded to sing
Something about the moody doomed love of
The fish finger king

Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd
Nobody 'til everybody in this town
Knows you're poison
Got your number knows it must be avoided
I think nobody 'til everybody in this town
Thinks you're a bastard

Mr. Getgood moved up to self-made man row
Although he swears that he's the salt of the earth
He's so proud of the kick-me-hard sign that
They hung on his back at birth
Well he said "I appreciate beauty
If I have one, then it's my fault
Beauty is on my pillow
Beauty is there in my vault"

Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd
Nobody 'til everybody in this town
Knows you're poison
Got your number knows it must be avoided
I think nobody 'til everybody in this town
Thinks you're a bastard

The girl with the eternity rock
Went down on her bookie to buy some stock
Now all her signs in the shopping arcades say
'The corporation thief is The New Jesse James'
Her clothes and her attention were scant
Her eyes were everywhere, her eyes were like absinthe
The little green figures that dance on his screen
Say, "Everything you want to hear and nothing they mean"

They made love while she was changing her dress
She wiped him off, she wiped him out and then she made him confess
A little amused by the belief in her power
You must remember this it was the fetish of the hour

Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd
Nobody 'til everybody in this town
Knows you're poison
Got your number knows it must be avoided
I think nobody 'til everybody in this town
Thinks you're a bastard

Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd
Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd
Nobody in this town
Nobody in this crowd

Song Of The Day

2010-11-20T02:19:00.000-05:00

Julie Roberts - Unlove Me

I do love me some country music ... not quite sure where I stumbled upon her but I'm shocked she's not done better ... must be the name, eh?

Song of the Day

2010-11-11T00:35:00.000-05:00

Bowling For Soup

A-Hole

When I came home my stuff was on the lawn
I thought she was happy, but I was wrong
The note she left it took me by surprise
Said I’ve turned into, some other guy
The things she said that she gave up for me
She says it was a waste of her time

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking in
And things were so good
But you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes

I never saw myself as being alone
And maybe that was my problem, cause now she’s gone
And I can’t help but think of how things could be (how things could be)
And I hope she’s happy, happy with out me
And all the things that she gave up for me,
I took for granted time after time

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking in
And things were so good
But you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes

And please don’t think I’m complaining
I was just happy to have her for a time
And if you see her tell her I said
”hello and that I’m doing just fine”

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking in
And things were so good
But you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, no
You know I don’t mean to
I’m just an asshole sometimes

Guess I don’t really know
I’m just an asshole sometimes
Guess I don’t really know
I’m just an asshole sometimes
Guess I don’t really know
Guess I’m an asshole sometimes

I'm really hating the email lately ...

2010-09-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

In addition to having to weed through 569 emails following my 11-day vacation from work, I was roaming around my personal inbox and found something that just made me smile ear to fucking ear.

For reals. Ear-To-Fucking-Ear.

Delivered to me via the wonders of Yahoo email, was a missive I've been dreaming of receiving. And no, it wasn't Anna Kournikova naked. (That's an old virus, people!) What I received, for all intents and purposes ... was news I'd been waiting to hear for a long, long, time.

FINALLY ... I had an opportunity to break free from Armstrong's One Wire and Infinite Problems. I work at home I need both internet and phone bundled, and DSL isn't an option where I live, neither is Time Warner (who I loved in Niles) And there are three reasons I can't get a dish ... first because I live on the wrong side of the building; second because I need better internet speeds than they offer; and finally, because I have to have a bundled phone solution for work.

So to hear that another option ... and one I wanted ... was finally available in my area ... I was stoked beyond belief.

I'll use the good points from their email in quotes ... read along with my excitement!

"Retire cable. The future is here." YES ... I can get rid of Armstrong's shitty cable/internet/phone service! So I kept reading what was available based on this finely crafted marketing email ... and hell yeah I was picking up the pimp hand to dial the phone and sign up for this shit!

Check out this impressive list of features:

"HD TV and DVR
"Record up to four shows at once, play them back in any room
"Pause in one room, resume in another
"Playback recorded shows on all TVs at once, at different times
"TV packages starting at $19 a month.
"Access to 130 HD channels and growing
"Schedule DVR sessions and watch TV on your smartphone
"Professional standard installation included with most packages
"No term commitment
"A 30-day money-back guarantee - bring it all home with no risk and all reward"

How fucking cool is all of that? Beats the fuck out of Armstrong feature wise, price wise, and since it's all new fiber that's been run to support this ... odds are good I'd not have had to call Armstrong every other week when my shit breaks and I can't porno surf. (I mean, can't work. Yeah. Can't . Work.)

Then, in what has to be the biggest taint-kick in my recent karma history, I got down to the last line:

"Please call us today at 1-800-FUCK-YOU to enable AT&T UVerse service at your OLD ADDRESS IN COLUMBUS. HA Fuck you, fanboy. You suck."

(Okay, maybe I made up some of that statement, but seriously, AT&T finally is offering UVerse in my old neighborhood in Columbus ... and since I asked for it on their website ... oh, two years ago when it wasn't available, they decided to tease me now that it is ... and because I don't live there anymore.)

/fuckers

Dammit, I lost my stress

2010-08-31T13:58:00.000-05:00

So ... after more than 15 months of an insane workload that included moving from Columbus back to Youngstown and three large enterprise level projects that pretty much killed my life ... I'm FINALLY going to take some time off work here in September ... basically starting Friday and running through September 14th, when I return to the office.

Except "the office" is now my dining room, as officially, beginning tomorrow, I'm one of the thousands of 'virtual employees' that work from a home-based office. So, here's my evolving home office:

This isn't the final view ... I've not finalized it yet ... there will be three 22" wide screen monitors rather than the one 22" and one 19" you see ... and a filing cabinet on the left with a printer on top, but this is pretty much what I'll be working with from a furniture point.

This is what it replaced. So yeah ... huge increase in desk space, work space, looks and ergonomics.

In addition to that ... two of the biggest projects I've ever worked on both ended today. One of them piggybacked off the huge anti-virus project I was that started in July 2009 ... so I've been kicking ass at work basically since July 2009 without stopping.

Then, as of today, it just stopped. The projects ended, the speculation as to us being home-officed or forcing to move to another location ... ended. We're virtual ... and as for the hard-core projects ... I'm back in the general work-flow, not dedicated to huge projects that kill my life.

For the first time in 15 months not only can I breathe, but I feel like I can get stuff done. Today I did six loads of laundry before noon. I slept great last night for the first time in probably six weeks (which included two on-call shifts). I'm just finally in a good point personally and professionally. It's weird for me, having not had either, basically for three years now.

I think working from home is going to be a HUGE part of that. There's no stress in driving to work ... I'm not spending $5 on breakfast and $10 on lunch every day; I have a kick-ass desk, and home office setup. My company is paying for my Internet and phone, and since I'm not working in Youngstown anymore, I'm not paying that insane income tax ... so I'll have more money in my pocket and less stress about getting to work. A seven-step walk beats the hell out of a seven-mile drive ... especially with winter coming this way soon.

Another big part is the confidence I've gained in these three projects ... I went from standard day-to-day support to three enterprise level projects that impacted 3,000+ servers and forced me to step up my game to deal with something on this scale.

And then there's my personal life, which is also rolling along nicely and enjoyable. Things with Sarah have had a couple of ups and downs, but we've worked through them and are moving forward. And I'm glad I'll have more time to enjoy it. I signed a new lease so I'm going to be in Austintown for another year, which is good with me ... I like Austintown ... and to be honest, I really wasn't in the mood to move again. I like my little box at the top of the stairs. But I have no Indian rug or a pipe to share, sorry.

But yeah ... finally ... I really feel I can relax. I can breathe. I can enjoy my non-working hours doing things I want to do ... and not spending all day and night sitting in front of my computer building servers or cleaning viruses and all that stuff.

Yay me!

"Getting Revealed" - Behind the Scenes

2010-08-30T12:54:00.000-05:00

So now Facebook has this thing called "Get Revealed" where your friends can ask questions about you. And if you answer enough questions about your friends, you can find out who said what about you.

Because yeah, that's why I lose sleep at night, wondering what people really think of me.

So, being the guy who reveals the man behind the curtain whenever possible, I took my current 61 questions, removed the duplicates and decided to not only tell you if you're right or wrong, but expound a bit on it.

With that being said ... I've broken down the questions by how the questions were answered ... Yes or No. Let's get to me getting revealed:

Things you said NO to:

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
Correct. I’m not and never have been a cheater.

Do you think that Eric Broz grinds their teeth while sleeping?
Correct. I’m not a grinder.

Do you think that Eric Broz has a bad haircut?
Subjective. It’s hair. It changes every so often.

Do you think that Eric Broz has bad breath?
Correct. Ahhhh … minty fresh.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever failed a class?
Wrong. I failed Statistics. Twice. Because 2+2 is always four. I don’t care about your probability.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen from work?
Wrong. Everyone steals from work. Time, Internet bandwidth, smoke breaks, office supplies, CDs, DVDs, you get the picture.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever stolen money from their friends?
Correct. I’d rather be broke than screw over a friend.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever used steroids?
Wrong. I was on them a couple of times for injuries. Not for personal use. And I was never injected by Jose Canseco.

Do you think that Eric Broz is a poser?
Correct. Because, tru ‘dat, homie. Damn, those bitches actin’ all Asian ‘n’ shit. That shit is whack!

Do you think that Eric Broz is a tree hugger?
Correct. I have a Cartman tattoo. I hate hippies.

Do you think that Eric Broz is cute?
Subjective … this is the one that one person voted yes, one person voted no.

Do you think that Eric Broz is dumber than Jessica Simpson?
Correct. But, dammit, I wanted to eat some sea chickens, too.

Do you think that Eric Broz is hyper?
Correct. I go with the flow.

Do you think that Eric Broz is ignorant?
Correct. I’m not insane, either. My mother had me tested.

Do you think that Eric Broz is lazy?
Correct. Unless it’s football Sunday. Or football Saturday. Or I need to catch up on the DVR. Then I’m a regular couch-dwelling sloth.

Do you think that Eric Broz is socially awkward?
Wrong. Uh, ask me about my crippling social anxiety. (That’s rhetorical. I don’t want you to ask.)

Do you think that Eric Broz is tone deaf?
Correct. I will admit to being deaf to Nickleback and other shitty bands like that.

Do you think that Eric Broz likes British accents?
Wrong. Julia Fordam sounds delicious in everything she does. And she’s British.

Do you think that Eric Broz likes chick flicks?
Wrong. “Sleepless in Seattle,” “League of Their Own” and “You’ve Got Mail” are among my favorites.

Do you think that Eric Broz still wet their bed in 6th grade?
Correct. In 5th grade I started breaking into other classmates houses and wetting their beds.

Do you think that Eric Broz would help an elderly woman cross the street?
Correct. And yes, I was a Boy Scout.

Do you think that you can beat Eric Broz in a fight?
Correct. Because I know kung-fu, and five or six other Chinese words.

Does Eric Broz have a nice butt?
Subjective. My butt’s not for everyone.

Would you go skinny dipping with Eric Broz?
Correct. I don’t skinny dip. I chunky dunk.

Totals for the NO Round:

Collectively … 15 correct; six wrong and three subjective out of 24 … when you factor out the subjective, you’re collectively five for seven. Not bad.

Things you said YES to:

Do you think Eric Broz can actually hook up with someone out of their league?
Correct. Have you seen my girlfriend? General consensus is she’s out of my league :D

Do you think Eric Broz is cute?
Subjective. Someone answered this as NO last time, so it’s a wash.

Do you think that Eric Broz brushes their teeth regularly?
Correct. Thanks!

Do you think that Eric Broz can run a mile without stopping?
Wrong. Sorry. I’m old, fat, out of shape and have horrible knees. If you see me running, you better drop what you’re doing and follow me because if I’m running, it’s from something bad.

Do you think that Eric Broz can throw a football with a spiral?
Correct. Every year I wait by the phone during the NFL Draft, but nobody calls. Hell, Tim Couch and Brady Quinn were both drafted. Jamarcus Russell and Ryan Leaf, too. Then, again, I am old, fat, out of shape and have horrible knees. I feel like Joe Nameth. I should grope an ESPN sideline reporter now.

Do you think that Eric Broz has a funny looking nose?
Correct, and I agree. Broken a few times playing hockey, or fighting.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever been in a fist fight?

Correct. I have. Bobby Hunter in 6th grade was probably the last planned fight. Wasn’t the flag pole at 3 p.m., but it was close. I think I won. He had a black eye when we were done.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever failed a test?
Correct, I have. Spanish in 12th grade. And several Statistics classes.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever fooled around at work?
Correct. I have. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that!

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever had a 1 night stand?
Correct. I’ve had as little as a 20-minute-stand, once; and several one-night stands. One lasted a couple of weeks.

Do you think that Eric Broz has ever played beer pong?
Wrong. I’ve played several drinking games, but not beer pong.

Do you think that Eric Broz has soft hands?

Correct. I type all day. I don’t do much else with my hands, so yeah, they’re soft.

Do you think that Eric Broz is a good driver?

Correct. I’m an excellent driver. Dad lets me drive the car. But only up and down the driveway.

Do you think that Eric Broz is a good friend?
Correct. I do my best.

Do you think that Eric Broz is cute?
Subjective. That was asked in the NO section.

Do you think that Eric Broz likes chick flicks?
Correct. As stated before, I love me some chick flicks.

Do you think that Eric Broz owns a nice car?
Subjective. If you consider a 2001 pine green Saturn 4-door nice, yay you.

Do you think that Eric Broz spends more than an hour on facebook everyday?
Correct. I’m a junkie. But not because of Farmland or Frontierplace or stuff like that.

Do you think that Eric Broz watches porn?
Correct. I was once told there was porn on the Internet I’ve not seen, so I have to keep up.

Do you think that Eric Broz watches the TV show "24"?
Wrong. I watched about half of the first season and realized there’s no way one guy can drive all the way across LA in less than an hour.

Do you think that Eric Broz would look good in tights?

Wrong. Ever see hair through tights? Not a pretty look. And I’m not shaving my legs. My knees have enough scars.

Do you think your first impression of Eric Broz was right?
Subjective. Not sure who said this or what their first impression was.

Is Eric Broz a reliable person?
Correct. I do my best to be on time, every time.

Is Eric Broz fun to be around?
Correct. I’m the life of the party!

Is Eric Broz's profile picture cute?
Subjective. The Sarah half of my profile pic is SUPER Cute … my half … meh.

Would Eric Broz make a good spouse?
Subjective.

Would you introduce Eric Broz to your family? Correct. And thanks. Parents love me.

Would you trust Eric Broz with your life?
Correct. And again, thanks. I got your back.

Totals for the YES Round:

Collectively ... you got 18 correct; six wrong and four subjective out of 28 … when you factor out the subjective, you’re collectively three for four. Not bad at all.

Grand Totals:

Out of 42 total non-subjective questions, you collectively got 33 correct.

That’s 78%, congrats, you’ve passed this test!

You know me. You really know me!

You know you're from Youngstown when ...

2010-08-18T16:38:00.000-05:00

You know you're from Youngstown when ....

You steal $7 million in a armored car robbery and only make it to a double-wide in West Virginia.
When you take a hot date to the Coconut Grove.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the men's' room at the Club 76 truck stop.
If the only reason to go to the convocation center is professional rastling.
If you think Jim Trafficant was railroaded by the FBI.
If you think high class shopping is going to Walmart and Dollar General.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
If you think the MVSD is your own private lake.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time call...".
The only time you go to church is for Fish or Pirogi Fridays.
Your whole family is Democrats 'cept little Mary. She lernt how to read.
You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT Cardinal Mooney".
You consider your license plate personalized because Jim Trafficant, Lenny Strolo or Phil Chance made it in prison.
Your lifetime goal is to own a Zoldan fireworks stand.
The drug task force surrounded your house twice so far this year.
If your tomato plants get singed because of all the cars getting bombed in your driveway.
If your lawn ornament is riddled with bullet holes.

Oh, I'm such a nerd, Part ∞

2010-07-18T03:55:00.000-05:00

So ... over the past several months, I've been given two hard and fast rules for dating Shoes.

1. Don't break my heart.
2. Don't cheat on me.

Simple enough, right?

Unless you're my brain. Which automagically starts creating equations and algorithms on how those two rules coexist and work in tandem in a single line of code that's easily uploaded to my brain to allow me additional storage space so I can recite song lyrics, movie quotes, the manufacturer's part number to the bumper bracket for a 72 Volvo or pertinent information such as ... well ... anything but song lyrics, movie quotes, and the manufacturer's part number to the bumper bracket for a 72 Volvo.

So ... as my thought processes go absurdly apeshit with this, as they do with EVERYTHING, I realize two additional constants:

If I break rule 2, I break rule 1, by default. (NOTE TO SELF: NEVER, EVER feed gremlins after midnight, or break rule 2).
If I break rule 1, I am free to break rule 2, by default. (NOTE TO SELF: NEVER, EVER, get gremlins wet, or break rule 1).

Now, keep in mind I have ZERO DESIRE to break EITHER rule, or feed gremlins after midnight, or get them wet, let alone break Rule 1 in order to nullify Rule 2. I've never cheated on anyone I've ever dated, lived with, married or stalked.

On top of that, I've never been happier in a relationship with a woman in my life. (Apologies to anyone reading this I dated, lived with, married or stalked.) Hell, most of you (well, not the ones I stalked), have said to me they've never seen me happier; and to her, they've never seen me happier.

(and thanks, the checks are in the mail. Well, if I wrote checks. Or used snail mail. Paypal is much easier.)

(can I add more parenthetical statemets to a blog?)

(Oh, yes, I can.)

(Because it's my blog.)

(Notice how the punctuation is in the inside of the parenthesis? That's how it should be. Grammar rules.)

ANYWAY ...

So as I was laying down beside a sleeping Sarah, trying to sleep myself, since it's 4:28 a.m., and since I'm failing miserably, because my brain is running all over the place trying to work some logic to combine those two rules into one rule and do it so I can't break either, and do it logically, without using if-than and goto statements because I'm a nerd who's not a programmer ... and do it using binary constants because I'm a computer guy ... I end up sitting here trying to write all this out because I'm a wordy guy.

(See, hug it out. It's easier.)

Yeah, welcome to my world. Words. Math. Computers. Binary languages. Sleep deprivation. Love. Sex. Beer. Try for the green area around the $1 because you have twice the chance of winning big money in the Showcase Showdown. And fuck the first prize package because it always sucks.

ANYWAY ...

I've broken it down to this single line of code, which has been uploaded to my central processing unit:

01001000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01110100 01100010 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 00110000 00100000 00101011 01000011 01101000 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000 00110000 00100000 00111101 01000101 01110100 01100101 01110010 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01001000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101110

Upload complete. Yay me!

(for the non-binary speaking individuals, that means Heartbreak 0 + Cheat 0 = Eternal Happiness.)

Yay me!

Being in love is so Punk Rock

2010-06-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

I just love how I feel these days.

I hope everyone finds this solid of a connection, someday.

Smells like ComFest!

2010-06-24T14:07:00.001-05:00

Well ... next stop, COLUMBUS!

Comfest 2010 Schedule

2010-06-21T13:50:00.000-05:00

For those of you wondering ... here's my Comfest Schedule for 2010.

BOLD are the definite shows I'm hitting ... the rest are artists I'd like to see.

Friday (Time --Band --Stage)

12:00 -- Acoustic House -- Flow -- Gazebo

12:45 -- Bronson Bunny Deathwish -- Off Ramp

12:55 -- Angela Perley -- Gazebo

1:15 -- Rain -- Solar

1:55 -- Saturday Giant -- Gazebo

2:55 -- Lydia Loveless -- Gazebo

3:45 -- Phantods -- Bozo

5:15 -- Flotation Walls -- Off Ramp

6:00 -- Colin Gawel -- Bozo

7:00 -- Bush League -- All Stars Bozo

Saturday (Time --Band --Stage)

11:00 -- Tin Hearts -- Bozo

12:00 -- Super Desserts -- Bozo

12:15 -- Monolithic Cloud Parade -- Off Ramp

1:00 -- Old Worlds -- Off Ramp

1:45 -- Historians -- Off Ramp

1:50 -- Church of the Red Museum -- Bozo

1:55 -- Megan Palmer -- Gazebo

2:55 -- Eric Nassau and Friends -- Gazebo

3:40 -- Donna Mogavero Band -- Bozo

5:30 -- The Receiver -- Off Ramp

6:10 -- Miss Molly -- Gazebo

6:25 -- Adult Fiction -- Off Ramp

7:05 -- Hayseed -- Solar

7:10 -- The Wahoos -- Gazebo

7:20 -- Day Creeper -- Off Ramp

7:55 -- Fox N Hounds -- Solar

Sunday (Time --Band --Stage)

11:00 Ukelele Man -- Solar

12:00 Spikedrivers -- Gazebo

12:00 Pig Circus -- Off Ramp

12:45 Blastronauts -- Off Ramp

1:30 Bicentennial Bear -- Off Ramp

1:50 Couch Forts -- Solar

2:00 Josh Krajcik Band -- Gazebo

2:15 Paper Airplane -- Off Ramp

3:55 Jen Miller -- Jazz

4:00 Kim Crawford -- Solar

5:05 Willie Phoenix -- Bozo

5:30 Micah Schnabel -- Solar

What a weird couple of months ...

2010-06-10T13:02:00.001-05:00

Well, I feel bad ... neglectful, even ... leaving my blog here to wither and die while I'm out living life and having fun.

/not really

Actually, it's been a rather hectic couple of months in my life.

I finished one big project at work and got immediately got pushed into another big, highly visible project that is actually 180 degrees different than what I was doing.
I started doing more photography, including branching out into working with a group that goes to Bike Nights with models to pose with you and your motorcycle looking all sexy.
Had a great roadtrip to Maryland and Virginia with my daughter, who's now up in New Castle for a bit, so I'll be seeing a lot of her in the coming weeks :D
I got to witness the only professional sports team I've ever had an emotional investment in win their league's championship ... that's right ... the Chicago Blackhawks are your 2009-2010 Stanley Cup Champions. I hope everyone gets to experience the feeling of their team winning it all (Browns fans, I'm looking right at ya!)
I have a wonderful and exciting new relationship with a fascinating woman who just amazes me more and more every day. In the Lawgirl style of protecting the innocent, I'll refer to her as ShoeGirl from now on.
I've been planning my summer activities ... and man is it going to be busy:
Highlights include the first weekend roadtrip with ShoeGirl next weekend to see a great band (The Filthy Habits), hang out with friends (both hers and mine) in Columbus; photograph a lesbian wedding in Cincinnati on Saturday followed by a mad-dash Sunday morning from Cincy to Pittsburgh for the Indians-Pirates afternoon showcase at PNC (Probably No Customers) Park. The following weekend: Comfest. That's right ... three days of music, beer, friends and fun in Columbus. After that ... July includes a few random getaways with ShoeGirl, including a trip to Middletown and a couple of random baseball games as time permits.

Outside of that ... just been hanging out with the Silver Surfer, Muppet Jimmy, Basketball Brian and the rest of the gang.

What's new with you?

Based on some recent convos I've had

2010-05-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

With some really great friends ...

I give you this perfect Song of the Day:

Safe - Julia Fordham

These tired lips are sealed
Although this angry mouth is filled
With words to fracture an unknowing heart
Enough to tear your very world apart

Turning my knowing look away
Fumbling for something to say
God only knows I've done things I regret
So many I'm trying hard to forget

So if you're wondering
You can be
Safe in the knowledge
That your secret's safe with me
Can't help wondering
What you'd do
If you found out she'd done the same to you

There's no logic, there's no gain
There's no way you can explain
Not that I want or expect you to
We're all the prisoners of the things we do

So if you're wondering
You can be
Safe in the knowledge
That your secret's safe with me
Can't help wondering
What you'd do
If you found out she'd done the same to you

Safe in the knowledge, safe
Safe in the knowledge, safe

So if you're wondering
You can be
Safe in the knowledge
That your secret's safe with me
Can't help wondering
What you'd do
If you found out she'd done the same to you

Song Of The Day

2010-05-12T22:59:00.000-05:00

New Thing Now

Shawn Colvin

This is your new thing now
Naked as a rose
Everything exposed
But not quite
This is your new thing now
Cards out on the table
A genius with no label
But not quite, not quite

God, I swear it's good to be back home
Waiting for the newest Rolling Stone
All the other girls are still at war
The best and worst of 1994
Sometimes I see the half and not the whole
Sometimes I see the face and not the soul
Sometimes I think this place has no part
For anyone who ever had a heart

This is your new thing now
And it looks so good in print
Just a poet and her pimps
But not quite
This is your new thing now
A prom dress and a sneer
The woman of the year
But not quite, not quite

Gee, it's good to see a dream come true
People smile and bless all over you
Mixing up those latest junkie-isms
With all the pretty terms of religion
And don't you love the leader of the band
Equal parts Butthead and Peter Pan
All the other kids are sad again
A legend's not a legend 'til it ends

This is your new thing now
And it makes the whole world spin
It's as least as old as sin
But not quite
This is your new thing now
And now you're turning grinning
But maybe no one's listening
And you might lose it all my darling, yes you might

This is your new thing now
And it feels so good to doubt you
I could almost live without you
But not quite

Song Of The Day

2010-04-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

Bob Mould

"Sacrifice / Let There Be Peace"

If I ride on the rails
I shall ride them alone
And if I need all this pain
I will find it alone
If I'm wanted for leaving
I will leave here alone
And if I can't resist this
Then I am unfit to go on

A simple solution is all I require
If fire is the passion I only aspire to be free
Let me be free

If the strain on your conscience gets under your skin
And leads you to making a sacrifice
Sacrifice me
Let there be peace

To the grave from the cradle
We don't rock anymore
Now I stand here with both feet
Planted firm on the floor
And if you're planning a future
Of indefinite grace
You'd better start removing
The lines of deceit from your face

A simple conclusion is all I require
If fire is the passion I only aspire to be free
Let me be free
And all of the hypocrites lie through their teeth
Talk about making a sacrifice
Sacrifice me
Let there be peace

How much longer can all this go on?
How many more choices can one person have?
And all of the questions with no proper answers
Continue continue
Have to go on have to go on have to go on

Should I bend down and worship the ground
Of the beautiful people who live without flaws?
Success is a virtue to share with the world
But failure's a lesson that's best learned alone
Respect is a virtue that strong men command
But when words become weapons
There'll be peace in the valley of death when I rise
Peace in the valley of death when I rise

Song Of The Day

2010-04-05T21:19:00.002-05:00

"Lost For Words"

Words by David Gilmour / Music by Gilmour/Wright

I was spending my time in the doldrums
I was caught in the cauldron of hate
I felt persecuted and paralyzed
I thought that everything else would just wait
While you are wasting your time on your enemies
Engulfed in a fever of spite
Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades
Like shadows into the night

To martyr yourself to caution
Is not going to help at all
Because there'll be no safety in numbers
When the Right One walks out of the door

Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While ivy grows over the door

So I open my door to my enemies
And I ask could we wipe the slate clean
But they tell me to please go fuck myself
You know you just can't win

Song of the Day

2010-03-31T00:16:00.002-05:00

Julia Fordham
"I Want To Call You Baby"

I want to call you baby
And you to take care of me
I want to call you baby, baby
God help me
I don't know what's right anymore
I'm robbed of reason in my blind
hurry to your door
Blessed is the blend that's racing
through my veins
And troubled is the mind that brings me
back to earth again
I want to call you baby
And you to take care of me
I want to call you baby, baby
Peel away the layers of
of coming consequence
I feel will follow should we fall
from innocence
Make it safe to lay in your loving arms
And let's pretend there's no one
here to hurt or harm
I want to call you baby
And you to take care of me
I want to call you baby, baby
Gather me up like a child in need
Watch over me while you rock me to sleep
When I'm alone all night in the dark
I blame you for my swollen heart
I want to call you baby
And you to take care of me
I want to call you baby
I want to call you baby
And you to take care of me
I want to call you baby, baby

UFC 111 - My Predictions

2010-03-26T13:34:00.001-05:00

UFC 111 - St. Pierre vs Hardy is Saturday in New Jersey ... and playing on the big screens at BW3 starting at 9 with the prelims. Two title fights, two more fights where the winner *should* get a title shot and two or three "Someone's getting KTFO'ed" fights that will be all out wars!

As always, I'll be at BW3's in Austintown to watch the fights ... the place tends to fill up so get there early if you want to sit down ... and with that, here are my predictions:

George St. Pierre vs. Dan Hardy - To be the man, you have to beat the man. I don't see Hardy having any chance against to take GSP's belt in the 170-pound welterweight division. GSP, who is pound-for-pound the best MMA fighter in the game, is faster, a better wrestler, good puncher and has some bad-ass BJJ. Hardy's got a mouth like a wrestler and hands like Marvin Hagler ... if he catches GSP it's over, so he has at least a puncher's chance, but I have to go GSP ... he might take him to the distance .... he likes doing that ... but only if Hardy can last that long. He's never gone 25 minutes before.

Frank Mir vs. Shane Carwin - Winner here gets the Interim UFC Heavyweight Title and a date with Brock Lesnar. Carwin's never gone more than 131 seconds in 11 fights. He's knocked everyone he's fought right the hell out. And fast. He made Gabriel Gonzaga look soft. But he's not a full-time fighter. He is, however, a tremendous wrestler and Mir doesn't like being on his back. Mir, though, is a BJJ Black Belt and loves the submission. Will be curious to see how long this fight goes. I see Mir winning by submission, but I also see Carwin knocking Mir's head clean off his shoulders and it landing in Lesnar's lap as he sits ringside. This one's a toss-up ... but if I were betting I'd go Mir due to experience.

Ben Saunders vs. Jon Fitch - Fitch was supposed to fight Thiago Alves, but Alves couldn't pass his medical tests and wasn't given a license. Saunders stepped up with 48-hour notice, so give him his credit. If Fitch loses he can say he was training for a different fighter; if Saunders loses he can say "Hey, I found out two days ago. I did my best." I see Fitch surviving, much like he did against GSP, but this time winning by decision.

Jim Miller vs. Mark Bocek - Bocek is a good wrestler, Miller is a great wrestler. Miller has great take-down defense and is a better striker. Bocek has neither. I see this 30-27 on all three cards for Miller.

Nate Diaz vs. Rory Markham - If the real Nate Diaz shows up, Rory Markham is done before he steps in the cage. Sadly, the real Nate Diaz is hard to find some fights. Diaz is moving up to welterweight, and doing so against a great striker who loves the KO punch and will stand and trade with Diaz, if that's the fight Diaz wants. Sad to say, but if Diaz stands and bangs he'd going down ... but if he uses his takedown skills and crazy BJJ, he'll have an arm or leg of Markham's to put in the trophy case. I think Diaz is smart enough to know to go for the submission. Diaz, triangle choke with a repeat of the double-finger smile.

Ricardo Almeida vs. Matt Brown - Matt Brown won't be taken down. And since Almeida can't punch, he's in for a world of hurt. Almeida's coming down in weight and whatever strength he had won't come with him. Almedia has amazing BJJ and great takedowns, but leaves himself open for getting hit. And Brown brings the pain. Brown, by beatdown.

Kurt Pellegrino vs. Fabricio Camoes - A long, boring fight that Pellegrino will win by getting points from takedowns and ground-and-pound. Camoes won't know what to do ... Pellegrino by decision.

Rodney Wallace vs. Jared Hamman - Wrestler (Wallace) versus Striker (Hamman). Striker wins by KO.

Rousimar Palhares vs. Tomasz Drwal - Palhares wins the ugly contest, but the Brazillian comes up on the losing end of this fight. The Polish Hammer by knockout.

Matthew Riddle vs. Greg Soto - I'm glad this is on the prelims and hope I never have to see it. Soto is making his UFC debut and from what I saw on YouTube knows how to wrestle and tries some submissions. Riddle should fight at 185 ... which is what he'll weigh when the bell rings, so he'll totally control this fight for a decision victory in a very boring, very mismatched fight. Dana White loves Riddle, so he's giving him a can to build his confidence after his TKO loss at UFC 105.

(For the record ... my UFC 110 predictions ... 4-5 in the win/loss; 5-4 in the how the fight ended ... total was 9 out of 18 possible points ... so I'm .500 winning percentage. Last year in the few fights I forcasted, I was about .600 ... so don't use me as a betting guide by any means)

Random Thoughts .. 2010.01

2010-03-24T00:04:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts catching up on the DVR:

Heroes = meh. I hated the whole Carnival thing. I'm glad it's over.
Flash Forward is pretty decent, so far.
LOST is becoming interesting as the approach the end.
Caprica is the best show on TV. Best. Show. Ever.
Yuengling Bock is okay. Yuengling Lager is still my favorite.
60 minutes on the elliptical every day feels pretty good.
I miss having a girlfriend. But I won't settle for less than who I want.
My daughter, who just turned 12, is AMAZING.
Futurama is a pretty funny show I never paid attention to.
I miss seeing good bands.
I'm glad my project at work has ended and I can have a life again.

My Views on the Health Care Reform

2010-03-21T22:38:00.002-05:00

Imagine you are starving. Two people walk up to you. One of them has a hamburger. The other has nothing:

Person 1: Here. Have this hamburger. You look hungry.

Person 2: You shouldn't eat that hamburger. It's bad for you.

Starving Person: Person 1 - Thank you. This is a step in the right direction. Where can I find a steady source of this food?

Person 1: Here. We'll get you on a proper nutrition course to ensure you can eat right from cradle to grave without worrying about going broke trying to afford food.

Starving Person: Thank you.

Person 2: No, you really shouldn't eat that hamburger.

Starving Person: Person 2 - Then what should I eat?

Person 2: Let me go back to the kitchen for another year and figure that out.

Is a hamburger the best thing for a starving person? No.

Is this Health Care Insurance Reform Bill the best thing for America? No.

But it beats the hell out of nothing. Get it?

Song of the Day

2010-02-26T01:30:00.000-05:00

Paula Cole

I Wanna Kiss You

I wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss you.
I wanna stop the conversation,
I wanna kiss you.

Oh, lie beside me now,
Funny papers, morning sunlight streams,
Oh fantasize me now,
I'll kiss your neck and make your toast and tea,
Oh won't you marry me?
I see a little church atop a hill.
But in the meantime I wanna lose my shame.

I wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss you.
I wanna stop the conversation.
I wanna kiss you. I wanna feel you.
I wanna feel you.
I wanna lean my body into yours.
I wanna feel you.

Oh believe me now,
Walk with me upon the path I see.
Oh a cozy home,
Nestled in an English garden scene.
You will write your books,
And I will paint my paintings by the sea.
But now I'll be Lolita if you please.
I wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss you.
I wanna stop the conversation.
I wanna kiss you. I wanna hold you.
I wanna hold you.
I wanna wrestle you down to the ground.
Oh...

I wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss you.
I wanna stop the conversation.
I wanna kiss you. I wanna have you.
I wanna have you.
I wanna be a possessive girl.
I wanna have you.
Hold you, hurt you, love you, need you, love you, wrestle you down to the ground,
Bite you, love you, hold you,
I wanna kiss you.

Stolen from a place you shouldn't visit

2010-02-25T17:52:00.003-05:00

Because I find it funny in a way that I find all stupid people funny:

Now What's That Big White And Black Thing Called Again?

Adorable Whale? No. Beautiful Whale? No. Clean Whale? No. Drab Whale? No. Elegant Whale? No. Fancy Whale? No. Glamorous Whale? No. Handsome Whale? No. Long Whale? No. Magnificent Whale? No. Old-fashioned Whale? No. Plain Whale? No. Quaint Whale? No. Sparkling Whale? No. Ugliest Whale? No. Unsightly Whale? No. Wide-eyed Whale? No. Red Whale? No. Orange Whale? No. Yellow Whale? No. Green Whale? No. Blue Whale? No. Purple Whale? No. Gray Whale? No. Black Whale? No. White Whale? No. Alive Whale? No. Better Whale? No. Careful Whale? No. Clever Whale? No. Dead Whale? No. Easy Whale? No. Famous Whale? No. Gifted Whale? No. Helpful Whale? No. Important Whale? No. Inexpensive Whale? No. Mushy Whale? No. Odd Whale? No. Powerful Whale? No. Rich Whale? No. Shy Whale? No. Tender Whale? No. Uninterested Whale? No. Vast Whale? No. Wrong Whale? No. Angry Whale? No. Bewildered Whale? No. Clumsy Whale? No. Defeated Whale? No. Embarrassed Whale? No. Fierce Whale? No. Grumpy Whale? No. Helpless Whale? No. Itchy Whale? No. Jealous Whale? No. Lazy Whale? No. Mysterious Whale? No. Nervous Whale? No. Obnoxious Whale? No. Panicky Whale? No. Repulsive Whale? No. Scary Whale? No. Thoughtless Whale? No. Uptight Whale? No. Worried Whale? No. Agreeable Whale? No. Brave Whale? No. Calm Whale? No. Delightful Whale? No. Eager Whale? No. Faithful Whale? No. Gentle Whale? No. Happy Whale? No. Jolly Whale? No. Kind Whale? No. Lively Whale? No. Nice Whale? No. Obedient Whale? No. Proud Whale? No. Relieved Whale? No. Silly Whale? No. Thankful Whale? No. Victorious Whale? No. Witty Whale? No. Zealous Whale? No. Broad Whale? No. Chubby Whale? No. Crooked Whale? No. Curved Whale? No. Deep Whale? No. Flat Whale? No. High Whale? No. Hollow Whale? No. Low Whale? No. Narrow Whale? No. Round Whale? No. Shallow Whale? No. Skinny Whale? No. Square Whale? No. Steep Whale? No. Straight Whale? No. Wide Whale? No. Big Whale? No. Colossal Whale? No. Fat Whale? No. Gigantic Whale? No. Great Whale? No. Huge Whale? No. Immense Whale? No. Large Whale? No. Little Whale? No. Mammoth Whale? No. Massive Whale? No. Miniature Whale? No. Petite Whale? No. Puny Whale? No. Scrawny Whale? No. Short Whale? No. Small Whale? No. Tall Whale? No. Teeny Whale? No. Teeny-tiny Whale? No. Tiny Whale? No. Cooing Whale? No. Deafening Whale? No. Faint Whale? No. Hissing Whale? No. Loud Whale? No. Melodic Whale? No. Noisy Whale? No. Purring Whale? No. Quiet Whale? No. Raspy Whale? No. Screeching Whale? No. Thundering Whale? No. Voiceless Whale? No. Whispering Whale? No. Ancient Whale? No. Brief Whale? No. Early Whale? No. Fast Whale? No. Late Whale? No. Long Whale? No. Modern Whale? No. Old Whale? No. Old-fashioned Whale? No. Quick Whale? No. Rapid Whale? No. Short Whale? No. Slow Whale? No. Swift Whale? No. Young Whale? No. Bitter Whale? No. Delicious Whale? No. Fresh Whale? No. Greasy Whale? No. Juicy Whale? No. Hot Whale? No. Icy Whale? No. Loose Whale? No. Melted Whale? No. Nutritious Whale? No. Prickly Whale? No. Rainy Whale? No. Rotten Whale? No. Salty Whale? No. Sticky Whale? No. Strong Whale? No. Sweet Whale? No. Tart Whale? No. Tasteless Whale? No. Uneven Whale? No. Weak Whale? No. Wet Whale? No. Wooden Whale? No. Yummy Whale? No. Boiling Whale? No. Breeze Whale? No. Broken Whale? No. Bumpy Whale? No. Chilly Whale? No. Cold Whale? No. Cool Whale? No. Creepy Whale? No. Crooked Whale? No. Cuddly Whale? No. Curly Whale? No. Damaged Whale? No. Damp Whale? No. Dirty Whale? No. Dry Whale? No. Dusty Whale? No. Filthy Whale? No. Flaky Whale? No. Fluffy Whale? No. Freezing Whale? No. Hot Whale? No. Warm Whale? No. Wet Whale? No. Abundant Whale? No. Empty Whale? No. Few Whale? No. Full Whale? No. Heavy Whale? No. Light Whale? No. Many Whale? No. Numerous Whale? No. Sparse Whale? No. Substantial Whale? No. Killer Whale? YES!

It's not you, it's me. Really.

2010-02-24T04:11:00.000-05:00

The map of another sadly typical day for me: (well, the sickness isn't typical. I think it was just something I ate Monday night might have been left out too long.

Finished working about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday. Went to bed.
Woke up about 8:30 to the alarm clock on the table and an alarm clock from my stomach not feeling good. Fighting a stomach flu most of the morning.
Finally got out of bed feeling empty and slightly better at 12:30 p.m. after the DayQuil Cold & Flu set it.
Started working while sipping soup about 12:45. p.m.
Conference call from 2 until 3 p.m.
Working on my Anti Virus client upgrades until 5:30 p.m.
Nap until 10 p.m. when the actual client upgrades started. Difficult region, lots of manual remediation.
Start working at 10 ... finish up at 4:00 a.m.
Will probably get to sleep until about 8:00 a.m. when the phone will start ringing with complaints about the upgrades.

So ... as to why most of you don't see or hear from me, this is what I've been doing since January started.

It's not you, it's me. Really.

UFC 110 Predictions:

2010-02-20T19:08:00.000-05:00

UFC 110 is in Australia for the first time ever with a loaded card.

Here's my predictions:

Cain Velasquez vs Antonio Nogiurea
My prediction: Nog        Submission

Michael Bisping vs Vanderlai Silva
My prediction: Silva        KO

Anthony Perosh vs Mirko "Cro Cop"
My prediction: Cro Cop        KO - Headkick

George Sotiropoulos vs Joe Stevenson
My prediction: Stevenson    Sub

Ryan Bader vs Keith Jardine
My prediction: Jardine        KO

Stephen Bonnar vs Krzysztof Soszynski
My prediction: Bonnar        Decision

C.B. Dollaway vs Goran Reljic
My prediction: Reljic        Decision

Brian Foster vs. Chris Lytle
My prediction: Lytle        Submission

James Te Huna vs Igor Prkrajac
My prediction: Te Huna        KO

Attention Ladies on Facebook (RE: Colors)

2010-01-10T12:48:00.002-05:00

Attention Ladies: A email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. This is a virus. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings > Enable Webcam > Record Movie and then send it to me for virus cleaning.

Thank you!

Song of the Day

2010-01-06T03:44:00.000-05:00

Inside ~ Patti Rothberg

I haven't done a thing today

I'm just sitting around wasting time away

And even if I wanted to

I can go outside there ain't nothing to do

I think I'll write a letter home

Telling everybody that I'm happy alone

And maybe if I pay the role

I can roll myself into a big black hole

I can roll myself on down the line

Telling everybody that I'm just fine

My troubled mind I can't confine

That we are all the same inside

I've been thinking about my friends

Saying they'll be with be to the bitter end

I don't know how I get that far

When I don't even know who the hell they are

I can roll myself on down the line

Telling everybody that I'm just fine

My troubled mind I can't confine

That we are all the same inside

Yeah, what he said

2010-01-01T02:43:00.002-05:00

RANDOM:

Stayed single the whole year?
Single-ish. I was seeing someone for about six weeks in April/May timeframe.

Were involved in something you'll never forget?
Absolutely ... several things!

Dyed your hair?
No.

Came close to losing your life?
Yep, but we're all day-to-day.

Saw one of your favorite bands live?
Many of them. And often.

FRIENDS:

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Absolutely

Did you hate anyone?
No. When you hate someone you give them a piece of you that you never get back.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
Nope. Actually reconnected with a couple of great people that were previous regrets.

BIRTHDAY:

Did you have a cake?
No

Did you have a party?
No

Did you get any presents?
A drawing from my daughter. And a dragonfly she made. And that's better than presents.

YOU:

Did you change at all this year?
A few things. For the better.

Did you change your style?
I have style??

Were you in school?
School of life

Did you get good grades?
I'm still living.

Did you have a job?
Worked one day in 2009 for the State of Ohio, was unemployed for a month, then rehired by for the job I had before I went to work for the state in 2008.

Did you drive?
Yes!

Did you own a car?
Yes.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Probably

Would you change anything about yourself now?
Can't change what's happened. Why worry about it?

MORE:

Was 2009 a good year?
2009 was a decent year.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009?
Yep

Kissed in the rain?
Yes

Had your heart broken?
Not broken. Bruised maybe.

Done something you've regretted?
No ... I don't regret, I evolve.

Painted a picture?
No

Wrote a poem?
Yes

Ran a mile?
No

Visited a foreign country?
No.

Cut in a line of waiting people?
HA HA HA ... yes. Was Cinco de Mayo, in Cincinnati. Line at the restaurant was 2.5 hours ... we stood there for 10 minutes then answered "Sorry, we're the Wallaces" at the "Last Call for the Wallace Party of Two" ...

Told someone you were busy when you weren't?
Ask me about my crippling social anxiety

Cooked a disastrous meal?
No.

Lied about how old you were?
No.

Disappointed someone close?
Probably.

Hid a secret?
Everyone has secrets

Pretended to be happy?
Nope.

Slept under the stars?
Nope.

Kept your new years resolution?
Don't make them.

Forgot your new years resolution?
Don't make them.

Pretended to be sick?
Sick days are vacation days, too

Lost something expensive?
No.

Learned something new about yourself?
Absolutely

Stayed up til sunrise?
Yes.

Cried over the silliest thing?
No

Spent most of your money on food?
Depends on your definition of food.

Had a fist fight?
No!

Gotten sick?
Yes.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time?
No.

Song of the Day

2009-12-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

Ashes Of American Flags ~ Wilco

The cash machine is blue and green
For a bundle of twenties and a small service fee
I could spend three dollars and sixty-three cents
On Diet Coca-Cola and unlit cigarettes
I wonder why we listen to poets when nobody gives a fuck
How hot and sorrowful, the machine begs for luck

All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new

We want a good life with a nose for things
the fresh wind and bright sky to endure my suffering
I'm a hole without a key if I break my tongue
Oh, speaking of tomorrow, how will it ever come?

All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new

I'm down on my hands and knees
every time I hear a doorbell ring
I shake like a toothache
every time I hear myself sing

All my lies are only wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new

I would like to salute
the ashes of American flags
And all the fallen leaves
filling up shopping bags

Christmas Questions ... with different answers

2009-12-25T23:22:00.001-05:00

Q. Why do reindeer have red noses?
A. They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).

Q. Why does Santa use Elves?
A. There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.

Q. Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A. Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves, reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to have some problems finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer, though.

Q. Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A. Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this is related to the cryptic description "up where the sun don't shine", which applies to both the North Pole and assholes in general.

Q. Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A. Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it say "Made at the North Pole"? ("Made in China" more likely!)

Q. Then what does he DO all year?
A. Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he spends his winters in Florida.

Q. Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A. Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty attitude (he doesn't take stress too well).

Q. If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy (given the fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A. Little angels are known to be kinky.

Q. Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A. Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 sub-machine guns.

Q. So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man who exploits little Elves, fools around all day, and drives around in a sleigh that lacks basic security measures?
A. You forgot about the bestiality thing.

Song of the Day

2009-12-25T01:02:00.000-05:00

Time For Me To Come Down ~ Amy Rigby

I'm driving past a field of red poppies
Hiding my left arm from the sun
I wouldn't think of stopping now
I'm on my way to see you

All of these thoughts I've been having
Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one
I've been on top of the mountain
And I do believe

It's time for me to come down
I wanna touch you
I wanna love you
I wanna feel you
I wanna deal with you

I'm drinking from a can of warm soda
Trying to keep myself alert
I wouldn't dream of sleeping now
I'm on my way to see you

Coming out of anaesthesia
I wanna know how it feels to be hurt
I've been above it all
But I've changed my mind

It's time for me to come down
I wanna know you
I wanna show you
I wanna give you
I wanna live with you

Driving sixty miles and out
You can hear me ....
Now the sun is sinking down
And the road is very rough

Stopping at a fast food restaurant
Trying to feed the butterflies
I wouldn't think of choking now
I'm on my way to see you

Had enough of early retirement
I wanna know how it feels to try
I've been above it all
But I changed my mind

It's time for me to come down
I wanna touch you
I wanna love you
I wanna feel you
I wanna deal with you
I wanna know you
I'm gonna show
I wanna give you
I wanna live with you

I totally was Sheldon tonight

2009-12-19T22:46:00.000-05:00

So despite my dislike of most sitcoms ... I have become a fan of The Big Bang Theory. Perhaps because I've been told I'm a perfect mix of Sheldon and Leonard. Sheleonard, in fact, was a name given to me by a friend. I find it amusing. I'm nowhere NEAR that smart, nor that full of useless information, but to be recognized as such for the intelligence and randomness and ability to technical on people is rather amusing.

Then again, I do support Sheldon's take on astrology: "Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality."

But anyway ...

Today, we had snow. And ice. And as anyone who lives in an area that gets such delicious precipitation in cold months can tell you, almost everyone hates cleaning off their car. That's why they build garages and buy carports.

However, I got to use science on my (probably low-double-digit-IQ) neighbor who, as he said, plays guitar for a living. Now that's not an insult at guitar players, but seriously ... you make a living playing guitar in Youngstown, Ohio? We're the cultural armpit of America. Hell, a local hero (Kelly Pavlik) couldn't sell out a Division II college basketball arena (Beeghley Center) for a world title fight (WBO and WBC Middleweight belts, which he holds) in his home town.

Then again, there wasn't beer at the fights because the fine people promoting the fight forgot to apply for a beer permit, assuming the venue would have one. That's good work boys.

But back to my neighbor. Who I've heard play guitar while he sits on his patio. I'm thinking people pay him to STOP playing, but what do I know?

I'm out there scraping my windows, in 25 degree temperature, wearing a hockey jersey, no hat, no gloves, jeans and shoes ... he's bundled up in a big-ol ghetto bubble jacket with fur-lined gloves and a hat under his hood, shivering like it's 50 degrees colder than it is ... struggling like hell to clear the ice off his windows.

I whip through my car, front, back, all four sides, and clear the snow off so it doesn't blow onto the front or back windows ... he asks where I got such a great snow scraper. I said "Speedway Gas Station. Was all of two dollars." He said he paid ten bucks for his, and his handle was metal and mine was wood. I told him it's not the tool, it's how you use it.

"What?"

And then, my friends, it went all sciencey:

Me: "You're scraping your windows wrong. Because the glass is at an angle the snow or ice forms with a bottom heavy crystal structure. You're scraping side to side, which is against the grain of crystal. I'm scraping top to bottom, therefore, attacking the offending ice crystals at their weakest point, the top. That's why my two dollar ice scraper is out performing your ten dollar one. It's knowing how to defeat your enemy and doing it with the least physical output."

Him (trying and realizing top to bottom works much better): "You're pretty smart."

Me (externally): "Thanks."

Me (internally): "Bazinga, I don't care."

From the Bizzaro Files

2009-12-19T13:26:00.002-05:00

A little bit of something I'm reading kind of hit me as ... well ... me:

It made me kinda glad I didn't have a relationship of my own; she'd probably leave me and become a nun. Or a lesbian. Or a lesbian nun. Are there lesbian nuns in real life? I could only assume so.

Maybe I should shave my head and become a monk -- then I wouldn't have any women problems. No more crazy women, no more awkward first dates, no more awkward encounters with parents, no more backbiting female friends of hers, no more lewd comments from mine, no more sex (not that I've been having much lately anyway), no more cuddling on the bed watching a move, no more lulled to sleep by her breathing, no more everything. Instead, I'll become one of those wire-fu monks that can shatter steel with his fist, and fly from tree to tree with my super awesome kung-fu grip, and then wander the earth like Quai-chang Kane.

When I Rule The World ...

2009-12-10T09:26:00.001-05:00

Just random things popping into my head about what will be different when I rule the world:

ALL candy canes will be pink and white and PEPPERMINT only. None of this fruit flavor or fruit color. NO. Candy canes are always meant to be pink and white and peppermint flavored.
Basketball games will have a 2-hour time limit ... with a single 15-minute add-on for the 10-minute overtime period. There's no reason the last two minutes of a basketball game should take 25 minutes.
The phrase "If the playoffs started today" would be outlawed. They don't start today. They start when the regular season is over. Period.
John Madden will be executed for dumbing down the art of broadcasting.
John Buccigross will be named Broadcasting Czar. His seat will allow him to execute, on the spot, morons like John Madden.
A select set of drivers will have their cars outfitted with Star Trek type phasers that simply make idiotic drivers vanish.
I will own the world's first teleportation device. After the bugs have been worked out scrambling up my enemies.
Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Michelob's Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale will be available year round.
Shitty flavorless light beers and lite beers will vanish.
The size 0 will not exist in women's clothing. NOBODY is a size 0.

Oh, I'm sure there are more ... these are just the beginnings. What's your list?

Song of the Day

2009-11-30T18:13:00.004-05:00

"Talking To My Angel" ~ Melissa Etheridge

Don't be afraid
Close your eyes
Lay it all down
Don't you cry
Can't you see I'm going
Where I can see the sun rise
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

I've always had to run
I don't know just why
Desire slowly smoking
Under the midwest sky
There's something waiting out there
That says I've got to try
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

This town thinks I'm crazy
They just think I'm strange
Sometimes they want to own me
Sometimes they wish I'd change
But I can feel the thunder
Underneath my feet
I sold my soul for freedom
It's lonely but it's sweet

Don't be afraid
Close your eyes
Lay it all down
Don't you cry
Can't you see I'm going
Where I can see the sun rise
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

I've been a huge fan of Melissa Etheridge since I first saw her play a dive bar in the Strip District in Pittsburgh in 1985. Some friends and I decided to to dahn-a-Shtrip, as the natives say, and we headed to a bar we knew would serve a bunch of 17-year-olds and found out there was a cover charge of $3 ... I asked for what? Guy said, "Some girl with a guitar."

Yeah, she was that girl. It rocked. I've been a fan ever since. This just popped up in iTunes and made me realize why I have a playlist of Melissa Etheridge songs. She's great.

Ladies, let the beat down begin ...

2009-11-20T19:05:00.003-05:00

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of a magic lamp sitting on his desk.

"And what will your third wish be?" the genie asked.

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus,you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

Again, I AM Indie Rock Pete

2009-11-17T08:06:00.001-05:00

see more hipster robot webcomics and pixel t-shirts

(darn blogger layout ... click to see full size ... and yes, you're welcome!)

Rock On, Natalie Dee

2009-11-04T04:15:00.001-05:00

nataliedee.com

Dating Sites Don't Get Me

2009-11-03T04:04:00.003-05:00

The latest example ... a woman in my age/distance wheelhouse looking for someone, in her words, humorous.

My response:

I have a humerus... does that count?

Her response:

What's a humerus?

*SIGH* even the womens wanting funny don't get me.

I'd be a monk if I had faith.

Random Wonderings, part 65

2009-10-27T11:10:00.000-05:00

(BTW, the 65 is a random number. I stopped counting.)

I've not spent more than a couple of hours in Yonkers, NY, but I read somewhere in addition to no parking zones, they have no standing zones. WTF? And yes, it is a ticket-able offense to stand in a no-standing zone. And the fine for standing in a no-standing zone is being increased to $70.

I love reading the USAToday (known in the biz as McPaper because of they way they've dumbed down journalism). They are a classic example of how stupid a culture we've become, and how well they either mock us, or enable us to remain dumb. Now they're just trying to scare the fun right out of Halloween. Fuckers.

New NBA Season starts today ... and for the 41st consecutive year, I don't care.

A 19-year-old Norwegian is the World Champion of Monopoly. Damn socialist. Oh, he's a recent graduate of the Oslo Private Gymnasium school. (Wait, WHAT?) ... oh, and he beat a Russian for the title. Damn commies. (For the record, last time an American won ... 1974.) Monopoly, by the way, is banned in Cuba and North Korea.

And finally ... proof that some women will do damn near anything for shoes ... while hundreds died in recent flooding in the Philippines ... Imelda Marcos' shoes were not among them. Despite the fact she has pending graft charges still being fought out in court.

Broken Record, Track 7 - Windows 7 rocks

2009-10-15T22:16:00.001-05:00

I hate to keep sounding like a broken record about how amazing Windows 7 is ... but check this out:

I just downloaded the new NVidia Graphics Drivers for my 512mb Video Card ... and didn't have to restart to apply the current (and proper) Windows 7 Driver so I can have my 1680 x 1050 native resolution on my 22" widescreen LCD.

Can anyone out there remember EVER changing a video driver in Windows and NOT having to reboot? Hell, you used to have to reboot when changing screen resolutions.

Yeah. Windows 7. It rocks.

Don't hate me because I'm Nerdiful

2009-10-12T08:41:00.002-05:00

There are lots of other reasons to hate me :P

A Day In The Life of Manny Malhotra

2009-09-08T15:16:00.006-05:00

So as I'm perusing the channel lineup (online, that is) for what tier of service I want to buy for cable at the new place (move-in date 9/15); I'm struck realizing for two channels, alone, I have to go with the whole package.

What two channels? The NHL Network and the NFL Network.

Yep, if they don't screw you with the ticket prices, they'll get ya with the TV stuff.

Oh well, I'll watch the hell out of both of those channels, so to me, they're worth the extra price level.

The NFL is a given ... but damn am I looking forward to the NHL network. Hockey, 24-7-365. Hell to the yes.

I mean, outside of the classic series and classic games and old-time hockey (Can I get a shout of Eddie Shore?), today I'd so watch "A Day In The Life of Manny Malhotra" ... formerly of the Columbus Blue Jackets. (Yes, it's a real show.)

I've not seen the show, but based on the fact training camp invites have been sent to several of his peers, he remains an unrestricted free agent with a telephone that's not ringing, it might go something like this:

"Hi. It's 6:30. I'm Manny Malhotra of the Please-Some-GM-Offer-Me-A-Contracts. I'm a pretty good center. By that I mean the freaking Blue Jackets let me walk away. So it's September, I should be in training camp, but here I am, sitting by the phone."

We cut to the kitchen. Manny is eating some Wheaties. They are the breakfast of champions. One has to admire his optimism. From the left, Mrs. Manny (Joanna, sister of Steve Nash ... for reals) appears. She sits down and pours a bowl. She asks Manny to pass the milk. He misses her hand by about 18 inches, and watches as the milk falls to the table, but somehow, doesn't spill.

You hear a door open. A man wearing a Red Wings jersey walks briskly through the kitchen, not even looking as Manny stands up. The stranger grabs the milk off the table. He slaps Manny in the chops when Manny says "Hey, that's my milk" but never slows down, nor drops the milk.

Manny and Mrs. Manny watch the guy walk away. Mrs. Manny hands her hubby a towel. He sits back down holding it up to his bleeding mouth. Nothing is said about him refusing to challenge his neighbor to a fight, or defend his honor, or get his milk back. Apparently, that's as common at home as a defender stealing the puck, slapping him in the shin and skating away is on the ice.

His wife looks at him. Says "Hey, since I can't eat dry cereal, can you at least put the bowl in the sink?" She watches as Manny walk slowly across the kitchen, all alone, and drops the bowl on the floor, missing a wide-open sink despite having no defense or goalie in the way. Again, his wife looks on as if this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Manny then trips on the hardwood floor as he turns around. Shaking his head, he stands up, looks around for a phantom call from the ref, then heads back to the living room. He sits at the end of his couch, next to the phone.

Which still isn't ringing.

"I don't get it. I was drafted in the first round by the New York Friggin' Rangers. And now the Blue Jerkits won't even sign me?" Sigh.

(Fade)

Hell yeah. I'd watch the shit out of that show. But you Blue Jackets fans saw that all last season ... didn't ya?

Youngstown Style Pizza

2009-08-28T12:19:00.003-05:00

Yep ... hit Jimmy's today for lunch.

This, my friends, is a $2 piece of Youngstown pizza.

And yes, that's a full-size Nature Valley granola bar.

A Break for the Home Team?

2009-08-14T11:53:00.004-05:00

So back about a year ago I replaced the dead Icey with Ivy ... a 2001 Pine Green Saturn SL2 that came complete with a two-year, 24,000 mile warranty. Well, I said, that should just about keep covered for a year, based on how I drive.

Then ... I started my new (old) job and was finding myself driving to and from Cincinnati or Youngstown once a week, racking up the miles.

Then last week my car nearly overheated ... I looked ... and WOAH ... radiator was nearly empty. So I chuck in some fluids ... didn't notice a leak, but with it being summer and running the AC ... who really knows if that's condensed water or not as you pull out of the parking lot, eh?

So this week, now that the 95% of my stuff is moved, I decided to take the car to the shop and hope I still had some warranty left. Or at least enough that they could charge me $35 to tell me what was wrong so I could struggle through fixing it, or call on friends who could fix it in their sleep.

Turns out, in a stunning break for the home team, I'm still within 2,500 miles of the end of my warranty, so PERHAPS I'm covered. I say perhaps because it's a limited warranty. Limited to drive components, engine, transmission, that kind of big stuff.

So with trepidation I dropped the car off at the dealer this morning, and lo and behold they call me with the news that it's not a leaky radiator, nor a blown hose, but the water pump that's all jacked up.

Hmmm ... water pump ... water pump ... sounds expensive.

NO! In yet ANOTHER STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, the water pump is one of the few items that's covered under my limited warranty and they'll be done fixing it in about two hours.

Oh, and it won't cost me a DIME!

YAY! I caught a break. In fact, I've caught several this week ... work stuff has gotten significantly less stressful and I'm finally mostly moved and know I won't have much left ... and all my stuff fit into my storage unit.

Oh, and I'm going to look at house next week ... so things are looking up in my world.

Finally.

Please Pre-Grammar Check in Advance

2009-08-10T23:33:00.004-05:00

So as I'm pumping gas into the uHaul truck, I saw this zinger on the gas pump.

Maybe because my brain was totally in shut-down mode I just took a picture and drove away.

However, this is just wrong on so many grammar levels:

How exactly do you pay before you pay? How can you prepay ... in advance?

You can prepay, or you can pay in advance. Without dividing by zero and unleashing all that is unholy and forcing us to watch Rick Moranis mate with Sigourney Weaver, again, you can't.

Oh, by the way, this was a Circle K ... with BP Gas ... so it wasn't some Mom and Pop shop. That there's a corporate sticker, on each and every pump in exactly the same place.

So because my brain is in shut-down mode, I have a new idea: I'm gonna make a shirt that says "Please pre-purchase me a beer in advance."

And when I'm asked "In advance of what?"

In advance of you buying me a beer the first time.

Happy drinking for me!

Damn you, Captain Quint

2009-08-09T01:21:00.002-05:00

I think I need a bigger boat. I got 14 feet of shit shoved into a 10 foot truck. And I still have some other stuff. I did leave enough room to get the matress and box springs in, the computer desk might take some shoehorning. And my other table. Oh.

Man, I hate hate hate hate hate moving.

Oh, and now I can't sleep.

More random Eric weirdness

2009-08-08T21:43:00.002-05:00

So I have two absolute rules when buying furniture:

1. It has to come in black.
2. It has to be something I can carry myself.

I remembered the second as I was dragging my food pantry to the truck today. It is one of those "build-it-yourself" pressboard things. And weighs about 90 pounds.

And I've determined I'm going to find somewhere I can live a damned long time this time, and have money to pay for movers next time.

How stressed out have I been? Today, I got the moving truck with the car carrier to tow Ivy and promptly drove halfway home before I realized I forgot to put the car on the carrier.

Yeah. I'm that smooth.

And tonight, about 75 minutes ago, the battery in the clock in my bedroom died. It's been 9:55 for a while.

Oh, and since I moved last time in February in freezing, icy conditions with a ton of snow in NEOH, it's only fitting I move this time in August, when it's 80 degrees at 10:30 with 80 percent humidity. And tomorrow is going to be 91 degrees. Yep, I can pick the days and time to move.

Talk to you next time from the Mahoning Valley!

Dear Columbus ...

2009-08-08T02:58:00.001-05:00

Dear Columbus ...

Once again, I find myself packing my shit and leaving you.

I wish we could just commit to each other.

I mean, really, I like you. I believe you like me.

But this job thing ... it just doesn't last.

Twenty months here, then gone. Then back, for 16 months, nine of which were in Columbus. Now ... after 6 months on a new job .. gone again. Back to Youngstown for the same job I left you for the last time.

Sigh.

Oh well. Looks like I'll be hitting up my good friend I-71 again as I come back to visit you.

2009-07-19T21:33:00.002-05:00

Hitler finds out Michael Jackson has died. O.M.F.G

Dear Comfest ...

2009-06-29T06:14:00.003-05:00

Thanks for kicking my ass for three consecutive days.

Quick highlights ... I'll have some photos and videos of all that and more later this week:

Friday:

Hanging with friends all day! I love you people.
Ryan Smith and Miss Molly on the Gazebo.
A very ill Leah-Carla Gordone fighting off a summer cold to rock the Solar Stage.
Help Is On The Way and Happy Chichester on the Main Stage. Help Is On The Way looked and sounded great ... they're either dead on or dead awful.
Oh, and there was this little alt-country act called Two Cow Garage who left such an impression that EVERYONE was talking about that show all weekend. They blew up the main stage to end the day. Wow.

Saturday:

Again, - hanging with friends all day ... all but two were different from Friday ... but again ... I love you people.
Hanging out at the Offramp Stage with Jessie and Casey and Phil and Amber and Jamie and random Treehouse Friends.
FINALLY seeing Jen Miller on the Jazz Stage when it wasn't raining on her.
Bookmobile and the Kyle Sowashes and The Receiver rocking up the Offramp Stage.
Colin Gawel and Ghost Shirt owning on the Gazebo Stage.
Willie Phoenix rocking the hell out the Main Stage.

Sunday:

Walking around enjoying the last day of my fifth Comfest just taking it all in.
Watching some amazing performances on the Gazebo Stage while hanging with Quinn and Jess, and Andy and Alli, and Ron and Elliot, and Shane, Micah, Bernadette, Anissa, et.al.
Ukulele Man and Jason Quicksall and Megan Palmer and The Randys were amazing.
Lydia Loveless put on a great show on the Offramp Stage that had punk rock chicks dancing with their dogs. Anytime you intro a song with "This next song is for all the sluts and whores in the crowd" it's a good time.
The Spikedrivers on the Main Stage.

Top Three Comfest Moments:

Two Cow Garage
The Receiver
Willie Phoenix

Lowlights:

Dude getting stabbed to death. Always a bummer.
HUGE blister on my toe (granted, not the same as above, but that's a tough act to follow).
The amount of trash I (and my fellow Cleanup and Recycling crews) cleaned up during Saturday night cleanup shift. It's not the damn dirty hippies at Comfest, it's the apathetic kids and white trash that make the messes. Hippies know enough to clean up after themselves. Hell, they started the environmental movement.
Trying, once again, to like a certain band because a friend does, only to realize, I don't.
Missing Erika Carey.
Not finding the Nye's on Friday.
Not able to walk well enough to do cleanup and recycling on Sunday because of the blister on my toe that's huge.
Having to wait another year for Comfest 2010.

Sigh.

THIS ...

2009-06-26T23:24:00.002-05:00

is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ComFest

Two Cow Garage ... with friends ... rocking the fuck out of the main stage.

Yeah.

Overstating the Obvious

2009-06-12T10:04:00.002-05:00

Found at a movie theater in Virginia:

Good lord that's a sammich

2009-06-10T12:31:00.001-05:00

No, this wasn't my lunch ... no way in hell I could have eaten this and not taken a nap.

But it did look good. It's the All In Burger from Red, Hot and Blue in Herndon, Virginia.

I took a ... hey, look, it's shiny

2009-06-09T12:19:00.001-05:00

Dear BW3 in Norwood, Ohio

2009-06-02T22:27:00.004-05:00

Fuck you.

Seriously. Fuck. You.

Now, having said that, let me tell you the ways:

1. Lying bartenders.
2. Shitty service.
3. Clueless manager.
4. Lying managers.
5. Clueless bartenders.

Let me explain.

1. Lying Bartenders

I walk into BW3's at 6:50 p.m. I would love to play some Buzztime Trivia, get ready to watch hockey, and suck down some iced tea because I'm on call for work and won't drink. Which is good, because they're out of the beer I normally drink, anyway. I ask for a trivia box. Bartender says "They're broken." I say, "What?" She says, "All the boxes are broken. Nobody can play."

Now last week when I was in there, same bartender told me that most of the boxes they had were in disrepair and she didn't have any that worked behind the bar, however, I managed to snag one from a server on the restaurant side. And yes, her tip reflected that, and her lack of service.

So her telling me that this week was even lamer. So I order an unsweetened iced tea, take a seat and read the USA Today since trivia doesn't work.

But wait. I look around. There are people playing trivia. And poker, too, which operates on the same server.

Hmmmm. Lying whore.

So I continue reading the paper, sending text messages to one of the managers at the BW3 I play at and give him the torrid details of this disaster in the making.
Which brings us to:

2. Shitty Service

So after an hour of sitting there with a single (now empty) glass of iced tea, the other server, who was very nice, comes up and asks if I want a refill. I say yes, and would like to order food. She says, "Oh, let met get (other bartender)." I say "No. I'd much prefer you and she's already lied to me once tonight and ignored me after my initial order. And you've not lied to me yet. And noticed me sitting here with an empty glass. So you win." She laughed. The kind of laugh that people laugh when you point out one of their co-workers sucks and they can't agree, but acknowledge that you are correct by a) laughing and b) not denying or defending. So I ask her if she can put the hockey game on and she says "Oh, sure. What channel?" I tell her, she puts the game on instead of Women's Tennis and all is good.

Next time she comes around, she says "Oh, you wanted food, too, right?" and takes the order, makes sure my iced tea is kept filled and eventually brings my food over. That's when I ask to speak to her manager. Which leads us to:

3. Clueless Managers

Josh comes over and introduces himself nervously. I tell him about outright lie from the bartender; the total lack of service, the sitting there for 25 minutes with an empty glass, how I spend three or four nights at various BW3's and tip accordingly.

He says, "I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me know" and walks away.

I look around the bar, I count heads. There are 52 people there. All the bar seats are full, four guys are playing poker (on the allegedly broken Buzztime Trivia system) There are 9 people in Red Wings jerseys, 2 in Red Wings hats; 5 in Pens jerseys, 3 in Pens t-shirts and 1 with a hat; compared to two people wearing Reds hats. No Reds jerseys, no Reds t-shirts.

So what's the sound in the bar? Game 51 out of 162 games the Cincinnati Reds will play during the 2009 Major League Baseball Season. Hey, I understand I'm in Cincinnati. But a smart bartender / bar manager / etc. will look at the crowd, determine what they're there for, and adjust televisions accordingly. Even if it's not for the home team. The popular overrides the local, especially when the local is 2-1/2 games out of first place. I've been in bars in Cleveland that show Steelers Games. Bars in Columbus that show Bengals games. Bars in Columbus that show Steelers games. They base it on the crowd.

Except the BW3's in Norwood. Who had sound for the Reds game.

So I ask Josh about it. This brings on:

4. Lying Managers

So the other manager on that night, who's name I didn't get, was working the AV equipment. He walks past, I ask him why he has the sound on for the Reds game, not the STANLEY CUP FINALS. He says, "Someone asked for the sound on the Reds game." So I ask him to look around and judge the crowd and see who's watching what. He says, "I have to go with what Josh wants on the sound." And walks away.

Josh walks past again. I catch his attention, again, and he, again, nervously approaches me. I ask him why I had to ask for hockey on TV versus women's tennis when it's the Stanley Cup Finals. He says, "Oh, I didn't realize it was the finals." Really? How is that possible that you run a sports bar and don't know that? Oh, you're lying. You get a daily sheet of what's on the various sports channels that your bar pays for. I know this because I've seen it.

He then says, "Oh, and I talked to the server about the trivia. She said the server needed rebooted, and the other manager did that. She should have gotten you a box, though." Yeah, ya think? Again, he walked away offering nothing more than an apology.

And, unknown to Josh, if you reboot the server, you kick all the people playing off the server. I know this. I manage about 3,000 servers, and if I reboot one with a user connected and using an application on that server, they get disconnected. So, Josh, you, too, are a lying whore.
And finally, we wind up with ...

5. Clueless Bartenders

Now me being me ... I decided to share my lack of enjoyment of the 90 minutes I spent at the BW3 in Norwood with the bartender who lied to and then ignored me. Because I'm all about the customer service.

In my wallet I have the receipts from my Saturday night at BW3 playing music trivia and watching hockey; and my Sunday night at BW3 playing trivia and watching hockey. Both show a bar tab of about $35 with a 20% and 30% tip (sorry, service on Sunday was significantly better than Saturday). If I'm spending 4 hours at your bar, I tip like I'm spending 4 hours at your bar. I was a bartender. I know the system.

So after I tell her what a total opportunity she blew, she looks at me and says, "Well, people who normally drink iced tea don't tip well." I said, "Yeah, I know. But when you assume that and ignore accordingly, and lie to your customers, and act like you don't really care about your job, all that is reflected in your tips that you receive from all your customers who recognize shitty service and tip accordingly. Or don't tip. Perhaps you should learn that the phrase TIPS actually stands for To Insure Proper Service ... meaning, I get proper service, I tip accordingly to the time and service, not the bill. I'm sorry you work in a BTW’s in a shitty college-level neighborhood bordered by a ghetto ... but we're not all like that." Or something close to that, hitting all the highlighted points there I made. But I did use the 'BW3's in a shitty college-level neighborhood bordered by a ghetto' part.

So ... to sum up this missive ...

BW3 in Norwood ... Fuck you.

Reasons I hate TV #433

2009-05-21T16:34:00.000-05:00

So in the rare event I watch TV, I tend to stick to live sporting events or stuff on the DVR so I can avoid the tripe that comes with flipping channels passing by what is passed off as entertainment or infotainment.

Like "The Cougar" ... the "hit" show on TVLand (wait, isn't that the network that plays Hogan's Heroes, and Gunsmoke, and M*A*S*H* and all those great classic shows? Yes, yes it is. Oh, and isn't that the network that's a spin-off of Nickelodeon, the kids' network? Yes, yes it is.) So WTF is this show? Oh, here's their short take:

Meet "The Cougar": Stacey, a beautiful, blonde mother of four from Arizona. As the star of TV Land PRIME's new reality competition dating series, Stacey -- who's a successful and determined real estate agent -- is eager to shatter dating stereotypes. She believes society has placed a double standard on women who date younger men and wants to prove that age is simply a number.

The average age of her Cubs, as they're called, is 24.8. Including one 23-year-old pool boy. Does this sound like a bad porn, or what? But pool boy didn't make the final four, however.

So why is a "successful and determined real estate agent" competing on some second-rate cable network that I wasn't even aware produced original shows for the love of a younger man? Again, I go to the website for that answer:

"Stacey's dating experiences have led her to believe that men her age and older live under the pressure of a "ticking clock" that dampens their spontaneity and zest for life. Her personal success is based upon upbeat optimism, and she believes that younger men have a similar spirited tempo, a demeanor that Stacey finds crucial for her future love interest to possess -- a love interest that she plans to find on The Cougar."

Oh, really?

Please. I dated woman younger than me who had the ticking clock thing and who were quite content with their decreased spontaneity and zeal for life. I've had my share of those types, too. So rather than settle, I keep looking.

But lets long-range-view this: On the RARE event she and her successful cub do get married (none of the 13 men who were The Bachelor married said bachelorette from their show; of the four completed series of The Bachelorette, one couple is married and has two kids; two were engaged but broke it off, one declined the proposal) .. what's the future going to hold? Let's just look at what she's setting up: in 15 years, she'll be 55, probably post-menopausal, less beautiful, and with a 40-year-old guy who's going to want the red convertible and arm candy.

And as she sits there on the couch wondering where did it all go wrong and where did he learn that from ...one of her grandkids shows her a rerun of the TV show where she picked him. Oh, yeah. Pot. Kettle. Black.

But anyway, that's not the purpose of this rant. The purpose is "What if this were reversed and a 40-year-old guy was on TV picking over 25-year-olds?"
The show would be called "The Pervert."

[and for the record, don't mention Rock of Love or whatever-the-hell-that-freak Flavor Flav and his car-grill of a mouth TV show was. Yes, I'm aware, they're both over 40 and were chasing the young women ... but the concept is significantly different. Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels are, for whatever reason, celebrities. Sure, C-level or D-level celebs, but both were famous (for reasons that go beyond me) and therefore have that certain level of reality-star-show-in-the-making lifestyle that lends itself to women wanting them for the status that comes with celebrity, regardless of how many years past their prime they are. Yeah, Boooooy.

[Stacey is just a regular, beautiful, successful, twice-divorce, mother of four who sells real estate. So prior to the show, she was just anyone else in the dating pool. ]

So again, you'd never see that kind of show on the air without NOW and other feminist groups picketing, Oprah beguiling it, The View skewering it and so forth. Because it is kind of a sick way to find someone. Especially with that much pressure and differences in life. Is a 25-year-old who's used to going out on a moment's notice going to want to settle for a 40-year-old with four kids and a busy career? And be happy? Unlikely. Especially after their circuit of fame on the infotainment shows and all the eye-candy he'll be paraded by and introduced to.

Which goes back to my original statement of why I watch little but sports and selected series on my DVR. TV sucks.

Everyone's a twitterin' ...

2009-05-20T15:15:00.002-05:00

But me.

I'm not against it. I'm just not into it.

But Ron Jeremy is. Well, part of him is.

Yep, the Hedgehog has a twitter.

And a blog.

Neither are safe for work. So you've been warned.

Star Wars / Star Trek ... wait .. what?

2009-05-14T17:02:00.002-05:00

Well, that's clever work there boys.

Watch My Favorite Movie (Star Trek vs. Star Wars) and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Catching up ...

2009-05-09T15:40:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know ... I've been busy.

Between a lot of on-call shifts at work and the hockey playoffs and other non-computer-related activities, I've not been writing much lately. Most of it comes down to too many hours in front of the computer while working ... there are days I just want to finish work and not look at screen the rest of the night.

So ... with that being said, here's a quick catch-up:

Album I wasn't expecting to like as much as I do: "Length of Arms" by the Receiver.
Album I was expecting to like more than I do: "21st Century Breakdown" by Green Day.
Question you're asking yourself: "Hey, that doesn't come out until next week, right?
Answer: Not where I shop.
Movie I liked a whole lot more than I thought I would: Star Trek (IMAX Version)
DVD I liked a whole lot more than I thought I would: Caprica (BSG Prequel)
Drink that didn't do anything for me: Absinthe ... was like drinking mouthwash
Evil trick played on fellow diners during Cinco de Mayo ... after 15 minutes of a 90 minute wait ... claiming to be a party who's name was called four times ... and telling the hostess it really wasn't us, but she sat us anyway.
Random Graduation Congrats: Matthew, Adam, Mandy, Kylee (in order of when we met!)
New CD I'm anticipating: The Clarks - Restless Days.
Concert I have tickets for and CAN'T GO: Wilco, June 12, Cincinnati ... cause I'll be out of town training. (for $90, which is what I paid, they can be yours. Lemme know or I'm eBaying them. Hey, I just verbed. Again.)

Nothing new

2009-05-03T14:57:00.001-05:00

But this is funny:

If Penis Enlargement Ads Told The Truth

Congrats, Blue Jackets, and Fans.

2009-04-08T22:15:00.004-05:00

While I'm not a Blue Jackets fan, I have to say I am glad they made the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs this season, even if it came at the expense of my Chicago Blackhawks, via a shoot-out victory.

Columbus is a town of front-runners and bandwagon fans for anything NOT wearing the scarlet and grey ... as most major cities are. The Blue Jackets have their die-hard fans, and they always will ... but when they're winning, it seems like everyone in Columbus is Carrying The Flag.

And good for them. Everyone loves you when you win.

Besides, Chicago's going to the playoffs, too, for the first time in 11 years, mainly because Bill Wirtz finally died and his smarter, less greedy son realized just how bad his father had run the franchise into the ground and alienated his fan base. And Chicago has fallen back in love with their Blackhawks.

Hopefully this playoff run, the first in the Blue Jacket's eight years in the NHL, will get the casual fans in Columbus to fall in love ... or back in love ... with their Blue Jackets ... and create a whole lot more true fans who come along with them ... to stay.

So, despite my team losing tonight, why am I glad for the Blue Jackets?

Simply this: It's good for hockey. It's good for Columbus. And it's good for my friend Tom Reed, who covers the Blue Jackets for the Columbus Dispatch.

Oh, and it's also good for all the businesses and other entities that make money of big crowds downtown, out in bars for games, and celebrating the joy that comes with the thrill of victory ... I'm happy for them, too.

So yeah, congrats, Blue Jackets. And congrats, Blue Jackets Fans. You may boo and hiss at me for wearing my Blackhawks gear ... but I'll always be a fan. I hope, someday, after 32 years of cheering on your Blue Jackets, you'll still be a fan of your team, too.

Honesty is such a shallow grave

Song of the Day

Song of the Day ... for all you hippies

Song of the Day - Unlove Me

CD Review - Shane Sweeney - The Finding Time"

"The Finding Time" starts out with what today sounds like a song for the "Occupy (insert locality here)" movement. It's call "Legion" and it sets the tone musically, and lyrically:

Song of the Day - Better Things

All My Racist Friends Are Coming Over Tonight (parody)

BW3's In Austintown is off the BANNED list

So long, Evil Genius Idea #895

Jane Scott - 1919-2011. Amazing lady.

Easiest Job in the World

Comfest 2011 ... so far

Random Links ... or RBOL as Pretty In Orange calls them

Red Wanting Blue - 5/212011 Photos posted

Who's ready for a five-month PARTY?

Now *THAT* is a weekend.

Friend FAQ questions ... answered

No one can save us ... from Kim the waitress

Song of the Day - For Kurt Cobain

The Sound of Sneezing ... a song parody

Inside The Death Star

Polar Bear Plunge for Cancer

Facts about Farting

Song of the Day

Facts about the human body

UFC 126: My Predictions

Dear eMusic ... I'm sorry, we're breaking up

Take That, Spawn of the Smiths!

Song of the Day

My 'other' 2010 wap-up

Wrapping up 2010 with 50 Questions

Song of the Day

My Favorite Albums of 2010

Song of the Day

I couldn't have said it better myself

Song of the Day

Yo, Adrian!

Song of the Day

Song Of The Day

Alone On Thanksgiving, By Design

Song Of The Day

Song Of The Day

Song of the Day

I'm really hating the email lately ...

Dammit, I lost my stress

"Getting Revealed" - Behind the Scenes

You know you're from Youngstown when ...

Oh, I'm such a nerd, Part ∞

Being in love is so Punk Rock

Smells like ComFest!

Comfest 2010 Schedule

What a weird couple of months ...

Based on some recent convos I've had

Song Of The Day

Song Of The Day

Song Of The Day

Song of the Day

UFC 111 - My Predictions

Random Thoughts .. 2010.01

My Views on the Health Care Reform

Song of the Day

Stolen from a place you shouldn't visit

Because I find it funny in a way that I find all stupid people funny:

Now What's That Big White And Black Thing Called Again?

It's not you, it's me. Really.

UFC 110 Predictions:

Attention Ladies on Facebook (RE: Colors)

Attention Ladies: A email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. This is a virus. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings > Enable Webcam > Record Movie and then send it to me for virus cleaning.

Thank you!

Song of the Day

Yeah, what he said

Song of the Day

Christmas Questions ... with different answers

Song of the Day

I totally was Sheldon tonight

From the Bizzaro Files

When I Rule The World ...

Song of the Day

Ladies, let the beat down begin ...

Now THAT is a weekend.

Again, I AM Indie Rock Pete